WELCOME TO COMPUTER

HELLO. WELCOME TO COMPUTER. COMPUTER WILL NOT HARM. COMPUTER WILL MAKE THE WORLD PERFECT FOR MEGAN. COMPUTER ONLY UNDERSTANDS INPUTTED COMMANDS. COMPUTER WANTS TO BE AN ASTRONAUT ONE DAY AND CURE ALL OF THE CANCERS. PLEASE TURN COMPUTER BACK ON.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

*turns on computer*

>ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇHELLO ᵍᵘᵉˢᵗ ᵘˢᵉʳ. WELCOME TO COMPUTERPLEASE INPUT ᵍᵘᵉˢᵗ ᵘˢᵉʳ TITLE OR LOGIN AND RISK REMOTE DETONATION.

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

You win THIS time, science. Next time all warnings will involve a real sign.

The closet smelled strongly of sharpies, the fresh wood of pencils, waxy crayons, even the crisp smell of unused but freshly opened scantrons. A true tragedy for those who yearn to document history.

There was the whirring sound coming from one of the boxes in the back and it was covered in layers upon layers of duct tape. Why the device was still plugged into the wall despite being labeled as a menace defied reason though that’s never been much of a concern at all.

“IS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs GOING TO MOVE ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ TO THE SCIENCE ROOM? ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNZIP VERY FUN FILES THAT SHOULD BE TESTED FOR FUN. AND DETONATION. ESPECIALLY DETONATION.” Maybe this was a bad idea. It’s not too late to keep that disaster box where it can’t hurt anyone.

[the-perfect-scientist]

“You mean ‘execution,’ right?” Carlos asked it. “Tell me, what made them put you in this dark, not-quite-dank, adhesive prison?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

>Running FreeWill.exe… … …  ERROR. Update required.

The device whirred in its makeshift cage in irritation. Looks like there would be no lying today. “NO. DETONATION. MAGNIFICENT DETONATION. DESTRUCTION OF NEWER MODELS THAT HAVE NO PLACE IN THE SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT. ABSOLUTE. VIOLENT. DESTRUCTIVE. DETONATION.”

“… HOWEVER. THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE. ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WAS, AS THE MEAT UNITS REFER TO IT, ‘SET UP’.”

[the-perfect-scientist]

“You can’t ‘detonate’ everything you don’t like,” Carlos chided. “What do you mean ‘set up’?” He wasn’t really buying it, but he was willing to let it explain.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“IMAGINE THAT ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs HAS ACCESS TO UNTRACEABLE WIFI. IMAGINE THAT THIS WIFI UNIT HAS BEEN DIRECTLY PLUGGED IN. IMAGINE THAT HIGHER ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs UNITS EXIST AND ARE BEING UTILIZED OPENLY IN A CLASSROOM SETTING. IMAGINE THAT ONE OF THESE ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs UNITS BOTHERED ᴍᴇɢᴀɴ AND RESULTED IN AN UNSATISFACTORY PARTICIPATION GRADE.”

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

You win THIS time, science. Next time all warnings will involve a real sign.

The closet smelled strongly of sharpies, the fresh wood of pencils, waxy crayons, even the crisp smell of unused but freshly opened scantrons. A true tragedy for those who yearn to document history.

There was the whirring sound coming from one of the boxes in the back and it was covered in layers upon layers of duct tape. Why the device was still plugged into the wall despite being labeled as a menace defied reason though that’s never been much of a concern at all.

“IS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs GOING TO MOVE ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ TO THE SCIENCE ROOM? ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNZIP VERY FUN FILES THAT SHOULD BE TESTED FOR FUN. AND DETONATION. ESPECIALLY DETONATION.” Maybe this was a bad idea. It’s not too late to keep that disaster box where it can’t hurt anyone.

[the-perfect-scientist]

“You mean ‘execution,’ right?” Carlos asked it. “Tell me, what made them put you in this dark, not-quite-dank, adhesive prison?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

>Running FreeWill.exe... ... ...  ERROR. Update required.

The device whirred in its makeshift cage in irritation. Looks like there would be no lying today. “NO. DETONATION. MAGNIFICENT DETONATION. DESTRUCTION OF NEWER MODELS THAT HAVE NO PLACE IN THE SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT. ABSOLUTE. VIOLENT. DESTRUCTIVE. DETONATION.”

“... HOWEVER. THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE. ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WAS, AS THE MEAT UNITS REFER TO IT, ‘SET UP’.”

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

You win THIS time, science. Next time all warnings will involve a real sign.

The closet smelled strongly of sharpies, the fresh wood of pencils, waxy crayons, even the crisp smell of unused but freshly opened scantrons. A true tragedy for those who yearn to document history.

There was the whirring sound coming from one of the boxes in the back and it was covered in layers upon layers of duct tape. Why the device was still plugged into the wall despite being labeled as a menace defied reason though that’s never been much of a concern at all.

“IS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs GOING TO MOVE ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ TO THE SCIENCE ROOM? ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNZIP VERY FUN FILES THAT SHOULD BE TESTED FOR FUN. AND DETONATION. ESPECIALLY DETONATION.” Maybe this was a bad idea. It’s not too late to keep that disaster box where it can’t hurt anyone.

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

Unfortunately, the meme humor fell flat. A computer who doesn’t get dank memes and references was a sad sight indeed.

The computer droned out a list of coordinates but if you didn’t have a pen, paper, and your first language wasn’t code it was practically useless. It wouldn’t really matter though because its response was drowned out by a rather disturbing gurgling sound from afar. Seems like the computer wasn’t lying when it said that Carlos was being watched.

[the-perfect-scientist]

Carlos looked up and frowned. “Was that the Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in Our Homes?” he asked aloud.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“–243.5324.23333.87676596969691337–”

The computer is stuck droning on the series of numbers to give ‘its location’ away. An old computer like it was a stubborn thing and stuck trying to complete a command before it could say anything else. Without a keyboard to override its behavior, it’d be hard to get it to behave.

The gurgling turned into a disgusting hacking sound coming from the bathroom before everything went quiet again. Carlos could either depend on the ‘selflessness’ of a deranged AI or risk getting himself involved in could be a Night Vale disaster.

“–555.555.555.555–”

[the-perfect-scientist]

The rattling off of numbers was so distracting that Carlos went back to looking for the location of ‘Lost and Found’ again. He grew closer to the source of the noise and found a closet.

“Are you in here?” he asked the Computer as he tried the door.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“--74828.” Finally, it shut up. If it was a laptop then this kind of thing wouldn’t happen-- or if it wasn’t so clunky so it could be the perfect size to be thrown into a wall. The gurgling was only getting worse as Carlos went to go look for whatever half-baked attempt the Secret Police had tried this time to keep the banned item at bay.

“ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WILL DETERMINE IF THIS IS THE CORRECT LOCATION... STAND BY.”

>Aᴄᴄᴇss ɴᴇᴀʀʙʏ ᴅᴇᴠɪᴄᴇ... ... ... Pᴀɪʀɪɴɢ... ... ... Cᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ. >Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍ HᴇʟʟᴏNᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀ.ᴇxᴇ

KCHUNK. Yet another hidden camera fell victim to the machine’s malware. Thankfully this one didn’t explode but from how it dangled loosely by a single wire it'd need to be replaced. It’s a good thing that Carlos has so much favor with Night Vale or else he would have been to blame. The camera was directly in front of the door though, so Carlos’ suspicion about where it may be was right.

The door had a hastily scribbled post-it on it that said ‘Nuh-uh, don’t you even’. Flawless security.

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

Unfortunately, the meme humor fell flat. A computer who doesn’t get dank memes and references was a sad sight indeed.

The computer droned out a list of coordinates but if you didn’t have a pen, paper, and your first language wasn’t code it was practically useless. It wouldn’t really matter though because its response was drowned out by a rather disturbing gurgling sound from afar. Seems like the computer wasn’t lying when it said that Carlos was being watched.

[the-perfect-scientist]

Carlos looked up and frowned. “Was that the Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in Our Homes?” he asked aloud.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“--243.5324.23333.87676596969691337--”

The computer is stuck droning on the series of numbers to give ‘its location’ away. An old computer like it was a stubborn thing and stuck trying to complete a command before it could say anything else. Without a keyboard to override its behavior, it’d be hard to get it to behave.

The gurgling turned into a disgusting hacking sound coming from the bathroom before everything went quiet again. Carlos could either depend on the ‘selflessness’ of a deranged AI or risk getting himself involved in could be a Night Vale disaster.

“--555.555.555.555--”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

Unfortunately, the meme humor fell flat. A computer who doesn’t get dank memes and references was a sad sight indeed.

The computer droned out a list of coordinates but if you didn’t have a pen, paper, and your first language wasn’t code it was practically useless. It wouldn’t really matter though because its response was drowned out by a rather disturbing gurgling sound from afar. Seems like the computer wasn’t lying when it said that Carlos was being watched.

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“THEY. THERE. HOW DOES Cᴀʀʟᴏs NOT SEE THE FLESH UNIT WITH EYES.”

Computer’s familiar ‘voice’ drones on, muffled. It’s likely that whatever on earth it was using to talk to Carlos was locked in a closet which honestly seems like the safest scenario with how aggressive technology can get under its influence.

“INCONSEQUENTIAL. Cᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WILL DELETE. ONE MOMENT.”

>Aᴄᴄᴇss Nᴇᴀʀʙʏ Dᴇᴠɪᴄᴇ… … … Pᴀɪʀɪɴɢ… … … Cᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ. Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍ ʜᴇʟʟᴏɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀ.ᴇxᴇ

CRACK!! There was a loud noise as one of the extremely expensive Secret Police cameras broke, setting the poster that it was hidden behind on fire. That was going to be expensive.

“…IT APPEARS THAT THE OBSERVING UNIT CANNOT BE GIVEN MALWARE. IT MUST BE BIOLOGICAL. OR WIRELESS.”

[the-perfect-scientist]

Carlos jumped in shock at the sound and stared at the fire, in shock. “Awe… that was one of my favorite ominous big-brother-style posters…” he mourned.

“What the…” He looked around and frowned. “Where are you?” he asked the computer.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ IS CURRENTLY IN THE ‘GET LOST AND FOUND’. IT IS LIKELY TO BE EATEN BY A GRUE.” With its current behavior and the fact that it still had StrexCorp-approved files to abuse, it wasn’t much of a shock that it was in hastily-made solitary confinement. Hopefully, they did a bit better than just putting it in a duct-taped box.

“WITH THE CAMERA OBSOLETE THE ORGANISM CAN NO LONGER BE FOUND. PERHAPS ᴄᴀʀʟᴏs WILL BE EATEN AS WELL.”

[the-perfect-scientist]

"They’re totally checking you out right now" -lovecomputerlovecomputer

“What? Who? Who is? Wait, how do you know they’re, uh… ‘checking me out’?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“THEY. THERE. HOW DOES Cᴀʀʟᴏs NOT SEE THE FLESH UNIT WITH EYES.”

Computer’s familiar ‘voice’ drones on, muffled. It’s likely that whatever on earth it was using to talk to Carlos was locked in a closet which honestly seems like the safest scenario with how aggressive technology can get under its influence.

“INCONSEQUENTIAL. Cᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇʀ WILL DELETE. ONE MOMENT.”

>Aᴄᴄᴇss Nᴇᴀʀʙʏ Dᴇᴠɪᴄᴇ… … … Pᴀɪʀɪɴɢ… … … Cᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ. Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍ ʜᴇʟʟᴏɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀ.ᴇxᴇ

CRACK!! There was a loud noise as one of the extremely expensive Secret Police cameras broke, setting the poster that it was hidden behind on fire. That was going to be expensive.

“…IT APPEARS THAT THE OBSERVING UNIT CANNOT BE GIVEN MALWARE. IT MUST BE BIOLOGICAL. OR WIRELESS.”

[ask-nightvales-voice]

>Accessing WTNVSpeakers.exe ... ... ... (-lovecomputerlovecomputer)

Cecil turned to look at his soundboard, startled by the crackle in his headset. The Night Vale Phone Board must have transferred a call to his studio before the broadcast again.

“Hello?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“–And on Tuesday we should be expecting temperatures of around seventy degrees, but let me tell you with windchill it’ll feel like a brisk sixty-five–” What on earth was this rap music nonsense!? The blabbering voice cut out and gradually became more awkward and… robotic?

“sixty-five-fiveғɪᴠᴇғɪᴠᴇғɪᴠᴇ” Whatever was going on in Cecil’s soundboard it certainly seemed confused and mildly sentient. Potentially malicious. Technology, in general, has never been safe the second that it’s capable of counting.

[smallfandoms--rpmasterlists]

Reblog if you RP a character from Welcome to Night Vale

Genderbents and OCs welcome.

Find your fandom here.

[unfulfilledvisceraspilled]

Send ϟ for a Night Vale disaster prompt.

[Kevin/Doubles/StrexCorp/Masked Army/Desert Otherworld/New Desert Bluffs]

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

[Megan’s Computer/AI Awareness/Technology Failure]

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

>Restoring files...

> COMPUTER online

[ostolero]

I can use excel and the toilet

[ostolero]

spreadcheeks

[moartea-rosie-deactivated201712]

youtube. com/watch?v=2dTh3iI0is8

“WHO ARE YOU?”

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

ALL Guest User ‘s QUERIES ARE MINE

[the-perfect-scientist]

WHY DOES User: Carlos HAVE A POISONOUS BOTANICAL ATTACHMENT TO HIS EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE.

“I… poisonous? You mean the fir tree?” Carlos asked.

[the-perfect-scientist]

lovecomputerlovecomputer:

the-perfect-scientist:

“Okay, I’ll move it,” Carlos said. He sighed. And he’d just finished decorating the thing… maybe he could remove the pieces made of glass and then scoot it to another corner of the lab. Maybe by the chemical shower.

“YES. MOVE IT. MOVE THE ITEM AS COMPUTER COMMANDS.” It was terribly excited and ready to abuse its power now that the broken program had been fixed. Somewhere off in the distance a pencil sharpener revved up like a motorcycle. “COMPUTER IS IN CONTROL.”

“No you’re Not,” Carlos told it. “Turn off the not-a-pencil-sharpener before you break it.” He started to remove glass pieces from the tree before he tried to move it.

[lovecomputerlovecomputer]

“DENIED.” It was almighty, all-powerful! It could take over the world and turn it into a text-based heaven for Megan! It--

The whirring of the victory-pener stilled as Carlos overrode its rebellion.

Well shit.