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I have lurked here for many, many years and I have never posted but I am desperate.

I just found out that Anonymous_Radish deleted their fics on AO3 and requested that they not be shared on Reddit for download. These Codywan fics got me through some of the darkest times of my life, and I thought I had downloaded them but I did not. Like I said, I was pretty low. I know better.

Does anyone have their fics? I can’t remember the names of all of them, I love every single one of them. I’m sitting here crying because I cannot imagine not being able to read them again. I know the author does not want them shared, but I really just want them for myself. I’ll never even speak of them again if I can just get copies of them. I don’t know if this is in poor taste, considering they requested the not be shared, but like I said, I’m pretty desperate. I’ve never asked for deleted fics before, if I had not downloaded them then that was on me.

Please.

#codywan #anonymous_radish #deleted fanfiction #ao3 deleted fanfiction #anonymousradish

unabashedlyseveresandwich

If you are an adult who identifies with the concept of Gifted Kid Syndrome and:

You have an unusually intense reaction to the concept of rejection, whether personal, professional, or academic

You have consistent trouble meeting deadlines

You have big dreams and ambitions that are completely achievable, but you consistently can’t take steps toward achieving them and you don’t know why

You procrastinate, like a lot

You like video games, like a lot

You switch seemingly at random between binge watching your favorite shows for absurd lengths of time or not being able to sit down and focus on them unless you’re doing something else at the same time

You cannot for the life of you keep your living area clean and organized

You struggle with substance dependencies, whether with alcohol, tobacco, weed, harder drugs, or even just caffeine

You struggle with texting/calling/emailing back, even for people you care about deeply and/or even for important deadlines

Please, please, please consider seeking out an ADHD evaluation.

I’m not a psychiatrist or any kind of a medical professional, but personally I can’t help but notice how many elements of what I was perceiving as personal failures before my diagnosis stem directly from my executive dysfunction. Meds and an adequate support system can make a world of difference!

Just some advice from your friendly neighborhood nonbinary-mom-friend blogger!

leesacrakon

…these are all seriously signs of ADHD?

You’re kidding

sunrisingblue

Not even a little bit.

blazeeblake

As someone who has recently started treatment for ADHD after literal decades of the stuff on that list (like, everything but substance dependency), do yourselves all the favors and look into it. Also, lighten up on yourselves, because this has nothing to do with inadequacy or failure.

orphiel-deactivated20200602

I was diagnosed with ADHD (at that time, ADD) as a young teen in the 90’s and all they did was medicate me. I literally never knew any of this shit. No one told me fuckall about what having ADHD might mean for me, gave me any tips or tools except rigid, clinical responses to what they saw as the main functional problems of my ADHD - all relating, of course, to my ability to keep to a schedule and regulate myself and perform acceptably. No one ever told me about stuff like time-blindness or co-morbid depression and anxiety, or god forbid what my own internal concept of myself might be. so I just spent the next two decades feeling crazy and shitty and receiving zero useful help from anyone - having no one believe that I was really having problems, doing all kinds of drugs (which, no shame, but it wasn’t the fact that i did them, it was the fact that I did them because I felt like I needed to escape reality and keep escaping it), and pretty much failing at everything I thought I wanted to do. and trust me, when you’ve spent that long not understanding anything about what you’re experiencing and using terrible coping mechanisms to keep from killing yourself, it’s pretty hard to unlearn that stuff in any expedient fashion.

So I am so fucking glad that there are posts like this now. So that even at 38, people like me can finally read them and realize that they don’t suck as much as they thought they did. I’m so glad that there is more understanding now about mental health, and that we’re not all alone.

dilfosaur

i noticed my burnout comic was making rounds but the full comic is no longer available after the collegehumor website went offline…. so here it is!!!

i wrote/drew this back in 2018 when i was struggling w hella burnout and depression. i hope everyone is taking care of themselves :3

too-many-problems-to-list

Might have these out of order but just a good thread to share.

ms-prue-deactivated20221221

[link to the original thread on twitter for screenreaders]

on one hand this thread makes me want to cry a lot and on the other I’m like, well, my brain is a complex system and now I have a sort of entry point to figure out how it works, so that’s good

deangirlsince07

Dean coming out and admitting that he is in love with Castiel. (AU)

Credit to the lovely @mishasdiary for this heart breaking video [X]

destiel-honeypie

It’s 6 AM, I haven’t slept, and I just needed this right now

sevi007

Since telling my Mum that I considered myself ace, I already noticed that she was a bit… too interested, if you want to say it like that. Asking for “signs”, or how being ace feels like… I tried to answer her to the best of my ability, giving her links to websites that would explain better as I ever could.

Today she said, very quietly, “Do you think I could be ace, too?”

And I said very carefully “If you think it suits you, I don’t see why not”

And my Mum, my strong, self-confident Mum, who never once has ever felt uncomfortable in her own skin as far as I know, beamed in relief. Relief.

Because she never knew. Because getting married young and bearing children for her husband (meaning sex) was expected of her. Because everyone gave her the feeling as if something would be wrong or broken about her if she didn’t want, didn’t do that.

Because her whole life long, she thought there was something wrong with her.

I’m honestly torn between feeling happy and relieved for her, and angry that humanity has such trouble with showing some understanding to those who don’t fit in the boxes society has designed for all of us.

sevi007

Update: My Mum was getting ready for bed when I noticed her humming loudly around her toothbrush and I asked her what the good mood was about.

She beamed around a mouth-full of toothpaste and said, very proudly and deliberately, “I think I like that, being ace.”

And continued on with her brushing, humming a bit louder.

(Or in other words, I’m more than a little bit teary eyed.)

firebirdscratches

I had almost the exact same conversation with my Mom. We were talking about the LGBT acronym and explained that it’s LGBTQ and that some people add the PIA at the end as well. And she asked me “What’s the a?” So when I explained it she said immediately “Me. That’s like me.” This is why I get so mad at people who think this is all just trendy bs, people just don’t have the vocabulary or permission to describe their lived experience.