I've fallen and I can't get up
Today I want to talk about helplessness. I can't stand helplessness in any form or fashion. I don't like when I'm helpless. Let us discuss this issue first. I do not like when I'm in a situation when someone is hurt (whether it be because of me or not), someone dies, jobs are lost and generally any situation where one needs consoling but is really inconsolable. This deems you helpless. There isn't really anything that you can do or say to make that situation better, so of course, there is guilt.
Then there are situations in your professional life. Someone loses their job and you keep yours, you get a better evaluation/promotion/raise, you get a job over someone else, your job is being cut, you lose your job, you can't get a job, your job is in a bad situation and your state of employment will change for the worse and there is nothing you can do about it. Sure there are always things you can do -- work hard, have a positive attitude, be professional, continue your education, be versatile. TRUE. However, when you have done all of those things and you still find yourself in a spot where nothing you can do will change or effect your life for the better....it sucks. You are helpless (and hopeless). [<----me right now]
Enough about me. Let's talk about you.
I also can't stand when others are helpless and just expect you to pick up the slack. Example, Man, that garbage smells... (walk away). Hours later, "That garbage really smells." (Walk away). How many times does one need to point out that a garbage smells before one does something about it (IE- takes it out)?
I don't like when people don't learn about things they need to learn about and then complain that they didn't know. This is like a kid who hands in a test and fails it, then says they didn't know anything on it but never asked for help. Ummm...what am I missing here? If you don't know, ASK! If you don't know how to attach a document to an email, ask. Don't just avoid doing it for the rest of your professional career. If you can't read cursive, please tell someone, don't just go on ignoring all things written in cursive and think that means you're exempt from what they say. If you have ADHD, depression, are bi-polar, dyslexic, etc....don't just not tell people who need to know and then be pissed that they were insensitive or because you did not get necessary accommodations to complete things that were expected of you. This is EASY.
COMMUNICATION! How hard is it? I'm communicating with you right now. We have several forms of communication -- email, text messaging, telephone conversations, morse code, spoken word, lyrics, letters writing, SOS, smoke signal, geocaching. I mean, what do you want? Why do some people wait for so long to express concerns or needs when they know for so long? If you know that you have a headlight out, and you see it every day, why do you wait for a week, a month or longer to call and make the appointment to have it fixed (or better yet, go buy yourself a new bulb and put it in)? I don't understand why some people will know they are planning to ask someone to do something on a certain date and time, and then not ask them....for days or even weeks. WHY? PEOPLE HAVE SCHEDULES. I'm veering down another path right now, but in the end, the said person who did not communicate is bummed that they are eventless/friendless/BRAINless(?) because they didn't let people know in advance and they act as though it was something that could not have been avoided. Woe is me. WELL IT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED.
Personal life: Learned helplessness is a disease. Many people have it. They are catered to in times of their lives that they should have been made to do things on their own to learn. Your mom always did your laundry, or it didn't get done, now you don't know how to do it. Your teacher always gave you the answers to helped you with problems even when you didn't really try to figure them out on your own, now you have no problem solving skills. Your husband paid all the bills and never told you about your financial situation, now you're divorcing and you have no idea how much it costs to live month to month, how much money you make, what your bills are, etc. This is all learned helplessness. Please don't learn or latch on to situational helplessness. Actively push it away. I know that it's fun to sometimes be helpless and let things happen (to you or for you). But when you are a burden to yourself and others, helplessness has gotten out of control. Helplessness can grow into hopelessness for you from others. You should want to want to do things for yourself, and be independent, and accomplished - whether that means knowing how to put gas in your own car, or being able to afford to pay someone yourself to do it. I'm not saying don't be pampered where warranted, but please, know how to take care of yourself and how to use resources when you don't know the answer.
Please, don't be helpless.
Situational helplessness in your professional life (downsizing, pay cuts, changes that overall have a negative impact on you directly) really sucks. That feeling of helplessness is the worst and if someone has a remedy (beside booze and complaining ....and food) please share. It brings me to another issue I have which is: risk! Do I leave this job to hope for something better? What if that other job is worse off than this job and I regret leaving and I can't get the first job back? I do something that I love but it isn't fulfilling in all aspects of my life as deemed necessary so what do I do? What is the lesser of the two evils --- money vs. happiness? What if the thing you love to do isn't making you happy because of all the non-job related issue that are associated with the career. UGHHHHHHHH! You see? Now I'm just all sorts of helpless again (also applies to student loan all debt and how to get out of it).
Second thought -- why does every negative feeling or reaction I have to something ultimately leave me with guilt? Is guilt a disease? Do I have it?
....anybody have a good crystal ball or psychic on hand?
