loVie

here with me; lies between our skies.

[loviesun]

turning page - [ bang chan ]

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst :]

a/n: i haven’t finished writing check mate part 2 due to class but yes anyways i haven’t slept yet and had this on my mind like running around across each sides oml but yes i really felt this ajhgjsdf 

a/n: this was supposed to be posted on christmas day, and this was also supposed to be posted with the check mate part 2 on the same day but sadly i lost motivation on writing that. i hope i can get my motivation for that one again.

[ listened to turning page while writing this ]

“i’ve waited a hundred years, but i’d wait a million more for you.”

hearing his soft voice speak through your ears, feeling his warmth and softness. he kept you safe, and here you were, laying down in bed with him, cuddling together to remove the bad energy that’s keeping you up at night 

it fascinated you every day, he stayed by your side even though you doubt things about your relationship. even if you curse a lot of things in front of him, he understood you. he’s different. from the previous relationships you’ve gone through, so many abusive pasts

but here he is protecting you, waiting for you to grow out of your past, trying his best to keep you stronger and keep you going. but you can’t stop it just right away, he wants you to know you are the reason as to why he would wait for moe and more years.

“shh calm down baby, i got you okay? i’m here. can you tell me what happened today?” hearing his soft, concerned voice calmed you down. you wanted to ask him what the secret he’s been holding to easily calm you down and make things easier for you while holding you tightly in his arms

“i don’t know, i can’t explain it, i feel lost and empty. everything just feels tiring for me now, i just want this thing to stop right away, please.” your sobs were starting to become uneasy again, it made your breathing go worse than you thought.

you hated this feeling, almost everything you do. gets crushed one by one, making you feel small and fragile for someone who has the energy and patience to stay longer

“i’m sorry, i know it’s hard and tiring. i’ll find a way to stop this i promise. i promise i won’t bother you with this again” you said, sobbing through his shirt

“shh, it’s okay. you don’t need to okay?” he pulled away and looked at you, wiping your tears off your soft cheeks

“it’s okay love, i know it’s hard to stop it. you don’t need to stop it okay? it’s fine, i’m fine with it and to tell you what, i don’t care about the things they say to you, so what if you break down? it’s normal to be like this for you but they don’t understand your situation. that’s why i’m telling you i’m here to stay by your side” he said hugging you again, trying his best to calm you down

you couldn’t understand why he wanted to help you out but you just had to accept that someone is protecting you at all costs.

“what if this won’t stop and make me go crazy, what if i might hurt myself without noticing it. what if—“ you were unable to continue your sentence

“shh, stop with the what ifs love, i know you’re better than this. i know you can do it, remember when you told me you had to keep it yourself for years? everything felt like the world stopped for me, it hurts to know how you suffered through this alone, that’s why i’m here love” he says as he caresses your hair softly, scared to break you, like a fragile thing

you knew him, he would come and comfort you. he would sense something’s wrong with you today, he would immediately comfort and shush you to sleep, he already felt like he’s the only reason as to why you’re getting stronger than before

the past years you’ve been through, he only knew how you could handle it at such times but the difficulty was just too hard for you. so there he is, to help you out and overcome it, because he knows, he knows you can overcome this with his help and all you needed was much love and plenty of attention for affection.

“do you remember that day where you really had a massive breakdown? i was scared love, i didn’t want to lose you. while you were crying, words were surrounding around my head, scared to say a thing that might hurt you. but i knew everything you do, is a memory, every pain you went through is and will be a memory” he says as he looks at the ceiling hugging you tightly and humming softly for you to go to your slumber.

“everything you do love, is a memory for me? when i saw you smiling i knew you could get through it. you did well love, you overcame it. though there may be times it would come back but i don’t mind because i care for you okay?” he looks at you face again and caresses your soft cheeks, he saw how your eyes were patient and innocent

“thank you chris, i’m sorry if it has been a roller coaster ride, i do miss those times, where you kept me close from your warmth just to make me warm and stayed away from the cold. thank you for those times. i love you.”

“rest well my love, till our paths meet each other again. i’m gonna miss you” 

[loviesun]

you - [ han jisung ] 

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: angst

warnings: family problems, suicidal thought, swearing, panic attacks

a/n: i’m not kinda satisfied with this one because it’s short and yeah i’ll post the other drafts soon :]

here we go again, another terrible ride for your emotional shit. you’ve gone through a lot of things at school, at home, and most especially your parent’s arguing almost every day. you were the most happiest person before this shitty quarantine started, you and your friends had many bonding's, your parents never fought but because of this pandemic everything started going down.

your boyfriend jisung didn’t know about this since you hid it from him, you didn’t want to burden him with all your problems. tired of faking your emotions in front of him, he saw you cry once but he never saw you breaking down at the end point

your friends aren’t able to comfort you because as same to you, you all were busy for school and some tasks, you tried approaching them but you were just too scared to tell them that you’ve been having a hard time at home and at school

remembering that jisung would always visit you and take you to his apartment and lets you stay from his for a few days, but now everything changes. he managed to ignore you because of his job, and you understood how hard it can be 

that one time where you eventually had a mental breakdown at his place, locking yourself in the bathroom, covering your mouth so that your sleeping boyfriend wouldn’t hear you crying, forcing yourself to stop sobbing loudly and loudly. you just wanted to scream.

all of these made you lose your mind and run away for days, you tried going outside without telling your parents, running away at dawn, screaming out all your emotions that you have bottled up. where at some point you would look down below at the mountain and see the waves crashing through the land

thinking about jumping and ending everything, but you couldn’t. you knew it would break your mother’s heart and you didn’t want to see her cry for you. you didn’t want this to happen to you but it just made you crazy, you were tired of all these shitty things that’s been happening to you

somehow you wonder to yourself why? why is this all happening to you at once? maybe there was some kind of mistake. but you never did know what type of mistake it was. you were used to walking back yourself at home alone

and that’s when you decided to leave the house and find yourself your own so called safe place, you purchased yourself an apartment and didn’t tell jisung about it, since you knew he can manage himself for now and he didn’t need your help

there you were, all of these months, stuck in your own place, sleeping late at night. you couldn’t stop going outside the balcony and look at the city, you could see how beautiful it all looked but you could never experience this again quite soon

you kept yourself busy at your own place and started feeling surrounded by blocks, it was like you weren’t able to let out all your emotions, that’s when it all started, you’ve been taking many pills because you couldn’t sleep well. hiding it on your bathroom mirrors

suddenly jisung contacted you and you lift up your face to see your phone and see him sending you many messages, saying that he’s sorry on not messaging or checking up on you.

he asked you multiple times, he kept saying sorry for not talking to you. you reassured him that you were okay, you lied to him. you hated lying but you just had to. you know it would bother him and his busy schedules, that’s when you end up turning off your phone and hide.

while you yourself, finding things that makes you busy. you overworked yourself, doing homeworks, studying every hour, staying up until you tire yourself out. it just felt like everything didn’t mean for you.

meanwhile locking and hiding yourself up, jisung himself got worried, he tried dialing and been sending you messages for days now, he was curious and confused as to why you haven’t been answering to his calls and messages.

you never really tried to care about anything now, after having many many  breakdowns you finally had the courage to see if anyone needed you before you lock yourself up in sadness again

seeing multiple messages from jisung made you guilty, you didn’t want him to worry but here you are, you messaged him back reassuring him that you’ve been doing well and just wanted to take off some time on using your phone

surprisingly he messaged you back right away, he kept on asking you and decided to just call you since it would be tiring for you to explain things

“bub? you alright?” you noticed how his voice made you feel more guilt, you could notice how worried he was 

“hmm? i’m alright, what about you?” 

“we’ve been doing a lot of things, but what about you, i’m dead worried about you. i was scared on why you weren’t answering to my messages and calls” 

“i’m sorry, i wasn’t feeling well.” tears were starting to fall down on your soft cheeks, sobs were heard from the other phone

“bub? why are you crying, tell me what’s wrong please. let me help you out, i promise i’ll help you grow out of it” he pleaded, hearing his voice getting much more tensed and worried for you

“it’s nothing, i don’t want to bring you my problems, i might disturb you” you said, sniffling, wiping your tears away

“but bub, come to think of it. i’m here for you, i’ll keep you safe, please?” 

you couldn’t reply to him right away, tears were still coming out of your eyes flowing down through your soft cheeks. it felt like everything stopped, everything felt tiring for you. wanting to give up right away and disappear when no one notices

the other line ended suddenly, looking at your phone and putting it back on mute. could it be better to just sleep? and never wake up? the pain you felt made it much more worse, clutching your shirt to try and stop the pain

hearing the door unlock made you feel safe, the familiar scent you’ve known for years. you could feel his presence, hearing things settled down on the floor as he comes closer to you, it felt safe

he held you close to him, hugging you tightly as his hands caresses your hair, shushing you softly to calm down 

“shh it’s okay bub, i’m here. i’ll keep you safe”

you couldn’t stop smiling as tears were still flowing down through your cheeks, realizing even though everything felt tiring for you, he made you bright yourself up and he felt like he was your safe place. no one could hurt you anymore.

[loviesun]

checkmate - [ bang chan ] 

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, slight suggestive ig?

warning: mentions of blood, 

a/n: this is a request from this bb @dasha-2613​, and also i think i really haven’t search up a lot of things about vampires that’s why it’s kinda confusing for me but if there are any mistakes feel free to message me or comment that there’s something wrong like that hehe. there will be part 2 coming up soon!

it was your first time going out again, after locking up yourself for how many days in your apartment, it’s been several days since you’ve lost contact with the outside world but now you have no choice but to get out to buy some groceries cause when you opened your fridge today all you see inside were bottles of water so you decided to buy some

changing into soft and comfortable clothes, tightening your shoe lace so that it wouldn’t come off, locking your door so no intruder would come and steal something inside your apartment

as you exit your apartment everything felt new, it seemed like a lot has changed every since you went out of your apartment. it felt like the sun was too bright for you even if it was just at the right amount of brightness.

you noticed that a lot of things have really changed, the park near the river had been renovated, everything was not the same as before. your favorite coffee shop renovated into a much more bigger building, and it seemed like you really did miss a lot

it was still 4 in the afternoon so you decided to buy coffee and walk around the park before you buy your groceries, you sat down at right by the river and looked at the surroundings. you could see people hanging out together with their partners, children running around far from the water so they would drown

you busied yourself by reading some e-books, continuing the book series that you started reading just a few weeks ago, your friends started dialing you last week asking you to spend time with them since you locked yourself in your apartment for months now

you didn’t notice it was already five thirty in the afternoon and also you finished the drink you bought just an hour ago, noticing how slow you can drink now since your eyes and brain is engrossed with the book your reading

you decided to go buy now the things that you need and head home early cause your easily tired with things now, you noticed because you couldn’t even clean up your apartment for how many days. all you did in your apartment was all just sleeping, eating, reading and lazy stuff 

entering the nearby supermarket and choosing the things that you needed the most, you learned how to save up money since you called yourself broke, you bought all the necessities that were needed to be bought because you might use it for future purposes

after buying everything that you needed, you decided to go back home alone by yourself, knowing how dangerous it is to go outside all by yourself but of course, you decided to risk your life knowing also the possibilities of you getting kidnapped

as you held on the bags tightly there it was, your life is in danger, you were always scared because of this and here you are experiencing a life trauma. you walked peacefully on your way back to your apartment, trying to keep calm and act comfortable as possible

at first everything was all okay, but somebody held your hand and tried to stop you from going back safely to your apartment, you tried to push the persons hand away from your wrists due to the pain that you felt and you could see how red your wrist has shown

“what a pretty girl like you doing out here? looking for someone to hook up with? i’m free wanna go somewhere?” he tried pulling you closer to him, an unknown stranger made you feel uncomfortable, knowing this is where all your trauma starts

“please stop, i’m going to scream if you won’t stop forcing me. i’ll call the police and report you” you said while regaining your strength to stay away from the stranger as you tried to pull your arms back at you but you couldn’t he was just too strong

you didn’t notice how you used up your energy and it made you feel tired, the man pushed you down laughing at your frail body, looking at his eyes you could see him laughing at how pathetic you looked, how you tried to fight back to a man who’s much more stronger than you

pushing yourself back away from the man, trying to find something to protect yourself and of course you couldn’t use a green onion to attack him. it’s as if your trying to show him how pathetic and dumb you could, you were in high hopes of him joking or pranking you but he started to touch your legs

“c-can you please stop? i just want to go home and make myself comfortable, pleas stop this right now.” you tried pushing him away but that made him angrier, he tugged your hair tightly and it was like every hair was gonna come off any soon

“you think you could actually fight me back? well goddamn hell no, because you’re gonna satisfy me and make me feel happy little bitch” he held and tugged your hair tighter, it seemed like this is the end. you weren’t able to even spend a lot of times outside but here you are, your life at risk

everything felt tiring, it was like as if somebody threw a rock at your head, everything felt dizzy and your vision started turning into black, you tried to shook it off and tried to open your eyes much more longer

“oi mate, why don’t you stop there and fight me off you fucker” you heard somebody saying something to the guy who made you feel bad in your state, you couldn’t see or hear anything, before you could even see them fight each other you blacked out.

right at where you opened your eyes and everything felt weird, it wasn't the usual room you always see whenever you wake up, and finally, you noticed, your not even in your apartment. looking at your surroundings you could see a normal room with everything that should be inside a bedroom

you stood yourself up and felt a sharp pain in your head and remembered about the unknown man who harassed you and tugged your hair tightly which caused the pain, you massaged it slowly and tried to look for your phone, you wanted to know where and what time it is. you checked and it was past twelve in the afternoon, you weren't really familiar with the room you're staying in  

the door unlocked itself revealing a person holding a glass of water and some medicine at the side, he settled the glass and the medicine right at the bedside table and looked at you weirdly, you couldn't help but look away cause you were embarrassed of yourself

"how are you? feeling any better now? i saw you last night having trouble with going home because of that guy. I tried to call out your name but i didn't realize you collapsed and i panicked when i saw you lying down unconscious on the floor so i decided to bring you here to the apartment cause i didn't know where the hell your apartment is" he explained himself so you wouldn't think of him as a pervert who's kidnapping you and trying to stay you away from your home

you couldn't speak up because everything was confusing you, you looked at him once and looked away, you weren't able to speak up and reply to him yet because you were trying to think where the hell you are and this guy who helped you out

"i know you're still traumatized as to what just happened a few hours ago, how rude of me not to introduce myself, I'm chan, but you can call me chris. depends on what you like" he said in a formal way informing you he's clearly not the pervert guy

"i'm sorry to say this but where the hell am i exactly?" you asked him and waited for him to reply to your question

"we're far away from your apartment actually, i thought it would be better if you'd stay away from your town for just a few weeks. it's quiet here, no one can hurt you or harass you and trust me it's much safer here than your town" he said while placing things on the shelves neatly

"oh okay, but anyway, i'm y/n, the girl who you just saved a few hours ago i guess, and yeah thanks for saving me by the way. it really means a lot to me" you said while standing up from laying down and fixing yourself

"no worries, do you need anything perhaps? or are you hungry?" he asked you as he held the door and opened while waiting for you to answer his question

"food would be good i guess, i haven't eaten that much anyways," you said while looking around the room

you looked back at him and you could see him nodding to your answer, it was unexpectedly at the right moment where you were staring at him and he looked back at you, both your eyes met each other. you didn't know you were staring for too long cause it felt like your eyes were locked with each other, it felt like you couldn't control over because it was inseparable

and that's when your cheeks felt a burning sensation and you realized you were staring far too long and looked away at him and turn your head directly to the window, you could still see him looking at you and finally decided to leave the room and cook some food for you. noticing how the room feels so calm and soothing, you could see some picture frames on top of the shelves

some mini plants sitting beside the books standing on the bookshelf, feeling envious of how neat and clean his house was while remembering yours a big whole mess in overall, you could still see how messy your bedroom was and how your trashes are piling over the trash bin. you just noticed now that your beloved hard copy books were just thrown all over the place scattering inside your apartment, how bad you wanted to go home and clean up all the mess you had been living with for months

you stood up and started roaming around the apartment, you went downstairs you could see him cooking you some food to digest. the food smelt great, you couldn’t deny it, maybe he’s a great cook

“oh, sit down here. i’ll just continue cooking this” he said as he points at the dining table, telling you to sit down and wait for him to finish cooking the food for you

you sat down and started looking around the house, you could really see how clean it is. never knowing a guy could be so neat around his surroundings, you wanted to be like this but because of your small motivation you didn’t

laying your head down on the table while waiting for the food, not noticing you fell asleep while waiting for him to finish, you felt a few taps on your shoulder. rubbing your eyes slowly and looking at who disturbed your sleep

“here, eat it before it gets cold. i made it for you, i hope you like it” he said pushing the bowl of soup and paired with rice, he looked at you waiting for you to start eating. you didn’t want to eat alone because you felt bad

“a-are you gonna eat too?” you asked him nervously, waited for him to reply you. he replied with a hum and looked at you

“i already ate a while ago, don’t worry about me. eat up, your food is going cold any minute soon” he said while making gestures with his hand to eat up 

you started eating while he watches you eat up the food, surprisingly you didn’t feel weird eating while he’s watching in front of you. somehow, you felt comfortable around him, he felt like your safe place, somewhere you can run into and cry to his arms

as you finish eating you noticed he was looking on his phone and you were startled that his instincts were so sharp that as soon as you looked at him he looked back at you, you both made eye contact. you really felt comfortable around him

“you done? here drink something, i’ll just clean this” he said while giving you a water bottle while he picks up the things on the table and started washing the dishes and you drank the bottle at once, shocked at how thirsty you actually were

you looked at him finishing the dishes and placing them inside the cupboard, he then started looking for something inside the refrigerator. he took out some root beer, and of course you thanked him because it was only artificial, you haven’t tried real alcohol yet

“come here, i want to ask you something. if it’s okay for you i guess” he said while patting the seat next to him, you sat down comfortably as if you were inside your own apartment

“so how long have you been living alone?” he asked you while drinking the can in his hand 

“it’s been years i guess, ever since my parents left me here. I wasn’t supposed to be living alone, i was staying in the dorms but the school had no more space for me so I decided to find some place to stay” you said drinking slowly looking at the tv right in font of you

“i’m sorry to hear that, so you’ve paid your payment in your apartment fully? since you lived there for how long now” he said looking at you

“nah, i still have to pay for my rent. it’s been three months since i haven’t paid my rent, that’s why the landlord has been telling me to move out and find some other place, but i’m still struggling since i have not much money right now” you said

“why don’t you live with me then? he asked you.

[loviesun]

lixie is live todaay uwu ^^

[loviesun]

hanging - [ han jisung ]

pairing: han jisung x reader

genre: angst, slight fluff

a/n: hello! this is one of my drafts that i just made a few hours before my birthday, this is really short tbh and happy birthday to me :] this isn’t really good but anyways i hope u like it and also i’m not sad for my bday i just thought this one would be good so HEHE

fine sunny day, the skies were shining, the sun and it’s rays radiating around the apartment. watching the by the window pane, laying your head in his chest, reading a book to entertain yourself

meanwhile jisung silently sleeps and listen to you humming softly, and he puts his hands on your hair and strokes it softly, your soft hair running through his fingers

just as you were about to finish reading, the sun starts to set and you couldn’t stop looking outside. the sun slowly going down, the sky started showing orange and red. and by the time sets itself your eyes closed in time

he noticed you were already sleeping soundly, admiring your features, he couldn’t even stop thinking how you look good while sleeping. he scooped you up and moved you to your shared bed and set you down slowly not to cause any harm, and he slides himself in the duvet sleeping with you.

the sun started shining around your room again and you were awoken by the sound of your phone getting notifications from your friends, confused as to why they’ve blown up your messages

seeing then greeting you a happy birthday made you realize, you completely forgot that your birthday was today, how you’ve made a such a fool to yourself not remembering it was your birthday, a phone call stopped you from dozing off

“good morning y/n! happy birthday, anyways do you have any plans today?” your bestfriend asked you, you could hear her getting the amount of excitement

“morning, i don’t have plans today i think. maybe i would stay at home and maybe just sleep cause i’m tired” you said still yawning wanting sleep more

“nope i’m not allowing you to sleep today miss, we’re gonna have some fun today and go somewhere, why would you want to sleep all day on your special day” laughing at you because you we’re still dozing off even if you guys were calling

and there you were, preparing yourself for your outing with your bestfriend. she told you she wanted to bring you to this place that can make you feel happy and calm

of course you couldn’t wait for it, so you hurriedly went your way to your meet place. you saw her and waved you hand at her, after how many months of not seeing each other there you were both, you missed her

“anyways you ready to go there?” she questioned you because you looked so happy and so ready to go there because she mentioned it would make you feel calm

“of course i am, i can’t even wait to go there. c’mon let’s go already” you said while dragging her, you couldn’t stop your excitement either

just as you both we’re on your way to the place you stopped by at a store to buy some drinks, and you couldn’t choose anything but buy iced coffee

arriving at the place safe, you were confused as to why it was just a huge studio with no designs in the outside, but you didn’t mind.

“welcome to, the museum art studio y/n! i know this isn’t much but i know how much you love doing art and watching sculptures. your lucky i found this place so you better thank me” she said while acting mad but she isn’t mad at you cause it’s your special day

“i- this is amazing, how did you find this?” you were shocked of course, you expected to be something small and weren’t expecting it would be an art museum

your heart couldn’t stop the excitement, you were overwhelmed, taking pictures here and there, it felt like finally i felt happy. but it ended quickly when the both of you had to seperatw your ways because she had some errands to finish

you were walking around the streets and decided to visit your boyfriend jisung, making your way to the building. the staffs let you in because you’ve been there for a lot of times now, you were excited to see him and hug him telling him what happened today

“baby! hi!” you opened the door to see his head down low balancing it with his hands, you felt something was gonna happen but you didn’t mind

he slowly looks up and see’s you smiling with joy but filled with fear and negative thoughts that can be seen righ through your eyes

“hi baby, i didn’t expect you to come here” he said while standing up hugging you tightly

“we’re you surprised? i’m sure you did hehe” you said while hugging him back tightly resting your chin on his shoulder

you pushed him back and started to doubt if you were gonna ask him if he’s okay or not but you had no choice since you immediately had to open your mouth

“are you okay sung? do you wanna talk about it?” you asked while holding his cold hands

“now’s not the time to talk about it y/n, just don’t mind that okay?” he said while brushing your hands off and sitting back to the desk

“but it looks like it’s something important, you know you can tell me right” you went near him and tried to hold his hands again

“i told you not now! gosh can’t you even understand for once?” he screamed at you, showing you that he wasn’t feeling the mood

you were terrified, lowering your head down and stopped yourself, you didn’t want to ask him again

“okay..i’m sorry, i’ll let you have your time here alone” you said while exiting his studio, you know he wouldn’t

your heart felt heavy, did he forget? did he forget about your birthday? we’re you the reason as to why he got mad? was it all because of you? all of these unanswered questions made you feel anxious

walking home you stopped by to a cafe to buy a cake for yourself, choosing the one you want.

“what would you like me to put here?” the staff asked you

“happy birthday to me..please” you couldn’t answer properly, you couldn’t stop yourself from shaking

“okay i’ll get this ready for you then” she smiled at you while decorating the cake for you

you wandered inside the cafe and decided to sit down one of the chairs by the window, looking at the cars pass by, the people laughing smiling. meanwhile you, feeling empty, lost and forgtten

“here you go! oh and here this is on me, happy birthday” she said while handing out the cake with a free drink for you

“thank you” you said while smiling at her and left the cafe

making your way to your own apartment, you didn’t want to go to your shared apartment because you know he’d sleep at the couch again

it’s been awhile since you came back to your apartment, it wasn’t dirty, it was all clean and neat. just the way you left them

you set yourself down on the couch and set down the cake you bought for yourself, hugging your knees lowering your head down

hearing lots and lots of notifications popping up, not until a sudden call went off, looking at the name it was jisung, calming yourself down before answering the call

“hello?” trying your best not to be obvious

“where are you? please tell me” he said, you could hear his heavy breaths

“i’m sorry.” ending the call as tears started flowing out

you stood up and looked for a lighter, went you way back to the living room and as you settle yourself down you see hundreds of messages from jisung and the phone call went off

you didn’t mind it and decided to light the cake up, you were now in 5 missed calls from jisung but you didn’t bother to answer it

as the candle started burning, it lit your dark apartment and started to sing by yourself

“happy birthday to me..happy birthday to me.. happy birthday-“ you stopped singing and started sobbing, tears were now sticking through your soft cheeks

you stopped yourself from crying and started wishing for your birthday.

blowing the light off at the same time the doorbell rang, you closed your eyes and stopped breathing.

[loviesun]

alone - [ bang chan ] part 2

pairing: bang chan x reader 

genre: angst

warnings: swearing

a/n: hello! i know this is kinda late and very short but yeah anyways AHSHSHA my exams are finally done, i can now continue doing the requests and stuff ararara

!! flashback in italicized !!  not proofread / please read first part! 

days passed by, alone in a street. visiting the park every early in the morning, leaving the house without telling chan, not minding about him worrying where you could’ve been.

sitting down by the soft and glistening waters flowing down by the rivers, making it’s way to it’s untitled destination, feeling the drops of rain splash slowly to your skin, silence. is what you needed.

“if i planned this quickly you wouldn’t lose me right?” you said as tears drop, one by one, waiting for his answer

“i don’t need to answer your poetic shits y/n, i need sleep, i’m tired. i’m going to bed first” he passes by and not even looking back at you, a sign where he didn’t want to be disturbed 

“just a simple question you can’t even answer, alright. i’ll distance myself from you” the tears were finally dropping all in one, your heart never felt heavy, he promised you he wouldn’t hurt you, he promised to protect you at all cost. but he forgets like a blink of an eye.

there you were, staying in your own studio inside the house, your art studio. where you gather your thoughts and paint them one by one at every minute that passes by. you’ve decided to sleep in your studio and act like you never saw him

while you were trying to busy yourself and act like nobody’s home, chan was frustrated. he was confused on what he did wrong, confused as to why you haven’t talked to him for weeks now, questioning himself

he didn’t realize what he did wrong, he tried and tried until he frustrated himself from thinking too much, why couldn’t you just tell him what he did, why couldn’t you face him and be brave 

days went by he checks every midnight to see you sleeping in your studio, lying on the mat, covering yourself with your blanket. his heart cracked into pieces seeing you in that state, he wanted to hug you and cuddle you till the both of you fall asleep

but here you were, sleeping in a different room. feeling the cold floor, the breeze of the air, the window opening a slightest bit to give you some of its fresh air. but feeling empty. unable to identify yourself.

chan knew, you’ve been going outside early in the morning since you guys fought, he wanted to track you and see where your heading but you left you phone at your studio 

he tried dialing your phone a lot of times but still no answer, he walks back and forth, biting his lower lip, worrying where you were not until he heard a phone ringing to your studio, he went his way and opened to see your phone laying down at the floor

his eyes widening, he hurriedly went outside to look for you and dialed his other members that you went out without your phone, he was terrified. the idea of losing you make him mad at himself, asking himself again and again, where could’ve you went?

they searched for everywhere and had seen no trace of you, but chan remembered where you usually go whenever you get upset at such things, he remembered about your favorite spot, crying there for hours and hours until your tears stop flowing down from your cheeks

there he went, running as fast as he can just to see you sitting down near the water, looking above the skies, there were no stars to be seen. questioning why did you ever exist in this kind of pain? you thought of your existence for a while and shut your eyes

you didn’t know chan was right behind your back, your mind was running all around and you couldn’t focus on one thing, not hearing anything was normal for you already, seeing things even if it’s not there, tears were rushing down your soft cheeks again, you wanted it to stop. you looked down and tried your best not to cry loudly

he slowly approached you and sat down beside you, he waited for you to notice him and let him hold you, desperate to hold you like he used to whenever you cried.

“do you still care for me? or maybe we’ve lied to each other.” you said while looking at his eyes, you could see his eyes trembling, wanting to let out all his tears

he couldn’t answer you, his words weren’t gathering, he wanted to speak but it felt like he didn’t need to, it felt like he only wanted to hold you and never let go

there you were waiting for his answers, you had to be patient, you didn’t look away from his eyes and waited for him to speak up and tell you, expecting him to answer you, you thought he wouldn’t answer you

you closed your eyes and sighed, showed in defeat, you just wanted him to answer your unanswered question, you were patient enough. but maybe he’s not patient enough to handle you

as you slowly look away from him, you suddenly felt something hugging you tight, he finally hugged you. from all of those weeks with no communications e finally gave in

“chan? are you okay?” you asked him, you stroked his soft hair, hearing his small sobs, feeling your shirt getting wet because of his tears. but of course you didn’t mind

“please don’t leave me, i’m sorry.” he mumbled and hugging you tighter 

“why would you think of that? i thought you needed some space so i had to ignore you so you wouldn’t be bothered by my presence” you said while trying to calm him down, you rubbed his back and shushed him 

“you didn’t bother me, i was just stressed and all of that. i shouldn’t have left you unanswered” he said, looking up at you hugging you again as he rests his head on your neck

“shh, don’t worry about that now, you didn’t need to worry about me. i know you were stressed out and i had to be silent for a while” you said softly, trying your best to comfort him.

“i’ll make it up to you, i promise that” he said still hugging you and he kept his promise 

maybe it was just a small amount of time, a small amount of misunderstanding that could be solved in a simple way.

[loviesun]

alone - [ bang chan ]

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst

warnings: swearing.

a/n: this is very short tbh and i hope you don’t mind :3 i’ll probably do a continuation of this if somebody wants to HSHSHS i hope you guys like this <3 [repost cause the tags didn’t work]

“where were you? i thought you promised to be back early but look at what time you came.” you said, the words repeating hundreds of times

“i know i came home late again but can you just shut your mouth for a sec” he says, setting his things down at the couch making his way to the kitchen to find anything to drink

“i’ve got nothing to say, i just wanted to spend some time with you” you said while looking down the floor, your sudden anxiety risen itself up.

“don’t you fucking understand?! i just told you to shut your mouth for a sec and now your blabbering out these words, fucks sake” he rages his anger right toward you, it hit you to realize to just shut your mouth and hide

“it’s not like i have enough time y/n, i also have tons of work to do! i’m willing to give you attention but now is not the time to argue with this” him shouting at you, feeling like all his energy left his body after saying that

you were just confused, as to why would he scream at you for a small problem? it seemed like your plan to spend time together cancelled itself in a matter of seconds

you couldn’t the tears coming out of your eyes, it felt like you wanted to find many reasons, you wanted to be out in the situation and apologize to him for making his day much more worse. but your anxiety on speaking made you refrain from talking to him.

staring at the floor, already feeling the tears come out of your eyes. fingers fidgeting each other. not trying to make it obvious to chan that you were having an panic attack

“i just wanted to talk and spend the night with you but i guess it’s not gonna work, i’ve cancelled today’s dinner there. i should just go to bed first” you didn’t want to see him, you were scared, tired, stuck in some kind of lock place. you just can’t stop it

not noticing chan looking at you confused on what you just said, he doesn’t know you were prepared to spend some quality time with him, leaving him in question why you said cancelled

“wait, what do you mean cancelled? did you purchase something or maybe reserve?” he questioned you, making it much more confusing for him to understand the situation

“you don’t need to know, i already cancelled it. what’s the point of planning something, not knowing your not in the mood to spend some time with me” you were now at a exact point where your tears fell down one by one

you forced yourself not to cry louder, you didn’t want to show him your other side. you wanted to show him you’re brave enough to handle yourself, but you were still scared, scared of him losing interest.

was it all just because of what happened to you? you can’t stop the pain, you’ve lost yourself in the same track, it’s all coming back to you. haunting, disturbing and forcing to quit yourself.

“if i planned this quickly you wouldn’t lose me right?” you said as tears drop, one by one.

[loviesun]

dusk - [ seo changbin ]

pairing: seo changbin x reader

genre: fluffey hehe

a/n: hello! i hope you liked this one, and this is just also a short one but i really really do hope you like this :3  i haven’t got any new requests so i hope you request next time uwu <3

requested by this lovely hooman @skzheist​

“are you sure you won’t get scolded?” you’ve asked your boyfriend changbin for a thousand times, him persuading you to go on a trip with him for a few days somewhere far from the city but you were doubting that he might get scolded 

“i promise, trust me this time. our manager allowed us to have a break for a few days and they allowed me to spend time with you so why bother wasting our times bub when we can go somewhere far away” he said trying his best to convince you to go on a trip with him

you couldn’t deny the fact that they’ve done so much for their comeback promotions, you know how tired he is and decided to agree to make his day feel better.

the both of you decided to go farther away from the city, he chose your vacation and planned everything to spend the good amount of time with you, him staying by your side, always.

you decided to stop by one stores before continuing your short journey ahead, buying the necessities that were needed for your vacation and of course you brought your film camera with you to take some pictures. 

hopping in his car, securing yourself for the journey ahead, excited to see as to where he planned his short vacation with you. 

“you ready?” he asked you smiling, you can see the amount of excitement in his eyes, telling you that he can’t wait to spend his time with you

you nod to reply his question and started picking out some songs for your the long journey ahead, you picked out many songs and the both of you started singing together like crazy humans wondering which way to go

after the long journey ahead the sun started setting itself and you decided to stop by at one place where you can watch the beach and wait for the stars to come out

“should we just stay here instead?” the idea of staying right by the beach made you feel relaxed and comfortable

“if you want to then we can, but what about your plans? i thought you wanted to go there so bad.” smiling at him and seeing him smile back at you made you happier, you felt relieved 

“it’s alright, i don’t care if were gonna stay here as long as i see you happy and comfortable with this” intertwining both your hands 

both of you decided to just stay at where you stopped because you couldn’t stop watching the sun setting down, the waves flowing to the sand, hitting by the big rocks and the breeze of the air made you feel free

boredom strikes the both of you and decided to watch netflix while waiting for the stars to show up, you both watched enola holmes because that was currently trending in netflix

you find it funny how he fell asleep half of the movie, not knowing on what’s going on but sooner you also fell asleep not having the amount of energy to watch enola holmes, not minding your phone while still playing the movie

suddenly awoken from your deep slumber because of changbin telling you to wake up and look outside, slowly getting up trying to fix yourself and see on what changbin has been telling you that stopped your nap

“look bub, the stars are showing” he pointed up in the sky trying to tell you to look at where he was pointing

as you look above he was clearly right, the stars started showing up, shining brightly in the skies telling the people below that the night time has come

“it looks amazing, oh wait i need to get my camera-” as you tried to get back inside the car, he held your wrist to stay with him

“you don’t need to bub, you can picture it with your eyes” he told you

you couldn’t stop laughing at him being cheesy with his words but of course you felt sincerity with his words

“i swear you if your gonna be like jisung i’m gonna attack you with all my might” you smacked his hand gently and hugged him

“let’s see if you can beat me up” laughing at what he said, he really does tease you that much

“you- just wait, i’m pretty sure i can beat you up” you cupped his cheeks, pinching at those squishy one

maybe it really did happen, he’s satisfied with his vacation, not knowing where the place is exactly. and you, having fun at the same time you felt happy for changbin, although he can get stressed with his job being an idol, you know you can help him relieve all the stress he’s been handling

continuing to look at the stars while wishing this would be a great memory for him, wishing that the stars can fall down to your dreams and grant them one by one. 

[loviesun]

Missed Home - [ bang chan ]

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: flOofy, slight suggestive (soft kisses uwu)

requested by: @cherrystay i accidentally deleted your ask thingy HSHSH IM SORRY and also i’m sorry if this isn’t as good as what you were expecting, writers block is killing me >:0

also this is just a short one cause mate i am stressed with online classes.

another day, another stressful week of online classes. you’ve already been on mental breakdowns because of the assigned tasks that were needed to be passed before midnight but chan has been keeping up with the promotions they have right now. of course as a responsible girlfriend you’d always bring him food to eat and tell him you love him so so much.

although this week you couldn’t visit him due to your online classes but you were glad they were allowed to take a short break. you didn’t notice he came home and looked at you studying hard

you felt the familiar warmth of hands touching your soft shoulders, you looked at the person who made you felt the warmth around the room knowing it’s chan.

you weren’t hesitating to hug him because you missed him, you weren’t able to visit him because of your classes. you missed his warmth and his scent

“i missed you.” you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly not wanting to let go, he hugged you back while he hides his face on your neck

you waited for him to let go but you found out he doesn’t want to clearly saying that he missed you so bad, he missed your hugs, he missed the feeling where he hides his face on your neck while breathing smoothly.

“how was your day babe? any updates on your schedule or promotions?” you asked him while rubbing his back up and down while waiting for him to answer your question

“it was alright, kinda tiring tho. i just want to rest and cuddle with you today” he puts his chin on your shoulders and he murmurs his answer to you, giving you a sign he wanted you to pamper him for his short break

“let’s go take a bath and sleep, i promise to give you cuddles and attention today. how does that sound?” you pushed him away from the long hug and looked at his face, he looked like he liked the idea you just mentioned

“m’kay i’d love that” he smiled at you while you stare at his amazing features, his eyes, nose, lips, every part of him tells you how lucky you were.

as he agreed to your idea you decided to clean up the desk before taking a bath with him, making sure you didn’t take too much time on clearing the desk up

you dragged him to the bathroom and made him a warm bath in the tub, and you also decided to bring out his rubby duckies. you didn’t notice him watching you prepare a bath for him, but you noticed when he hugged you while he puts his face in your neck

“c’mon get inside the tub” you told him while caressing his hair

“are you gonna take a bath with me” he murmurs still hiding his face on your neck, smiling

“nope but i’ll take you a bath, so now please get inside the tub” you said while checking the temperature of the water

as he slowly gets inside of the tub you brought the towels and bath essentials that were needed, you watch him sit down and waited for you to move

you started by giving him massages in his back and muscles knowing that’s where the pain would usually be, meanwhile your massaging him he was playing with his rubber ducky but would whimper whenever you massage the painful part

“are you sure your not gonna take a bath with me?” he pouted and tried to convice you to take a bath with him

“i’m not sure but you need this bath tho, i know you’re tired from practicing all day. so i’ll do what you say for today” you said while putting the extra bath essentials back to the drawers

“come here and take a bath with me” he said while trying to wait for your reply to his answer

of course you couldn’t do anything about it since you just told him that you would follow him, you didn’t hesitate to get inside the tub with your clothes on because you already know about it

as you got inside the tub chan immediately set you down between his legs and lets you rest on his chest and of course you were surprised since you we’re the one to pamper him

“i know you’ve been stressed out because of your classes, i’m scared that something might happen to you while i’m away” he holds your hand tightly, caressing it and feeling how soft your skin feels

you couldn’t lie to him that you feel tired these days, you know he knows. he knows your classes are too stressful and tiring, but you had to hide it from him

“but still i need to take care of you now since you have your promotions on going and in worried you might get sick” you faced him while his hands still intertwined with yours

“i promise i’ll take care of you once the schedule isn’t as hectic right now” he smiles at you and kisses the top of your head

you smiled like you were on top of cloud 9 trying to calm down as he rests his cheeks on your head

you’ve asked yourself how you got so lucky with him, how things worked out for the both of you even if his schedule and your classes are hectic

but you never doubted to let him go and told yourself your the luckiest human on earth.

[loviesun]

i can’t stop watching this video 🥺 baby felix wanted some kith 😔

his laugh and him saying “c’mon” 🥺🥺

[loviesun]

this mf lyrics EYE 👁👄👁

[loviesun]

pls do request some of skz imagines :3 i might also do time stamps and drabbles ☺️

[loviesun]

✨🌟BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you’re supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people (go wild, give it to 20 if you'd like or just your bestie or a random mutual-) who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out! ❤️❤️💫

omg my heart tho 😭 I wasn’t having a good day but after i saw this AJSGAJGSHS my heartt

[loviesun]

look what I made HEHET, I got bored so merp merp :3

[loviesun]

🥺🌼💕 get to know your mutuals ! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better ! 🥺🌼💕

get to know about me . ˚ 🌿

: ̗̀➛ My birthday is on October 18th uwu // a few more months before my birthday owowo

: ̗̀➛ I’m from the philippines 🇵🇭 specifically from Cebu

: ̗̀➛ I have been practicing on journaling and painting because it’s kinda my goal hehe

: ̗̀➛ I am actually very short, I think i only grew a few centimeters 😭

: ̗̀➛ the foods I usually drink or eat are coffee and sugar bread hehe :3

[loviesun]

in another life [ kim seungmin ]

A/N: I hope you guys like this :3

pairing: kim seungmin x reader

genre: angst

warning: self-harm, blood,depression, death.

*please don’t read if your uncomfortable with blood/death* // the last sentence is what your saying in your mind.

i.

Kim seungmin, your best friend, your buddy. He’s the one who stayed by your side when you got kicked out at your parents house, he’s the one who cares about you most, but he doesn’t know about you being depressed, everytime he goes home after visiting you, your depressive thought would pop out.

“please y/n, I really want to see it please” he said while pouting, wanting to see your beloved artworks. you didn’t tell them they were your depressive artworks

“not now, I’ll show you at the right time okay?” you said convincing him to not look at any of your artworks, you couldn’t see his face because you know he’d notice your face being scared, scared to tell him about your situation

“alright alright, anyways it’s almost 12 I gotta go now, mom’s gonna be mad at me if I won’t arrive before 12” he said while standing up from the couch, holding his backpack. looking at your apartment

you didn’t notice him squatting down infront of you, you started to have panic attacks that he appears just right infront of you. It felt like your heart was about to go on an explosive reaction, you felt a pair of hands touching your chin making you look infront

“call me if you need anything okay? please do sleep well y/n, don’t forget I’m one call away okay?” he said while trying to reassure you that he was protecting you no matter what

you nodded, smiling a little bit to show him that your okay. after that he stood up and waved goodbye to you, after he closed the door it felt like everything went cold. your surroundings felt so suffocating

“why can’t I just tell you right away kim seungmin? it’s hard. I want to tell you how much I’ve been suffering without you. It hurts so much.” you said while tears were starting to fall out of your eyes, your heart felt so heavy.

clutching your shirt trying to stop the pain from your chest, realizing again. you were tempted to do it again. you hurriedly went to your bathroom opened the cabinets looking for the blade. as you found the blade you folded your sleeves, seeing the scars from your previous cuts. these were what you called artwork.

as you placed the blade in your wrist, you then started to see blood coming out from your wrists, it felt horrible. it felt painful for you. but you still acted it didn’t hurt or anything, after one cut you placed the blade by the sink, looked at your reflection in the mirror, you felt scared. you weren’t like this before. but now you’ve changed alot

fresh tears were still coming out of your eyes, everything felt so tiring for you, it felt so complicated, you couldn’t even tell your best friend on what’s happening to you without his presence. too scared to tell him.

“I just wish you know how your so important to me, i’m sorry. i’m just too scared you wouldn’t feel the same way”

*timeskip*

It’s been a few weeks since you’ve done your last cut, seungmin hasn’t been coming to your apartment for weeks now. and it made you feel anxious, you were too scared, you asked yourself alot of times if you did something wrong to him well no

“seungmin-ah do you have time to visit me today?” you called him of course because you were too impatient to hear his reason why he hasn’t been coming over to your apartment

“i’m sorry y/n but I have things to do, I promise to visit you soon okay? I gotta go now byee” he said while ending the call very quickly

you didn’t expect he would end the call faster than your previous calls with him, you felt empty. you put your phone down put it on silent mode and decided to just sleep and don’t mind anything

You decided to go out to get some fresh air and buy some food to stock your fridge to make you live a little longer. as you finished buying your stocks you noticed someone, familiar to your eyes. His smile, his eyes, his hair every part of him felt familiar to you, of course it was kim seungmin. your best friend. out on a date with someone else

you dropped your groceries and tears were starting to come out of your eyes again, you smiled and scoffed at your view. you decided to look at them a little longer but you weren’t expecting him to hold hands with someone else

“so this was your reason to why you haven’t been visiting me, alright then. I won’t disturb you.” you decided to run back and forget about the groceries you bought

once you arrived at your apartment you locked all your windos and your front door, you covered the windows with the curtains beside it and turned off all lights in your living room and decided to lock yourself up in your room.

you put your phone on silent mode turned it off and hid it at your drawer. you don’t know anymore, if you felt happier or felt made. you were just tired that you wanted to just go away and leave all the pain.

ii.

It’s been months since you stayed away from people, you don’t know who contacted you anymore because you turned off your phone and put it on silent mode. you don’t know what day it is, you decided to use your phone just for today

as your phone turned on there were lots and lots of notifications from your friends, you were curious as to why there’s tons of messages and as you open your messages you see the messages just sent a few hours ago saying happy birthday.

you completely forgot about your birthday, of course it felt nothing to you anymore. you couldn’t feel anymore emotions, everything inside you feels empty, as you scrolled down looking for seungmin’s message you saw your message still unread. he couldn’t even read your message and greet you a happy birthday.

opening some social media accounts one post caught your attention and shattered your heart badly. seein kim seungmin witht the girl he was with at the last time. captioned “happy birthday my love! I love you!” of course you know it wasn’t for you, it was for the love of his life

you didn’t know that you were having the same birthday with the love of his life, you were too mad. you didn’t know, tears were starting to flow again and you decided to end it.

hurriedly opening the cabinet seeing some sleeping pills and other pills, you opened them all and took all of them at once. you thought this was the end, no one could save y out anymore. you’re doors were locked and nobody know what’s happening to you.

as the pill started to kick in, you couldn’t see in your vision any more, all you see in your surroundings were just black. silent and empty. of course this was your first time attempting to do it but no, your plan was ruined. someone ended up saving you

you woke up in a ward, a hospital. you didn’t know as to why you woke up again, you thought it was already the end but it wasn’t yet.

“why would someone save me, it’s no use already. I’m too useless here.”

the nurse allowed you to leave and you decided to stop by at the park to get some fresh air and stayed there for a while, you saw two people approaching you. of course their faces looked familiar again

kim seungmin and his love of his life. you see him bringing flowers and they looked at you, waiting for you to talk, but you decided to stay quiet and act like there was no one infront of you

seungmin squats down infront of you, trying to make you look at him and notice that he was there right infront of you

“y/n-ah, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were having a hard time, I’m really sorry. I forgot to tell you this is my girlfriend by the way” he said while looking at her

“why would I care? didn’t you not need me anymore? just leave me alone and stop it. the both of you are annoying me.” you said while standing up from your seat trying to walk away

but as you stood up, seungmin held you wrist and tried to stop you from going away. trying to hold your hand tighter, wanting you to stay for awhile. You couldn’t hold it anymore, you were tired already, you just wanted to go away right infront of them.

“can you just- stop? i’m tired already. just keep your apologies for yourselves, I don’t need those anymore.” you said while brushing away his hand from your wrist, you felt tears were forming in your eyes again. it felt heavier than the last time.

“I’m sorry y/n. I didn’t know that you were suffering while i’m not at your apartment, I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you, let’s have fun together hmm?” convincing you to join along with them, you can see it in his eyes. it was still the same, lying.

“sorry I won’t be able to join you guys. I need some rest seungmin-ah, don’t waste your time with someone else okay? make her feel important.” you said while walking away, tears were finally running down to your soft cheeks. trying your best not to look back and be strong

but eventually you looked back to them, you see seungmin sitting down at the bench with the love of his life comforting him that everything will be alright. hugging each other

“I wish I could be the one who feels like that, but I guess being too problematic and annoying wasn’t meant for anyone who’s nice. i’ll miss you. kim seungmin.” you said looking at them tears running down much more, the pain felt so heavy that you just wanted to run away and stay away from them.

*a few years later*

the day. the day where your position gets promoted, at least you had to do for a living. you’ve started working in a magazine company for a few years, you ended up going through a lot of ups and downs on doing your job. You were promoted as the manager. the salary level isn’t that much but your hardwork paid it off

your friends, have been contacting you for years already but you decline nor block their numbers. you didn’t want them to know about what you were doing, you stopped on posting pictures on your social media accounts. all you did was focus on your job

kim seungmin, you haven’t heard anything from him over the years. you stopped on contacting him, since he has company anyways, you also decided to just don’t mind them and forget them for now

“y/n? someone wanted to see you in the lounge room” your co-worker told you, informing you that someone was looking for you. Of course, you felt nervous. because why would suddenly look for you at this hour.

As you were on your way to the lounge area, you felt scared. there was a feeling right inside telling you that this person was familiar to you. you knew who it would be, of course. kim seungmin

kim seungmin with still the love of his life, you looked at the both of them looking lovely. seungmin being the sweetest boyfriend, comforting her. the both of you made eye contact, of course. you got startled and tried to look away from embarrassment

as seungmin stands up he approaches you trying to get your attention to listen to him. looking at you questioning why you couldn’t face him

you were too scared. you didn’t know how they ended up finding you working in a magazine company, you thought you were already free from the pain you’ve been through over the past few years. but no, they had to find you just because of something.

“y/n, long time no see i guess? how are you?” asking you. you know he felt weird talking to you after a few years of not contacting each other, of course you had to try your best not to cry infront of them

“I’m good, just busy. What brings you here by the way?” You asked him while crossing your arms, you looked at him. he was still the same. his eyes, smile, hair. every part of him was still the same for you but—

his heart changed, he became much more quiet. You know he had to change his ways, his attitude for someone. someone who can keep him company, someone who can stay by their side.

“Oh yeah, here take this. We hope you’ll join us” he offered you a white envelope, you were too scared to open. It felt nerve-racking.

as you open the envelope there was an invitation card for a wedding, kim seungmin and the love of his life is getting maried. it made your heart break much more into a million pieces, that you just wanted to run away from them

“Oh wow, I didn’t expect to get an invitation from you guys. I’m not sure if I can really go but I’ll try to if I can catch up, congratulations to the both of you” smiling. the smile you put up was one of those which made you felt heartbreaking, you had to be happy for them.

“Thanks! We hope you’ll join us. See you then.” Seungmin said while holding her closely, you see their hands holding tight. The ring that caught your attention the most, your importance felt nothing now. knowing kim seungmin— your best friend getting married.

As they walk away you felt your tears starting to fall through your soft cheeks, you wiped them quickly not to make it obvious. Hurriedly going back to your desk making a quick file for a leave for a few days.

iii.

It was the month. the month where seungmin and the love of his life gets married, of course. You were invited to the wedding, you knew already how painful it would be for you to watch him make his words, promising her.

you couldn’t stay asleep for a few days, you made a good use of your all nighter by doing some tasks that were needed to be passed in a few weeks. although it wasn’t easy for you, you couldn’t focus properly on working, your mind was stuck with their wedding day

you want to see them but you also know how painful it could be, so you decided to not join their wedding day and lock yourself up again in the room. It made you feel so suffocated, you couldn’t handle the pain anymore.

seungmin really wanted to see you before their weddimg day, he wanted to apologize and say his thoughts about what happened that day. but he couldn’t due to him being busy preparing for their amazing wedding

yet you, yourself locked up in a room wanting to stay away agin from people. you just don’t get it why you’d suddenly feel insecure and scared of them getting married. so, you decided to just go out and go buy ice cream for yourself

after you bought yourself some ice cream you were too busy on eating and focusing on the sky. the sky looked so gloomy, it looked like it was about to rain any minute by now.

walking on the road not focusing on whete your actually going, not noticing a car passing by while you were still gazing at the sky with no stars stick to it. you felt a sudden pain at your torso realizing you got hit by a car

making you hit your head at the ground and grow unconscious, people have been coming closer to look on what happened. some people were panicking, trying to dial the ambulance as fast as they can

“good for them. they care about me.” you said while your eyes starting to get darker and darker making you feel more numb and unconsciously tired wanting to just sleep. but you still couldn’t close your eyes

you were rushed to the hospital, staffs from a certain hospital were trying to save your life as you were in at sake. you don’t have enough time yet kim seungmin still doesn’t know on what’s happening to you

“he won’t care anyways, what’s the point of saving my life when I’m almost going to give up.” you thought to yourself as tears were starting to come out of your eyes. making it much more harder for you to see. your vision became blurry due to your tears falling out

not until you thought it was already the end for you, you thought seungmin wouldn’t know about you getting in an accident. you didn’t want to make a scene a few weeks before their wedding day but here you are saving your life.

“y/n? yah! don’t leave me please. please. I beg of you don’t, I can’t lose my best friend. I don’t want to lose you. y/n, please.” you were shocked as to how seungmin knew you got in an accident, you saw his face tears running down through the soft skin of his cheeks

He was holding your hand tightly trying to beg you to save your life atleast, but you couldn’t handle the pain anymore. all you just wanted was to sleep and guide them throughout their future plans

“If you could’ve said that earlier I wouldn’t be at this state.” you said to him while he was looking at you, the amount of pain you can see in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, It’s my fault for not helping you out. I’m sorry I lost focus on spending time with you helping you to cope up with your depression” he said trying to tighten his grip not wanting to let you go

“It’s alright. it’s not your fault either, just please let me go now. I promise to take care and guide you through your future plans with your wife” you begged him to let you rest now

“No! I don’t want to let you go! I can’t lose you y/n! please, don’t leave me.” he said while shaking his head, you could see how much he’s shaking in fear right now

“I know it’s hard to let me go, but we don’t have anything much to do— maybe I don’t have anything to do anymore. Please, focus on her. for me. for the both of us.” tears were finally coming out of your eyes again as you said that, you can see in his eyes full of guilt

“please don’t. don’t leave me” he murmured as his sobs were starting to get louder and louder by the time your starting to get unconscious and started seeing darkness

“please focus on her, you know I envy her so much? she makes you happier than me. I can see your eyes focusing on her smiling, I can see how much you lover her. I envy her” you told him while your tears were pouring itself out, the pain in your heart made you breath harder

“no please don’t, you also made me happy. I always do. please don’t leave me y/n.” it felt heavy already making you feel tired, your eyes wanted to shut already

“I’m happy for you. please, please take care of her as like what you did to me. love her always, please do that for me, I’ll love you always. kim seungmin” finally you felt ending now. your eyes weren’t opening anymore, no single movement came from your body. signing seungmin that your gone.

“y/n? y/n! please wake up! wake up i beg of you. please! I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you” he tried shaking your body but nothing works. you were already gone.

although I know it’s hard for you to accept it, I want you to be happy. be happy for your future family, I may not see nor feel your children’s hugs but I will always— always feel them emotionally. I love you, please don’t forget about me kim seungmin

[loviesun]

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