Casually suicidal

She/her | 24 | Mental illness | Vent blog | TW: depression, self harm, suicide, eating disorder, autism, ADHD | Message me if you wanna be mutuals

[sickfrr]

Coping? nah I’m raw dogging life with untreated mental illness

[kaputtsolvi]

What I feel people frequently forget about autistic special interests is that they aren't always information based. They may simply be visual or mental

Someone may have a special interest in a show, but instead of that meaning that they will talk about that show often, it may mean they watch that show extremely frequently.

Special interests are ways of regulating, not simply encyclopedias we have in our heads. Sometimes it's watching something frequently. Maybe only listening to one genre of music, maybe it's a collection, maybe it's an action. I'm tired of it only being seen as autistic people's personal encyclopedias

[grabmyboner]

me when I show signs of my diagnosis: What the fuck what is this

[foxlungz]

So exhausted and burnt out from this thing called life

[low-key-crying]

I feel like I am going through a short burnout only to land into another burnout after a few weeks.

My mind is tired, my body is tired, my very soul is tired.

Every time I get a glimmer of hope that things are going to be good from now on, but I get proven wrong every time. They say fall down seven times, get up eight. But I'm tired of standing up again again, just to fall down.

I have spent so long feeling burnt out and lost, I no longer recognise myself. Who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy? How do I want to live? Well, sometimes maybe I don't...

My soul is tired from an existence that sleep cannot relieve.

[whispersofablackcat]

Sometimes, I feel like no matter what I do, it won’t be enough. Like I’m standing in a sinking boat, frantically tossing out buckets of water, only to realize it’s a losing battle. No matter how much I scream or beg for help, the boats around me just watch, unmoved and unwilling to lend a hand to someone so far gone. Maybe I haven’t sunk yet, maybe I never will. And maybe, just maybe, it’s nothing. But it feels like everything.

Most of the time, I know it would be easier to just stop. To drop the bucket and let the water rise. To let them see my body sink, watch as it fills with water and steals the air from my lungs. When I will finally know, peace. It won’t be a tragedy. Just a statistic. A number. Not a person. Just a bit of unnecessary logic given to prove that boats truly can sink.

[mentallyunstablebaddie]

I will never make it anywhere. Why do i even still try or care? Im a failiure and always will be and that cant change. I was born a failiure and forever will stay one no matter how hard i try

[dziurawat3tnicaa]

Clean, but it’s the first thought that comes to mind when something goes wrong.

[pensive-acorn]

I am still just yearning for a passion that consumes me.

I used to write about this desire to burn with a radiance that I honestly thought will fulfil me - that by shining so brightly I could measure up to whatever standards I came up with in my head.

I chased that for what feels like a lifetime only to have found a charred and withered husk.

But burning out took far more out of me than I had thought possible.

[cringecorp]

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

[autistobrat]

telling someone 'try turning it off and on again' is just telling them to let it die for a second and see if that helps and honestly that's the most relatable advice in existence

[eligrayboi]

It’s always “you’re su*cidal!” just because you don’t want to be here anymore and never “I get it. being alive as a human on this timeline is exhausting in a way sleep doesn’t cure and it’s the greatest scam in history.”

[multifandomevi]

"the winner takes it all but you're the loser"

"The winner takes it all but you're the winner"

The winner takes it all but you used to be the winner and now you're the loser but sometimes you also wim but you don't count that as a win because you're too used to taking all so if the win is small it doesn't exist

[bruisedandbubbly]

autistic burnout is forcing me to slow down society is pressuring me to continue

between these two, I am trying to catch my breath - for the first time

 

@bruisedandbubbly

[drifting-bones]

i hate people and i hate work and i hate school and i hate my brain and my body and i wish it would all stop being so bad for five fucking seconds so i could catch my breath but no. it used to be a silly joke. "haha, the grind never stops." but it never stops and i can't get out because it would be like jumping out of a car barrelling down the highway. i don't think i'll ever get to stop and rest until it's too late.

[flowerxmilk]

i lost all my special interests after long term burnout and now i can't find them again ;_;

send help!

[hell-is-betterplace]

More things I wish I knew about the autism/adhd burnout as someone on their 3rd or 4th round of it.

It might be a combination of several different burnouts including work burnout

That the burnout can cause one to be an asshole to some people and hurt them, which is very unfortunate and can be unavoidable

That it can cause physical symptoms too, such as flu like symptoms when working in an office that somehow disappear almost instantly after you get home

The guilt, the guilt is the worst, about not being able to perform well at work, putting more workload on your co-workers, having to say no to some types of hangouts

At the same time, that reducing the amount of activities/tasks can actually make a difference