..also liked the part when mc thinks they're pregnant, idk why couldnt stop thinking that maybe in another reincarnation they'll isekai into a pregnant lady (or man! Mmm, omegaverse mpreg ๐คค๐คค /j) and actually give birth to experience the joy and whimsy of it!!!โas a joke tho i swear ๐
Also hc that mc gave a bunch of 'love letter' (death threats) to epel to annoy him, but then it got found during investigation n was showed to the public... now they know why the mc did it (IT WAS FOR LOVE I SWEARR ๐ฅฐ๐๐)
Imagine for ruggies part its just like that one diamond jack animation by racheal kim(?) ๐๐
Overall, PEAK execution, FIRE writing, GOATEDA plot twist, 10/10 ๐ฅโ๏ธ๐ cant wait for more stories from you beautiful monarch ๐คญ
Oh? Interesting idea? ๐
That is such a good HC omg i like it! The founding father of modern toxology falls in love with the poison? Seems about right.
I checked the video you mention and it was so cool! They made it so whimsy though haha. It's definitely from Ruggie's perspective.
...excuse me, but Im just very excited for Ruggie's arc...
Amazing writing as always, I loved how you made Epel's arc SOLEY about his actions without the supernatural aspect! I still do enjoy ghosts and such but I always love a good physiological horror :D
The change in MC gender was also interesting and quite hilarious especially in the beginning. I kept on imagining the MC looking like this blonde perfect himbo, IDK if that was the intention but it was quite entertaining
I am super duper excited, no ECSTATIC, for Ruggie's arc as I am ready to see him suffer (affectionate)
Keep up the great work,
-Ruggie anon
RUGGIE ANON!!!! YOU'RE HERE!!!! ๐๐๐
YES. That was the direction I want with Epel's arc. As for Host being maleโฆ I am CRYING because "blonde perfect himbo" is honestly is what I imagined too. ๐ญ
I unfortunately don't think I managed to make Host's "male" perspective stand out as much as I originally wanted. Looking back, I think there were a lot of opportunities I could've pushed further. But that's okay. I'll do it in another arc. :)
AND RUGGIE,
๐๐ Do you like the premise of Ruggie's arc?
Thank you so much for always being here, Ruggie Anon!! ๐
Now come.
It's time to teach one kleptomaniac hyena that actions, unfortunately, have consequences.
In the rural town of Harveston, there is an old tale that the spirit protector of the land is both merciful and cruel at the same time.
For they judge every living soul equally, no matter who you are.
The spirit graces the land with plentiful fertile soil even amidst the freezing temperature, blessing the region with the most prosperous apples in the country. Thus, the people of Harveston worshipped the spirit with fear just as much as gratitude.
But just as it is merciful, it is also cruel, for it will cast a curse upon those with ill will or those who fail to behave properly.
The Curse of Harveston.
Most people dismiss it entirely as an urban legend, but those who know understand exactly what the stories are referring to. Especially in the past decade, when industrialization began to boom and people slowly forgot their place.
The Curse of Harveston follows anyone wherever they go, no matter how far they travel.
Ill-willed visitors would fall sick after visiting the town, followed by death sometime later, leading the public to dismiss the incidents as unfortunate coincidences exaggerated by superstition and small-town paranoia.
But the produce of Harveston is second to none. The best in the country. They have operated for centuries without issue, so claims of deformities within their products are often brushed aside as narratives spun by outsiders unfamiliar with the land.
How could you? the fans said.
Visiting Harveston is mostly safe, and you can do so easily. Justโ
behave.
Do not say rude things. Do not cause trouble. Be at your best behavior, and you will be fine.
Though some people still advise against visiting at all. If you truly wish to try Harvestonโs apple products, perhaps it is better to simply buy them from your local grocery store instead.
Today, another victim has fallen to the curse.
โYโremember Jack Sterling? The fella who stayed here fer near a month a few weeks back? Heard he just died,โ one of the townies whispered inside the diner.
โBeen a while since thโ curse took somebody, ainโt it?โ
โHow manyโs it been now? Is heโฆ thโ ninth?โ
โI mean, tโbe fair, that lad could be mighty brass sometimesโฆโ
โYeah, but that donโt mean he deserved tโdie.โ
โBut what dโyou know โbout what he did tโour land?โ
โYou kids ask stupid questions. How dโyou know itโs because of us? Thโ spirit of Harveston is kind, and thโ only reason thโ Curse of Harveston still exists is because folks like yโall keep bringinโ it up! Stop that nonsense!โ
The cook shouted at the gossiping teenagers, silencing them immediately.
Two pairs of eyes watched the scene unfold, their grips tightening slightly around their silverware. One carried far more worry upon her face than the other.
โAnother oneโs fallen victim againโฆโ Marja Felmier, an elderly woman with lavender applepom, murmured softly. โWhyโs thโ kind spirit takinโ more folks nowadaysโฆ?โ
Epel Felmier, her grandson, merely returned to his meal, offering her a reassuring smile.
โJust like Ferdinand said, Grandma, thโ curse ainโt real. But if folks keep talkinโ โbout it, they might just bring it back tโlife.โ
He scooped another spoonful of soup into his mouth. Marja still could not ease her worry.
โBut still, make sure yโbehave proper, alright? I know thโ spirit would never hurt its own children, but letโs be careful regardless.โ
Epel chuckled lightly at her words.
โAlright, Meemaw. Iโll behave.โ
The two continued their meal in relative peace, exchanging occasional conversation here and there. The teenagers no longer spoke about the curse aloud, but the subject still lingered within the diner air.
Truthfully, most people dismissed the Curse of Harveston entirely.
It was modern times, after all. The victims usually died weeks or months after leaving the town, often from common illnesses difficult to trace back to any singular cause. There was never enough evidence to prove anything.
So naturally, the curse had to be nonsense.
Or at least, that was what they believed.
Unaware that the true poison of Harveston had been sitting among them all along.
His smirk hid neatly behind the soup spoon. Mania gleamed faintly within light greenish-blue eyes, reflected against the surface of the water glass before bouncing upon the clear diner window.
Ah, what an ecstatic feeling.
[Synchronizing soulโฆ 77%โฆ 88%]
[Synchronization completed.]
[Entering the world.]
[Welcome, Agent 666.]
You jolt awake in your seat and the car immediately swerves out of balance. Your mother and father scream as you instinctively yank the steering wheel to the right, desperately trying to regain control.
After a full minute of stressful maneuvering and the horrified face of a farmer who nearly got his head taken off by your bumper (possibly), you finally steer the car back into the proper lane.
The three of you let out shaky sighs of relief, hearts still hammering wildly inside your chests.
What the fuckโฆ
You nearly lost your life before the mission even started. The stupid system teleported you right while you were driving.
Turning your head, you find Grim calmly sitting atop the dashboard, casually licking his fur as if nothing had happened. The moment you catch the smirk forming on his face, your own expression hardens immediately.
This motherfucker.
Did he purposefully teleport you like that because you accidentally hit his update button earlier?
Grim continues licking his paw, utterly unbothered beneath your murderous glare.
Oh, I see how it is.
Just wait until I get my hands on you.
Grim ignores you completely.
โAre you alright, son?โ
The sudden voice beside you snaps you back to reality.
You turn to see your father looking absolutely pale. Glancing toward the rearview mirror, you spot your mother slumped against her seat, one hand pressed dramatically against her chest as though her soul nearly left her body several minutes ago. Which it may have done.
Son.
โYes, Dad. Sorry. Went autopilot for a second there.โ
Your father lets out a slow breath. Even after your reassurance, he still looks one sharp turn away from ascending directly into heaven itself, and honestly, you cannot even blame him.
The more you process your current situation, the more uneasy you become. Your knee keeps bouncing restlessly beneath the steering wheel while your eyes dart all over the road.
Perhaps your father notices it too.
โAre you sure youโre alright? Maybe we should stop by a gas station. I can continue the drive while you rest for a bit.โ
โYeah. That sounds wonderful. Thanks, Dad.โ
So you continue driving with an increasingly anxious heart.
Snow-covered fields stretched endlessly along the roadside while occasional farmhouses appeared in the distance, smoke curling from their chimneys against the gray winter sky. Wooden signs advertising apple cider, homemade jam, and orchard tours became increasingly common the further the three of you drove.
Harveston was close.
After several more kilometers of driving, you finally arrive at a gas station with a diner attached beside it. The moment the car stops, you immediately shove the door open and practically launch yourself outside.
โNeed to use the restroom! Iโll be back!โ
โMeet us in the diner!โ your father shouts back before turning toward the backseat, where your mother still lies sprawled dramatically against the seat.
โOh, my little birdie nearly got herself whackedโฆโ
โShut up, Peter.โ
Meanwhile, you sprint toward the diner as fast as possible, hastily asking the server where the restroom is before bolting toward it like a man possessed.
You slam the stall door shut behind you.
Your chest heaves violently as you lean against the door for support, struggling to steady your breathing. Sweat the size of corn kernels drips down your forehead while your thoughts spin wildly inside your skull.
Your head is still reeling from the reality about to unfold before you.
A new body.
A new world.
A new mission.
And more importantlyโ
[Ugh, here we go. ( โ โ โ )]
You hurriedly unbuckle your belt and pull down the zipper just enough to inspect the situation.
You inhale sharply at the sight.
โYEEEEEEES! I HAVE A BIG D******!!!โ
Entering the small rural town of Harveston, your bouncy steps could probably be seen from across the entire street. Happiness practically overflowed from your very soul after what you saw earlier in the diner restroom mirror.
[Do the dougie, Host.]
EEEEY ใโ (โ ๊ชโ ๊ณโ ๊ชโ )โ ใ pose
[LOL (แแแ)ีฬตฬ]
Stop, Grim. We shouldnโt be doing that.
Yet you still cannot stop the laughter stretching across your face at the stupid interaction.
It is admittedly a bit disorienting being a man for the first time, but weirdly fun as well. There are far more differences in physique and biology than you initially expected. For example, you can already feel the difference in weight distribution and core strength between this body and your original one.
More importantly, though, the original MC is really damn charming. Tall, broad-shouldered, quite buff for a scholar, attractive to boot, and equipped with a big d.
Oh, he is perfect.
The man is practically the perfect picture of a gentleman by this eraโs standards. Which was precisely half the reason Epel Felmier disliked him so much.
Hmmโฆ
Speaking of Epel Felmier, your gaze drifts toward your surroundings.
You and your family stopped by the local administrative office earlier to formally announce your arrival to the townsfolk and exchange introductions here and there. Your father insisted it was important to remain polite as newcomers to the community, and you simply nodded along obediently.
Not that you minded the extra attention from the townfolk anyway. Especially not the young ladies. And some of the young men too.
Hehe.
Wait. Focus.
Back to Epel and Harveston.
Your eyes wander across the scenery surrounding the small rural town, a sight you have been seeing repeatedly ever since your car first crossed into Harveston territory.
Rolling hills covered in white snow spread across the countryside, interrupted only by rows upon rows of barren apple trees clawing toward the gray sky. Wooden fences lined the roads unevenly, some leaning with age beneath heavy frost. Every few kilometers, small farmhouses appeared in the distance with smoke curling softly from their chimneys, their warm orange window lights glowing faintly against the winter cold.
Despite the freezing weather, the land itself looked strangely alive.
The soil beneath the orchards remained dark and rich instead of frozen solid. Crimson apples still hung from certain branches untouched by winter, almost unnaturally vibrant against the pale landscape.
Every passing wooden sign carried painted apples somewhere upon it.
Every souvenir stall.
Every barn.
Every fencepost carving.
Apples.
Apples.
Apples.
Hmm.. so many apples.
Even your current house sits between endless rows of apple orchards, making you wonder whether your parents intend to start their own orchard business eventually.
The house itself is situated near the edge of town. Your nearest neighbor lives almost five hundred meters away.
Which so happens to also be your target.
The Felmier family home.
โMom, didnโt you say you wanted to give the neighbors a gift?โ you ask while stepping inside the house.
โAh, yes, I did bring some things for them. But maybe we can do that tomorrow? Me and your father are exhausted right now, and we still have to unpack everything. You should do the same too.โ
Your mother practically collapses onto the sofa afterward.
You glance toward the mountain of belongings scattered around the living room.
โYeah, but maybe I can at least bring over the pumpkin pie first? Just to say hi. I can tell them weโll properly visit later.โ
Your mother raises an eyebrow suspiciously.
โAnd why are you suddenly so eager?โ
You shrug casually.
โStill got a lotta energy, I guess.โ
She sneers.
โAfter the stunt you pulled earlier, Iโm surprised you still do. Fine, go ahead. But come straight back after that and deal with your own stuff.โ
You chuckle.
โOkay.โ
You took the pumpkin pie and stepped outside the house.
Deciding to walk toward Epelโs residence instead, you use the opportunity to properly settle into this new body while you are at it. Grim had somehow conjured a scarf around himself and was currently busy zooming in and out of the snow piles, blue fire bursting here and there behind him.
[Achoo.]
The cold finally got to his nose.
The original MC is a university student, more specifically a third-year chemistry major attending a renowned university. Much like his parents, both respected scholars in their own fields, the MC himself is academically gifted and heavily involved in various research projects alongside his professors.
At the same time, however, he is also absurdly athletic and sociable. The type of person naturally good at almost everything without even trying. Perhaps that overwhelming perfection, combined with his occasional jock behavior, was part of the reason that eventually led to his death.
As soon as you step into the Felmier family yard, you are greeted by the sight of a sweet-looking grandmother crocheting quietly upon a rocking chair on the porch.
โOh!โ she exclaims upon noticing you.
You immediately bow politely.
โExcuse me, maโam. Iโm the new neighbor who just moved into the house over at the corner.โ
The grandmother waves her hand warmly, gesturing for you to come closer and sit beside her.
โAh yes, Robert told us that house would finally be gettinโ new residents soon. Come now, sit over here.โ
โThank you, maโam.โ
You bow once more before approaching the porch, placing the pumpkin pie onto the small table nearby before taking a seat beside her.
โPlease, just call me Marja.โ
โVery well, Marja.โ
She chuckles at your immediate acceptance.
โAre ya here alone?โ
โNo, Mom and Dad are here too. But apologies, Iโm the only one visiting today. Theyโre very tired right now, though weโll all properly come by tomorrow.โ
โOh, donโt ya worry โbout that, kiddo. Movingโs always a hassle.โ
You chuckle softly at her response.
You converse with Marja for quite some time.
She tells you she has two children, both already married with families of their own. Nowadays, she mostly spends her days alone in the house, though her grandson, Epel, has recently begun staying with her more often to help manage the orchards and household chores now that old age no longer allows her to work as she once did.
She speaks about him with endless fondness. How hardworking he is. How sweet he can be. How he occasionally causes trouble, but always means well in the end.
You try your absolute best not to show the strange sadness creeping into your chest while listening to her speak.
Oh, Marja. You sweet old lady. Too bad your heart is going to shatter once you learn the truth about him.
โBut I admitโฆ Iโm a little worried fer you and yer family, though.โ Marjaโs expression suddenly dims.
You raise an eyebrow. โMay I ask why?โ
She exhales slowly, fingers pausing briefly atop the half-finished crochet piece resting on her lap.
โThis might sound silly, believinโ in old superstitions like this, butโฆ Harvestonโs got a legend โbout a spirit watchinโ over the land. Folks say it punishes ill-willed people with death.โ
She laughs awkwardly afterward, almost embarrassed by her own words.
โI know it sounds ridiculous. And please donโt take this as me accusinโ yer family of anythinโ bad. Iโm justโฆ worried, I suppose. So please be careful, alright?โ
You offer her a reassuring smile.
โUnderstood. I promise Iโll be on my best behavior.โ
Besides, she does not need to worry. You are more than capable of defending yourself against the true evil haunting this town.
One that is currently walking toward the porch right now.
Speak of the devil.
Epel Felmier takes his sweet time approaching the house, boots crunching softly against the snow. His brows lift slightly the moment he notices your unfamiliar figure sitting beside Marja.
โAh, there he is,โ Marja says warmly. โEpel, come over here. Meet our new neighbor. Kiddo, this hereโs my grandson, Epel.โ
Epel stops directly in front of you. He neither smiles nor grimaces. Only gives a small nod.
โHello.โ
โEpel, go fetch an apple-pom fer him, would ya? Please accept it, dear. Consider it a welcome gift from us.โ
But upon seeing Epel properly for the first time, you fail to respond immediately.
Your eyes remain hopelessly fixed on the boy standing before you.
Soft lavender hair framed his face in fluffy waves beneath the winter cold, the pale strands dusted lightly with snowflakes that had yet to melt. His cheeks and nose carried a natural rosy flush from the freezing air, making his already delicate features appear almost doll-like.
Pretty.
That is the first word that comes to mind.
His light greenish-blue eyes stare back at you quietly, clear as frozen lakewater beneath winter sunlight.
Oh my godโฆ
โKiddo?โ
Marjaโs voice snaps you back to reality.
โOhโuh, sorry. Yes, Marja?โ You clear your throat awkwardly before smiling sheepishly. โApologies. I got distracted by how cute your grandson is.โ
Marja bursts into warm laughter at your words, calling you silly while you grin innocently in return.
Completely ignoring the tiny twitch of displeasure crossing Epel Felmierโs face after being called cute.
Epel Felmier poisoned the MC and his family to death. Part of it because he found the MC and his family annoying, and another part because of his own insecurity.
The original MC constantly teased him by calling him cute, adorable, pretty, and every other cutesy nickname he knew Epel disliked. Once he realized the reactions bothered him, he continued doing it repeatedly for his own amusement, and because he secretly likes Epel.
And sure, you understand that the original MC could be annoying. But did he and his family truly deserve to die for that?
You do not think so.
And even if somebody wished ill upon people who continuously pissed them off, there remained a massive difference between intrusive thoughts and actually carrying them out.
Unfortunately, Epel Felmier crossed that line long ago.
Because the issue was never solely about teasing. Epel harbored a deep jealousy and resentment toward the original MC, born from looking at somebody who effortlessly possessed everything you desperately wanted for yourself.
Tall, broad shoulders, athletic, academically gifted, naturally charismatic, attractive enough to make half the town stare twice at him, and somehow still polite enough for old ladies to adore him immediately.
Meanwhile, Epel, with his delicate appearance and petite physique, spent most of his life being underestimated by both the townsfolk and outsiders around him. People found him cute before they found him capable. Pretty before they found him strong.
Even when he worked harder than most men in Harveston, hands were rough from labor and could physically overpower plenty of them. The world still insisted on seeing him as the pretty village boy everybody wanted to pinch the cheeks of.
So honestly? Even if the original MC never teased him at all, you think Epel would have eventually disliked him regardless.
The teasing simply made the resentment grows faster.
Especially because the original MC most likely never intended actual cruelty in the first place. To him, calling Epel cute was probably harmless fun.
Unfortunately, harmless fun becomes significantly less harmless when directed at somebody who already spent their entire life feeling emasculated by the world around them.
If you had to say it honestly, dissecting Epelโs behavior goes far beyond simply labeling him insane.
There was certainly something twisted within him from the start. But that twistedness had also been shaped carefully over the years by the people around him, by societal expectations and Harveston itself. The town praised strength while simultaneously trapping him within prettiness. Praised masculinity while laughing whenever he attempted to embody it.
Eventually, something inside Epel began to rot.
As neighbors, the MCโs family frequently purchased apple products directly from the Felmier orchard. Only, Epel never gave them the normal produce. Instead, he swapped them carefully. Feeding the family crops harvested specifically from his special orchard hidden deep within the snowy mountains.
The poisoned orchard.
The true curse of Harveston.
So when you finally step away from the porch and begin walking back toward your own house, your feet suddenly stop before fully leaving Marjaโs yard.
Turning around, you look directly toward Epel.
โI feel like weโll be seeing each other a lot,โ you say with a smile. โI hope we can get along.โ
Epelโs eyes narrowed slightly, but he says nothing. Marja lightly smacks his arm, scolding him for being rude.
You merely continue smiling.
Letโs play this game, psycho.
Continue reading on: Ao3 or Quotev.
a/n: Too long to include here, love, sorry!
Masterlist
Other Stories: Here
Tag list: @lanxianschoenheit, @ihatemyselffromthestart-blog
as someone who is trying to get into writing more, how do you come up with your ideas for stories?
Ideas honestly come up randomly. It could come from a conversation, a tiktok video, a post online, when you fart, anything.
Some days I just sit in front of the screen and somehow end up coming up with an entire chapter out of nowhere. In my experience though, ideas usually do not come when I force them.
But the most important thing is: every time you do get an idea, write it down immediately. At least write the overall theme, vibes, or one sentence explaining it to your future self.
Otherwise you will end up like this:
Look at this. What is this. Why am I writing in codes.
oms I just read the Silver request I asked for (I'm late cuz internet was NOT on my side๐) and it's absolute PEAK. Silver is just so sweet oms I need him๐ฅ Thank you so much for writing my request ily and I'll continue to support you ๐ซถ๐ซถ Keep it up and have a great day! mwah๐ซถ๐ซถ
- Silver anon
HIIII SILVER ANOOON I am so glad you liked it!
And YESSS Silver needs more love, let us rise as a community๐ฃ๏ธ๐ฃ๏ธ๐ฃ๏ธ
Thank you so much for the support, and sending kisses back to you too MWAAH๐ซถ Please stay healthy and happy always.
P.S: Please look forward to the next soulmate AU with the Equestrian Club ehehehe. See ya!
thank you so much for an amazing amount of fics and for the great quality writing :D
thank you so much for giving us such cool ass fics and listening to my rants, Quick Transmigration has become one of my top three favorite fics and I love to read more chapters!
hope to see more of your writing in the future and happy birthday,
Ruggie anon
Hiii Ruggie anon,
How are you?
I am doing good. The universe has been on my side these past few days it seems!
Thank you so much for the birthday wishes, and thank YOU too for always sending me your thoughts and rants. And read my ficsT_T Also, at this point you have become part of the QT:TT experience itself LMAO.
Hearing that Twisted Tales became one of your top three favorite fics means a lot to me. Like.. wow๐ฅบ
Thank you for staying with me this long, truly. I hope I can continue writing things you will enjoy in the future too :)
And again, happy to see you around as always, Ruggie anon!
OMGGGG THE START OF AZULS ARC!! RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! it immediately made my day when i saw that the first piece was posted and iโve been so excited for it to finally be out since the initial reveal about azul in rooks chapter! this is genuinely the thing that iโve been looking forward to the most recently and i know that the complete chapter wonโt disappoint!! pls donโt overwork yourself and have a great day!! โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
RAAAAAAAAH๐ฆ
But next arc is Epel though? Or do you mean the start of the long-ass game of tag with Azul. Sigh... I cannot even imagine how long that is going to take. Good God ๐ซฉ
I just read chap 11 of twisted tales and I'm jumping in joy!! I'm so glad that there is expansion of the systems because I've been so curious about its functions!! and the way we moved to comic relief (not exactly) to break the built up tension that is rook's arc, that was a well needed break with all that happening. I'm still wondering who would be the other agent (tried to do some elimination rounds BUT!! I didn't manage to caught on any leads๐ฅฒ๐ฅฒ)
enough of that onto the ask: I noticed that Rollo is tagged on twisted talesโare we getting more event characters for twisted tales ๐ฅบโ
Hope the birds chirp whenever u wake up, and the flowers bloom whenever you walk!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY (again) wishing u the bestst (โ โ โโ โฟโ โโ โ )โ โกโผ๏ธ
Thank youuu๐ฅฐ๐ฅฐ
No, you are early hahaha.
I did tag Rollo because I have his arc planned already. I am not sure about the other as I am not that familiar with their character.
You close your eyes briefly and drag a hand down your face.
Shit.
โCould you elaborate on the mission?โ you ask carefully.
โThe mission is self-explanatory. Azul Ashengrotto is our runaway agent, and we need you to capture him,โ Crowley says simply.
โ...Define โcapture.โโ
Crowley steeples his fingers. โLocate him. Restrain him. Return him to us.โ
โAlive?โ you ask immediately.
A pause.
A veryย noticeableย pause.
โ...Preferably.โ
You stare at him flatly, blinking in complete disbelief as his golden eyes blink back at you. Slowly, you turn your head toward Grim, who is still floating anxiously beside you.
โDid he even hear himself, Grim?โ
[Well, is Azul alive though? Areย youย alive though?]
โTrue.โ
โBrazen!โ
โWhat I am saying is, sirโโ you cut him off before he can start rambling again, โyou canโt just expect me to accept your so-called โspecial missionโ without telling me anything. Why do I have to capture this person in the first place? What exactly did he do?โ
The Overseer falls silent. He looks at you for a long moment, golden eyes unreadable beneath the mask.
You raise an eyebrow, waiting.
Demanding.
Crowley exhales slowly through his nose. Defeated.
โAzul Ashengrotto was our first-ever agent,โ he finally says. โApproximately ten years ago, he severed himself from our system and disappeared without detection.โ
Your expression stills slightly. Severed himself?
โHe began interfering with our operations shortly after,โ Crowley continues. โHijacking missions. Altering assignments. Removing worlds that were supposed to exist within our records.โ
His voice remains calm, but there is annoyance behind it, or perhaps exhaustion.
โSome souls became trapped inside waiting rooms because their worlds suddenly vanished from the system entirely, and their deaths were never amended. Missions collapsed midway through execution. Data archives were corrupted.โ Crowley pinches the bridge of his nose. โAmong other things.โ
Your shoulders stiffen.
โThe worlds vanished?โ
Your thoughts immediately begin running in circles. What did he mean, Azul made the worlds vanish?
Did he...
Kill them?
Your blood runs cold.
โNo, not that.โ Crowley immediately corrects himself. โThe worlds still exist somewhere in the universe, but they no longer exist within our system. As a result, we are unable to amend the souls trapped inside the waiting rooms.โ
He lets out a long sigh.
โOur staff has attempted to locate and restore them one by one, but the process takes an extraordinarily long time. There are billions of worlds scattered throughout existence, after all.โ
He pinches the bridge of his nose.
โTo this day, we still do not know why he abandoned his duty,โ Crowley says with a sigh. โAnd unfortunately for us, Azul Ashengrotto is exceptionally skilled at concealing himself. We have not managed to trace him even once in the past decade.โ
His golden eyes narrow slightly behind the mask.
โHowever...โ He steeples his fingers. โYou are the only agent he has ever approached personally. Which means he has taken an interest in you.โ
You hum in thought, rubbing your chin while placing a hand on your hip rather theatrically. The Overseer crosses his legs, leaning back against his massive chair in silence, waiting for your answer.
โYeah, no thank you.โ
โ...Pardon?โ Crowley says.
The other gods seem confused too. You spot Mozus Trein scrunching his eyebrows in disagreement.
You smile at them. โWhile I do appreciate the offer, I think Iโll pass.โ
โBut why?โ Vargas, who had remained silent this entire time, finally speaks.
โThat sounds like way too much work.โ You nod at him.
He only raises an eyebrow, a jolly grin spreading across his face, clearly amused by your answer.
โDid I just hear that correctly?โ Crowley asks the other god.
Trein looks back at him. โIt seems so.โ
Crowley shakes his head in disbelief. โHow could you say something like that?โ
Now itโs your turn to stare at him in disbelief. โWith all due respect, sir, do you realize how ridiculous your request sounds?โ
โHow so?โ
โIโ? As you said, Azul Ashengrotto is the very first agent. Putting aside how embarrassing it is to have yourย founding fatherย go rogue, you seem to have missed my earlier explanation.โ
You gesture toward him sharply.
โI told you how terrifying his ability to control his system is. Do you really thinkย I,ย the newbie who still doesnโt even know how her own system worksโโ
You turn your head toward Grim, who stares back at you with wide eyes, blinking innocently.
โโcan win against him? No. I will die. And I am already dead. Lord knows what happens if I fail to capture him. Do I disappear forever?โ
You throw your hands up.
โAnd what makes you think heโs interested in me? The way I see it, Iโm being harassed, stalked and bullied as a newbie. My already nonexistent safety is being put at risk here. As my employer, you should be prioritizing my safety, matter of fact, not sending me on a suicide mission!โ
โBut Azul Ashengrottoโs existence is a threat to the system! To the entire universe,โ Crowley argues. โHe cannot bend realities and destinies however he wishes. That goes against the natural order of life.โ
โAnd what does that have to do with meee?โ you groan. โWhy do people keep bringing this up? Grim does this too. Why? Itโsย yourย problem. You fucked up,ย youย fix it.โ
โYou cannot refuse an order from your superior! You are an employee!โ
โOh yes, I can.โ
You immediately turn toward the broker.
โBroker sir,โ you say, pointing at Sam. โI assume youโre the person responsible for my contract, right? This is not within my job description, and the clause clearly states that my only responsibility is carrying out missions as an agent.โ
Sam jolts slightly at the sudden question.
โUh... yes, it does.โ
โBut there is no clause stating that you can refuse an order from your boss either!โ
โWell, there is no clause saying I have to accept it too!โ
โBut I am a god! You should listen to me!โ
โOh, weโre using that card now?!โ You throw both hands out in front of him dramatically, openly daring him to smite you on the spot. โFine then. I am a human. Strike me with your lightning for refusing your words, you dictator!โ
A vein bulges on The Overseerโs forehead.
Vargas leans closer toward Crewel and mutters under his breath, โItโs like watching a mouse argue with a normal-sized human.โ
Crewel cannot quite suppress the amused sneer tugging at his lips.
โRaaaugh.โ Crowley drags a hand down his face in frustration. โWhy does none of my agents ever listen to me?โ
โProbably because you never listen to us yourself, dictator,โ you shoot back defiantly, planting your foot down.
This asshole of a god.
First, he drags you into an afterlife employment system and bribing you. Then he throws you into death worlds filled with emotionally unstable men, trauma, and near-constant risk of getting murdered. Andย nowย he thinks he can order you around just because he suddenly decided to pull the divine authority card?
No.
Absolutely not.
Not with you.
You would make sure of that.
โKid.โ
A calm, heavy voice suddenly cuts through your snide remarks toward The Overseer. You turn toward the source of the voice. The Archivist, Mozus Trein, sits calmly upon his throne, giant Lucius still resting comfortably on his lap.
โWe are asking you for a favor.โ
His voice makes the entire room fall silent. Everyone is looking at you now. And somehow, their stares feel heavier than before.
You let out a tired sigh. โI am not the hero you want me to be.โ
โWe are not asking you to be a hero,โ Trein replies evenly. โBut we would at least hope you could try.โ
Beside him, even Sam nods in agreement. You stare at each and every one of them in silence, searching their faces carefully while purposefully skipping over The Overseer. The emo god seems the least interested out of all of them. Still, when your eyes briefly meet his, you catch the faint frown on his face. You immediately look away and pretend you saw nothing. Then you sigh in defeat.
โIf itโs just trying, then maybe...โ
โThank you,โ Trein says.
โHold on, sir. We are not finished yet.โ
You raise a finger before anyone can celebrate.
โIf this mission is really going into effect, then I need a new contract. This is outside my job description.โ
โThat can be arranged,โ The Overseer replies immediately.
โOkay...โ You lean back slightly. โIf thatโs the case, then we should discuss our agreement somewhere else. Preferably in a place where I donโt have to keep craning my neck to look up at all of you. My neck is starting to hurt.โ
You gesture upward lazily.
โCan you bring me to eye level at least?โ
Crowley rolls his eyes and flicks his fingers. Your surroundings immediately distort. The audience hall melts away into blurs of black and gold before your vision sharpens once more. A second later, you find yourself seated on a cozy living room sofa. A coffee table rests in front of you, surrounded by five single sofas now occupied by human-sized versions of the gods.
You blink.
Then slowly turn toward the nearby window. Raindrops slide serenely down the glass. Outside, trees sway gently beneath the rain while a cool breeze drifts into the room, carrying the scent of damp earth. The place feels... calming. A complete contrast to the suffocating weight of the audience hall. The air here is so light and comforting it almost makes you sleepy.
You have never felt this serene in your life.
โWow...โ you mumble quietly. โThis place is so calming. Is this heaven?โ
โNo,โ Crowley replies. โIt is my house.โ
โTake me back, please.โ
You glance at the now normal-sized gods. They are still intimidating, of course, but this size is significantly better for your neck. Even the sleepy Lucius curled up on Treinโs lap has returned to the size of an ordinary cat. The sight makes you unintentionally sigh in relief.
At least now you no longer have to worry about being eaten alive by a giant fluffy cat.
Grim hops onto the armrest of your sofa and looks at you silently.
โNow then, regarding the agreementโโ Crowley begins.
โUgh, this conversation is stressing me out.โ You lift a hand dramatically. โCan I at least get some sweets to calm my nerves?โ
Crowley looks seconds away from throwing an entire tuna can at your head.
โHere.โ
Crewel reaches toward the coffee table. Before his hand can even touch the surface, a plate of cookies manifests itself out of thin air. He places it down in front of you. Crowley flicks his fingers again, and an assortment of sweets and tea appears alongside Crewelโs cookies. You immediately grab one off the plate and shove it into your mouth.
Then your eyes widen.
โOh my god,โ you mumble through the cookie. โThis is the best cookie I have ever tasted. What is this?โ
โMy signature cookie,โ Crewel replies smugly. โI enchanted it to mimic whichever cookie flavor the eater loves the most. That is why it tastes so good to you. The flavor would likely be different for someone else.โ
You stare at him, genuinely impressed.
โThat is actually so cool.โ
You take another cookie from the plate.
The moment it melts on your tongue, warmth spreads through your chest. Brown butter, dark chocolate and a faint hint of cinnamon and vanilla. It tastes exactly like the cookies your grandmother used to bake late at night when the house was quiet and rain tapped softly against the windows.
Your expression softens before you can stop it.
โThank you so much,โ you say sincerely. โThis is such a sweet treat.โ
Crewel grins.
โTo tame a pup, one requires plenty of treats.โ
Your expression immediately flattens in disappointment.
โI expected too much from all of you.โ
You still continue eating the cookie anyway.
โCan we discuss the details already? I have somewhere else to be,โ Vargas says.
โOh. Right. My apologies, sir.โ Reluctantly, you put down the cookie you were about to eat and brush the crumbs off your hands.
โSo?โ Crowley leans back against the sofa, crossing one leg over the other once more. โWhat are your demands?โ
โFirst, if I take this mission, I do not want it becoming my main assignment.โ You point a finger at him firmly. โIt stays as a side mission only. Optional, not mandatory.โ
You narrow your eyes.
โLike I said, I willย try. I never said I would actually succeed.โ
โVery well,โ Crowley says. โAnd?โ
โSecond, I do not want any punishment if I fail to capture him.โ You gesture toward yourself. โAs I said before, I am still a newbie. If I somehow manage to catch Azul Ashengrotto, it would honestly be based entirely on luck. I am nowhere near his level.โ
โWe are aware of that,โ Trein says calmly. โYou will not be punished for failure.โ
โOkay.โ You nod. โNext question.โ
You glance at each of them one by one.
โWhat exactly is my reward?โ
The Overseer takes his sweet time answering. And now itโs your turn to be seconds away from throwing a tuna can at his head. If only you did not remember that he is a god.
โYou will be reborn immediately. There will be no need for you to reach the one thousand point requirement.โ Crowley places a hand against his chest dramatically. โTruly, my generosity knows no bounds.โ
Your eyebrows shoot up.
โWhoa. Okay, thatโs actually pretty good.โ
You pause.
โโฆCan I ask to be reborn as the wealthiest person alive?โ
โYou are reaching, kid.โ
You click your tongue in disappointment. โFine.โ
The playful look on your face quickly fades, turning serious once more.
โNext. Insurance.โ
โInsurance?โ
โFull protection against Azul at all times.โ You point directly at Crowley. โI cannot die by his hands.โ
The room falls briefly silent. Then Crowley replies, โYou will not die by Azul Ashengrottoโs hands.โ
His golden eyes meet yours evenly.
โYou have my word.โ
You eye him suspiciously, but he does seem serious.
โOkay. Lastly, I need some seed money.โ
You smile brightly at the gods, showing your teeth. Though your smile does not quite reach your mischievous eyes.
โWhat did you say?โ
โI need money,โ you repeat. โRight now, I do not have many thaumarks. And if I want to go against Azul, I will need a lot of items from the system shop. Therefore, I need funding.โ
Crowley narrows his eyes immediately.
โDo you truly believe I would fall for such an obvious trick? You simply want money to buy things for yourself.โ
โDoes it matter how I spend it?โ you argue back. โIโll end up using it against Azul eventually anyway.โ
โNo. You will not receive seed money,โ Crowley says firmly.
โWhaโโ
โBut,โ Crowley cuts you off, raising a hand before you can start complaining, โwhen the time comes for you to directly oppose Azul Ashengrotto, all of your system limitations will be temporarily lifted.โ
Your eyes widen. Beside you, Grim mirrors your expression perfectly.
โIncluding unlimited checkouts from the system shop.โ
[HOST. WE CAN BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL BEINGS ALIVE.]
Correct, Grim.
And while we are at it, we can also check out unlimited food and luxury items.
Crowley immediately points at you.
โI know exactly what you are thinking, and do not even try.โ
Fuck.
โWas that all?โ Crowley asks.
You hum thoughtfully for a moment.
โYeah, I think thatโs everything for now.โ You turn toward Sam. โAs for the remaining clauses needed to make this agreement fair, I assume Broker Sir can draft them properly, right?โ
โSure.โ Sam shrugs casually.
โAlright then. Sam will send over your contract later,โ Crowley says. โOh, by the way.โ
Crowley lowers his leg and suddenly looks at you seriously.
โFor exposing yourself not once, but twice, to the humans within your missions, you will be banned from using the system shop to purchase any items beyond food and daily necessities for the next two missions.โ
Your jaw drops open in disbelief.
โWhat?!โ
โThis does not affect any items already stored within your inventory.โ
โThat is unfair!โ you protest immediately.
โYou are fortunate that your punishment is this lenient,โ Crowley replies coolly. โAny other agent would have been sent directly to The Tamer for correction.โ
He points a thumb toward Crewel, who immediately slaps his red pointer against his palm once more.
You visibly wince.
Ah.
Soย thatย is why he is called the Tamer.
โโCorrectionโ is a crazy choice of words, by the way.โ
โWell, naughty pups like you require correction every now and then.โ Crewel grins sharply. โAnd I believe The Enforcer would be more than happy to shape you back into proper form once I am done with you.โ
Vargas flexes his biceps proudly.
โYou will come out brand new.โ
You instinctively scoot yourself farther away from the both of them.
โNo thank you.โ
โAlright.โ The Overseer claps his hands together before rising from his seat. โIf that is all, then I believe this meeting is concluded. We all have work to return to.โ
The other gods begin standing as well. You quickly raise your hand before they can leave.
โYes?โ Crowley pauses. โDo you have another question?โ
โYes, sir.โ
โ...Very well. What is it?โ
You remain silent, staring at them. Crowley raises an eyebrow.
โWell? Spit it out. We do not have all day.โ
...
โ?โ
You inhale deeply.
Continue reading on: Ao3 or Quotev.
Masterlist
Other Stories: Here
Tag list: @lanxianschoenheit, @ihatemyselffromthestart-blog
you mentioned in a recent ask โby his own measureโ, at first i couldnโt tell if my memory was failing on whether i had or hadnโt read it but when i went to go find it i couldnโt find it on your ao3 or tumblr bio; is my brain cooked and it hasnโt been even been posted or did you take it down? sorry for the stupid question and have a great day! ๐ญ๐ซถ
Hii, it's under A book of Vignettes. It's a dorm study for Scarabia and Octavinelle requested by an anon.
