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17 // My entire sense of humor is modern day colloquial phrases in medieval settings.

[thestuffedalligator]

They’ve been rebuilding the Tower of Babel, but this time they have a team of linguists on site. Every time God smites the builders and invents a dozen new languages, the linguists have a dozen decently sized translations in about a month and work can start up again.

The linguists have been really into it. They say the new phonemes are fascinating. As for God, I assume that at this point he’s just curious to see how far this goes.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

To keep us on out toes, God gives the next group of builders an extra place of articulation called the flongus between the pharynx and the glottis, creating an entire new column of the IPA chart with sounds between sounds that are literally physiologically impossible for non-flongled people to replicate.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Improved symbols for the flongal plosives ("gacks"), flongal trill ("hacks"), flongal fricatives ("groans"), and and the flongal lateral approximant ("moans")

[inthefallofasparrow]

Update: The builders have now simply switched to communicating entirely through a universal sign language like they should've done to start with. No sounds need be spoken, flongal or otherwise. The Tower steadily rises. Be seeing you soon, God, you little bitch.

[koth-harvest-final]

update: the builders are all speaking different sign languages now

[legallybrunettedotcom]

ever since i learned abt the concept of networking i knew i was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way

[one-time-i-dreamt]

WHAT

[ririazul]

[myleftpinkytoe]

Oh, i remember this! No truck fucking, but also hard to explain...?

Basically, a lot of truckers feel VERY attached to their trucks, to the point where it's common for truckers to refer to them as their "first baby".

So, knowing this, this trucker's wife organised a photoshoot where her husband's "first baby" got to meet his "second baby". Kind of like those pregnancy photoshoots with dogs?

He thought it was great, and they shared it on social media trucker groups. In a turn i would not expect, a lot of other truckers got really emotional about it. Like, grown men cooing over a stranger's pregnancy photoshoot, going to their wives and asking if they can do something similar 🥺🥺🥺. All in all, strangely wholesome???

[fruitcakebro]

Ohhhh, the truck is the big brother :)

[teaboot]

Like showing your baby bump to the family pet 🥺

[moonlitmartyr]

I hate ruminating on what could have been. Out here thinking "if only I locked in when I was 13" are we serious

[thepaisleyelf]

There’s a liquor store near my house that seems to be run exclusively by frat boys. They lovingly curate these bags, which I browsed today while “Oops I Did It Again” played through the store speakers. This is art to me, there is beauty everywhere for those with eyes to see it

[jellco]

HAILEY BIEBER FILA X HAILEY collection

[dogpuppy]

[shut-up-gwen]

Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together

Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?

Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?

Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that

Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again

Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?

[hoko-onchi-writes]

I’ll never get over Ilya being like no no, I must set record straight. I want to fuck your son since the literal moment I first saw him at seventeen. It was freckles. And then I fuck him. Repeatedly. For entire decade. He gave up that ass like absolute freak. He is my good little boy. Yes, that is right. Since the markets crash and millennial dream is dead. I hear on radio, then I fuck your son. We grow old together. Lovers.

[myarchiveforme]

god he has all the stupid little tuna melt ingredients prepared in containers in a neat stack in his fridge. he's losing the idgaf war in ways no one has ever lost before. "I was gonna make one for me I can make two" shut up you FREAK with your temperature controlled ginger ale. do you think this is the first time in his life he's actually tried to get someone to stay at his house. like I'm sure sveta has stayed over for a few days or whatever but it's just. baby's first crush. he logicked shane into a corner so he'd run out of excuses to leave and then he put everything in little containers right next to the ginger ale so he could get it all out quickly and smoothly and shane would think he was so nonchalant and wouldn't notice that he just accidentally got a husband. memorized his stupid little schedule. he was pacing around the house before shane got there, putting on his suit in the mirror. he whipped that shirt at Shane so quick HE WASNT EVEN WEARING A SHIRT he put it by the bed so he could put shane in his clothes. oh my god he cleaned his room and left a tshirt casually by the bed. picked out the one he wanted shane to wear. mayor of yearntown. king of yearnia. i think i hauve covid

[sergiocanavero]

"hollander" (this doesn't have to change, we can go back, we can just be hollander and rozanov and ignore the strings, we can pretend it's nothing more and never talk about it and I'll never say shane again, I'll never ask for more if this is all i can get) "hollander" (there's nothing I can say to keep this from crumbling but i'm begging you)

[makomoriz]

i hope the anonymous person who sent the "i used to live in your house. i'm drunk in boston and it's the only address i know. happy holidays" postcard is aware that they wrote my favourite poem

[eatsoylentgreen]

[inbred-eater]

no one understands how excited i am to have my favourite couple back 🙏

[hotvampireadjacent]

[objectlessondujour]

The book is 1984, which is neither. It's anti-authoritarian, which tells you a lot.

[musicalsilence]

Ya know, sometimes I wish the joke *didn’t* write itself.

[televisionenjoyer]

NOOOO THE SIX ORGASMS PERIOD HACK GOT REBLOGS DISABLED JUST AS I TRIED TO REBLOG IT whatever. I'm trying that next period.

[televisionenjoyer]

Rescued media. Fuck it.

[vexheart]

[thereignclub-trc]

I just want to remind you that sometimes your life really doesn't begin until you are 26+... Romanticizing and obsessing over our youth is harmful. Growing up is beautiful. Discovering who you are and how you interact with the world is a gift. Maturing and learning what you truly want out of life and living in that purpose brings fulfillment and peace. Your life is not over in your early 20's because you haven't figured it out yet, it's just beginning.