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𖤐 Welcome Sinners! 𖤐
As you could probably tell, this is a blog includes posts of christian related trauma and religious ocd. Consider this blog critical of Christianity/Bible/Evangelicals.
[Adam | 25 | He/Him | Queer FTM Enby | AuDHD]
Disclaimer
I don’t give a shit what you or anyone else believes in. As long as you don’t force it upon others, spread misinformation, and you don’t use your religion to be oppressive and cause harm to others or yourself, it’s all cool.
religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women
being on the other side of christianity I’m just like. why would you take something as beautiful as human life and ruin it by creating a higher power who hates your natural state of being and demands perfection with a set of standards that don’t mean anything. when you could just like. be kind and respectful to others. and enjoy being in your body. we never needed guilt and fearmongering.
You know, I think I should be allowed to say that repeating that I am, "by nature sinful and unclean" and, "justly deserve Your present and eternal punishment" at least once a week during my formative years might have something to do with my mental health issues. And Yet.
It was ingrained in us early on, and I will not forgive anyone for that. If the adults in charge of protecting me were so deluded by their “faith” that they thought this was normal and even GOOD, well then I don’t know what to tell you…
A haunting thing about having trauma from religous based ocd is that the inherit compulsion to always need to be a better person still manages to stick with you. You may no longer have a religious motivator behind it but rather different non-religious motivators. Regardless, I’ve noticed that growing up in a capitalistic society stuck in a bible-thumping small town, my environment (and with no help of my family + home environment) primed me from birth to always fear some sort of failure and to always end up stuck in these loops of seeking out self-improvement. If you aren’t, you’re considered a failure and risk the point of no return and in the eyes of religion, religion considers it a sinful life that leads to an eternity in hell.
Religion is like a penis, Its good to have one, hell its fine to be proud of it as well, but dont whip that motherfucker out in public and start waving around and please do not try to shove it down to anyone’s throat
"love the sinner, hate the sin" mfs when I say I love religious people but hate religion
The funny thing about leaving Christianity is re-reading to see that Jesus wasn’t the nice guy I was taught that he was.
He literally called a woman sub human because she was a Samaritan, to only help her when she said the right words or praised him. He basically embarrassed his family in front of a crowd with the whole “who are my mother and brothers” bs. He refused to answer any questions when those closest to him were genuinely confused, then proceeded to scold them when he felt as if they didn’t know the answers to his weird ass riddles. He told to sell belongings and give to the poor and yet when his disciples scolded him for allowing expensive perfume to be used on him, he scolds them again and saying “the poor will always be there”.
We were taught that he was this dude who changed the world with his teachings, and yet in reality he didn’t even make waves while he was alive. Nothing he taught in favor of the poor really took in his lifetime, and he was the supposed “messiah” who would cause political change? Also, don’t get me started on that weirdo Paul.
He was a cult leader through and through. He was a dick.
I wish being exposed to religion itself, in my case Christianity, was taken more seriously as a legitimate trauma by those who weren’t really exposed or are not a naturally sensitive kid. I had a natural disadvantage because I was born with autism and lived my life stuck in a small conservative christian town. The concept of Hell, images of Christ suffering on the cross, Noah’s flood, God sending the plagues to kill the Egyptians, Abraham almost sacrificing his son, were concepts I was familiar with in early elementary.
Don’t get me started on the amount of religious students conversations and passing around their tracts and I vividly remember getting one for the first time and my stomach dropping at the mention of Hell, again. That particular moment was in third grade. Another moment in third grade, was being invited to a summer camp church thing for a few days. This is where (I know it isn’t possible but it’s a memory burned into me in my core) I feel like my religous ocd started. It’s because it was when the pastor was describing Jesus judgement and his description of eyes Jesus burning a flame, with a forked tongue, and how he’d spit me out of his mouth if I didn’t obey him and I’d go to hell. Now I know it was a particular passage from Revelations if I remember correctly?
Obviously, it wasn’t targeted at me because he was preaching. After looking around, I could tell I was the only kid in the room who wanted to have a panic attack. It really didn’t help that I didn’t have the greatest home life so I think living in a home with a parent that used fear to raise you, is partially why I ended up being so damn scared of something that wasn’t real.
Yeah, I was taught about love and forgiveness too but I got older and read the Bible. It so hypocritical in its text and it condemns you more than it preaches about love. There are so many issues about the Bible and God as a character, no wonder why it terrifying.
being on the other side of christianity I’m just like. why would you take something as beautiful as human life and ruin it by creating a higher power who hates your natural state of being and demands perfection with a set of standards that don’t mean anything. when you could just like. be kind and respectful to others. and enjoy being in your body. we never needed guilt and fearmongering.
kicked Jesus out of my heart, how long til a spirit halloween moves in??
Today I learned what dhikar is from the Muslim religion…and holy shit, talk about practice that would massively trigger my religous ocd. I may be an ex-christian but when I learn about other abrahamic religions, all I see is a recipe for religous ocd.
sorry I eroticized your religious symbolism. it will happen again
I have been job searching and that’s already very difficult as it is. Additionally, I hit many boxes when it comes to magnetized communities (disabled, queer, trans, autistic, hispanic) so I’m aware I need to err on the side of caution in public. Regardless, I’m a little desperate so I apply to specific business I normally wouldn’t try due to my identity.
Normally, I wouldn’t mind if a business is christian based but I’ve noticed that stores are upping their religious activity on purpose. With the town I live in, it’s impossible to escape but as long as business don’t shove down my throat and we’re average, I would have no problem working for them. Today, I go in to drop off a resume for a bakery that seemed like an average bakery. I walk in and christian music is blaring. It wouldn’t have been strange because it’s common here, yet it was oddly loud. Anyways, I got asked on an application if I was comfortable with religious music strictly playing and praying before opening the store. This was the first time I had a christian based business ask me that on an application. With how in your face they were about it, I turned it in and quickly left because I don’t think they’d accept trans people like me, to be frank.
I go back to my job coach, at least, that’s what I call her and she was like “yeah, that’s strange”. She goes on to tell me that she’s wondering if it’s a cult we used to have, that used to go by a different business name. I didn’t get anymore details from her but I try looking it up on google. Turns out, while unrelated to the bakery, we used to have a cult scandal here in this small town. I never heard about it but apparently, a 40 year old man went missing and a child was sexually assaulted. I scroll to look at other search results and it further discusses child trafficking.
Now with the political climate and this town being very obviously red…I don’t think I’ll be applying to anymore christian business. At least, I’ll avoid them if I can. This was another detriment to me too, because my luck just got extremely smaller. It didn’t help that as I was out and going to stores to drop off my resume, certain stores that never played christian music have been oddly starting to play that more often.
I’ve lived in this small town all my life and while it was always filled with churches around the corner. As I have gotten older, it has been harder to avoid and I’ve noticed that it’s more common and obvious everywhere you go than it used to be. Also, additionally we had a few scandals popping up here and there over the years. I don’t know how widespread it was across the states, but we’ve had at least 2 christian businesses make the news for rejecting to serve gay customers. One of them being a guy who opened his own business and refused to make a gay couple their wedding cake because this old fucker was christian.
Frankly, I’m tired of them shoving it in my face. Even when I left the religion, I was very gracious about christians in general. Granted, it will always be more nuanced based on the individual and how they treat others.
Yet, as a group, I am becoming fed up of seeing it everywhere and I will not apologize for complaining about it more. I won’t apologize for hating on the religion itself. I’m not going to be an asshole if someone is a decent person who happens to be Christian but that person should be fully understanding of why I, and many others, have such an issue with Christianity. Especially, here in the states because it’s being used to justify oppression, stripping rights away, and further facism.
Christians want to tell me to not shove my own lifestyle down their face when all I do is ask for basic respect and hardly talk about my identity. Yet, people like me, are hardly allowed to make artistic content for a wider audience. Marginalized people are still struggling to have any on-screen representation. When we get it, it’s only a few seconds. Hell, this applies to other religions and beliefs too that aren’t Christian. Yet, Christian’s get to parade their music, art, etc. everywhere? Fuck off, Christians.
Additionally, the whole reason I don’t wear pride merch or have any pride merch on my car or anything public, is in fear that I’ll get attacked or targeted. Not so me, but more so, like my car which I need to get to places. Also, I have to worry about christian business in regards to to ice because those go in hand in hand.
If I could move, I would but I’m unable to do so. It’s a very long and complicated situation and I don’t need to explain that. It’s not the point of the post. I’m just saying, if I could move somewhere where it’s a little tamer than this, I would. Yet I don’t think it’ll be avoidable, even in the most “progressive” of areas.
This easter, despite me having the pleasure to visit family and just have fun, I noticed my tolerance for christianity is starting to grow thin. I don’t think it helps that despite me (as a disabled, queer, trans individual) living in the safest/progressive state that I’m stuck in a small town filled to the brim with bible thumpers of all kinds, especially the more cult-like ones.
We have a shit ton of churches, it’s so bad that it’s the main source of entertainment and it’s so common, it’s comparable to fast food restaurants. Everytime we expand our neighborhoods, you’re guaranteed to get a new church.
Additionally, Christian’s who want to start a church but can’t find a building are starting to rent out places that are willing. Latest example, a movie theater room.
To top it off, we have a lot of those billboards about heaven and hell and overall, just a lot of general christian imagery everywhere. Fun fact, I’m sure you can guess the type of stickers i see on everyone’s cars here. Oh and don’t forget the honorable mention of the black and white american flag with a single blue stripe and the signs of our current facist dictator.
I’m so fucking sick and tired of their religion being shoved down my throat, while I have to be extra cautious just existing in public in order not to get killed/shot at/or taken away. But yeah, I’m the one shoving my “lifestyle” down other people’s throats.
you go to a hip modern evangelical church and there's always some white woman with blonde beach waves and lightwash jeans saying out of pocket shit like "Daddy God, ravager of our hearts, romancer of our souls, take us deeper into you. Jesus is coming."
