luci @lucimaaie - Tumblr Blog

meet your maker ⋆·˚ ༘ *

pairing - ellie williams x black!fem!reader

summary - how you became a vampire.

warnings - 12k word count (whew), heyy, it's me again, haven't posted in a while (i'm a not a deadbeat i swear), tried to be historically accurate and shi, veryy dramatic as always, alludes to smut but no smut, my writing's a bit rusty but i had to write this

The first time you laid eyes on Ellie she was nothing but a peculiar admirer, her flashiness and arrogance both attractive and irritating. Nothing like any other woman you’d ever met, dressed in a black suit with a dress shirt closed just enough for decency while still being scandalous. At least for that time anyway.

Prohibition was in full swing, giving way to secrecy of speakeasy’s and thus your job. Tipsy people needed entertainment and you provided it all with a pretty smile and a velvet voice.

The hardest part was controlling those who decided looking wasn’t enough. Nothing in your smile and empty kind words ever indicated you wanted anything more, yet you found yourself retreating to your makeshift dressing room as soon as the applause ended.

So, you were wary, at first. Ellie watched you sing with so much wonder you started to believe you had a stalker on your hands. The idea seems almost laughable looking back.

You remembered the first night you spoke vividly, even now. The strange man slurring in his suggestions to take you home so you could “make more music for him.” His words exactly. The line was so ridiculous. His audacity made your blood boil to this day. He had been leaning into your space whether he meant to or not, an inch too close to falling out of his chair and onto you.

Ellie swooped in, challenging the man without hesitation. “You really don’t think with the head on your shoulders, do you?” She gulped down liquor like it was water, turning in her chair to look at the man with a disgusted grimace.

The man stuttered out embarrassed curses and slurs in response. His tantrum soon became invisible as you took in the strangeness of the woman before you. Not married—a ring on every other finger but the one that mattered, with a mouth most mothers would flame you for. Your drunken pest was gone as soon as you realized you were staring.

You stirred your drink; club soda, as always. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“He was a bother to everyone in here. Public service,” She finished the last drop and set it down, gesturing for another. “I’d offer to buy you a drink, but you seem more interested in your soda.” Her eyes landed on the glass you were mindlessly fidgeting with.

“I..” You looked at her, surprised that she noticed. It was unusual, seeing her this close, much less talking to you. “Not here, at least.” You looked around the busy bar. “I just like to have my wits about myself, that’s all.” You had no idea who’d turn untrustworthy the moment you had even a hint of alcohol in your system.

“I get that.” Ellie slid down a chair, bringing her refilled drink with her and angling her body towards you. She returned your quick glance with an attempt at a smile that didn’t quite reach her cheeks. Like she was learning how to again. “You deserve the luxury, though.” She shrugged in feigned nonchalance.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you huffed in amusement. “Unless you can arrange for me a ride home, I'll stick with my bubbles.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll get off your back about it, doll.” Her voice grew warped as she brought her glass up to her lips. Your eyes followed the motion and lingered against your will. The bright green hue of her eyes seemed unnatural. There was a depth to them, like she was plotting a million things a minute. A darkness too.

You averted your eyes the moment hers met yours.

“Unless you don’t want me to?”

“No, I'd rather not get grilled about my not drinking. I’m following the law, how’s that?” You said with firmness that was fooling nobody. Your eyes gave you away; the confusion, attraction, and fascination shown in them as they traveled over her features to her body. You were just curious, that was all.

“Lawful.” She conceded with somewhat of a grin. Warmer than the first. “That’s cute.”

Then it was silent for a while.

“This..isn’t that kind of bar, y’know.”

Ellie’s brows raised, thoroughly entertained by the implication. She walked around ignoring the target on her back, just because of what she wore, how she lived, and who she loved. double that for being a woman and triple it for being a “hellish creature.” She’d heard it all. “And what kind of bar are you talking about?”

You huffed. What kind of asshole did you look like telling her she needed to go just because she looked..eccentric? There was enough that in the world for things people couldn’t control or take off. “Forget I said anything.” You swallowed trying to figure out how you wanted to clean up your earlier words. “I’m just— you wanted to buy me a drink.”

“So?” She leaned forward to lean her arm on the bartop.

“And called me doll.” You threw out the words uselessly, hoping she would get the point.

“Doesn’t mean I want something from you.” She shrugged, barely hiding her amusement in watching you struggle to reconcile with your naive logic. “I see it’ll take more than one night to convince you.”

She watched the bartender refill her drink a third time, but she didn’t touch it. It no longer had her attention. The interest in your eyes felt better than she wanted to admit, now knowing the fascination wasn’t one-sided anymore. One meeting and she had reeled you in for a long, bumpy ride for eternity.

You had talked at the bar many times after that night, your skepticism softening into some type of affection for the strange woman.

Then your meetings moved to the streets, then around town together.

Being so close with an unmarried woman as an unmarried woman raised questions. Others gossiped in shadowed corners when they thought you didn’t notice.

Their questions were intrusive: Was she the daughter of someone important? The soon to be wife? And the one you got the most: was she a queer? Then, interest shifted to you: Are you a queer?

While your denial was firm, opinions were already set.

What you and Ellie had— no scratch that. There was nothing to be had. You were just friends.

It had been a while since you’d had one when music became your sole focus. Working in the night, asleep in the day.

Showing her around New Orleans had given you more appreciation for the city you’d lived in all your life. She made your life exciting instead of the same song and dance. You were grateful for that. That’s all it was.

Tonight was an early night compared to the others. Right after your set, you and Ellie hit the streets, eventually landing on a the party your friend Dottie had invited you to on the other side of the district. It took almost half the night to break down your resolve, but you were tipsy and dancing, carefree.

Your cheeks were warm, flushed from being on one too many glasses of wine. You’d taken a brief break by your table before you were dragging Ellie right back onto the dance floor. “A few drinks and you're a completely different woman.” Her whisper made your heart seize. Not in fear, but in something you’d rather not acknowledge. “It’s funny.”

You pulled back to look at her. She was relaxed as always. Somehow still sober. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re a long way from the uptight girl I met at a bar.” She said, eyes focused on appraising your features. There it was again, heart seizing, stomach twisting and turning. All because she looked at you like that. Had it really been that long since you had a friend? No, you hadn’t exactly had many in your life, but you were none of your girl-friends looked at you as closely as she did.

“I was not uptight—“ You defended. The band had slowed it down a little so the couples could break from their elaborate dancing and embrace each other while swaying the music.

Your first instinct had been to take a break of your own, possibly order a glass of water to get you back to your senses. You tugged on the her hand and turned towards a natural opening in the sea of dancers. But Ellie was having none of it. She pulled you against her, leaving enough space for you to still step back if you wanted to, despite her knowing you wouldn’t.

“You wanted to dance.” She said quietly, her tone teasing, fingers gentle amidst your waist.

“Slow dancing is a different game.” Your hand rested on top of hers, a silent warning. Though you weren’t rushing to push away her touch. In fact, you found your body leaning into it. Traitor.

Ellie noticed, wearing a . “C’mon. Humor me?” She said, already pulling you into a slow sway.

“I humor you all the time.” You rolled your eyes.

“True. Just can’t say no to me, can you?” She admitted, smirk softening into an affectionate smile. She had tried not to stare too long, but the effort was useless. You had a sort of quiet beauty she couldn’t ignore. Like you didn’t even have to try. She liked that—seeing the real you behind the pretty dresses and poetic words. The woman who was just trying to make something of herself in her art.

She was pulled out of her adored haze by a forceful nudge to her shoulder. It didn’t take long to find the culprit when he was glaring right back at her. A woman followed after him, giving her the same third degree stare.

Ellie’s eyes returned to you. The shame in your eyes was as clear as day. You stepped back, hand slipping from hers. “I need to sit down.” You rushed back to the table, keeping your head down. You tried not to shrink behind shame, but this was a new kind.

You grabbed your bag and slung it over your shoulder, expecting Ellie to be behind you just as ready to leave. Instead, she was following after the man with fury in her eyes. You’d seen the same defiant glint when men dared to hit on you in her presence.

“Ellie—“ You followed after her, ending up in the back alley ways. She already had him half pinned. The man was struggling pathetically against her. It was strange—her hold on him. He should’ve been able to overpower her easily as tall and broad as he was. But he was frozen, listening to Ellie’s firm words.

Even stranger that he simply walked off when she released him. She had her hands tucked in her pockets as if she was just done smoking.

The sternness in her face melted at the sight of you. She beckoned you over. “Let’s get you home, sweetheart.”

For a young you, the intense attraction you felt that night was enough to brush off the inexplicable traits about the woman. She went against everything you’d ever known, and you flocked to that.

And you never pushed as to how suggestible people were around her. The way she could speak to you without opening her lips to take a breath. How she knew what you were thinking before you said it. All of it.

You weren’t very religious; Your mother had tried to no end, but you preferred to follow your own lessons in life. She’d have labeled Ellie a demon and ushered you as far away as possible. But there was no denying there was a dark quality to her. She couldn’t be human.

Learning the answer might bring an end to whatever this was. She’d reveal her true nature to you and be called back from the realm she came from. You couldn’t have that.

So you let her lead you wherever she wanted. To the movies, parties, even the modiste.

“Should lose the gloves.” You mumbled, eyes glued to the dolled up woman in the mirror. The dress was strikingly simple compared to the sparkling dresses you wore at the bar. A proper woman stared back at you, dressed in a glossy dress and white satin gloves. Less like a flapper and more like a woman. “Makes me look like a prude. Some..husband-seeking woman.”

The woman behind you exhaled lightly, rising from the couch and gracing your shoulders with her touch. “You look beautiful,” Her hands slid down to grab your gloved hand.

You cleared your throat. “How bout you tell me what I need these threads for?”

Ellie’s lips turned up into a smile that told you she was about to drag you into trouble. If not that, then some part of town you’d never have a chance of going to on your own. “That’ll ruin the surprise, doll.”

That damn name. The implications pissed you off more than the name itself. The truth that she’d been having fun making a glorified doll out of you: Dragging you around town, dressing you up. She told you to jump, you didn’t ask how high. And that was without the mind tricks. What was with this woman’s hold on you? “Not your doll.” You grumbled, slipping the gloves off.

“Aren’t you?” She said with feigned innocence. You scoffed, snatching off your other glove and hitting her shoulder with it. “Alright, alright. I’m messing with you. Bad joke.”

“I’m being serious. There’s not a shop in town you haven’t brought me. People are starting to get the wrong idea,” You strained to reach around to get to the zipper, distracting you from your firm warning. An exasperated sigh was enough for Ellie to step in behind you, hands quick to help get the dress off you. Too quick.

“What wrong idea?”

“Don’t act dense.” You said, using your temporary addition in height to drive home your warning. You quite enjoyed the way her eyes flicked up to you for once instead of the other way around. “You’re not very good at it.”

“Why are you so worried about that?” Her fingers worked the zipper down your back. It took a great amount of restraint to step back and not touch you further.

“Is it not a concern? People get hurt for that. Arrested, even.” You shimmied out of the fabric with the help of the silent, uninterested modiste. Her eyes were wide with glimmering curiosity when you first came in. Now they were low and glazed over. Ellie and her mind tricks she had yet to tell you the origin of.

“Trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you,” Ellie’s words were firm, voice rougher than she last spoke. The mere thought seemed to disturb her. Why would she care?

“It’s never that easy.” You stepped into your dress from before. “Nothing’s ever that easy.” You said as you watched the modiste quickly file out and busy herself with something else.

“Nothing’s ever impossible.” She held out her hand as you stepped down from the platform, now fully dressed. Just like a habit, your arms interlocked.

“I hate when you speak in riddles.”

She pulled you along with her as usual as she left a few bills on the counter and pushed out of the shop.

The streets were active as day for an autumn night. Cars fresh out of the factory passed through the street slower than anything you’d seen modern day. You hadn’t set out to be a singer hanging off a mysterious woman’s arm, but you hadn’t denied the fate either.

Ellie had come to surprise you backstage one night and found you stressed. You were pressing on makeup with an irritated force she could only hope wasn’t for her. If that wasn’t a strong enough indicator, your huffs and puffs sealed the deal. She called your name.

Your body went rigid before you recognized her voice. “Oh, Ellie.” You breathed in relief. “Come in. You’re early.” For the first time that night, a genuine smile painted your face.

Ellie obliged, closing the door behind her. She examined you from head to toe as always, not pleased by the furrow in your brows. “Gonna tell me what’s got you so frazzled?”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about.” You plopped down on the small couch against the wall, resting your chin in your palm.

Ellie scoffed, sitting right next to you. “Says who?” She was a lot more casual today, trading in her blazer and luxurious dress shirts for a basic button down with the sleeves bunched up. Her eyes were soft with more concern for you than you’d ever seen. She reached her hand out tentatively.

You didn’t question it, intertwining your fingers with hers. “It was just some..fight with my ma. Nothin’ serious.” You murmured.

“Babe, you’ve practically got a thundercloud over your head. You’re sulking.”

“Yeah, I get the point. I’m doing a shitty job of hiding it.” A sad smile crossed your lips. You lifted your head, hand dropping to your thigh to pick a loose thread on your dress . You could’ve made a joke, lighten up the mood like you always did, but a big part of you was tired of that. The performing.

“I, uh, called my ma. We were talkin’ about my brother and his situation, him having a baby and all. And as always, she turned it on me.” The restless energy in your body pushed you to your feet. “All but saying she was disappointed in me. A-Askin’ why aren’t I married, when I was planning to get a real job. I get it, I’m not remarkable by any means, but–”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? I mean, you’ve traveled and experienced things I hadn’t even thought of before now. You’re doing something with your life.”

“I wish my life was as simple as that.” The vulnerability in her eyes told a story different from the unbothered woman that you knew. There was a tiredness there, one you were feeling yourself.

Your brows furrowed. “What’s that mean?”

“Nothing.” Ellie’s eyes flicked up to yours. She wanted to tell you badly, but there was no way to anticipate how you'd react. Whether you’d leave her or not. She couldn’t risk losing you. Not when she was in too deep already. But that look in your eye told her she wasn’t going to get away with a half-assed answer. “I..left behind a lot when I came here. Lot of bad shit I’d like to forget.” She confessed.

“So, you’re running from somethin.” You whispered.

She nodded solemnly. “But, lucky for me, I found something better.” She looked up at you. The look in her eyes was soft, too soft.

“A shitty bar in New Orleans?”

Ellie gave an almost shy smile. “Yeah, sure. That. The top shelf alcohol here keeps me coming back.” She said, abandoning the couch and starting toward you. “What I mean is.” She stopped just before you. “You don’t have to figure it all out tonight or tomorrow, just because someone else said so, okay?”

“I’ll have you know that someone else is my very stubborn mother.” Your words became quieter as she cupped your face, the touch new but not unwanted.

“You’re just as stubborn. I think you can handle her.” She said, pairing her reassuring words with her lips to your forehead. It was lingering, gentle. When she pulled back, her eyes flicked between yours and your lips. You were sure she was going to lean in when an assertive knock on the door forced you apart.

“People are getting antsy out there,” The bartender peeked his head in.

You cleared your throat, busying yourself with uselessly smoothing out your hair. “Just a minute, yeah?” With a nod, the door shut.

“I should get out there.” You broke the silence, finally looking at her. She had never averted her eyes. Simply tucked her hands in her pockets like nothing had happened. She couldn’t just..turn it off like that, right? You shook the thought out of your head. “I’ll see you out there?”

“Yeah, doll. I’ll be there.”

The past few weeks went on as normal. Only if you don’t count the lingering touches and the increased need to be closer. To tell her everything and you had to save for the fact that that moment in your dressing room never stayed off your mind long. She didn’t need to know how confused it made you. You didn’t need any confusion muddling your friendship.

Laid on opposite ends of a picnic blanket, you watched Ellie sigh out smoke that twirled and danced in the air. She stared up at the night sky like it hid the meaning of life, but you knew this was what she looked like tucked into her mind. You couldn’t help but smile.

“Somethin’ else in that cigarette?” You dog-eared the page you were on and set the book down, leaning on your arm instead.

“You wanna find out?” She shot back. “Might help you finally finish that chapter.”

You snorted. “Well that’s sweet, but I don’t smoke. Terrible for the vocal cords. And the only reason I haven’t finished the damn thing is because you only brought the classics.” You chucked the book atop the small stack holding the blanket down from the wind.

Ellie sighed out more smoke, chuckling in the face of your annoyance. “I only read the classics.”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those pretentious assholes who thinks they’re hot shit because they read Tolstoy.”

“Ouch, sweetheart.” Her words came out mumbled, cigarette hanging out her mouth. She sat up, holding her hand over her heart, her brows furrowed in a barely believable hurt expression. She might’ve had you if you couldn’t see the faint dimples in her cheeks telling you she had two seconds before she broke.

“Oh, shut up. You know what I mean,” You playfully scoffed at her subpar acting attempt.

It wasn’t long before her laughter filled the air between you. You rolled your eyes with a faint grin on your face. Soon, it became silent as you allowed yourself a moment to take her in. Her hair was tied out of her face by a clip she borrowed from you, allowing you to see every freckle and blemish on her skin. The moonlight shining on her only made her lime colored eyes seem brighter. Your gaze traveled from the unruliness of her eyebrows and the gentle curl of her eyelashes to her slightly chapped lips.

“You know, I heard Louis Armstrong smokes and his voice is fine.”

You were snapped out of your observation. Clearing your throat, you replied. “Hm?”

The edge of Ellie lips turned up, enjoying your attempt at looking normal. “Not all singers’ voices are ruined by smoking.” She tucked one hand under her head.

“But some. Why would I take that chance?”

“Trust me. I would never let you mess up that pretty voice of yours.” Ellie placed the cigarette in her mouth and held out her recently freed hand. “One puff?”

Without much hesitation, which you seemed to be all out of these days, you took her hand and laid down next to her. She had propped her head on one hand to see you better, about to place the cigarette between your lips before you caught her wrist, plucking the thin stick from her fingers and inhaling.

Immediately, the stinging in your throat made you wheeze and cough. “Shit. My god.” You hadn’t even noticed the floaty sensation in your head until you hastily reached for water. Ellie was quick to calm you, rubbing your back soothingly as if she wasn’t amused by your dramatic reaction.

“You’re okay.” She said calmly. “Your lungs might be screaming but, you should be fine.”

“Screaming? Ellie, they’re probably collapsing.” You gulped down as much water as you could. The cold liquid was slowly soothing the scratchiness in the back of your throat. You only wished you could absorb more. “You should’ve warned me.”

Even in your panicked state, the woman looked at you fondly. “Poor thing.” She pried the glass out of your hands and set it down on the blanket. She grabbed a cloth from the basket and dabbed at a small spill on your skirt attentively. Unfortunately for you, the spot was right on your upper thigh.

Your heart leaped treacherously at the new closeness. Well, not so new anymore. There still was that one time at the club you were trying so hard to forget. In your mind, there was no logical reason you should feel like this around her. But some things were beyond logic. You were figuring that out now.

“It’ll dry on its own.” Your hand covered hers.

“Yeah, I know.” She posted back on her palms and threw the cloth down. Her quick relinquish revealed what you both knew: She didn’t give a damn about the stain. It was just an excuse to be close.

Ellie didn’t seem to care about an excuse when she suddenly leaned in. Her head tilted as her eyes embarked on their own examination. They lingered on your lips just like that night, only this time it seemed she had no intention of moving away.

She couldn’t be serious. Now? Here? The park wasn’t exactly booming but that didn’t mean the occasional passerby wouldn’t become a witness. She planted her hands on either side of you, face so near you could feel her breath on your face. It smelled faintly of coffee and cigarettes, which you were attracted to more than you would admit. “What’re you doing?” You blurted.

“What am I doing?” She repeated innocently, her mind anything but. She pretended to think of an answer before her eyes were back on your face, taking occasional glances to your lips. Without warning, she grabbed the nearly extinguished cigarette from your hand and pulled back. “Just getting this back. Don’t need you picking up a dirty habit.”

The increase of space between you left you confused and strangely disappointed. Even stranger that she didn’t say much else after that. Just laid down and finished out her smoke like this was a regular Tuesday. Months of knowing this woman and you still felt like there was way more to learn.

You tried to act normal next to her and let your mind focus on the twinkling stars rather than that fluttering feeling in your belly. Fluttering, really? You were much too old to be having butterflies. Or, better yet they weren’t anything, just the effects of the cigarette lingering.

It was useless nor comforting in silence.

“El?” She hummed.

“You ever used your mind tricks on me?” You asked hesitatingly.

Ellie turned to look at you, brows furrowed as if you’d asked a terribly outrageous question. “On you? Never.”

She hadn’t tried to hide her..gift around you at all. It couldn’t be that preposterous to believe that these strange feelings were of her own making. After all, you’d never noticed anything like it before you met her.

“Why would you ask that?”

“No reason.” You assured her quickly despite knowing it’d do nothing for her or you. Silence settled in after that. You couldn’t stand it. Perhaps the answer would help you put an end to the constant puzzlement you felt around her. You just had to trust that she wouldn’t up and leave. “It’s just..How do you do it? What are you?’

Ellie barely looked shocked by your inquiry. Your mind was already constantly swirling with the possible answers, all of them amusingly far off—witch, some type of cursed spirit, or, her favorite one, a ghost. Though, that one had come when you'd downed a few too many glasses of wine.

For once, she hesitated. Her choices were fucked: Avoid the question and you’d distance yourself. Tell the truth and the same outcome. Either way there was a risk of losing you. She could only pick what she thought would land better with you. “A vampire.”

“Her words were met with an unladylike snort from you. “A vampire?" You repeated, looking down at the nonchalant woman beneath you. "You're messing with me."

"Don’t laugh.” She was serious. As serious as you’d seen her. “I’m being honest.” The reveal of her nature typically wasn't such a light process, usually after her latest victim was already fading out. She'd rather you not ever see her that way if she could help it.

"Honest? Are you sure about that?”

“I’m serious. Dead serious.” Ellie said quietly as she sat up and leaned forward. The whistling of the air filled the silence between you as you took in her answer, trying to make some sense of it. Many believed in the supernatural–angels, demons, ghosts– you weren’t one of them.

"Say I believed you." You blurted, concerning yourself with smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in your skirt rather than meeting her eyes. The perplexity of her being..something other than human was going against everything you knew. "The mind tricks. Only meeting me at night. Your eyes." She raised her brows as your eyes met hers, having no idea just how peculiar the bright color of them were. "Those all would be because you're a.."

"Vampire." She finished for you. Any humor left from before was gone and replaced with a certain tension you couldn't avoid.

"Hypothetically?"

"No. Not Hypothetically. Really."

"You're fucking with me." You muttered to yourself, scanning the spread around you. Here you were, alone on the grass in the middle of the night and she was talking to you about vampires. “This is just a bit, isn’t it?”

"What? No–”

“Stop toying with me for once.” You scoffed. “Tell the truth.”

“I am.” Ellie defended. At the sight of you rising and even thinking about leaving, Ellie shot up.

“Prove it.”

The woman sputtered at being put on the spot. She could feel her control of the situation slipping completely. Her gaze remained on you, almost pleading. “Haven’t I already?” She gestured broadly. “I haven’t hidden myself from you.” She said desperately.

You swallowed. She had a point. Any attempt to seem normal went out the window when she was around you. You’d never asked before and she didn’t have to confess. The point still stood that this..thing between you didn’t make sense to you. Why trust you with her secret? “And why is that? Fattening me up for slaughter?”

“No–! Is that really what you think of me?” She took a step closer, eyes tender with hurt at your guarded expression. She drew in a deep breath as her eyes danced everywhere but you. One word and your trust was gone? The more she questioned it, the more her denial grew. “I know you believe me, Goddamn it.”

“I don’t know what to think, Ellie.” You confessed. “I’m so– You just..baffle me, you know that? It’s irritating a-and–” You never had a chance to finish your thoughts with Ellie’s lips on yours. Her hands were freezing compared to your warm cheeks. She kissed you with equally as much frustration and yearning, not giving a damn about who was watching.

You couldn’t resist kissing her back despite the worry in the back of your mind. Your fingers clutched tightly at the back of her shirt as if it’d calm the pounding in your chest and push down the urge to ask for more. You were always opposites, warm and cold, soft and rough, light and dark, and yet it worked.

“Ellie–”

“Don’t. Just..tell me no.” She whispered roughly, breath hitting your lips. “If you don’t want this, tell me no.”

You opened your mouth to contest, but nothing came out. You couldn’t.

That was all Ellie needed to hear that night to take you to places you’d never been before. She had focused on you and only, making you feel like someone to be valued rather than something pretty to look at. Even held you and kissed you after, whispering strings of loving words only for you to hear. She had given you enough adulation to make you question every other lover you’d had before and the thought terrified you.

The morning was quiet, though not the tense kind you’d been in these earlier weeks. The kind where you were keenly aware of everything: your slow breathing, the ticklish feeling of Ellie dragging her finger up and down along your arm, the warmth of your bodies pressed together. Sunlight was blocked out by thick curtains, only allowing a small silver to point down at the ground.

Her room was the direct opposite of her style. Frilly, beige, and archaic. That hardly mattered when you pushed through the door with only one intention. Now, you had the time to observe and think, birthing even more questions than before. But you wouldn’t bombard her with nonsense queries first thing the morning after. You had more tact than that.

That didn’t mean it was easy to calm your active mind.

Ellie chuckled suddenly, the sound coming out rough and muffled from her head being buried into your bare shoulder. Her chin rested there as she eyed you. “Your mind’s so loud.” She whispered.

“What?” You turned to look at her, snapped out of your morning haze. She quickly accounted for the position change and grabbed your waist to bring you closer.

“If it’s not the decor then it’s about me or last night–which is flattering–”

“Now you said,” You shifted, laying your head on your arm. “That you’ve never used any of your little magic tricks on me and here you are braggin’ about them.”

“Wow, ‘magic trick’ is extremely insulting. And, I told the truth, I would never use that on you. Me being able to read your mind is a whole other thing entirely.”

“Omission is still a lie, hon.”

Ellie sighed in a playful annoyance. “Yeah, you’re right.” She rolled onto her back and turned to look at you, silent for a while before she spoke again. “Okay. Then..ask anything you want and I’ll answer.”

“And you won’t get pissed off?”

“Nope.” She answered confidently.

“Then..” You tilted your bread, sifting through the millions of questions you;d thought up in the last hour. “What's it like to drink blood?”

Ellie’s eyes flicked around the room as she thought of a way to put into words. Disgusted when you first experience it. Needing something so dearly that some people fainted at the sight of. She remembered trying to throw it all up the first time she fed, repulsed with herself. Then the desperate need for it kicked in and she decided she needed as much as she could take. Only that greed had taken her to a dark place she’d rather not revisit. “It’s..just food. I need it.”

“I know that.” You deadpanned. “I just mean..”

“I try not to go overboard, not to take so much, if that’s what you’re asking.” She said sincerely. “Sometimes, I can’t help it.”

“How’s that? Doesn’t it hurt whoever you’re feeding on?” You pushed yourself up, still grabbing the sheet for decency despite the woman having already seen it all.

“It can, if you’re..”’ She searched for the right words. “too rough. Other times, I’ve been told, it actually feels pretty good.”

“Good?” You repeated, too curious for your own good. How could a vampire sucking your life force out of you possibly feel pleasurable? You couldn’t help but wonder how many she had fed on, how many desired to be of service in that way and willingly volunteered themselves. “How?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. Then, like the topic of her feeding was boring her, which it was, she tugged you closer by your hips. Her chin was nuzzled right into your neck like it was the safest place to be.

For that moment, your curiosity was subdued and replaced with the need to feel her. That was until you felt the thumping of what could only be a heartbeat. Guess, she wasn’t like the garlic, stake-fearing myths. She was different, more than that. “El?” She hummed. “What if..I wanted to know? What it feels like?”

She pulled back to look at you with widened eyes. If you weren’t so serious about this, you would’ve seized the opportunity to tease her for how cute she looked now. Wide eyes, misshapen red strands in every which way. A dead, supernatural creature frazzled by you asking to do the thing most natural to her: eat. And yet she rejected it. “No.”

“Just like that. No?”

“Yes, no. That’s just not what you are to me.” She moved to sit up, not caring about the blanket falling from her body. You mimicked her movement. Her brows were furrowed as she grabbed her shirt from the floor and buttoned it up. There was a part of you that was sad to see her skin covered again.

“I know you’re not using me. You’ve proved that already.”

“You don’t understand. It’s different when you–” She cut herself off with an aggravated sigh. “It would be different with you. There’s a chance I won’t be able to stop and I’m not taking it.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t want to.” You scooted to the edge of the bed, watching her get dressed. You’d be rushing to do the same if you weren’t so determined to figure out what was suddenly wrong.

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” Ellie muttered.

“Then what?” You blurted. “I trust you. If I really believed you would hurt me, I wouldn’t be here.”

The tension in Ellie’s shoulders eased as she took in your words. She let out a shaky breath, leg bouncing. Her eyes met yours. They were soft, scared. “That’s not exactly what you said last night.”

She had a point. “No,” You admitted. “It isn’t, and I’m sorry. But I wanna learn. I want to actually know you, not just the bits and pieces you’ve given me. So, I’m going to ask stupid questions and say even stupider things–”

“Not a word.”

“You get the damn point. There’s a learning curve to this, right?” You gestured between the two of you.

Ellie stood there with her hands on her hips. She stared at the ground for what seemed like the longest minute ever before she spoke. “Okay.” She sat next to you on the edge of the bed, taking your hand in hers. Her callouses felt rough compared to the softness of your hands. You wondered how she got them. Who she was before she ended up like this. “But it isn’t..glamorous. I’m not–” She let out a frustrated sigh.

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do, doll.” She whispered.

“You don’t have to tell me everything today.”

The woman nodded, looking at you with dilated eyes. Her eyes drifted down to your intertwined hands then to your bare skin. She leaned forward, kissing your shoulder. She stayed there for a while, lingering like she always did. Like once you left this room there was a chance she’d never have this again. You couldn’t promise your fears wouldn’t get in the way of this. Neither could she, but both of you knew the last thing you wanted was to throw what you had away just because someone else couldn’t handle it.

“You really wanna know?”

And so she gave you what you wanted. Laid you down as though you were glass threatening to break and coaxed you through the pain of her fangs piercing through your skin. The sudden suction stung until it didn’t. It was like the same floaty feeling in your head as when you smoke that cigarette. Only the euphoria couldn’t compare. What she took, you were willing to give a hundred times over.

Both of you knew it then, there was no going back.

The days you hadn’t seen Ellie seemed to blur together. The lack of excitement and company had made the days long and identical. Down to the bar with a set of popular favorites and a new tune sprinkled in, sticking around for tips, maybe a few unwanted compliments, and then back home. Back to missing your lover.

Home was a dream compared to the desolate basement.

Today had decided to be different for all the wrong reasons. One patron had clearly had more alcohol than his body could handle and was making it your problem. As he always did. “Y’know, you’d be a lot cuter if you loosened up, honey.” His words were followed by an undignified belch.

"Keep fuckin’ dreaming," You mumbled as you finished your glass of water, rubbing the sore spot on the side of your neck. Even that reminded you of her. Everything did.

The man had been annoying, but you'd tried to pay him no mind as you scribbled in your notebook. Nothing had come to mind other than the very woman you were avoiding.

The bartender slid a glass of water next to the man to sober him up, but he simply shoved it away. The glass had clabbered onto the floor, soaking the mat beneath the bar. You'd tried to use the situation to subtly excuse yourself, but he wasn't having it. With the bartender wiping down the mess, there was no chance of shedding the drunken man before you got backstage. He was stumbling out after you.

"That's it? Not even gonna talk to me?" He practically whined. Pathetic.

"You should probably get home, Mr. Fuller" You huffed as you sped to the small room you called "backstage." It was simply a room blocked off from the bar section and the open floor. It was as makeshift as the rest of the place but you had made your own safe space.

You had tried to shut the man out quickly, but somehow he had wedged his arm in the door. “Hey—!“ You pushed as strong as you could, but the man pushed his way in. He looked around at the new space before helping himself to the couch in the corner.

You turned your nose up as he made himself comfortable, the smell of liquor stinging your nose.

"This space ain't exactly meant for you, Mr—"

"Sit with me." Mr. Fuller waved his hand with the all blind confidence of a drunk rich man with nothing better to do. The audacity made you want to sock him into next Sunday. He'd probably be right back here by then.

"Don't you see everyone packin' up? It's almost time to go, Mr. Fuller." You'd talked to him in the same gentle tone you'd use with a child. Only you'd actually mean it then. It usually worked. It would've if he stopped one or two drinks ago. "I gotta go home, you gotta go home"

"Well, I ain't gone yet, so."

"So?" You couldn't help but laugh. If no one had come back to get this man, he'd have to be sent home with a broken jaw. You walked over to the vanity, tucking away your small notebook into the pocket of your coat and slid it on.

"So, I said sit down."

"Mr. Fuller, go home." You dismissed, zipping up your coat and walking over to the door. You had just flicked off the light when your back was slammed into the wall. “I was bein’ real nice before.” His breath reeked of watered down whiskey—the bartender’s attempt to prevent his annoying inebriated states. “Now, I think I’m owed—“

“Owed?” You scoffed. “I think you’d better get home now.”

“You talkin’ back, girl?”

“I’m about to do somethin’ a whole lot worse if you don’t get your drunk ass out–”

Screams and the shatter of glass interrupted him, capturing all his attention. You used the opportunity to knee him harshly and make a short break for the door.

You were halfway through when you were dragged back kicking and pinned against the vanity. "You little bitch!" He said his fingers dug into the collar of your shirt. His inebriation hadn't allowed him to fight back as he wanted to, so he settled for wrapping his hand around your neck and squeezing as hard as his weak limbs allowed.

You gasped, reaching out to scratch at his skin. He only squeezed harder, ignoring the increasing chaos in the bar outside. If this got out, the chaos in his life would be probably worse. Your head started to pound from the lack of oxygen. What you were getting was smoky, making you want to cough it back up.

The man only stopped as the smoky air got to him. He turned around to see flames creeping around the corner and dropped you to close the door. He searched the room frantically for something to trap the heat out.

You rushed to take a breath as you toppled onto the vanity. Your head pounded stronger now, making it unbearably painful to listen to the hollers and wails of frightened, tipsy patrons. Soon you started to realize the inhale of smoke was a big mistake.

You barely had the energy to peel off your coat before it was snatched from you. The man was now focused on his silly little survival rather than bothering you. It was pitiful it took the threat of death to change his mind. You had half the mind to shove him out the way and prioritize your own safety, but you were too good for that.

Your arms shook as you pushed yourself up to stand, although wobbly. You grabbed a dress off the back of the vanity chair and stumbled to the door, dropping to your knees to pack the fabric in. The silver was now fully covered. That should’ve brought you some comfort if it wasn’t for the man frantically searching the room and the feeling of your lungs clogging with smoke.

You coughed so much your throat felt raw as you desperately sucked in more air. You couldn’t afford to take any more in and covering your mouth was fruitless. Crawling to the sparse closet rack in the corner in search of a cover was unprolific at your slow speed and the loss of your energy every minute. The dark spots in your vision got stronger the more you moved.

You could’ve swore you were almost there until you were tugged back by your legs and flipped on your back. The danger seemed to sober the man just barely enough for him to gain control of his strength. He hovered over you, breath still smelling of liquor, voice panicked and rough as he questioned you.

“Where’s the goddamn phone?” He yelled in a scratchy voice.

His question didn’t even register as you drove your knee into his stomach with all the life you still had. He recoiled holding his gut before he clutched your shoulders with a tightness just as excruciating as the burn in your throat. He shook you, questioning harder, but you couldn’t answer. Not when you were losing all your senses all at the same time.

Your view of him got narrower while the pulsing in your head got stronger. Your body involuntarily took in gasps of air in an attempt to fight, but your fight was draining with every minute. When he finally dropped you, it was like your body gave up, seeing no other option but to succumb to a condition more peaceful than this agony, ignoring your will to fight.

You couldn't die here. Not like this. But it seemed God, or whoever was up there, had other plans.

Death was more disorientating than you thought. Instead of everlong peace, you were shown bits of reality you didn’t exactly remember happening coming back in flashes.

In one the man from before next you, lifeless and suddenly cold as if he was dead hours ago. Flames had consumed the space around you, but you weren’t burning and nor was he. He soon was dragged somewhere you couldn’t see. Somewhere you assumed the flames had already captured.

By the time you had braced yourself to be up next, you were pulled up into familiar arms and seeing a face you knew oh so well. Only it was stained with the evidence of carnage. And yet her voice was so gentle, shaky. “I’ve got you.” Her red stained fingers brushed your forehead, then your cheek. “I’ve got you, sweetheart.”

You were sure you were dead, that this was your mind giving you the gift of seeing her one last time.

Then the next wave came.

Burnt walls were replaced with wallpapered ones, and the hard floor beneath you switched with a pillowy surface. The safety you felt was short lived when you felt a weight on top of you along with piercing pain in your neck, blood draining from the area. You almost thought this was punishment. The hell that your folks talked about so viscously.

You assumed the same liquid dripping down your throat was just an extension, until your heart slowed. All other senses were dulled the moment you noticed another heartbeat synced with yours. The coppery taste of what could only be blood flowing into your mouth became simply like water. It was jarring, the thinness of the cold liquid and your unexpected need for it.

It should’ve been terrifying. Should’ve made you jump and scream. For fear of the worst possibility. That you weren’t somewhere safe and the world was just being deceptively kind to wake you from your slumber in such a way.

But it didn’t when there could be only one person who would do such a thing. The bittersweet pain, the pressure on top of you, that woody scent, was all familiar. Comforting that in death you had your own dark guardian angel. That she was saving you from a life tragically cut short.

When the stream of energy stopped, your eyes snapped open, landing on her. Ellie’s electric eyes were cloudy with worry, guilt, and predominantly relief. Her longing for you had driven her drastic and selfish measures, but she didn’t regret it. She couldn’t. She could never allow herself the pain, or even the possibility, of losing you when she just got you.

She whispered your name, thumb swiping the scarlet off your lips. Part of her was pained at the sight of you, tainted. The other part was jumping for joy that she didn’t need to hide anymore. That same monstrous capacity inside of her was in you too. You were one in the same now.

“Wha–” Her breath was knocked out of her chest when you shot up to wrap your arms around her. Your embrace was stronger than she was used to. She held you with all the strength she was holding back before.

“Ellie,” You mumbled breathlessly into her shoulder. Then you repeated again, like a prayer. Minutes ago, you never thought you’d get to say that name again. Or ever hear your own. Now you were up and sprung like nothing had happened. The scare of death had been enough to make you push off the feeling forever.

“I’m here.” Her hands gripped the back of your smoky dress tightly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

And she meant it.

You had moved from your position until you noted the lingering taste on your tongue. “I..hurt you?” You pulled her hands back from your shoulders, inspecting the puncture marks on her still dripping wrist. Concern should’ve been your only emotion at the sight. Instead you were stuck with a hunger that seemed infinitely insatiable.

Ellie cupped your cheek. “Hm? No, no, baby. That was me. You needed it.”

“Needed it?” You mumbled, staring at her broken, messy pale skin.

“Here–lemme clean up.” She pulled herself from you despite it going against her every instinct at the moment. She disappeared into the bathroom for a rag.

You couldn’t help but follow. Expecting an ache, you pushed the cover off gingerly and swung your legs out of bed. To your surprise, the first step had been easy. You pushed for another, then one after the other until you were leaning in the doorframe.

You watched the liquid become diluted with water and swirl in the bottom of the sink. Similar to the stains on Ellie’s white shirt. The sleeves were rolled, more like crumbled up, in a rush, wrinkled fabric coming together at the top of her forearms. “Hey, what are you doing up?”

You were a dead woman walking. Your life as you knew it was over and the only thing you could think about was your appetite. The surge of life that liquid had given you was an already addicting feeling. It was an immoral want, you were sure of it, but that didn’t stop it from being at the forefront of your mind. You could hardly think of anything else.

Your mind was so preoccupied, you hadn’t noticed the wave of energy starting to drain from you until Ellie grabbed your hands. “Let’s get you back to bed, yeah?”

“Okay,” You agreed, dazed with the loss of the strength you’d just gained. What power you felt in your limps was replaced for all the weakness a dead woman should have. Then came the shakes and the nausea. Your senses became overwhelmed with all the gifts of vampirism at once.

First, the buzzing of gnats in the air and the cracking of flames in the next room. Then car horns and conversations miles away. Hell, you could even smell the toxic fumes from the old vehicles. And the blood stuck to the back of your throat like it would never go away.

“The feeling won’t last long, I promise.” She said calmly, tucking the sheets back over you. You had died and came back to life suddenly needing blood and here she was just trying to make sure you were warm. “Once you feed, it should dull.”

“I don’t want more.” The pit in your stomach said different.

“But you need more.” She said firmly. At this point, she didn’t care about your wants. She needed you alive and she was already willing to do whatever it took.

“And where are you gonna get it?”

With a kiss on your forehead and soft words, she closed the drapes and blew the candles out. “Just relax, I'll worry about that.”

The high ceilings and pure opulence of the opera hall had your head on a swivel. There was no telling how much money was in the room between figures of importance and whoever’s designer creations they were wearing. It was easy to get overwhelmed.

You wondered not just about their lavish lives but just how much blood you could take before it became dangerous for them. They had no idea what you were thinking, what was going through your head. But you did. They thought about inconsequential things: whether or not their maids remembered the kind of tea they requested, or where the singers were from.

It was uncanny how meaningless your own worries could be to someone on the outside.

“You sure you’re alright?” Ellie mumbled in your ear. She was in a three piece that had gotten a few dirty looks from ladies and men alike. Either that or they didn’t like the way her hand rested on your waist.

Your usual flapper dresses were nowhere to be found. Instead, you wore a burgundy off the shoulder dress form fitting at the waist and a cape around your shoulders for modesty. It was a wonder you were able to get yourself together with what felt like a shot of pure caffeine straight into your bloodstream.

“I’m fine.” You said with a sigh. “I’m not gonna pounce on anyone.”

Ellie let out a humored exhale. “Didn’t say you would.” She whispered in your ear as she led you through the crowds and up the stairs to your seats. You walked past several seats on your way to a private box looking out below to the stage.

The situation still felt like some type of fever dream by the time the lights died down and the music started. As the minutes passed you’d started to forget the reason you came, sucked into the intense performance. Then the hunger resurfaced and you started to wonder just how long this would last. Your eyes traveled from the costumed singers to the engrossed sea of patrons. Yesterday, people and now sources of food.

“How do you pick?” You whispered.

“Honestly? The stragglers are the easiest. Wait for them to wander off alone and you’ve got one.” The redhead’s eyes were narrowed, as if she was judging the skill of the performers and not which listener would be the best pick.

If you weren’t banking on her theory, you’d be perturbed at the methodical way she spoke of feeding off other human beings. But that was your nature now. Feeding off the weak for survival.

“Hey,” Her hand was cold yet gentle against your back. “No one’s getting hurt tonight. I’ll make sure of it.” Her words were sincere despite her lingering focus on your future targets.

You simply nodded, thoughtlessly pulling at your cape. As soon as the last note of the aria was sung, you’d be on the tail of some unsuspecting big shot too into themselves to notice you.

That still didn’t stop you from going through with it. In the concluding moments of the show, you had cherry picked your own mark, a young couple seemingly still finding their groove in high society. They’d be too eager to please, jumping at the opportunity to talk with a pair their own age. The plan had proved to be sufficient enough to hold up.

You were half way through a riveting conversation about the woes of wedding planning. The woman, Elise, was under the impression that you were married a few months ago, humoring your husband’s spinster of a sister for a night out she desperately needed. Deception in the form of flattery was one of your best talents and fortunately, a helpful tool in obtaining your meal ticket.

You had no idea how Ellie was holding a conversation with the disinterested husband until he came over with the coats to end the night. “I guess that means we should get going, then.” She said politely, allowing the man to slip her jacket onto her arms and over her shoulders. Clearly, he was displeased with being ambushed by the two of you: A very obvious lesbian and negro woman rich enough to enjoy a pleasure like this.

“Lemme walk you.” You offered suddenly. Too sudden. Desperate.

“I think they’ve had quite enough of us for the night.” Ellie looped her arm in yours, face soft with a friendly smile. Then, the next thing she said without her lips moving. “Let them walk. We’ll catch up.”

You were tempted to disobey her suggestion and ensure they didn’t get too far. Instead, you watched their figures get smaller with distance. They slipped out hand-in-hand. Their heartbeats were loud as your own withering one thumping dully in your ears.

Ellie led you to the exit like nothing was wrong. The cold night air drove a shiver through your body, a short distraction from hunting. Your eyes danced across the crowd standing just outside the hall before you were guided elsewhere. You were starting to believe you’d lost them when the familiar pair caught your eye, whispering and smiling in the narrow alleyway, too into each other to notice you and Ellie clinging to the shadows.

The sight’d be sweet if they weren’t targets.

“Oh, are you lost?” The woman called out in a shaky voice, flustered to be caught in such a state. Her husband turned, eyes cutting between you with barely hidden annoyance.

“Forgive me.” You whispered the words like they could make up for the crime you were about to commit.

“What?”

Your morals battled with your instinctual hunger in a moment of hesitation, but it was no use. When Ellie lunged and broke skin, you followed, eyes fluttering as you sunk your teeth in. It was like heaven when the blood flowed into your mouth, cooling the greedy fire in your abdomen. Everything around you became muffled, dulled, and the more you drank, the more the guilt went away, reminding you this was an act of necessity. You’d finish soon and she’d go on with her life never meeting you again.

But she fought, breaking the illusion. Squirming beneath you, she pleaded for help, then mercy. And you should’ve stopped there. Cleaned yourself up and compelled her to forget she had ever known you at all.

And yet, you drew more and more like you hadn’t the littlest idea when to stop. If there was a better time to stop, it had to be now, when you could no longer feel her quickened pulse. Even that, couldn’t stop you from sucking every drop of what was left.

“That’s enough!”

Your eyes shot open in surprise, widening as they landed on what remained of the woman. She had succumbed to the pain and the loss of too much blood. The periwinkle of her dress was stained with fresh ruby splotches, her neck equally as tainted. Her body was completely relaxed and free of the fight she’d had before.

Meanwhile, her husband lay beside her, simply subdued for the moment. As she should’ve been.

“M’sorry.” The voice that apologized didn’t seem like you. Too broken and rough to be yours. You weren’t sure you wanted anything to belong to you, nor your corrupted hands. You were given the gift of a second chance and you mucked it up with savagery. The worst part was you couldn’t help it.

“I didn’t mean to.” You spoke again, quickly closing your mouth to ensure nothing else came up. “I didn’t–” You gagged.

“It’s okay. You’re alright. Hey, look at me.” Ellie cupped your face, kneeling in front of you.

“I can’t–” No amount of principles could change the nature of what you were, what you were required now. How could she love you when you couldn’t even control yourself? She had walked around hiding her truth and carried her own hunger like it was just a simple chain she could take on and off. “I can’t.” Your vision blurred as wine colored tears covered them before brushing down your face.

There was no hesitation to Ellie’s embrace. She held you tightly against her, chin resting atop of your head, assuring words mumbled into your hair. There was nothing she could do to ease the pain, and it killed her. The moment you realize you’re something else entirely, that your existence was inherently predatory, wasn’t one you could stop, neither avoid.

“I’m gonna clean up, and then we’ll go home, okay?” She whispered. You nodded, too drained to serve up a response, and she was just relieved to get anything from you at all. After all, it was her fault. She had dragged you into her gloomy world. Burdened you with the same curse she was given years before all because she couldn't let you go.

Only a matter of time before you realized that for yourself, and left her. She just needed to delay it as long as possible.

The days following were days of mourning. Gone was the woman you used to be, replaced with a monster who couldn’t control her penchant for the very thing others needed to live. Selfish, animalistic even.

You longed to set foot in the sun again, to be forced to squint your eyes and be overwhelmed by light from the burning star. You’d even let your mom mouth off by your failures just to hear her voice again. But you couldn’t even do that. You were supposed to be dead.

There was no going near your brother and his growing family, not when you were like this. Everything had developed so quickly, you were drowning in a sea of change.

For that reason, your mind had become both your home and prison, and Ellie heard it all. It was a strong effort not to intervene in the dark paths your mind went down, but ultimately she failed.

She slipped into your now shared bedroom and closed the door behind her, leaning on it. She called your name. Nothing. Your back was to her. Did you not even want to look at her? Had she messed up that badly?

“You’ve been up for hours and haven’t come out of this room.” Ellie took tentative steps towards the bed until her knees hit the mattress. She slid into the covers next to you, hands gentle on your shoulders. She called your name again. “Talk to me.”

“I can’t,” Your voice came out with a waver you couldn’t control.

“Why not?”

“Because I just can’t.” You said with growing agitation. You weren’t experienced in sensing her in your mind, but you were sure she had been lurking there a while. She knew how disgusted you were with yourself, the guilt you doused yourself in.

“You’re doing it now, aren’t you?”

“Ellie, now’s not the time. You know that.” You shrugged her hand off your shoulder, rising up to the edge of the bed. The covers were ruffled and almost shredded under your sharp fingernails. You didn’t want the excess energy running throughout your body.

“I don’t think I do.” Her hands fell limp into her lap as she pushed her back into the headboard. It seemed she was better at provoking than consoling you.

“You know what I did. I-I couldn’t stop myself. Even you couldn’t stop me.” It was like the words tumbling out didn’t even sound like you. None of this felt real. “I just..took what I wanted, and left. That’s who I am now.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Don’t lie to me. Lyin' to make me feel better is still a lie.”

“I’m not. I know you. You don’t hurt people for the hell of it. You’re not even vindictive. It’s irritating, really.” Ellie came behind you. “You’re a good person. Just..with needs you can’t ignore.”

“You shouldn’t have saved me.” You said, sure of it. “You should’ve just let me die there.”

Ellie grabbed your shoulders like you were seconds away from jumping off a roof. “No, don’t say that. Don’t ever–” She cut herself out with a sigh. She knew it was selfish in dragging you into her world without a single choice. But what if she gave you one and you didn’t choose her?

“How could I not?” You pulled away from her, backing away. You had no idea how much it hurt to see you pulling away like you were afraid of her. “I’m a killer! The devil my ma talked about? That’s me now. I’m gon’ spend the rest of my life just taking from people, Ellie.”

“You won’t! I’ll teach you to control it, I swear.” Ellie took quick steps to have you in her hold again. “We’ll manage. Fuck that, we’ll have a life together. One where no one can tell us shit. Not who to love, o-or what to do. Just us.”

“Forever. While my family dies. Everyone I know will leave me behind.” You choked out, wrapping your arms around yourself, trying to hold yourself together. Trembling was the only thing that could keep you from sobbing. You might’ve gotten away with pushing it off a bit longer if Ellie hadn’t pulled you back into her arms.

“I’ve got you.” She whispered into your hair. “I won’t leave you, okay?” She said, her own voice shaking. “You can be angry with me, you can hate me, but I'm not leaving.”

So you broke, allowing everything you were afraid to finally flow to the front of your mind. How you died, with no one to protect you. Your second chance, how it started with a murder. It all made your chest heavy and pulse with a dull ache that stayed the entire time you cried.

Ellie just held you. Even when you were drained. Too much to weep about and not enough blood to shed.

Soon your guilt gave way to numbness, the ache in your chest swapped out for an emptiness that wouldn’t go away. Ellie had done her best to take care of you, pressing a warm towel to your scarlet stained cheeks.

Her touch was light, as if even the tiniest bit of pressure would shatter you into a million pieces. In the state it might’ve, and if it did, she’d be there to pick up the pieces. She’d always be there.

The pieces of you didn’t fit together the same, melding together in a new way. You were a new woman: A darker, conflicted woman trying to figure out how to navigate life in the night, as predator, and not prey.

Somber was the air in the graveyard. No sane person would dare come visit their dead in the middle of the night, but for you, there was nothing to be afraid of but the sight of your name carved in stone.

The physical reminder shouldn’t have knocked the wind out of you. It was one thing to have a gravestone, another to be able to stand across from it and stare at it.

“I thought you should have one.” Ellie whispered.

“I always thought I would be cremated.” You weren’t sure what had caused you to say that, having never been one to talk about death in a casual way. Losing people was a familiar struggle, and you’d still never gotten comfortable with the idea of life being so finite. And now, yours was eternal.

“You won’t have to worry about any flame now.” She brought her hand to your waist, tugging you closer to her, finding comfort in the contact. With all you’d been through, there was no way she was letting you out of her sight now.

“I reckon not.” The stone in front of you, freed you of your life here. You could go anywhere, be anyone and no one would notice. The thought was both thrilling and terrifying. “Hey.” Ellie hummed, still content wrapped up in you. “There’s somewhere we need to go before we leave.”

She raised a brow curiously.

“I..” You swallowed in an effort to push down the intense emotions that constantly hung over you. “I want my Ma to know. And my brother. They deserve that at least.”

“Are you sure?” Ellie’s brows pulled together at your words. She knew she had taken much from you in making you like her, but your family was something she never intended to take.

You nodded, turning around to face her. “I can’t let them see me like this. Not when I’m still learning how to control it all. This is who they’ll visit now.” You gestured to the stone surrounded by fresh flowers. Imagining your family coming here with sorrow in their faces and your favorite flowers was a beyond painful sight, but it was better than pretending to be the same woman again.

They wouldn’t find her in you, and you wouldn’t either.

So, you carefully drafted the letters, carefully wording the news that you were gone, peacefully resting in the city you loved. You tried not to hesitate as you slipped the letters in each of their mailboxes, before taking one last look of where you could find them.

You knew you’d come back here and watch them from afar on days you were still at odds with your existence.

Today, you had a new life to live, with the woman you loved. You weren’t sure how things would continue to work between you, but the love wasn’t something you had any intention of burying. It was the reason you were already halfway to Europe with a new name. The end of one life and the beginning of another.

Thank you for reading! I’m becoming so obsessed with iwtv, it’s crazy, but so this was just vv self indulgent

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