the story of muggles and mayhem (1st edition)
My new headcanon is that wizards play ‘Muggles and Mayhem’ instead of Dungeons and Dragons. A conversation with the amazing @torestoreamends ensued and this was born 💛 @lytefoot if you don’t have additions to this, I’m a woolly bladder.
Christmas, 2001, The Burrow.
Angelina’s Muggle cousin Sean comes along for dinner - he’s visiting from out of town. He’s a bit boring, to be honest, but George is making an effort. Sean gets very excited when George mentions dragons - and he starts talking about his current DnD campaign.
After some initial confusion about Sean’s status as a druid, George, despite being five firewhiskies to the wind, realises the potential here.
He beckons Hermione and Angelina over to hear his idea. Hermione and Angelina roll their eyes but start to give him some cracking ideas of Muggle scenarios. George scribbles them down on parchment, his mind whirring.
Unfortunately, George wakes up the next day having completely forgotten about it but has a sudden rush of memory watching Ron and Bill play chess
He drags his notes over to the chess board, and the three of them start to strategise and plan…
They get a focus group together: Arthur, Hermione, Kingsley (he needs down time from the Ministry), Sean and Percy.
To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Arthur Weasley is the most enthusiastic early adopter. He particularly enjoys the dice.
[He’s going to play a middle class ACCOUNTANT
His skills are TEA MAKING and COMMUTING
His pastime is STAMP COLLECTING
His weaknesses are GLUTEN INTOLERANCE and SEASONAL ALLERGIES
Roll a D12 to obtain Benadryl]
Kingsley sees it as a potential learning tool so they get Minerva McGonagall involved who is fiercely competitive, and Harry Potter himself is dragged out from the Auror Department despite having sworn never to play anything competitive with Hermione again.
(This is due to a bad Scrabble match in Grimmauld Place, on which neither will elaborate, but Harry still jumps when Hermione is carrying a dictionary near him or when he hears the word ‘plunder’ or ‘triple word score’ - Ron will only shudder and say ‘no way mate’ when asked about this event.)
By Easter there’s a prototype. They run it past Mr and Mrs Granger who have some lovely suggestions of further mundane muggle mishaps.
The first edition is launched just in time for the summer holidays, with a couple of teaser boxes having mysteriously appeared in the Hogwarts common rooms.
By September it’s all the rage. WWW even get some endorsement from Martin Miggs who becomes a playable character.
Arthur Weasley is the longest running Mayhem Master in Britain.
(Minerva McGonagall tries, she really tries, harder than she’s willing to admit, but Arthur’s Supermarket Run and the Paperwork Saga are legendary - the Filing Income Tax campaign is the hardest by far)
Arthur’s very favourite thing is still the dice
Dentist
Travel Agent
Pilot
Doctor
Traffic warden
Lawyer
TV presenter
Electrician
Drill salesman
Insurance broker
and hundreds of other Muggle careers!
You can choose a pastime…
Stamp collecting
Golf
Football
Gardening
Trainspotting
Bird watching
Stargazing
Photography
Gaming
and many more inexplicable Muggle interests!
You can purchase your starter kit from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade and Owl Post for only 10 Sickles and 2 Knuts. Muggle dice included.
2087
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