✦ luck ✦

23 | they/them | fallen angel | system journal

[luckylostangel]

✦ singing, "to love me is to suffer me" 𖦏

𖦏 and i believe that ✦

other parts blogs:

kennedy - @dodeaddogsbite

kenma - @k0dzu-ken

mal - @fembydevotion

sable - @psuedofemcel

i'm a 23 y/o queer person . medicated and in therapy and trying to focus on recovery , but it's difficult . diagnosed with ptsd , mdd , & gad but i've struggled with dissociation and disordered eating nearly my whole life .

i'll be using this blog as a system journal of sorts ! it's changing from its previous purpose , just so everybody knows !

soy latine (colombiano 🇨🇴)

warning that this blog may contain discussions of: sh , disordered eating (BN currently) , trauma & more

if any of this is triggering to you, please just block me. don't report, but do take care of yourself.

tag system:

luck speaks ★ is general yapping

luck pics ☆ is pictures

luck eats 𓂋 is pictures & discussion of food

luck memes ✮ is any memes i make

luck yearns ✶ is my desires

luck angelposting ᨳଓ is my angelkin thoughts

luck trigger ꩜ is any especially triggering content , which will mostly have a subject line & then a cut before the actual post

luck psych ✙ is anything related to meds / therapy

luck deerposting ⌖ is my deer thoughts

luck moots ❤︎⁠ is anything to do with my lovely mutuals

luck sings ✪ is me singing / playing music

luck writes ✎ is my writing / talking abt writing

luck stans ✯ is anything / anyone i'm a big fan of

luck reads ㅤꨄ︎ is what i read / book thoughts

[luckylostangel]

i lowk might have bpd but i've got a month to try & not end up homeless again so i've got bigger fish to fry </3

[luckylostangel]

how to resist the urge to ask ur friends if they hate u every five minutes

how to not feel rejected & abandoned when ur friends don't reply to u

how to develop a healthy attachment style no borax no glue

[blakesreefium]

for those out there who feel like their dissociation 'isn't enough' and feel like they're faking because of it, hey. maybe it's because you lived your entire life with this experience and got too used to it. but here's the thing, dissociation isn't just 'suddenly blacking out and having no memory of the entire past day' no matter how much its painted as that. not all dissociation is sharp and obvious.

forgetting passwords, forgetting names and people, forgetting your dreams, having too vivid dreams, insomnia, brain fog, face blindness, remembering your days like a blur, struggling to remember your schedule, school/work day gone too fast, forgetting to eat, forgetting to drink, derealization, depersonalization can all be caused by dissociation. i know its hard to accept but it is, just because you don't black out doesn't mean you don't dissociate; if you sit on your computer stopping for a second doubting your password or if you wake up feeling like that was a trainwreck of a dream then suddenly it stops being visible is caused by dissociation. if you're awake, looking around but having the feeling that something with the existence of the surroundings is wrong is also dissociation. if you suddenly remember that you forgot to eat that day, that you forgot to drink that day, the time is 3 am and even though you never blacked out and you were always there, is still dissociation.

if you grew too used to constantly living these little things, then you are probably ignoring your symptoms. so please stop the doubting. you're not fake, your dissociation is real, your amnesia is real and you are not lying. please remember this. you are a system, and it's okay to dissociate. it's not your fault.

[luckylostangel]

people need to stop having feelings for me. it'll ruin our friendship and then when i see you in public, i'll have to avoid you and feel like i'm not allowed in that space anymore.

[the-sprout-medley]

does.... does this happen to anyone else....?

-boo

[the-wilds-system]

Littles that swear are normal

Littles that are sensitive to swearing are normal

Littles that are happy go lucky are normal

Littles that hold trauma are normal

Littles that take care of the system are normal

Littles that can't function on their own are normal

Littles that aren't aware of / can't handle mature content are normal

Littles that are aware of / can handle mature content are normal

there's no one way littles should be, or one set of boundaries that apply to all littles in every system ever

[luckylostangel]

gotta love being utterly incapable of leaving my room when my roommate has guests over. i do not want strangers perceiving me.

[reddragoncollective]

A message to those who are going through syscovery, or have only recently gone through it:

Syscovery doesn't usually happen all at once. You'll figure out you're a system, but you typically won't have access to all of your alters or even know that they all are there, your communication with them will likely be poor or non-existent, you almost always won't fully remember (or even remember anything about) the trauma that gave you a cdd, and you likely won't have access to an inner world or headspace yet.

Syscovery can also happen in bursts or cycles. You can continually discover your system, fall into denial/forget about it, then it can be revealed to you again. We went through about 3 or 4 syscoveries BEFORE diagnosis.

As your acceptance becomes more consistent and you begin to feel more safe, your alters and some of your repressed memories will begin to reveal themselves. Communication will improve. Awareness of switches, fronts, co-consciousness, etc. will improve.

And, it won't be linear. Alters can shut down, go dormant, communication can be halted or get worse, amnesia can affect your knowledge of your system, denial can overtake you

Just keep in mind that healing isn't linear, and neither is self-acceptance. Denial and amnesia work together, and denial itself is one of the most commonly reported symptoms of all cdds. Be kind and patient with yourselves.

[fvmilivr-deactivated20240222]

cursebearing hips

[this-is-armchair-diagnosis]

hii !

i wanted to ask where exactly the line is for armchair diagnosis, like if a friend comes to me with something they're struggling with and it's something i deal with due to my own mental illnesses, is it wrong to mention that it could be that? i put in effort to not label anybody or push anyone, but when i see people i care about struggling, i wanna help them fix it...i always try and give coping skill resources and encourage them to talk to a professional, but yeah

sorry i hope this ask makes sense and thank you in advance !!

Hey nonnie, this is a great question.

Just as a sort of "foundation" to avoid armchair diagnosis: I don't recommend suggesting to someone that their symptoms could be a disorder. That on its own is almost always armchair diagnosis. You're on the right path with suggesting coping skills and encouraging others to talk with a professional, though. That's great advice to give!

Alternate approaches you could take (some of these can even passively encourage people to look into disorders) instead of armchair diagnosis:

"I understand what you're feeling. I experience something similar with my [disorder], and this is what helps me: [etc.]"

If you are seeing a professional at the moment, or have at some point, (honestly, even if you're just good at self-soothing) offer up helpful tools you've learned and how it has helped your similar symptoms

Encourage them to do some research on disorders. I still wouldn't recommend outright saying "hey, research [x] disorder," but it may be helpful to point them in the direction of symptoms you notice from them; if they're showing symptoms of anxiety, point them towards anxiety disorders. If they're dealing with a lot of dissociation, maybe suggest for them to look into dissociative disorders. Etc.

There are ways to suggest to someone that their experiences could be the result of a disorder without outright armchair diagnosing—but suggesting their problems could be linked to a disorder directly isn't as helpful to some as you may think it is. I'll do a post some time later on the risks of armchair diagnosis, and why we push to avoid it for further educational purposes.

Especially in the disordered community, it's common to speculate on the mental health of our peers. The neurodivergent community often notices similarities between our disordered experiences and behaviors from our friends and family. It's easy to think "oh, I recognize those symptoms," but it's also easy to misinterpret what you see in others.

[luckylostangel]

going through yet another phase where i question if What's Wrong With Me is deeper than i thought and that maybe i was wrong abt having a CDD and am instead researching personality disorders ! i'm glad i get to talk to my therapist tomorrow ...

[luckylostangel]

ok i talked it through with my therapist & she explained some stuff abt personality disorders & also told me to take this week & think abt what DID means to me in terms of my experiences & how my identity states r organized & that she's been describing my experiences as a dissociative identity experience so yeah ... she also said that her practice will be offering diagnostic interviews in a couple months so she's gonna lmk abt that too !

[luckylostangel]

trying to figure out the line between kinning and having an introject. like is there really a teenage lesbian inside me or do i just like deltarune a lot

[tomhoppusdelonge]

sorry for the mixed signals I don’t know what I want or what I’m doing mostly

[meanbuddhist]

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

[luckylostangel]

going through yet another phase where i question if What's Wrong With Me is deeper than i thought and that maybe i was wrong abt having a CDD and am instead researching personality disorders ! i'm glad i get to talk to my therapist tomorrow ...

[luckylostangel]

i want to ask my therapist directly abt what she thinks i have diagnosis-wise & stuff but i'm scared to.. the diagnoses i was given in high school were just put in my chart without any discussion of them & i also kinda wanna go through a formal psych eval (i did one when i was 18, but they never sent me the results & when i had them faxed to me, they just said "unspecified anxiety disorder" and "mood disorder (unspecified)" 😓) but i don't even have insurance rn aughhb... ik i should just be patient especially since i'm still fairly young so like there's stuff that def isn't set in stone in terms of my brain & stuff but aghhh