` l u h a n

Lu Han ; 23 ; Supernatural

[luhan-dbd-blog]

Journal Entry #3

The human body is a funny thing. Other than an occasional cough, I think the infection has left my body but the chills remain. It's not a matter of how many blankets I can pile on myself or how fast I can rub my hands together since I know the cold will remain there, warm enough to tolerate but cool enough to be bothersome. There's a teasing nature in it, as if my own body is laughing at me, linking physical health with mental--or perhaps it's suffering too. I can almost hear my bones creak in their frozen state as I move around trying to stay active, letting the warmth of exercise be of some aid to the neverending fight of winter. Perhaps that's where my fault is.

I remember how much people used to wish for a significant other to hold during these times as if they could find a tepid summer in another's touch--I used to laugh at them. Now I wonder about it. It's been so long since I've had such an intimate embrace with someone, skin to skin, lips to lips. I'm not a hormonal youth hoping to get lucky with every handsome stranger I meet anymore, but a part of me still wonders: is romance gone in this world? It's such a trivial question, but it haunts me constantly. I fear the apocalypse will slowly strip the survivors of their luxuries, one by one, until it kills us off when we're living like savages, robbed of our humanity. Perhaps it'll be next winter, or the one after that. The season is the only thing I can be sure about since death is always cold. Even in the warmest of bodies, after that last heartbeat, the warmth floats off into the atmosphere to make room for the frigid lifelessness that'll soon cling to the body, infecting its limbs with icy revenge.

I'm getting lost in my thoughts again, overthinking things. Maybe it's just a cold winter like any other, and the chills in my body will fade once the first spring flower blooms--if I even get to see that. Maybe I will.

Lu Han lets the journal fall closed, the pages neatly hugging the pen that's captured inside. There's a look of deep thought on his features, but the sudden somber mood and exhaustion makes his mind capable of only shallow thoughts, floating on the surface of something much bigger. With a sigh he complies to his body's demand and slides the journal under his mattress before he covers himself in blankets. It doesn't take him long to near slumber, but in the half-awake state he finds himself in mere minutes later, he senses a presence--not an alarming one; one that soothes instead of frightens, that offers tepid relief instead of an icy touch. He reaches out to it, and in his dream he catches a hand smaller than his, in that world his gaze falls on a tinier figure with round eyes that are tugged sharply at the end. In that world, he doesn't sleep alone or cold, but in the comfort of a past he'll never live again.

[luhan-dbd-blog]

Journal Entry #2

Right now I’m staying at that apartment I once managed to claim. It’s still a quiet venue, not even the animals seem to have taken anything in the vicinity. In a way it represents my life: a little lonely, a little dull, but manageable. With a little sprucing, I’m sure it could be a happier place—a more joyous existence. But things like those take time, energy, willpower I seem to be lacking these couple of days. How long will I survive? Death seems to be a constant topic on my mind, it’s as if I’m inviting it with this helpless obsession. I don’t want it, I don’t want it. What good does my begging do? I tell it to go away, but the thought comes back with such force that I have no other option but to cower in fear. And in fear is no way to live.

He closes the leather bound journal after he reads over his words. It’s not satisfaction he feels but relief. Each page brought on a new secret, a weight off his shoulders, and in his predictions he realized he was on a path of absolution. Peace was on the horizon.

A yawn and a stretching of his limbs later, Lu Han burrows himself under the blankets his surroundings provided, and although somewhat warm, his body still curls up under it. One of his arms slides out, his sleeve curled up to the elbow. He revels in the way the frigid temperature wraps around his arm, gripping it with such ferocious precision; he can almost feel the goosebumps on his arm form. It makes him feel alive, a reminder that death still hasn’t won. One day it would—merciless as it had been with his family—but not today, not tonight.

He still had work to do.

[minquga-deactivated20200124]

[luhan-dbd-blog]

-- journal.

Entry #1. 01/09

It feels odd to write again, although I wasn’t ever much of a writer to begin with. Lately though, I’ve been feeling to need to record something down, perhaps my life and story. For future generations? I doubt it. Mostly for myself.

I have a fever, and as high and mighty as Yifan claims to be, I can’t find some damn medicine to ease the pain, so now my remedy is in the hands of herbal tea, freezing temperatures, and a sea of blankets. It’s a sea really, there’s so many that I find myself lost and reaching my hand out. In the delusions of my sickness I’m usually reaching out for someone, something to pull me out of the hell of my own body. They—it—always escapes my grasp. It’s mostly the heat I’m not used to. Not in the winter at least. It’s a blessing in disguise, and even the headaches are nothing compared to those born of stress, so in a way I’m winning. In a way.

I don’t have much else to write, the days go by in a rush, each the same as the last. The scar seems to be healing pretty well—hopefully it won’t leave too bad of a mark. Right now I’m watching the sun reclaim its place in the sky after restless sleep, but that in itself is normalcy. Perhaps I shall be more inspired when I’m back to my normal state of frigid numbness, but for now I bid the pencil goodbye. I think I hear someone coming and the last thing I want is questions accompanied by worry. I’ll hide this and pretend to sleep, that seems like the best plan. I nee

The last word is unfinished and wears a tail of ink that connects it to the side of the page. There’s a sudden knock at the door, a fumble of limbs, a drowning amongst the blankets. His eyes clamp shut in the most natural of ways while his expression slackens and he finds himself exemplifying pain. A slim figure stands above him and places a cold hand on his tepid forehead with a sigh. The sound itself carries pity through the air, threading it into the surroundings until its all he can feel—even when the door is closed again and the solitude inundates the room. He feels it with every toss and turn, the imaginary thread cutting into his skin with every movement, carving words into the smooth expanse in each occurrence. Pitiful. Weak. Bothersome. Unnecessary. Lu Han accepts each reprimand with a tired groan of compliance, quiet like whimpers. Normalcy indeed.

[mochiwon]

Wolf Boy

[luhan-dbd-blog]

L ☓ ? ● ESC━ ❞

It isn't until the second howl that he's sure it's a pack and they're hungry. Recognizing animal calls, estimating their numbers, and hiding from them were some of the few skills living in the wild had taught him--forced him to learn with the fear of death as a consequence, and although Lu Han had thought his days in the forest were over, fate would have it that he'd been snowed in by what seemed like an endless snowstorm. The howls continue, each occurrence of the eerily distant sound only instilling fear within him. His hand digs into the pocket to allow his fingers to slide around the gun he carried, an old revolver he'd convinced Yifan of teaching him to use for the sake of survival.

The brunet feels foolish now after taking the trip to see the makeshift graves he'd made for the three members of his family, but an overwhelming homesickness had been brought on by the sudden holidays and visiting the pile of rocks seemed to be the only cure. He'd built three in all, piles that had surprisingly stayed generally intact other than a couple missing stones, but even the sight of that in his memory wasn't enough to cure him of the sudden trepidation that seeped into every movement. His limbs had already been moving slow as is from the cold that constantly threatened to suck all the warmth from his body through the useless layers of clothing he piled on. The man's breathing becomes labored after trying to jog, and even his steps become so apathetic that he falls to the ground, clambering to put his back to the nearest tree. The howling continues. Four, he thinks and ignores the hunger in their howls. It was obvious, but his mind had been busy trying to discern why the howls sounded so different. They didn't sound natural the way he was used to but structured exaggeratedly, as if man had somehow gotten their hands on them and--

"Aw fuck," he mutters loudly, a whine punctuating his sentence. Mutants.

He pulls out the gun, the metal of it seemingly colder than his surroundings. Lu Han looks up at the sky and tries to judge how much time was left until sun down, the color of the sky signaling a couple hours. Fighting them off and escaping was no trouble during the summer where he could easily duplicate his image to distract them, but with snow making him sink with each step, not to mention the way it robbed him of the necessary speed to make a getaway, it was impossible to face them alone. His hand reaches into his shirt and he pulls out the rosary around his neck. He presses his lips to the cross before they move in a silent prayer while his dark eyes shift around to scan the surroundings, looking for any type of movement that might signal the wolves' approaching. The rustle in the near bushes draws his attention, the revolver in his hand raised to point in that direction just a second after. It was too soon for a wolf to have reached him soon, but as his thumb pulls back the hammer and his other hand moves to steady his aim, Lu Han prepares for anything life might try to throw at him.

[airplanes]

Visit Original Link

Florence + The Machine | Shake It Out It’s always darkest before the dawn 

[yeahppuda]

luhan,asking you to join him.

[herscience]

1. Do not hate them for it. They are on a journey too. 2. Understand that sometimes you will be a bandage caressing a temporary wound or you will be a pinnacle of permanency rooted deeply in their heart. Accept that you do this to people too. 3. Do not step on your feet trying to find a rhythm you are not meant to follow. 4. Do not let it harden you: continue to nurture, continue to love. 5. People use words as anchors to latch onto bits of you and when they leave remind yourself that the sea never bled itself dry because a ship left it. 6. Write the nastiest letter and burn it. 7. Yes, they may have illuminated pieces of you that you were unaware existed. But now you do and they are not the last person to remind you. 8. Dizzy yourself with everything you love, like dancing in the greenhouse to horrid pop songs or reading Haruki Murakami. 9. Set all that anger ablaze, you are wasting your time sifting through it. 10. Internalize the fact that you were still breathing before you met them. 11. Forgive them.

what to do when people leave. (via a-gents-philosophy)

[cakefuls]

[cakefuls]

20/100 favorite pictures of 小鹿 that make me want to cry.

[jongdeer]

[xiumindbd]

Clashing waves and lost memories X Minseok + Luhan

[xiumindbd]

He listened to his ge’s voice, the way his lips moved, the way his tongue would poke out to wet his lips and he half wondered if they were still rosy and pretty looking like they used to be. The beginning of his tale was of good spirits, sort of, he even laughed at the idea of Lu Han being a teacher but knew that he could do just fine with that, though he wondered how many kids would hate him because he’s probably so handsome and fit and most kids nowadays were not quite in the best shape ever. He could almost picture him with blue shorts and a white T-shirt and this headband, being all cheerful self and actually joining the practice his students would have instead of just giving orders and sitting aside like most teachers would. It’s a shame he’d given up on the hopes of becoming a player, so Minseok thought, he knew how amazing Lu Han really was, but at least he found a job of similar sort that could make him happy. All that people could do in their lives, at least in the past, is find a nice job to keep them happy, build a nice family and grow old with a constant smile on their faces.

It’s when the story began taking its’ ugly turn did his smile fail him and his brows furrowed as he kept listening. His heart kept racing over the description of fading screams, something familiar to him as well and by the time he reached to the part of his home burning in flames did tears begin forming in his eyes again, this time they streamed down his cheeks without the ability to stop, his breath hitching and arms tightening around his now… only friend.. only family.

"I..I’m sorry. I.. I wish you could have gotten the job. I wish you could have become the best gym teacher in the world with all the girls in your class being head over heels over their attractive gym class teacher. I wish your parents and sister were still alive.. they were my family too, just like you. I wish this never have happened. Oh God how I wish I could just see again!" He buried his face against the safety of the other’s neck again, nodding subtly with a shaky breath passing past his lips. He still wasn’t quite sure where they are heading but the idea of finally not being alone and having someone around to busy his mind and perhaps help him get used to the world he can’t even see, was a bit comforting. Not by much but by enough to help him calm down quite quickly.

"How did you find that place? Do you live alone? And trust me, at this point a glass of water would be a feast for me. It’s been long since I craved for a fancy meal, just a glass of water and maybe a slice of bread or something you could chew on, would be more than enough for me" He stroked the other’s chest with his palms, trying to feel a heartbeat underneath his fingers to make sure this man carrying him is indeed alive and not some sort of phantom or a machine or anything of that sort, another sigh, this time of relief, passed past his lips when he could feel it. The heart beating steadily under his fingertips, the proof his beloved ge was indeed alive.

[luhan-dbd-blog]

"I don't quite technically live alone," he begins, insecurity putting a minuscule waver in his words, "Not usually at least." With this question his eyes are flooded with images of his actual home, of SeHun and Yifan, of the tall tower that housed them all. He could almost hear the clinking of glasses as someone prepared the drink, of course punctuated by a deep tone that preceded a retort with a lisp-embedded voice. It was dysfunctional at best, but it was his home now, and even with the coldness of recent events there was nothing that felt more warm in the current state of the world--except for now. The tepid air that radiates off Minseok is maddening, infectious, it makes him drunk just feeling it; the way his own skin warms in response, the quiet language of bodies that lacked affection. In itself it was clear, but to Lu Han it was confusion. What was it trying to communicate? Did he somehow gain the need for affection, that rare gem that he hadn't felt in two years?

He squints as a building grows nearer, and with a silent chuckle of relief he walks towards it, hands still gripped firmly around his friend's legs. "I found it because I like traveling around the city, or what's left of it at least. There's a quiet air that I like. It's surprisingly relaxing," he replies. His lips adopt the mirth that emerges again as his head tilts to the side to rest atop Minseok's. "Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault and no amount of sadness will bring anything back. What we should be doing is making the best of what we have, plus we have free merchandise from every store that might still stand. Imagine that, wasn't that everyone's dream at some point?" Lu Han stops his words before his statement becomes useless blather and instead he uses his breath to maneuver through the torn front door and into the small, cozy motel. At least that's what it used to be before it was swallowed up by debris and destruction. The once charming lobby was now buried under dust, the leather couch strewn across the front desk. Every time he'd walked in there he'd wondered what type of destruction could've caused even the interior of architecture to quake in fear as if terrorizing humanity wasn't enough, but he was glad he could never decipher anything; the result could prove too powerful, traumatizing even. Just like every time he shifts the focus of his thoughts to something else, but unlike those instances, that something else was clearly easy to find.

His steps continue to lead the way through a perfectly destructive path through the rubble and debris, each movement of his feet careful and planned, leaving no room for mistake or disaster. Prevention was key, or so that's what experience had taught him. A couple of times he'd fallen and roughed up his skin, and although it had been a good lesson to learn as the callous grew on his knees, with Minseok on top of him he didn't want to take the risk. "We're here, Seok, home sweet home. At least until tomorrow," he mumbles quietly but it's enough for the shorter man to hear. Instead of letting his hand off Minseok's leg, Han instead gives the door a gentle kick, the strength necessary to send the piece of wood creaking open an revealing the humble abode he'd created for his strolls away from his main home: it resembled a studio apartment, a tiny one at that, with it's bed in the corner, a useless stove in the other with a miniature gas stove next to it; there was a chair presumably for reading in the third corner while the third remained empty, but the way he'd organized everything gave it a surprisingly open aura instead of a cluttered cubicle. "Should I let you down?"

[luludeery]

[xiumindbd]

Clashing waves and lost memories X Minseok + Luhan

[xiumindbd]

He wasn’t one to be worried about the future, after all the future for him was always guaranteed and even after the end of the world and losing the two people that had made life so safe and secure for him, even after losing all hope to meet up with the man he could honestly call family and not even knowing if him or his parents, the one he so adoringly called aunt and uncle, are alive and well. If they even survived and if so, are the starving? Are they scared, helpless, cold? The thought about not knowing and not being able to know was killing him on the inside and yet, he still wasn’t scared of the future to come. It was as if he didn’t even worry about whether or not he will live or die. He will fight, he will never give up easily, but in his idea, what’s meant to happen, will happen. Just like now, he managed to reunite with his beloved ge even though all odds were against it. But perhaps somewhere in this dark world of his, there is a God that’s listening to his prayers.

He wanted to protest at the older’s offer. He knew LuHan was always a bit taller and much stronger than his and he was sure nothing changed about that but he was bigger now and carrying him on his back won’t be as easy as it used to be but even so, he couldn’t even protest before he found his chest pressing against the other’s back and his arms forced to wrap around his shoulders while his knees were held but a pair of firm arms. With a huff he found himself sinking against the warmth, his face finding comfort against the other’s neck as he muttered hs words “Always so macho? Ge is mean, I don’t want you tired and yet you’re going to carry me around.. what if we stumble upon danger? I don’t want to be a burden, you already know me.” He closed his eyes, a needless act as he couldn’t see either way but it was nice just to rest himself against the familiar warmth. If he is delusional from the heat or perhaps sick and running a fever or maybe this is just all a big nice dream, he wished he’d never have to wake up from it.

"Me? I don’t really live anywhere. I guess the streets. I sometimes enter houses and shops but most of them have broken glass scattered all around and I get bruised easily while trying to find myself a place to rest or a way to eat, it’s frustrating really.. it’s been so long, seems like forever, and yet I still can’t get used to not being able to see. At least I can smell better, that helped me find food, not easily but still, I’m not starving" He smiled, nuzzling a bit to the other’s neck "Mom and dad are dead. We were actually supposed to go back to China, but I guess it’s good we didn’t or I wouldn’t have met you. I don’t know how I survived. We were at the airport when a plane crushed and all I know is that suddenly I’m waking up and the world is black and no one is responding. I had someone lying over me, I think it was mom and she was trying to protect me.. but I am not sure" His smile turned bitter, words barely coming from his throat after he let out that whole word vomit loose, just sharing whatever he could because him and LuHan had never had secrets between them. "H-how about you, ge? How did.. you survive?"

[luhan-dbd-blog]

The words seeped into his ears with a coat of secrecy, a silent vow to confidentiality. Han treated it as if it was a forbidden story only meant for his ears, and with a solemn smile he listened. Listened to the way Minseok's cadence changed, the way his voice almost faltered, cracked under the heavy sadness that the words carried. "I-I'm sorry," was all his own stuttering lips managed to offer as his steps took a lower stepped, weighed down by the topic of conversation. Perhaps it hadn't been best to catch up, ever story he'd managed to hear up to that moment had always encumbered positivity or any form of mirth when the timeline would reach the apocalypse--or the mere taste they'd all received. Yet the air around them and the way the clouds floated in front of the sun and washed the colors around them with a less deafening tone, tinting each color with a serene hue and softening the harsh shadows the sun had created made the tall blonde realize there wasn't much time to ponder upon the past. It was an ocean filled with what-ifs and possibilities that could never be true, simple regrets and mistakes damned with the knowledge of the present, but he wouldn't allow it. There was no way to erase the past and replace it with one more favorable, but the gift they'd received of having life was one he wouldn't take for granted. So many deaths and so little survivors didn't allow much festivity or cheerfulness but he was sure he would grasp each chance that he got.

With the new philosophy he was quietly creating with each step he took towards the promised shelter--a half destroyed hotel he'd found with a comfortable room surprisingly free of much debris and ruin, necessitating only the slightest of cleaning--he ran his tongue over his drying lips, formulating his words carefully. "I was at a job interview," he began with a less than hopeful tone, but definitely brighter than the one he would normally use to recount his tale, "I was finally going to work as a gym teacher--remember I would tell you I'd be the world's best soccer player? I still thought I was the best, but I'd long shelved my dreams of fame for a much simpler and comfortable life in Seoul as a gym teacher at the local middle school near my apartment. But just as I was shaking the principal's hand--of course everything went well--I heard a loud crash, and then even more sounds followed. They were horrible, deafening, each one followed by more screams--and that was the good part. It wasn't until the screams started becoming less frequent that I realized I missed them--I mean, that meant people were alive, right?! But when they stopped they were dying, not that I noticed. All I could see in my eyes was the image of my parents--my sister, Minseok! She was only fifteen. I could see them still at home, laughing over a TV show. I was so sure they'd be safe, but I still ran as fast as I could. I was out of breath when I finally reached them, I--"

His lips quivered as his eyes became moist with tears, his vision becoming a blurry mess. He could feel the way his heart beat with an elevated rhythm, the acrid taste of imagined smoke in the air. It felt like he was back there, with the symphony of people's screams, the wailing of sirens, the distant crashing of buildings. They had all formed together to sing the most cruel song that ever rang through his ears. Helplessness was what broke him down and made him aware of the cuts on his legs, the way his shirt had ripped with the pieces of debris that were sent flying through the air. Even then it had all been a dull mockery of his senses, all he could truly feel was the wood under his fists and the way it burned him, teased him with the knowledge of the strong fire forcing his past into the flames. But he couldn't mention that, no. It was a new life, a new day, and he'd convinced himself that he'd gotten over what happened--that it hadn't been his fault. "The house had burned down with them inside after a nearby gas leak and explosion," he finished after his voice had regained its composure and he felt the heat against his face. Not of the fire but of the uncovered sun, the crude reality dragging him back to the present and what his thoughts should have been preoccupied on.

"We should be there soon, I have some water and food stored there if you're hungry--it's not feast like we used to have, but it'll do for now."

[xiumindbd]

Clashing waves and lost memories X Minseok + Luhan

[xiumindbd]

A frown came over his features when the other was almost about to ask him about his sight, he would explain, he didn’t mind telling the story to someone he trusted, he wouldn’t mind telling him he was so vulnerable and lost and out to be the perfect prey to whoever’s out there and still in hold of a perfect sight and a gun or a sword, after all he couldn’t fight and even if a sword could be heard as it cuts the air, a gun is much harder to detect. Hell, he could even be killed with a pin shoved into his chest or a rock thrown directly at his head, he was an easy target but not because he was blind, people were blind in the past and managed to live in the world although in the past the world hadn’t held such dangers as it does today they still managed to live through. No; it wasn’t because he was blind that he was easy to kill, capture, torture, rape or steal from, it’s because he was new to it and had no idea how to handle such a complicated situation in a brand new world he could with lots of doubt manage through with his vision, let alone without it.

He also wouldn’t mind telling him that the only thing keeping him alive through all that was the fact he discovered he has some freakish abilities one time when he truly was hunted down by some strange men he had no idea why they were chasing him in the first place but as they did, a sudden sensation came across him and from what he learnt as the events kept rolling, he was no longer visible to the sight. Of course he could never be sure, especially since he couldn’t look into a mirror and see whether it’s true or not but as for now he was still alive so whatever happens to him as that strange sensation washes over him, he wasn’t regretful about it one bit.

When he felt something cold and wet against his palm and heard the cracking voice of his lovely gege speaking in such a weak and fragile tone, his heart shattered and as he wanted to pull Luhan closer to him, suddenly a whole lot of kisses began pressing to his face, moist lips pressing to his cheeks, nose, chin and forehead and making his scrunch his face up and whine softly at the treatment “Ge! I’m not a bab—” He paused once the lips paused on his forehead to one last kiss, the smile he felt against his skin made him build up his own as he hugged Luhan’s middle even tighter. “Ge, I really missed you. I am so happy you’re here again, that I can talk to you and touch you and feel you… I am just happy that life gave me this one more chance. You’re the blessing ge, I was so alone that you are truly a blessing.”

He had a lot to tell Luhan, he knew that, as well as Luhan had a lot to tell him like for once what he was doing in Korea and whether his family is still alive and did he find new friends or perhaps a lover and how was his life so far— a lot of things went through Minseok’s mind as those pair of lips pressed to his forehead, cheeks that shared dried tears and voice that threatened the other’s crumbling form lingered in his mind but along with that, the fact Luhan was still alive was all that made his heart beat at the moment. “Luhan” He suddenly spoke, not wanting to break the contact from the other “Do you have a place we can go talk? I want…I want to catch up with you, I really want to know everything about you, my best friend. Ahh I can’t believe it that in a world so ruined God managed to listen to my prayer, I must be really lucky”

[luhan-dbd-blog]

Catch up. The act of recounting what events had tainted his life with disaster and grief melted down into two words—how simple it seemed. As if two years were actually two days, less than a week since they had last seen each other. “I know a place,” he says quietly with a tiny smile giving shape to rosy lips, eyes fighting the urge to close into mirth filled crescents, “But I want to get there quick so you’ll have to, uh, I’ll carry you.” In itself the suggestion seemed ridiculous and childish to him, and he couldn’t even wait to experience Minseok’s reaction—and he didn’t, instead his own hands and body manipulating the shorter’s into the required position, and in less than a minute he was forcing the smaller male onto his back, a huge grin covering his own features.

"You’re a lot bigger than I remember, yet still small," he mumbles as his feet begin to move, awkward at first before a regularity takes over, his steps quickly moving him across the park nature seemed to have reconquered. Other than a few overgrown weeds attempting to catch his feet and trip him, Han was able to carry Minseok out of the limits of the park, and with doubt in his features he looks at the long stretch of the road. "Tell me where you’ve been living," the young man suggests as he begins to walk again in quiet defeat, the image of the hotel and his two living mates plaguing his thoughts. Of course he’d have to see them again eventually, he’d taken a couple days away he would’ve never actually run from what he’d now labeled as home—but perhaps a vacation had been needed, yet this isn’t what he wanted to meet Minseok again with him. Impressing his old friend wasn’t the reason for returning home so early on his break, he wanted a fluid convenience to surround the unexpected reunion. All he wanted was to talk to Minseok without having to worry about anything else, where to sleep, what to eat, he only wanted to worry about how to word his story up to this point. His reasoning gifted his step with a bit more grace, a serene nature killing of whatever nervous sentiments were fogging his thoughts. "How did you survive?"

[xiumindbd]

Clashing waves and lost memories X Minseok + Luhan

[xiumindbd]

It all happened quickly, a bit too fast for Minseok to even realize what was going on when suddenly he was embraced by two loving hands that shared the all too familiar warmth, the voice of the man who never truly grew up, who remained innocent and joyful, or so Minseok thought, or so…he hoped. There was something else behind the excitement and over joy of reuniting with him in the other’s voice, something darker, scarier, that for a moment made Minseok doubt the man was indeed his dear childhood friend. Of course he still remembers, of course he could never forget Luhan, his favorite person in the world besides his parents. Luhan was his best friend, Luhan was more than that, he was like his brother, like his own blood. They were bound to each other, so Minseok liked to think, and during the past few years he couldn’t do anything but pray that the connection would not be broken, that they are so molded into each other, that they’re hearts are so familiar with each other they could find one another even in this wreck, that they could meet and never separate again. Maybe if he just hopes, maybe if he just prays a little more Luhan and him will reunite and surely enough…it seems like they finally did.

It was only when the other sentence left the older’s lips did Minseok’s face drop, finally realizing the other’s dissatisfaction with him. His arms reached around the other’s form, embracing him tightly as his head rested against the wonderfully comfortable shoulders that carried too much, that must have seen too much, that once used to be his favorite place to hide his face when he wanted to cry or when he just wanted his gege to hold him tight. It was only then, when he inhaled the scent that belonged to him, one that changed so much from the fruity shampoo the once child had, one that smelt of bitterness, hardship, struggle and sadness… perhaps even the tiny bit of death mixed in it all, only then did he break into tears, squeezing Luhan tighter in his arms while mumbling repeatedly “I can’t. I can’t ge! I can’t see you…I can’t look at you. Please….Please let it be real, Please let it really be you.” The words were so weak, so muffled into the other’s shirt that Minseok wasn’t sure if they were heard at all but at that moment it was all he could carry.

It was suffocating, it was painful. What if it’s Luhan, really Luhan. What if it’s his most precious gege and he can’t even see him? Minseok learnt to deal with his state, he didn’t pity himself, he learnt how to live through the hardship of surviving in a dark world that suddenly turned black, he learnt how to accept it and even embrace the fact he cannot see the death and destruction around but one thing he wasn’t prepared for was to meet his gege and not even being able to look at him. That was something he could never imagine, that was something he could never cope with.

Hands clenched tightly into the fabric, so tight his knuckles grew white, so tight the shirt threatened to rip off. The soft whisper by his ear sent shivers down his spine and as he pulled away from the other’s shoulder and tried to reach and cup his face, a soft whisper escaped his own lips “Of course I remember”. Blind eyes tried to search for the light in the blackened world, tried to search for a vision, just a small peek, anything for a small peek at him…but it never came. “Lu ge, I missed you…so so much.”

[luhan-dbd-blog]

"Why can’t you—" he cuts off his words there, realizing that there wasn’t a reason why he should be even alive—much less with perfect vision. It made sense that cruel, frigid probabilities had robbed him of his sight, but at least he was alive, warm and now tightly held in his arms. "You have a lot to tell me," he manages to mumble, the side of his head quietly finding the side of Minseok’s. The sensation of it all being a surreal dream seemed to slowly fade away with each heartbeat that was felt against his chest, each movement of the other’s ribs rising for each breath taken, with each sign of being alive, it became more real to Han. Happiness followed the emptying of doubt, and with the joy it brought so came tears.

They traced the curve of his cheeks, now hollowed out by both malnutrition and the haunting sadness that stalked him. But it felt senseless--a tragic waste of the moment to be sad then and there, so the man musters up a smile, pulling his figure back to wipe the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand, his sparkling brown eyes instead running over Minseok's features. Although he avoids the shorter's eyes. Even if it was a dream, or a hallucination born of the heat, it'd already began to change his mood and outlook on the day, and perhaps a more long term period of time. "I missed you too, more than I can ever tell you," he manages to mumble through a voice threatening to crack, the overwhelming mixture of emotions weighing him down mentally, and now taking physical manifestations. He realizes this, so instead of voicing words to express his joy at the wonderful surprise life granted him, he lets his rosy lips move forward to plaster random kisses over the round face he loved.

His hands hold Minseok's cheeks, his lips that now curled up in a serene smile press against his forehead one last time, and for a moment he forgets where he is. There only exists him and Minseok, their surroundings are replaced by an empty space once Han's eyes close. It's a familiar feeling to be able to disappear from reality that way, and he recognizes the source but his joy muffles the sound, instead the smile growing into a grin as he pulls away. "You're a blessing, Minseok. Just what I needed."

[luhan-dbd-blog]

Geography || Yixing & Lu Han.

[ghoulxyixing]

Yixing licked his lips before weighing his options. He could either go to the store and spy on what the other was doing before introducing himself. Or he could keep to himself and maybe go in the other direction. He really had yet to run into a survivor that was violent towards him or even unpleasant in demeanor really. But Yixing wondered if he was counting his chickens before they hatched with that one. He knew that he was bound to run into someone eventually that would try to hurt him. It was bound to happen when desperation set in.

And yet…it had been so long since Yixing even had a normal conversation. And he was running low on food and water, and patience. Shrugging his shoulders, Yixing moved slowly towards the shop before stopping just before the window started. He was curious if the survivor had even come into the shop or if it was just a mirage his mind had conjured up. Leaning forward slightly, Yixing bit into his lip as his eyes swept over the interior of the shop, they widened as he found himself looking at what used to be a bike shop. Why would a survivor be going into a bike shop? What good would that do them? Although if they were looking for an easy way of transportation it really seemed like a good idea in the long run.

And although Yixing looked over the shop again though, he had yet to see the frame of the person that had entered the shop before him. Confusion fell over him as he sighed in irritation and moved to finally step foot in the doorway. He was sure he had seen them come in here and yet they were nowhere to be found. “um… hello?” He called out timidly. Maybe it had all just been nothing but a illusion.

[luhan-dbd-blog]

The timid voice served as an enchanting call to him, Han could do nothing but attempt to decipher if it really had been genuine shyness, or if he'd be stepping into someone's cruelly calculated plan. It didn't matter at that point, his body was rising, standing up straight as his hands met in front of him--not in a threatening position, but it wouldn't leave him helplessly defenseless. To Han, he was preparing for anything, life in the post apocalyptic world was tricky. Unexpected. There were surprises hidden around every corner, both good and bad. No one side had dominance, they simply shared a setting an existence, like the sun and the moon, an endless cycle of dark and light.

"Hi," he responded without proper thinking, his voice as casual as if he'd been at home talking to the pair of survivors he'd grown most fond of. With such a new-found anger in his life, he silently wondered how he'd managed to sound so kind--inviting even to a stranger that hadn't proven themselves worthy of spending another counted breath on them or not. He knew though, deep inside, that it was with the same thirst for change that had led him into the shop that now tinged his voice with a kindness, almost a need for socialization. It was an undying irony that was routine in his life, paradoxical actions forever branding him an outcast. Before the skies had grown dark and the masses had died, Han couldn't have cared about much people--in fact the hermetic lifestyle always caught his fascination, and two years later here he was, trying to befriend a complete stranger that could have caused more pain and suffering than he could ever imagine if he wasn't careful. Han could almost hear the universe laughing teasingly at its victory, a young man rid of his recondite nature so quickly.