They flinched, the tiniest shift in demeanor as her voice bellowed between them. “Don’t be sorry,” they shook their head - raising her voice was hardly the worst she could do. Considering the circumstances, it was likely nothing compared to how she might respond to the rest of their story. They nodded. “I’m not questioning you…it just - doesn’t seem right. That they would have no loyalty to you. Or understanding.” Sure, they knew blindly following a leader was dangerous, to say the least. But ousting someone that genuinely seemed to have their coven’s best interests in mind? It didn’t sit right with them. They only hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Though really, that wasn’t their place - soon, it likely wouldn’t be helpful for them to have an opinion at all.
“I know that, Poppy. You’re more than capable. But things were so complicated…” They sighed - averted their eyes. “I was a kid. How I died - that isn’t so important - but it was someone I knew. Looked up to. The why…” They couldn’t quite get into it. How much did Poppy know? How easy would it be to piece together the facts? Their life was inexorably tied to Jasmine’s in more ways than one - and the last thing they wanted was to tell her story for her.
“I wanted to, Poppy. I know - I saw - that you were doing good things for the witches here. But - people don’t just leave that coven. I had to know what would happen before I did something rash…” If something would go awry - if Silas would know somehow, that they’d joined under another Supreme. If he would know which Supreme it was - possibilities and fears they built in their head. It wasn’t a coincidence that they never learned about such things. Why would Silas want his coven to potentially have the knowledge that they could break away from his loyalty with no consequences? But their faltering, their fear - when they did have their answers, it was too late. Poppy’s voice was no louder than it had been - but being told she’d been made into a liar stung, anyway. But was she wrong? Dev couldn’t fault her for it. They didn’t know what to say - how to explain. Their instinct was to shut down - to leave. “It’s not bullshit, Poppy…my reasoning might have been - stupid, misguided - wrong - but it’s the truth.” They blanched at the accusation - the suggestion - that they could have left. Their stomach dropped - the familiar cold chill went down their spine. “It wasn’t so simple, Poppy. How could I have left? Any money, documentation - everything I had was tied to that place. I hardly had a real education - I couldn’t go to college and live a normal life. I didn’t have someone to pull me out-“ And for Jasmine, she never got the opportunity to grow up with the mother she still had, that gave her the chance to escape. That loved her enough to risk it all. It hurt - that Poppy would deny that it was all an act. That nothing between them meant something to her. It was clear that she was lashing out - “You don’t mean that…” they rasped - but it didn’t matter. If Poppy was lying or not - it was clear she was done. Devrim couldn’t - and wouldn’t - say anything to convince her otherwise. She was protecting herself. Dev knew what that looked like. And moreover, she had no reason not to. Her trust was broken, betrayed. They weren't blind to that. “When did I ever imply that I only cared about that? You were never just a good fuck to me, Poppy - you know that. My emotions were my own. I never leveraged them - they were never a tool to distract or to hurt you.”
She jumped back, her whole body tense as the pans clattered against the wall, the clang of metal reverberating in their head. It took everything they had to stay despite the chaos, to answer her. Their hands shook - but they curled into fists, steadied them. Their face as calm as they could manage, despite the sting in their eyes. A practiced response - they unfurled their fingers, steady. “I’m sorry…” They knew no apologies would undo it - could fix it. Never seeing her again - it was a fear that gripped them the moment they’d realized their feelings for her had grown. It was the bed they’d made - they could only blame themself. So they didn’t argue - not even with the cruel suggestion that they return to the man that had upended their life in the first place. Poppy was only reacting to the hurt they’d caused her. “That’s not what this was about, Poppy - I’m not some-“ They shook their head, finding it almost futile to explain. “You don’t have to believe me. That’s your prerogative - I don't fault you for it. You can hate me. But this was never about fucking you or hiding the truth for the rest of our lives for something so trivial - you know how I feel about you. Of course I would have told you, Poppy. I’ve thought about nothing else for years. Joining the coven, telling you the truth, breaking the ties and putting the rest behind me. I wanted to do things right. But there was never a right way, Poppy. I realized that too late…and that’s my fault. I hurt you…and if it’s easier for you to believe something to make that hurt less - it’s not my place to argue. You didn’t deserve to be lied to. And I’ve told you my piece.” They grabbed their jacket, the door clearly open for them to go. “If you want me to go, I will. I won’t bother you again. I’m sorry, Poppy.”
