Beating this dying horse a bit because I'm analyzing and processing what happened in retrospect, I do apologize if this comes across as overly petty.
(I don't have much hands-on experience with toxic people, so as a future music therapist, I think it's beneficial for me to go back and see where things went south, and retrace the writing on the wall. This post is more for my processing than anything, although I will continue to not give their username or any identifying information beyond what's necessary. I'm keeping all features vague to the best of my ability, and only commenting on behavior and opinions, not their character.)
First of all, I think I gave them way too much benefit of the doubt leading up to this incident. There were some things they talked about and mentioned that had me subconsciously realizing they were a bit too unhinged for my taste-- why oh why do I need to be a people pleaser--
Secondly, I realized that while they were very happy to talk about and send me all their edits and creations, they never once asked about mine in the weeks we were talking, despite me mentioning several times that I actively write fanfic. (Also, multiple times, when I'd send them a really good edit that someone else did, they'd be quick to tell me that they did something like that too!!!, and then send me the similar thing they did, instead of appreciating the other person's edit I found... That was a glaring red flag. sigh)
Thirdly, maybe me intentionally making up excuses for not keeping up our TikTok streak was also a sign.
Something I do want to talk about is how they said, and I quote (minus the typos): "you can NOT throw away what's canon for the sake of your liking".
Chat, correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't that what fandom is for? Picking and choosing which parts of canon you want to play with and which ones you want to disregard for the sake of having fun with your fan creations? Hence why the majority of SaSi fan works are not canon-compliant and are not intended to be?? Because canon is, in fact, not the law???
(Person... how do you explain some of your edits, then? Because I don't think editing some of the Sides into familial character dynamics that have not been confirmed in the series at all is very canon-compliant.
If you're going be mean to people about your standards, at least make them consistent-)
Related to that, here's a fun metaphor I've formed through this: entering the fandom of a piece of media is like opening the door to a sandbox full of provided toys and items that make up the canon characters and storyline, and the sand is the canon universe. The media's creator made it, put it all there, and left it for us fans to play with.
Some fans are content just playing with the canon characters themselves, doing things with the canon pairings and friendships in the canon sand that elaborate upon what has already been established, sometimes stretching canon and filling in the gaps, which is perfectly okay.
Some fans like to bring or make up their own characters, bring characters from other established sandboxes, or even insert themselves as a character into the canon sandbox, playing with them and the canon characters in a way that makes them happy, and that is entirely okay.
Other fans like to take the canon characters or dig around in the sand to pick out canon occurrences, and then take those from the sandbox and start a whole different game of their own in another sandbox, which is also 100% okay. This is what happens with fix-it fics, aus, canon divergence, non-canon friendships, dynamics, and pairings... This category takes up a lot of this fandom, which is something I love about SaSi.
A few fans will even take those canon characters from the canon sandbox and take them to another sandbox for a different fandom, hence crossovers, which is-- you guessed it-- ALSO entirely okay.
What is not okay is yelling at other fans for how they enjoy the sand and the toys when it is objectively harming no one.
As a fandom, we love to play with the sand and the toys, making up new storylines and dynamics as we go. No matter where you fall in these categories, whether you like to stay in the canon sandbox, go to another sandbox, or branch off to make your own sandboxes for the characters, how you interact with the media is your choice, and it's not anyone's job to police which sandbox you play in and which toys you play with.
(If this was a kindergarten class, they'd call that bullying, and this kid playing police would eventually be scolded by the overseeing teacher. It's simply not okay to do -- treat others how you want to be treated.)
I could also go on about how the presence of Royality on their DNI list contradicts their own philosophy -- my current impression is that they don't approve of Royality for the same reason they hate Moxiety: the characters in question have a more parental dynamic in canon.
(I mean... to me, it's not as outright with Royality, but Roman has called Patton "padre" once before, and I think that reasoning fits the standards I'm working with.)
So, to lay things out here, they don't approve of Moxiety because, according to this reasoning, Patton is Virgil's father. I would assume that Royality is also not approved of because Patton is a father figure to Roman as well... so what exactly does that say about Prinxiety, a ship they've edited for many times, if Patton is a father figure to both of them?
I mean, you could possibly make the argument that Royality is only "unethical" because Patton is Roman's father-figure-in-law due to Virgil or something, but that doesn't make sense to me either. To make this more convoluted, they have also said that "if anyone sees Roman and Virgil as siblings, stay away from me".
So then... how are Moxiety and Royality apparently hellspawn, but Prinxiety isn't?
If you factor in that they believe Roman and Virgil aren't siblings, but then add their opinions on Royality to the mix, why is Roman × Patton unethical? If Roman was Patton's son, making Royality unethical, that would make Roman and Virgil-- let me know if I lose you here-- siblings.
I've tried to wrap my head around possible reasonings for far longer than I wanted to, so I'll leave it at that. I'm too tired for this shit-- why am I staying up late trying to comprehend why someone thinks that shipping specific fictional men is unethical but others are ethical--
That whole thing is just interesting to me.
I do want to highlight that my adopting the Royality and Moxiety Weeks is only happening because this person went out of their way to be unreasonably nasty to me in the first place, and I'm only following through with my commitment to the bit because 1) objectively, it harms no one, 2) I find it terribly funny, and 3) I've realized these wholesome ships need more love.
Admittedly, I did not view their intro and DNI list (which is the one thing they yelled at me for that I can understand), but this line quickly gets blurred when one factors in that they DMed me first... after all, a DNI is not a magic thing that filters me seeing and enjoying their content on my TikTok fyp, but they deliberately took the risk of talking to me. I don't think that's rocket science.
Also! Yelling at someone doesn't work to change their opinion (I would know, I'm a deconstructed ex-evangelical), and I thought we as people established this a long time ago.
However, to give credit where it's due, they did change my brain chemistry -- but definitely not in a way they'd want. :)
And to speak directly to the person in question, if you ever see this (I doubt it), just know that I'm not at all certified to give prescriptions and never will be, but neither is Logan, and he canonically gave Virgil some chill pills... so, I am also prescribing you some of those. They must be over-the-counter or something.
But in all seriousness, I will never understand what you could possibly hoped to have gotten out of such a negative interaction, but I hope that you learn to find fulfillment in a healthier way.
Anyways, I will soon resurrect and adopt these two dead children, and I'll figure things out for them soon -- but I gotta set up their living space first. I will update when that happens, and when I write Moxiety and Royality for the first time.
Feel free to scream into the void, and happy Pride Month!
I hope to see you soon...
