Rusty Strings

Fangs and poems Hello there, fellows v^^^v CCCXVII Daily rage wrapped in velvet

[lunnasnakedcello]

life update: uh, wtf?

currently 4:55 am as I’m writing this and apparently shit’s getting better? FOR EVERYONE?!

really happy for my friends, and finally happy for myself too. i’m just a bit tired of all the things that i need to do, but life is hard and i deserve stickers.

i’m asking myself why the fuck am i not sleeping, but i know why, it’s because i was too afraid i won’t wake up in the morning to do my tasks so i just skipped sleeping. Pink RedBull (aka pitzipoankă drink), here i fucking come (i can already feel the urge to die and hibernate for the whole day)

nope. as much as I love sleeping, ill go study, take a shower, maybe dress comfy, and ill also meet with my bf >:) (i see you reading this, Lu, i miss uuuuuuuu)

anywayz.

forgot to mention, for the living cunt that keeps appearing in my nightmares every few nights, i thought i got rid of you, go back to your bootlicker gals. i’d rather not have some dreams about you literally torturing me so can you just..shoo or smth? ewuh😐

guess ill see. anyways,

bloody kisses, Loo out!

v^^^v

[lunnasnakedcello]

bloody teabags, i’m sucking this man dry soon enough.

(double sided quote, not feeling very vampiric today lmaooooooo)

[lunnasnakedcello]

because i will write everything down, and burn it to ashes, along with the memory of your torment over me, and my belongings of the past.

[lunnasnakedcello]

The candles flickered in the gloom,

Soft amber bleeding through the room,

The window framed the sleeping night,

Yet all I saw was you in sight.

The air was thick with wax and flame,

And somehow everything spelled your name,

The walls I knew since I was small

Felt strange, transformed, unlike at all.

You stood so close I lost my breath,

A beautiful and willing death,

The kind that leaves no fear behind,

But steals the order from your mind.

Your shadow swallowed half the dorm,

Yet somehow made me want you more,

And every heartbeat in my chest

Beat wild against its fragile nest.

The room grew smaller by the minute,

As if the world could barely fit in it,

And all my thoughts dissolved away,

Like smoke that could no longer stay.

Your voice was low, your eyes alight,

Two embers burning through the night,

And every glance became a spark

That set a fever through the dark.

The candles bent in molten gold,

The summer air grew close and bold,

And every nerve inside of me

Awoke with aching clarity.

No songs remained, no distant sound,

No city streets, no solid ground,

Just want and longing, fierce and deep,

The kind that robs the soul of sleep.

And there beneath the trembling flame,

Before the dawn or morning came,

I knew one thing, both sweet and grim:

The room smelled faintly just like him.

And heaven, hell, or dreams above,

Could not compete with wanting love.

[lunnasnakedcello]

mornin, vampires! Loo here!!

last night I went for a midnight walk, and i realised that in the last 6 months i was surrounded by a lot of decaying animals and birds.

unfortunately, i didn’t took any photos because i didn’t had my phone on me (my friends know i sometimes disappear for hours or even days)

but i might just write a new poem. maybe the last weeks of cooldown were really beneficial for me, i feel like myself truly more and more.

i’m trying to figure out things, AND ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HEATWAVE IN EUROPE? IT IS HOTTER THAN A WITCHES COOCHIE HERE. i’m living on wet hair and deepthroating popsicles…. my tits are on fire bruh.

anyways, ill post the poem when it’s finished!!

bloody kisses,

Loo out!!!

[lunnasnakedcello]

update!!!

today was FUCKING awesome. I’ve never been happier, to be honest.

“aim for the stars” i think i got myself one, HEHEHE.

city tour!!

But it was so ethereallllll….😩🖤

the park was so nice too… quiet, butterflies flying around, light all over the place. even some cute ducklings with a momma duck.

is God (wait wtf i’m kemetic) setting up the perfect rom-com for me? i sure hope that.

my lips never tasted sweeter, my eyes never looked so bright.

i’m dedicating my life for art, poetry and love again. in my vampiric manner, of course.

P.S. — pray for me, finals are just around the corner. Momma will need A LOT of RedBull and cigarettes this weekend.

i’d tag them, but they don’t have tumblr.

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i’m a fool for you.

[lunnasnakedcello]

ARRERGGHH, Loo here!! today’s the day!

you’re telling me that at 10am i need to meet them??? OH. MY. LORD.

i’m literally so so so fucking excited?!?!

i bought myself two pairs of heels yesterday, and they’re so pretty and COMFORTABLE?!

very vampiric. very Loo. very me. i’m starting to get back to what and who i was.

honourable mention: i’d like to thank people that made me insecure because motivated me (in a toxic way lol). i wear XS/XXS now at 5’9. y’all bitches could never.

i’ll update the blog in the morning, BUT I CANNOT SLEEP IM SO SO SO SO EXCITED.

anyways, bloody kisses, Loo out!!

[lunnasnakedcello]

oh he’s gonna cry so bad lmao

@localanesthesia0

[lunnasnakedcello]

life update: i think this was the best day of my whole existence.

bloody kisses,

loo out!!

[lunnasnakedcello]

i forgot i love this song oh godddddd

(can’t wait for the concert tonight)

[lunnasnakedcello]

My old friend, it’s been a while,

yet seeing you brought back a smile.

Through passing years and changing skies,

you never truly left my mind.

Among the crowd, among a song,

I found a pal I’d missed for long.

Not as a memory fading away,

but standing there as clear as day.

The years between seemed small somehow,

less distant then than they are now.

We spoke with ease, we laughed once more,

like opening an old, familiar door.

And soon again we’ll meet, my friend,

a story paused, but not its end.

For some bonds bend, not break,

no matter how much time they take.

So here’s to chance and melodies,

to unexpected reunions such as these.

And here’s to seeing you once again,

my old and ever valued friend.

[lunnasnakedcello]

lust killed poetry.

[lunnasnakedcello]

I just wrote a poem in my mind about you, hope you felt it.

[lunnasnakedcello]

“she’s such a narc and gold digger!”

did you know I usually spend my last money on food for stray dogs? why only pets deserve a full belly?

“she looks mean”

i probably forgot to arch my eyebrows again. it’s my natural face, please speak kindly though.

“she’s a h0e”

i was young and stupid. i thought i would be more loved if i took my clothes off. and i’m sorry.

“you are such an addict”

i’m ashamed of my addictions, and trying to stop. it doesn’t make me less of a person.

“you lost so much weight, you don’t look healthy.”

i wanted to stop hearing how i am the “fat kid”. i wanted to be picked up like a princess with ease too. it caused me an ED.

“you’re not talking anymore”

maybe from all the time people pushed me away when i begged for help? not very “ill be there for you” of you, really

“ew you’re such a perv, you think about cracking so often.”

i’m a teenager. hormones are throwing a punch most times. it’s also the final act of vulnerability to your partner. just because I think about it, doesn’t make me a creep or a perv. it’s not even about other people, and you shouldn’t care about someone else’s sex life.

“you’re so lazy lately, you never do anything anymore”

i’m barely surviving a war that passed. it left a lot or trauma and fear behind, insecurities and anger. trying to get yourself together when your body can’t keep up is not the easiest thing.

“but i heard that you…”

heard. were you there? did you saw me do that? oh, right. you only heard from whoever.

“don’t be a brat”

i’m not, it’s the only way i can know i’m safe, when i defend myself and bite back. sometimes starved dogs will bite the finger of the hand that feeds them, on accident.

“why is your…like that?/why are you like that?”

you pointed at my insecurities again. after i told you many times what bothers me. it’s better to step back. i’m sorry.

“are you okay?”

i don’t know how to ask for help. i don’t know how to ask for a hug. i need a hug, badly. but i wouldn’t want to create the wrong impression about myself or the people around me.

“why are you so angry lately?”

this is too personal.

[lunnasnakedcello]

I only exist when you are alone.

when none of your friends pick up the phone or you’re bored.

simply just for you to consume right?

maybe i want to have a life too. not to stay at your feet and submit like a dog.

maybe I want to live my youth too.

fuck you. you have killed me.

[lunnasnakedcello]

Butterflies don’t really visit me anymore, it feels more like wasps and maggots in my stomach nowdays.

[lunnasnakedcello]

I’m sick of this house and these cold white walls

Sick of hearing my name when my old-ma’ calls

I threw up on makeup just to look less dead

But I still hate every single thought in my head

I want new clothes, sick jeans,

a little perfume on me,

Wanna walk into a room and feel wanted in it

I want friends in the front singing way too loud

Windows down at midnight to outrun this town

I wanna smoke just to shut my fuckin’ brain off

Drink too much and laugh until my words get lost

I wanna come home late, bad boots in my hand

Heartbeat racing like nobody understands

I want his fuckass hands pulling me close

Want rough fucks that I hide about most

I’m going insane just lying awake

Without this around it feels hard to escape

I wanna stand in a crowd at a concert downtown

Music so loud that it finally drowns

Every bad thing I keep thinking of me

Every cracked part nobody else sees

And sometimes at night when everybody sleeps

I sit on the bathroom floor just to bleed and grief

Trying to make sense of the hurt in my chest

Trying so hard just to feel like the rest

I don’t wanna be nice, don’t wanna behave

Don’t wanna spend my whole youth being restrained

I just wanna live before it all disappears

I just wanna feel young for a couple of years.

(something wrong with me, knew it all my life,

scared to show people what i’m truly inside.)