I Hate Bus Lines

Nobody gets my Odysseus jokes......... Pearlite isn’t a phase moooom!!!!!!

[infectiouspiss]

disabled ppl we need to start lying to nosy people okay? you tell me i'm too young to need a cane and i will tell you point blank that maybe you should tell that to the guy who ran me over. you don't get an explanation of my health issues you get lies and depending on how much of an asshole i want to be that lie will be anything from a humble car crash to a 1 billion lions attack. mind yr business.

[infectiouspiss]

"i could never live like that" well maybe you'll have to because this happened overnight. yeah you heard me i was the most able bodied man in the world but then one morning bam i woke up disabled. yeah you could have that too. there's no cure either you'll just wake up one morning and now you have to live like me

[infectiouspiss]

"what happened" well have you ever seen looney tunes? yeah an anvil landed on me and squished me flat.

[safety-data-sheet]

Okay I’ve seen this mentioned a couple times but

If I’m not mistaken (tumblr historians fact-check me) Merlin was just given a shit ton of jobs he absolutely would not have to do in a properly functioning castle.

Like

Arthur’s laundry? Laundresses.

Mucking out stables? Tacking horses? Stable Master and Stable Boys.

Scrubbing floors? Housemaids/Maidservants.

Delivering messages? Pages.

Sharpening weapons? Squires and Blacksmiths.

Taking care of Arthur’s wardrobe? Chamberlain.

Not even to mention that as the literal Prince’s Personal Servant he had wayyyy more power in the staff hierarchy than I think he ever realized.

Arthur just looked at this poor farmer-boy peasant who had never even seen a castle before in his life and decided to give him the work of 6 different people, just to be petty, correctly assuming he wouldn’t know any better, then proceeded to keep that up for like 10 years.

Merlin: *slams open Arthur’s door*

Arthur: Merlin? You alright there?

Merlin: I’ve just had a lovely conversation with Elizabeth, the Laundress

Arthur: *with fear* …Okay?

Merlin: You know what she said to me?

Arthur: Do I want to know?

Merlin: She said “Oh Merlin, I just don’t know why you insist on doing all that extra work for Arthur!”

Arthur: *eyes widen*

Merlin: When were you going to tell me what The Prince’s Manservant actually does???

Arthur: Uh… You see…. But you’re just so good at it all!

Merlin: *eyes glowing* You should run.

Arthur: *standing up* I should run.

[anarqueeen]

yeah the doctor said they found the source of my guilt and quiet agony deep within my core. Yeah turns out there really is something physically and fundamentally wrong with me that I've been carrying my entire life. No they said they're not gonna remove it. Said its an "elective surgery" so insurance won't cover it. Anyway how are you

[petulantpony]

i’ve said it before but i wish vaginas didn’t cost money

[petulantpony]

you literally can not have a vagina without paying for it. vaginoplasty for some, period products for others, if you want to stop buying period products that’s gonna be expensive medicine or an expensive procedure, recovery from surgery requires time off work and vaginoplasty specifically requires money spent on dilators. our bodies shouldnt cost us this much on baseline. having a vagina shouldnt have such a hefty tax on it. it makes me feel like i’m in a fictional dystopia written for middle school classrooms when i think about it.

[sgt-cookie-2]

Me (A time traveler visiting 20-year old Mozart): OK, so, this is called an electric guitar, basically instead of the body functioning as a resonance chamber, it produces music by harnessing the power of lightning. Do you have any other questions?

Mozart (Currently shredding Violin Concerto No. 1 on the guitar, having figured it out within 30 seconds): What other music can be made from harnessed lightning?

Me (Loading up some heavy dubstep): Oh, we're just getting started.

[my-dailydreams]

[kurulover]

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

[kurulover]

[tony-the-tigers-juicy-armpit]

How quickly we forget the dangerous crow boy who’s job it is to destroy plastic

[deadelated]

we all have the homie that's a cautionary tale

[flaskrobonoid]

gen z is trying to cancel the mysterious and horrible obelisk im building at the edge of town

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

yes we all know about medieval jesters waging psychological warfare in times of combat, but wait there’s more!

at the beginning of battles they would ride in on horseback, juggling swords or lances, and taunt & bait  the opposition. soldiers would get so angry they would break rank & weaken formations just to try to kill the fool

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i should also mention that a female jester was referred to as a “joculatrix,” thank you that is all

[notdingalingalingalingrita]

PLEASE GIVE ME FRUSTRATED KNIGHT X AMUSED JESTER WHOS TAKEN AN INTEREST IN TAUNTING THEM ESPECIALLY 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ART PROMPT

[sidhewrites]

What if we were both opposite side of a war, and u wouldn’t stop mocking me specifically before we went to battle, and we were both girls?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

everyone jokes about the pope's hat but most people don't know it actually serves an important purpose! evolutionary threat display to assert dominance against rival bishops

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

now you might think THIS is a plummage mating display

but popes are bred to aggressively seek territory and hierarchical power, not potential mates. so anytime you see something like this, it's still very much a standard threat display

[hairbrainedprojects]

Common misconception, but popes are not bred. Rather, like the matriarchy of clownfish, when a pope dies, the strongest of the bishops takes his place

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

actually it's more akin to a hive (with strict gender-based hierarchical work division) where larval bishops are fed queen jelly, prompting their transformation into pseudo-popes, at which point they are left to death battle it out winner takes all

[i-dont-think-thats-true]

I don’t think that’s true

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

no it's true i checked

[halondrus]

Draw him alive and well. Ok now draw him playing sudoku

[charlataninred]

Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.

[kaijuno]

[enkephalinpilled]

in order to preserve my internet privacy i’ll have to start feeding everyone misinformation about myself. i don’t eat. i don’t sleep. i don’t breathe. i don’t blink. i don’t have “blood”

[mawofthemagnetar]

What do you mean “chat” is now referring to ChatGPT and not twitch chat? What? What? What the fuck? No?

When I address chat I am speaking to a presumed Greek chorus of real human people shitposting on their lunch break, not a machine that devours lakes to covert electricity into slop.