My Tranformation Journey

[m2fjourney]

Unlikely Validation

Ever since before the pandemic, we have been doing a lot of shopping at the West Side Market. We’re so regular that vendors we use all the time know us on sight. Before the pandemic we used to get our beef at one particular stand. He closed up early pandemic and we started using another stand. One of the women who worked at that original stand started working at the second one. Anyhow, WSM is a mixed bag for tolerance. There’s definitely vendors who are very progressive and I trust implicitly. There are others from whom I have overheard some pretty reactionary stuff. There’s lots of Ukraine flags around right now, but during the height of BLM I heard various vendors sharing some pretty racist stuff. There’s mostly a lot in the middle who I feel like they roll with whatever and don’t ask too many questions. That’s where I stuck this one vendor. Anyhow, throughout pandemic we’ve been masking up. Most of the staff at this stand got to know us with masks on. In the meantime I have been transitioning, growing hair, working on voice, ears pierced, but I know I do not pass on the regular. 

Two weeks ago we went. I was a week from my next laser, my shadow shows no matter what I do. No makeup because I suck at it. We went without masks because everyone else was. We went to this stand and the older guy working called us “ladies” together. Twice. It was casual, so I didn’t think too much of it but I did mention it to my partner, “Like WTF was that about?” She thinks people see what they want to see, and they have us pegged as female from months of mask wearing. The woman who knew us both long before the pandemic was working that day but was sort of in the background. We went again today and another one of the guys, a younger one, helped up, but was talking only to me and called me ma’am twice. The second one felt kind of forced, “Anything else, ma’am?” The woman who used to work the other stand was nearby again and I am sure she heard it. Now I am trying to figure out if they are super chill and trying to be cool or if they’re desperately trying to figure out what I want either for good or ill. I am not sure I have it in me to correct them if they get it wrong in the future which may just make everything worse. However, for a brief moment it felt OK. 

[m2fjourney]

Another Week

Not much to report. I made an appointment for July with the LGBTQ+ clinic and I am planning to ask for hormones at that point. I am still losing some weight and have some travel and stuff before then and I don’t want to worry about being away from home and starting new stuff. I have no idea how it will all work. If I go in and walk out with scripts or if they want to do a bunch of tests first. I assume something happens to screen. 

I tried a few new things this week. I got laser on my neck and that was deeply unpleasant. It almost became overwhelming but he finished just I was starting to think I couldn’t take any more. I have another electro next week, going to see if she can concentrate on the area around my mouth. I hate the feeling of stray whiskers there and I can feel them when I am not looking in the mirror, so hard to shave too. 

I tried a little makeup, I am going to need more practice and I have some new product coming, my wife didn’t have the right foundations and concealer. I also ordered a fairly cheap wig just to try out the hair style I want. It’s a sort of longish pixie that looks cute. 

I also tried Nair on my chest. Never again. I have more rashy hurty area than if I just shaved it and the result is meh, still lots of stragglers. Not worth the pain. I guess we all have to learn. 

I wrote some potential “coming out to parents” ideas. I am 90% sure I am going to send them an email and then go no contact for a weekend. I just know them too well. Their immediate reaction will be more questions than I want to answer. I will send them some links to materials they can read and if they want to accept me, we can catch up later. I don’t really need to explain myself, who I am, or my decisions to them. If they can accept me as I am now and as I will be then cool, if not then I don’t need them for anything. 

I got a couple comments on my nails, all positive, at places I would expect to be accepting. For the first time in a while I took the dog for a walk alone and I took mace. I suddenly feel less safe just being myself. When I was in masquerade mode as a boy, I never worried about that.

[m2fjourney]

Therapist

I saw a therapist yesterday. Despite my tendency to just launch into long narratives, I think we covered the intake basics. I got a lot of my background off my chest and I think he knows from where we’re starting. He has experience with transgender patients and worked in college counseling for some time. The practice overall has a transgender specialty of which my therapist is a part. Since it was a virtual visit, it was a little less interactive than I think in person would be, but at least I could see someone. 

We talked a lot about my thoughts on transition. I think I jumped on the hormone question before it was out of his mouth. I definitely still want to wait a little to drop some weight and tone a bit. Testosterone might as well well do me some good for once. I am down to 192.6 this morning. I feel much better, but it’s hard to see changes on my own body. We talked about voice a bit. I started to freak out when I first looked into self training my voice because I got overwhelmed by even the simplest instructions online. People instructing seem to be very skilled and aware of their voices and a) I have always hated my voice b) I have zero voice talent or training because of a and c) I really, really want to change my voice. I did finally take a step back (something that was hard for me to do with anything overwhelming in the angry before-times) and remind myself that I have done lots of other things that were difficult at first and frustrated me at first and I eventually figured them out. My therapist did have a good referral for voice training and I emailed them and they emailed back right away. I only asked about needing a referral, but they were nice and said it depends on insurance, but consults were usually covered and to just say you had persistent hoarseness and you could do a consult. He also said that depending on where I was in the process they had training and surgical options. I don’t feel I need to jump on this right now, I will probably go back to some online resources and see where I can get. 

I have weekly appointments now with the therapist. He seemed to appreciate where I was and wants to help me navigate the new me. The initial euphoria of my egg cracking is ebbed, but I am still not angry. I am sleeping OK again, though not over-sleeping any more, I am up early enough to knock out my physical therapy exercises and a growing routine of regular exercise as well before I have to get ready for work. 

I got a new silky pajama set from Target and some nice underwear from Tomboy X, combined those made me feel awesome. I tried tucking with the Tomboy X tucking bikini briefs for the first time. I think it worked ok, but I am not sure I got the nuts as far into their cave as I could have. Needs work. 

I found myself starting to think about when I’m presenting female. I am thankful that I was able to tick off a handful of people and places I love that will absolutely 100% have my back. Whether it’s our “regular” cocktail bar that has a very vocal pride and diversity commitment from owners and staff or friends with kids who are transitioning one way or the other. The sadder part of the exercise is the two buckets that are either people who I will absolutely lose (mostly not close anyhow, thankfully) or people who I don’t know how they will react. We have a favorite bar that has been closed since the pandemic began and although I know staff there are very accepting, I don’t really know how the owner (who we know personally and outside of the bar) will react. He is a little “old white guy” in a lot of ways, but he also hires a bunch of cool and accepting younger staff so it’s a crap shoot. I am bracing for unexpected losses during this process. 

[m2fjourney]

Electrolysis #1

So I am now out to 2 people other than myself. I told my electrologist that I was transitioning and she was very nice and said she had several other clients in the same situation (just starting, not on HRT yet). She worked on a very small area, but there’s definitely hair gone from there hopefully it’s permanent for reals. I so underestimated how long it takes to zap and remove all these hairs and how many I have. Ugh. I did an hour to make sure I could do it. The pain was fine, she cranked it up a couple times and said I was tolerating a nice level so it should go faster, but she ended up having to zap each hair twice for the most part. She left the probe in and just zapped them again. I am not sure how often I am going to start with. I feel like an hour every Monday would be easy, but I think that’s too little. 2 hours at a time feels a bit much, but I have so much to do, she can roam over my whole face. I need to make sure this area turns out ok over the next couple days before I go back. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow. It feels almost like routine now though I have never seen him. 

I did my nails yesterday and ended up going to Mother’s Day brunch with my in-laws. They were pretty chill and just asked who did mine. I said their daughter did the right one and I did the left one. I feel nice just not caring. I don’t really expect anyone to give me shit just yet. I will probably become more concerned about that as I get further along. I thought for the first time in my life about carrying mace. I probably will. 

My X Tomboy tucking bikini briefs are coming today. Wish me luck, I have never seriously tried to tuck before. 

[m2fjourney]

Appointments

Ok, after a few days of waiting for callbacks, I called back the therapist and got an appointment for next Tuesday, which is great. I don’t know how common it is to walk into a therapist’s office and just outright say, “I know I am a trans woman, let’s talk about what’s next.” I feel like I should make his job harder for him than that, but that’s where we are. I really just want someone who can point me to resources and can talk about some of the upcoming rough patches (parents, presenting in public, doubts if I have any, keeping expectations realistic). I have ideas in my head about how things should work, I need reality checks.

I had my first laser appointment for my back. This was sort of in the “nice to have” category, but if it works I may do my legs too. It was super easy. I hope it’s really permanent, I seem to get conflicting information on that. 

The electrologist called back also and I have an appointment for Monday for an hour. She made sure I understood how it worked and how long it took overall, but didn’t ask me why a man waned facial electrolysis. I plan to tell her at the first visit just because I think she should know. I have time so I think thinning will work well. I know that the longer I wait to present, the longer I am from SRS, but I do want to give myself the best chance of the transition process being as easy as possible. I wonder if you can get voice and FFS done before you are presenting. I imagine my insurance wouldn’t pay for it without some commitment. There will be some uncanny valley time at some point, but not worrying about facial hair is high on my list. 

[m2fjourney]

Shaving

Shaving my chest and stomach may have been a mistake. It felt sooo good to get rid of all that hair and it definitely made me feel good to get another glimpse of a more feminine body, but...well the image says it all. My wife has ingrown hair serum that does seem to help. She also suggesting waxing until I decide what to do long term. I am not sure what to do long term. I have an appointment tomorrow for laser on my back which I can’t reach and is pretty bad too, but it’s expensive and whether it’s really permanent is up in the air. I also contacted an electrolysis place, but that’s even more expensive so near term that’s face only as that’s the most important one. Legs are on their damn own for the time being. Probably just shave as needed, maybe wax down the road. This is a cis-woman problem.

The IPL treatment is hard to tell if it’s doing anything. It’s not hard to do and I already have the device so I will keep going. I burned my flank this morning. Got to keep the skin flat under the light if it gets closer to the glass you are going to get burned. I am hitting my face, but there’s enough gray there that electro will be required either way. Chest and stomach seem more uniformly dark, so maybe it will help. Even a reduction of the amount would be welcome. Hands will need something too, at least my knuckles (I just sound like the prettiest belle at the ball, don’t I)? Arms meh, that may stay. Again, cis-women problems. I will just look as ethnic as I am. My grandmother (who I will definitely resemble) had dark hair and lots of it, so I come by it naturally).

We have a bunch of trips coming up. Our son’s graduation at the end of the month, two mini-vacation trips out of town now that we’re vaccinated and an annual vacation in July. Probably no hormones until after July even if I can get them sooner.

I’ve not told our son. I doubt it will bother him. He has a friend who is a trans woman, sweet kid (well young woman now, like 22), so he will have some knowledge. Not going to land this on him until he is done with school. There’s no need to know and nothing is going to change immediately.

Weight was down to 196 this morning. I am not snacking, no binging in front of the fridge because I’m depressed. I started more exercises. My knee is feeling a little better and the PT added some exercises there so I added on to those. My plan (for the knees) is to take whatever exercises she gives me and just do them forever as part of my daily routine. My track record with leg exercises tells me not to improvise and not to start getting cocky with weight.

When the new boots come, my wife is going to help me with my walk. We’re going to the thrift store this weekend. Originally I thought skirts, but I am thinking unless something really catches my eye, it will be more conservative?, radical? not sure how to frame that. Women’s jackets, blouses and pants, so less traditional women’s clothes and more modern women’s cloths. I really want nice pajamas too, something silky. That feels like a huge safe opportunity to feel pretty every night before I can reasonably present in public. Working from home, I can wear what I want, so I can test pilot working woman wear if I want to all day. That’s a plus.

My Pueraria Mirifica order has been sent to another state. Presumably because there’s a city with the same name there that’s better known. The little frustrations don’t go away, they just don’t become big frustrations.

Can the happiness last? I feel like I am getting set up for some huge cosmic gotcha. Like I am all ready to start hormones and they go, “Oops, you’ve got cancer”. When you’ve wasted a huge part of your life ignoring something that will make you happy, there’s some regret and worry about the future and how much of it you will enjoy.

[m2fjourney]

Therapy Appointment

After calling and sending in forms, I called back because nobody had called and they immediately scheduled me for next Tuesday. I keep running through in my head what I want to say and how I want to say it, but I know it will not work out that way. It’s creating a little cognitive dissonance saying things that I only would have thought. Saying “I am a trans woman” is empowering, scary, new, and euphoric all at once. My language is still catching up with reality, but I am not afraid to say it anymore. It’s like my mouth is just not used to the words, but getting them out makes me feel better than keeping them in. It’s a lot of emotions.

I drove a long distance last night for the first time in a while. I didn’t feel angry about other drivers. There were stupid things done in my general vicinity, that always happens, but I wasn’t personally invested in their stupidity. It felt good. I had a moment just driving when I felt a rush of happiness. I don’t even know why, even with the happy week I have had there was a little bloom of extra happiness from just being. 

I know, absolutely, there’s going to be some shit ahead. If nothing else I know a large chunk of the world hates who I am because it somehow threatens their sense of reality. I guess the healthy way to deal with it is to be punk and be myself and if people can’t deal, so what. I have the advantage of age and resources. My wife reminded me that I will be a woman of a certain age and, therefore, invisible to certain men. Which is fine. I hope to present as the cutest lesbian I can. Think Sue Perkins, femme features, but more androgynous dress. I think at my age and build that spinny skirts will be a sometimes thing. 

So much about style that I need to work out. My boots come today and I have X-Tomboy underwear and tuck underwear coming. My wife ordered me socks too, but those are a surprise. I may shave my legs when we try those on.

[m2fjourney]

Appointments

I had a regular old physical therapy appointment for a problem with my knee that predates my epiphany. Then I came home and made appointments with the transgender therapy place and laser hair removal. 

The IPL is progressing in places I can easily treat. I managed to burn my nipple on the glass this morning. I think because it sticks up, it touched the glass when the light discharged and it gets pretty hot. Seeing my torso without hair made me happy even though my body is a long way from where I think it can go. Taking that dude weight off my middle will help. Hard to see yet if it’s doing any good at thinning out the hair in places I have treated. It’s certainly cheaper than the laser treatment. 

I wonder what the therapist will say about hormones? I know there’s a consent model around here, I don’t know if I get nowhere with the therapist if I can just walk into Planned Parenthood and get them. The therapist advertises they work with endocrinologists, speech pathologists, and surgeons, so they should be able to refer me. There’s also a LGBT+ health clinic as part of a large hospital chain around here. I guess I will switch my primary care there soon. 

I hate everything about the American medical system except for the fact that if you don’t care about insurance coverage, it’s a pay to play model and someone will do what you want. Unfortunately that means so many trans people are stuck trying to get treatment. Thousands of dollars for surgery or other therapy is as bad or worse than gatekeeping in some of the national health systems. Either way, you’re stuck. 

I am down to about 196 pounds. Past experience tells me that the gut will be the last thing to be affected. Once I am into ideal weight area I may get sculpsure to remove some of the fat there. I would really like to be down to a workable weight before I start hormones. I may not have a choice, I don’t know what the therapist/endo will say. 

I ordered some Pueraria Mirifica. I know that it’s extremely unlikely to do anything whatsoever, but I ordered it before I came out to my wife and thought it would help me build up my courage, knowing I was willing to take a pill to  permanently change my body. I will still take it until something more concrete happens on the hormone front. It’s mostly psychological and to get me in the habit of taking something every day

The doubt is going to hit. Well, it has a little bit. Trying out names, saying them aloud in the car and pretending to introduce myself. They don’t feel authentic. I know I will probably just need to get used to one, but I feel like all those years of repressing the true me are lurking. Like I am saying things out loud, “I am a woman” that I would only think. 

The intake form for the therapist tripped me up. Line for gender and line for pronouns. I know what I want them to be, but after so many years of filling out forms I went back and forth. Do I put trans woman she/her? Female? I finally just used the old ones. I know they’re wrong, but I was overthinking it and desperately wanted to send it in to get scheduled. I mentioned to my wife and she to let her know too, she needs to know how to refer to me to the dog. Yeah, we talk to the dog about one another when they’re not around. I was touched she thought about it. 

[m2fjourney]

I’m Out

I told her this evening. It was better than I could have hoped. She was happy for me, more concerned that I was making a change to be who I wanted to be than about herself. She wants to see me through and stay with me. We talked in detail about what I am convinced I am and what I want and I told her that I was attracted to her still because I am. We went for a walk and she held my hand and squeezed it a lot. I think she's excited to help me with clothes although she has refined taste that leans towards sharp and clean women's clothing and I want skirts that go spinny. We may go to the thrift store this weekend.

There’s so much to work out. I need medical professionals and aestheticians. I need to grow out my hair without coming out to my stylist just yet. We found a “mod” haircut together that I can tell the stylist I want which will require growing it out. I’m not ready to go full speed and tell everyone. I am out to the only person who matters right now and she has accepted me. 

She’s going to help me do my nails when they are long enough. She has this cool powder stuff that looks amazing when she does her’s. She ordered me shoes. Men’s but a femme style with a cuban heel, we talked about a slow slide into public presentation and privately trying out the spinny skirts for now. This was my choice. I know I have to present at some point, but now that the weight it off, I am ok with the time it will take. 

If I had done this 30 years ago, it might have been different. That was 1990. I didn’t know any trans people. I only knew OF one trans person (that I recall), Christine Jorgensen. I read her autobiography in the library without checking it out as a teen ager. It all seemed so impossibly far away. I also spent years just wishing to be someone else. I never connected the dysphoria with something I could do to change myself. I don’t know why I couldn’t make that jump to changing the things about myself that I hated so much. Lots of lost time, but also I guess I am in a better position now. It’s never too late and I have years left to get to know myself. It feels so strange to just be free of the loathing and doubt. Maybe it will come back, maybe I will develop other dysphoria, but right now I feel good. Over 40 years of repressing something and suddenly it’s gone. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about telling her and tonight I can’t sleep thinking about the future. Hopefully this is not a new feature of my new life. I like sleeping. 

Names. I have no idea. I wrote a bunch down. I have names I like but I haven’t really found the one that speaks to me, that I think describes me. My wife will help me with it, I want one that she likes too. It’s almost like naming a new child for both of us. We both have to live with it and we get to choose. 

The discussion started almost like I proposed. We ate dinner and there was a slight lull and I just said it. “I am certain now that I am trans and that I want to pursue becoming who I know I really am.” She had questions like how far I was going to go. I said I didn’t know for sure, but everything was likely. She wanted to stay with me. I reminded her of something she said offhand 20 some years ago that she wasn’t attracted to women. She didn’t remember saying it, the fact I remember it says something about what was in my head all those years ago. She suspected. There were signs. There were things she didn’t know about. Nothing bad, but I had experimented with clothes and makeup before. The IPL rig I ordered before I told her was a big tip off, but she also would have just trusted me to live the life I wanted if I never said anything. For all the built up anxiety about this decision and telling her, it was really painless. There will be more painful discussions with other people in the future, but for now I am content. 

[m2fjourney]

The First 48 Hours

It's done. I'm out. No, I'm not, maybe I never will be. No, I am out in my head. I have accepted who I really am. Years. Years of denial. Years of thinking it's just a paraphilia. Believing an antiquated theory of transexualism. I can't go back. That moment, feeling myself. The feeling of touching my body and every so briefly feeling it could be who I really am. I've wanted to be a woman as long as I can remember. I hate everything about my body, but I finally just accepted the good feelings with being girly. It sounds facile and condescending, there’s the guilt about it. I know that I have not lived the life to understand what it means to be a woman, but it's who I want to be. I almost cried stepping on the scale because I had lost a pound. Not because I was losing weight, I have tried and failed before, but because it meant something to me. It meant a step towards having the body I want. Shaving and feeling the soft fresh skin without the guilt of it being wrong felt so good. It's not a kink. It's not something I need to hide. And yet, I am out only in my head. I have no idea what will happen next.

I have to tell her. I think she suspects, maybe she knows and knows I have to do it myself. That would be the best outcome. She knows I have never been really happy inside. It comes out in little ways, but I don't know if she can know what I myself only just accepted. It's possible for me to like myself. It's possible for me to do something. It's possible to stop wishing for a miracle that will never happen and just do what I can. The small victories feel so good.

We had sex twice this weekend and that's not happened in an age. I felt so liberated by not feeling like I was pretending. It didn't matter. I am still attracted to her. I don't know what the future will bring. Hormones will probably kill my sex drive at some point. Although in my fantasies I can feel myself penetrated, I have never seen a man that I wanted him to do that. I am not attracted to men though I crave that experience of being a woman. I think there's some compromise if she is open to it, but she may not be. I remember ages ago she said she wasn't attracted to women. I don't know. In some of the fantasies, she says she's trans too and I imagine being with *him* and I can imagine it. We've been married 25 years, we have a life and we know each other. I know how to make her cum. Ironically, my "technique" got better when I started imagining I was sucking her penis when I went down. I've behaved like that for a long time, but it was like psyching myself up for something that I was apprehensive of, not confident. This weekend I felt so much more confidence. It makes no sense. I just, in my head, I am who I am and I feel better. Nobody else knows. I could just stop now and never tell a living soul, but it's different in my head now. I feel happy, finally. The stupid every day annoyances are there, but somehow I am not as angry as I was. I was so so angry for so long. Angry at the world. Maybe this is just euphoria and it will wear off, but I feel like I am in some kind of control of my life.  That control of my future, real control of who I am is exhilarating. I don't know what all led up to this. Some of it is the THC. I did some edibles a month or so ago and the overwhelming physical effect was I felt like I was in a woman's body. I could feel my breasts. As much as I wanted it to be sexual, it was just comfortable. If I could do it without side effects (nausea, dizzyness, hangover) I would probably do it every day, my body felt so normal. But then a couple days ago something happened. It was like flipping a switch from trapped to possibilities. I could see *myself* as a woman, not just as some other woman, but me, my new body. It's like the dreams. I wish I woke up remembering having them more often, but the few times I would have a dream, looking in the mirror and my face subtly changes and I know I am a woman and I wake up happier than I have ever felt in life.

I know none of this is easy. There's people that will hate me for being who I want to be, but that's probably true no matter what I do with my life. My parents will never understand. A few years ago, not many at all, I painted my nails. I don't even remember if it was all of them or just a couple while we were visiting up there. I said I did it because "LOL" but I know it was because it made me feel good, it made me feel pretty. They flipped out like I had told them I was a murderer. Constant "Why, why, why" "It looks ridiculous" made me feel awful. I was a very gown ass adult, but I took it off in disgust. They caught me experimenting as a teen. Wearing women's underwear. Naked except for the underwear and a panty liner (it sounds ridiculous, but it was something that made me feel feminine). Confronted, I talked my way out of it in a way that was all plausible deniability. It was easier on us all if I concocted a story. They bought it or pretended to. Not sure what would have happened if they had not. Probably counseling of their choosing and attempts to further repress my desires. The discovery set me back, but the lack of consequences probably saved me.

I will probably feel like an imposter. I will sometimes probably think I am not a real woman. I lack the lived experience of being a woman. Of having been a girl. But I also lack the same lived experience as any other and certainly any other non-trans person. I never fit in with men or in men's places. I feel like such a fake there. I just nod and have a handful of bland aphorisms about sports. Nothing about sport has ever appealed to me. Nothing about locker room talk appeals. I still like women, but I think I felt violated by men who treat them as conquests. I always wanted to be close to women, to feel things with them, and ultimately I wanted to be them.

I know a lot of people who will support me. I may lose my family and casual acquaintances. I don't really care. I have always had a small social circle. I worry that may affect her more than me. I think there's work friends lurking that are trans-phobes. A former co-worker was openly transphobic and she unfriended her. I wanted her to report her to the hospital. Yeah. This was someone who worked in patient contact at a major hospital and was openly anti-trans on Facebook. Typical right wing bullshit. I knew I didn't like her or her husband from the first (both gun toting reactionaries. He's a cop too, so yeah there's that nice little feeling that the people in power will do all they can to make trans life harder). This whole process though feels so selfish. Like people will ask, "How can he do that to her?" Maybe. I dunno. She may love me enough and be flexible enough to adapt. I really don't know. It's been a long time since anything of that sort came up. She mentions trans issues and people who have transitioned. Is she just making conversation or giving me an opening?

I said I wanted to permanently remove the hair from my back and neck, sort of a safe "I don't need those" stepping stone. She mentioned electrolysis was what they recommend for trans women because it's permanent. I settled on a IPL to try it out on my face and arms. Electro in the future will have to happen. Maybe she knows or suspects. I don't even know how to start that conversation. "Hey, yeah, so great dinner. By the way, I'm trans and I want to transition"

Our anniversary is coming up. We have a bunch of little weekend trips planned and part of me thinks I should tell her then and part of me doesn't want to ruin the trip if she takes it badly. We have relatives that are trans-women and non-binary, so it's something she's familiar with. They're all younger though and not married to her. Her parents will probably say stupid shit, but they will try to understand. It will be cringy, but not awful. I am prepared to just lose my family, maybe I underestimate them but I don't think they have the flexibility to accept it as anything other than weird. However, the advantage of being an adult is that I can just walk away. We are more successful than them, I don’t need anything from them. 

On the other hand, I wake up every morning since I made up my mind feeling good about myself. I have SO far to go to even marginally pass to someone half blind, but I want to try. I want to make the effort. It's like a weight has been lifted.

[m2fjourney]

Hatching the Egg

Reddit is a fine place for metaphors to be born and /r/egg_irl is a subreddit for memes related to transgender issues. An egg is an unhatched transgender person. People celebrate when they hatch. I don’t know that I can say for sure that I hatched, I have so many questions and concerns still, but I am ready to begin.