The Life of a Starfish

A diary of bizarre thoughts.

[madame-starfish]

Both of my surgeons' receptionists are called Nikki. This is a strange but helpful coincidence.

What is not helpful is that they spell it differently!

[madame-starfish]

How do I tell my fitness watch that I wasn't exercising or having a panic attack at midnight last night? Spicy books just make my heart race...

[madame-starfish]

One day I will work out how to capture my cat's absolute look of judgement and disgust when I dance for him, and you will understand why I don't feel appreciated in this household.

[madame-starfish]

Before I started taking Latin classes, I dreamt that my friends sat me down and very seriously asked "Why the f would you learn Latin?!"

This weekend, the prophecy came true.

[madame-starfish]

Enola Holmes 3 has informed me that I am not too old for celebrity crushes.

[madame-starfish]

Even in my head I say the dumbest things...

This morning while I was getting dressed I said to myself: "Technically these are pyjamas, but nobody will know because they look like human clothes."

HUMAN CLOTHES!

[madame-starfish]

It has just occurred to me that I have only ever dated sleep talkers and I'm not sure what that says about me.

[madame-starfish]

On my bedside table I have a tube of estrogen cream, a tube of lidocaine cream, and a tube of voltaren cream, and I hope to God I never get them mixed up.

[thoodleoo]

yknow it's a real shame that romans didn't have access to australia specifically for augury reasons. i really wish i could have seen a roman augur have to deal with australian birds. like imagine trying to properly interpret an omen from a fuckin. cassowary

[thoodleoo]

loving that the general consensus here is that "the omen when you see a cassowary is that you are about to die of cassowary"

[madame-starfish]

There are two wolves inside me:

One wants to go to physio because it's back is hurting.

The other doesn't want to leave the house because it's back is hurting.

[lovelornlovestruck-deactivated2]

Colin Bridgerton: *acting like a worldly rake the first part of the season* Oh, my world travels are too indecent for young ladies ears. Meanwhile Penelope Featherington who read his actual letters: He told me he stared at sunsets, ate a lot of bread and wine, cried over art and missed me. Was the crying part the indecent part?

[animentality]

[madame-starfish]

The English language has got to a point that I, a member of gen-z, can say to my millennial boyfriend that I am "at sixes and sevens" and he would get confused thinking I was talking about the "6-7" meme.

To say that I am horrified, IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

[madame-starfish]

People who suffer from chronic fatigue, how are we dealing with people not understanding that we don't "just need to be more motivated"?

Crying? I'm voting for crying.

[madame-starfish]

It's set to get to 45°c (113°f), and what is my longhaired cat complaining about?

There are no sunny spots to lay in because I'm trying to keep the sun out of the house.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Like we have commodified human connection to a degree where if you go beyond smalltalk you're oversharing and if you talk too deeply about your life you're traumadumping and if you get visibly upset you're manipulative and if you care too much you're codependent and if you want to talk about anything heavy you're expected to go hire a therapist because your friends shouldn't have to deal with that stuff and yet we're all sitting around wondering why so many people are lonely...

[madame-starfish]

[madame-starfish]

Life with a kitten

He committed cat crimes then immediately put himself in kitty prison