“the light has been at the end of the tunnel but i don’t think i’ll ever reach it.” aka something that you might want to hear if you’re struggling <3
this is not a lost cause. not now and not ever.
the fact that you’re still here, still aching for it, still trying, it’s not failure or proof it isn’t real. it’s proof that something inside you knows it’s possible and that it’s it’s than here.
i’m not going to give you a soft, meaningless answer, i know exactly how much it hurts and i know what it feels like to want something so bad you can barely breathe without it. i know what it’s like to look at this world and think i wasn’t built for this one. i belong somewhere else, with him, with her, with them. and i know what it’s like to have thought: what if i’m just lying to myself? what if this is never going to happen?
but look at what you’ve built.
five years, and you have not let go. that’s devotion.
you’ve done more than most people ever could, you have a whole reality, multiple even, layered in your chest as if it’s a second heartbeat. you’re not just chasing something vague, you know their eyes and have memorised the notes of their scent and how they never let go. you know the exact slouch of their shoulders when they’re sleepy and trying to stay awake for you. you know how they hold you like your body is the answer to every question they’ve ever asked.
that kind of knowing is not fake or imagined but memory.
if your mind can go there so vividly, so often, so intensely that it hurts not to be there……… then the place you’re aching for already exists.
you’re not wrong for feeling hopeless. and you’re definitely not behind
i won’t say it’s “building.” but i will say say this: it’s not that you have to get there. your awareness is already tangled up in that world, and the moment that tangle pulls tighter than this one, you’re gone. gone in a blink, gone like breath, gone like magic. you’ll open your eyes and they’ll be there and it will feel like the only thing that’s ever been real.
please don’t give up. dont let go of the one place you feel home
the second you let yourself assume it’s real without shame, without pause, it will be. i promise you
