Every time that Danielle felt she could find a way around it all or even persevere through the emotional turmoil that sheâd cast on herself, she only found herself back in the thick of it. It felt as if even the logical parts of her were giving up hope and relied heavily on the defenses that had been instilled in her after years of being raised by only her brothers. They were all she had, them and Joseph at one point despite the distance between them now that reminded her that they werenât family. They hadnât ever been, which was why a younger version of herself had created this version of him in her head that he would never match up to and shouldnât, why would he?
It was her fault. Sheâd done that to herself and tied up the bits of her heart back then on this idea of someone that could see through the worst that theyâd all been through and still be there at the end of the day. Someone that wouldnât leave. But everyone did, eventually. Even her brothers had left her alone for months on end, crying out to no one on the empty nights when she was surrounded by so many strangers that would only make the loneliness stretch until it became unbearable any longer. But there was a tendril of hope, to see them again and find that she wasnât completely lost to this world and prepared for the next.
But nothing prepared her for seeing him again, instantly back to a few years prior when he could make her smile and forget her worries for a short amount of time but it counted for everything. Again, that was on her. She put too much on their relationship, making it one sided that it was her heart that broke that day and kept breaking when she realized that it wasnât as easily fixed as forgetting him. âYou keep telling yourself that, maybe one day youâll believe it,â she replied flatly, trying to temper out the heat in her earlier words but failing miserably. She hated that things were easy for the two of them, that they could find a common ground while she couldnât so much as meet his gaze without feeling everything crack under the pressure of her pain.
     "I havenât given one. Heâs my brother, they both are, and you â â Danielle glanced away with a heaviness in her tone of voice that she wasnât sure what it would sound like if she kept speaking about it. "Just donât fuck him over again. He might have forgiven you but that wonât always be the case if you hurt him.â
He could feel his temper rising. Finally, he had the chance to lash out when attacked. In the past, he had been cowardly. He was ruled by the flight response. He would run as fast and as far as he could because he couldnât face his problems. Now, he had the chance to stay and fight. Danielle was standing right in front of him, and it seemed like she was trying to provoke him. This was a small battle to choose, one where he felt he could prove himself.Â
After all their previous run-ins, he didnât doubt they would be seeing each other again. They couldnât get away from each other. Somedays, he was glad about this because it gave him a chance to prove himself. Others, it was the worst thing possible because nothing he said or did seemed to be enough. Deep down, he never felt like he wasnât enough. He was always falling short of something. He had these romantic notions of life, these daydreams of what a great, strong guy he was. They were just tricks of his imagination. He would never be like that outside of his mind.
This was his chance to try to be someone who didnât flee, who stood up for what he believed. For once in his life, he could try not to be selfish. He felt like Luke was being attacked too. He didnât only have to defend himself, but he had to defend his friend too. Now, he could start making better decisions, no matter how hard it was. This could be the way to show Dani he had changed. Joseph tended to act spineless, so standing up for someone, especially someone that wasnât himself, was a way to show he had changed. People said actions spoke louder than words, and this was his way of demonstrating that. âYou donât know what youâre talking about.â His hands were clenched into fists at his side. âYou donât know anything and Luke and Iâs relationship because you donât listen to the things I say â the apologies I give.â As always, he was trying to shift the blame onto someone else.Â
âI donât want to hurt him again. Luke...heâs a good guy. Heâd got a good heart. I think Iâve taken advantage of that in the past, and Iâm sorry. I do want to change.â Just like that, his words were back to being defeated. This was something that had been on his mind as of late. He felt like heâd always tossed Luke to the side. There was Sam â his best friend, the guy he thought he would do anything for. There was Danielle â the little sister that always followed them everywhere. Then there was Luke, and he was just the twin. He felt like he needed to make up all those years of neglect. He hadnât said anything about this to him, so saying it to someone, felt strange. It felt freeing to get it off his chest, but he felt too exposed.Â
