drowning in the waters of my soul

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labryinth, thinking about how you'll escape it and how awesome it will be. And imagining the future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present." John Green, Looking For Alaska // Madeline "Maddie" Wyona Stonem. 25. Mother of one baby girl, Katie Adelaide Stonem. Seeker and Captain of the Holyhead Harpies.

[fitoraemusic]

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[madeline--stonem]

MADELINE STONEM PLAYLIST: TRACK #004: LATCH (COVER) - KODALINE

You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down. You, you enchant me even when you're not around. If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down. I'm latching on babe. Now I know what I have found. I feel we're close enough. I wanna lock in your love. I think we're close enough. Could I lock in your love, babe? Now I've got you in my space, I won't let go of you. Got you shackeled in my embrace. I'm latching onto.

[madeline--stonem]

"Katie you're being so fussy lately." Madeline sighed as she looked at her daughter who stared back with pensive dark eyes. She thanked Merlin every day that Katie had gotten most of her features, but Maddie still swore that she could see more and more Declan with every day that passed. Her chiding was disrupted by the sound of loud, forceful knocks. For a minute, she debated ignoring them. Maddie didn't want company, she had told everyone that. Her days off were rare and she wanted to spend them alone, but could never be fully alone seeing as she couldn't quite get rid of Katie. The knocking continued, creating a growing irritation within the brunette as she started to make her way towards the front door.

"Stars above, hold the fuck on. I can only walk so fa           Declan. Why are you in my flat?"

[rosalindlewis]

At the woman’s query, Rosalind made a noncommittal noise and nodded, still somewhat distracted by the baby. “Three months? Blimey. They grow up so fast, don’t they?” She sighed then, a noise that rang with slight sadness and reminisense, and was just a tad mournful. “My son — Andrew — he turned six a few weeks ago.”

[madeline--stonem]

"Yeah, time flies. Not ready for her to grow up." Maddie smiled uncomfortably, not really sure what else to say. Small talk evaded her often. He eyes widened, though, at the age the woman spouted out. "Six? Fucking hell. How do you do it? If Katie were six... well, let's just say that I would never leave my flat."

[madeline--stonem]

"Oh, uhm, yeah. Thank you." Madeline looked down red creeping over her cheeks to spread down to her neck at the kind words. Her eyes trailed over to Katie, happily gurgling in her stroller, mother and daughter's dark eyes matching in their happiness. "She'll be a year old in three months. I still don't know what I'm going to do about that." Especially with work and League and that impending meet up she was dreading. London wasn't that large, and part of her thought she really should have moved back to Scotland, and she wouldn't be able to avoid people forever. She was all ready seeing kids from school  and work left and right. "Do you have any children of your own?"

[madeline--stonem]

MOODBOARD PT 1/?: MADELINE WYONA STONEM - THE QUIDDITCH PLAYER

"I get it, okay? I fucking get it. I messed up. I ruined everything. This is all my fault and for once I am taking responsibility for it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that we can't just be happy together. But did you ever think that maybe it shouldn't be this hard? That if you love someone and they come back to you, it shouldn't feel like a mistake? I know what I did wrong to you, but do you know what you did to me?"

[mrstilinskyx]

[auror-noe]

"Fuck ‘em I say; you’re still one of the best damn seekers in the league, and whatever your personal life is it’s still personal. As for Hesther, unless you’ve been off shagging muggle priests in secret I think you’re pretty safe. It’s 2014 for Merlin’s sake.” She snorted. “Yeah, but I’m willing to bet you’re a decent mum. Aurors are trouble. Bloody danger magnets with wands.” At the mention of dating aurors she shifted uncomfortably. “But we are fun.”

[madeline--stonem]

"It's not a big deal. They'll all find something more interesting to obsess over soon anyways. I just don't know when I became the poster girl for the face of Quidditch. I'd much rather them be writing about other people and their skills, or at least my own, rather than who I am and am not fucking." She sighed, pushing her hair back. "Of course you're fun. I never said you weren't. What was that thing you just did with your body? Did I upset you?"

[oliver-blishwick]

"The one and only," he grinned, fanning out his arms along his sides. His grin faded, however, as she went on and he sighed slightly, crossing his arms before him. "I didn’t….I mean, I- I…" he shook his head, giving up. He would go crazy trying to defend himself on every call someone tried to convince him was poor. "I…wait, what?" He sputtered, surprised by her comment. "You did? That’s…not what I usually get," he admitted, lips pulling into a smirk.

[madeline--stonem]

"I'm not a delicate flower. Sometimes I get rough and push people around. Just not every referee calls me for it." She shrugged. It had been nice to get called for something and not given special treatment as some of his coworkers tended to hand out. "I think I can count the amount of times I've been flagged o one hand and called on the other and I've been playing with the Harpies for eight years."

[auror-noe]

"You only get to call yourself that if we make you a scarlet Q, Maddie. You should make the reference though, and see how many of them actually understand it.She laughed softly. "Oh you don’t want an auror; they’re terrible influences in case you didn’t know. Witch Weekly ran an article two months ago about how we’re all hard drinking lunatics. We don’t make good parents."

[madeline--stonem]

"I'm sure they would think I deserved it. Sweet little Madeline Stonem with her perfect Hungarian Quidditch Playing Fiance falls off the face of the Earth after the season ends and comes back with a baby. Hesther and I are more or less sisters." She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, Merlin. I refuse to ever drink again. Drinking is what got me in this mess  of parenthood. I wouldn't date an Auror if you paid me. No one with a job that could get them killed. I don't need the added stress and worry."

[uhhhsylum]

[oliver-blishwick]

"Not rude at all," he countered, nodding. He was used to looks like the one she was currently giving him, and the same question. It had stopped bothering him a long time ago, and now he quite enjoyed his anonymity off the field. "My fault, really. You’re at the disadvantage," he grinned ruefully, forgetting that just because he knew them didn’t mean they knew him. "Oliver Blishwick, referee. Been up in the air with you quite a few times,"

[madeline--stonem]

"Wait," she narrowed her eyes and recognition began to don on her. "Are you the one who called me for a foul a month ago against the Bats? Because I still think that call was bullshit. He ran into me." She huffed. Because she rarely got called out on fouls. Some referees didn't see fit to think girls could knock around guys or each other. "I'm joking just so you know. I actually appreciated the call."

[auror-noe]

"None of it’s any of their business the bloody vultures. And then the idiots who read and believe it think it’s their right to judge. Where do they get off? To hell with all of them." She rolled her eyes. "Oh plenty of hero complexes abound. Who cares that the Auror office is busy preventing actual crime when you can talk about how it effects someone’s love life. I honestly doubt the intelligence of the majority of these reporters and the people who read it."

[madeline--stonem]

"Oh, but, Cass... haven't you heard? I'm practically the Hester Prynne of the Quidditch World. Though I doubt they paid enough attention to Muggle literature to even know what that reference means." Maddie sighed, shrugging as if it answered any future questions. "What, you mean I can't hook up with a beautiful eligible bachelor in the Auror department? But I just absolutely need a father for my daughter."

[oliver-blishwick]

"Maddie. Of course," he smiled again, shaking her hand. "It’s nice to actually meet you,” voice genuine as he went on. He had kept careful tallies on the teams as he’d grown, following his fellow students and friends as they moved on without him. Not that he minded now, with his current carreer. “Fine by me,” he laughed, shaking his head slightly, “I mean if you’re old, then so am I,”

[madeline--stonem]

Maddie tilted her head eyes going up and down the man trying to place him. Was she supposed to know who he was? He was friendlier than most and it made her feel as if she were supposed to be able to place him, but she really couldn't. "Ah, sorry if this is rude and all, but... do I know you from somewhere or something?" It was like she could say his name, poised on the tip of her tongue, but nothing was coming out. Or maybe she had him confused with someone else.

[oliver-blishwick]

"No, it’s fine," He smiled over at her as he straightened, handing her belongings back.  "Don’t worry about me, takes more than a little bump to take me down," He chuckled, meeting her eyes for the first time. He drew his brows together, trying to place her face. She looked familiar, if he could just remember. "Wait, you’re…Captain Stonem, right? From the Harpies?" He smiled crookedly, sticking out a hand. "I’m Oliver,"

[madeline--stonem]

There was a mantra in her head that always repeated when people who kept up with the sport recognised her: don't ask me for an autograph, don't ask me about my life, and please for the love of Merlin do not make me show you how awkward I really am. The words ran through her mind as she nodded with a forced smile. It wasn't that she didn't like people who knew her or wanted to talk about Quidditch, she just hated to disappoint and in Madeline's head, she'd never be as interesting as anyone would hope upon meeting her. "Hi, Oliver. Ah, nice to run into you. But please, call me Maddie. Captain Stonem makes me sound so... old."

[annikajaegar-blog]

Annika put down the alcohol. “How about some water then? Or a virgin drink? Apparently we serve those, not that anyone ever asks for them,” she said, only slightly joking. “I know what you mean. Gets peaceful here this time of day.”

[madeline--stonem]

"Water would be great, thanks." She smiled awkwardly, not really sure where she was trying to go with all of this. It wasn't as if she wanted to actually talk about the reason that she didn't drink anymore; that drinking sort of led to the ruining of her perfectly planned life. "My friend used to work here. I guess that's why I like it over somewhere a bit more practical."

[carjaavasha]

"That’s… not even an hour a day. You must work with something incredibly time consuming! Or you were dealt a very unfortunate hand. I suppose I can count myself lucky — I sleep on average eight hours a night. How on Earth would you manage to not even sleep an hour a day for months, though? That’s incredibly unhealthy.”

[madeline--stonem]

"Well," Maddie paused, trying to phrase this carefully without sounding completely annoyed. The lack of sleep made her less tolerant than she would normally be. "No. Thank you for pointing that all out. I wasn't exactly keeping that much track. I've got a child who will be one in a few months and I play Quidditch. It eats time."

[auror-noe]

"Does anyone actually take those bloody rags seriously? I mean other than idiot teenagers? It’s ridiculous what they publish." Cassandra rolled her eyes, glancing up at a familiar voice. "Last week they were writing about how the Auror office was full of eligible and attractive men who really wanted a girl to come home to who would take care of them."

[madeline--stonem]

"Teenagers. Then their mothers read the fucking Prophet and see bull shit like "Single Mother Stonem" and they all throw fits. Like it is no one of their bloody business. The amount of interviews I have turned down since coming back from Romania is honestly irritating. The next trash rag to ask is literally getting hexed. I hate people." She smirked slightly at the equally awful story the other woman told her. "Oh, yes. Plenty. If you're into stodgy, egotistical types or those with hero complexes."