🪐

just another paper cut survivor

[madeofvenus]

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” — Anne Frank

[flowerytale]

[zacharylorenzo]

Monet

[burn-your-masks]

[madeofvenus]

Maybe in another life I won’t mess up on everything. maybe I won’t hurt everybody

maybe in another life I could have everything perfectly and complete, nothing missing. maybe in another life I can be the most perfect girl without trying.

I can one day maybe be good at socializing and energizing a room full of people. I’ll be the kindest and yet still be the boldest.

[madeofvenus]

It really sucks. The healing from it all.

All I wanted from the very beginning was to purely and genuinely learn to love, all with you being my reasoning. I wanted to openly explore the sweet feelings love has to offer; tasting every moment with a open heart.

And in the end maybe it wasn’t my fault, but I still ask myself what I could’ve done differently. I sit with the stillness of your silence and allow it to weight heavily. And really, I wish I could wipe you out of my memory and mind; it would help me feel less insane and less fixated on you even though you're not a part of my life anymore.

Am I stupid for still holding onto hope?

Do I look desperate for wishing that maybe you're awake at night with the heavy weight of guilt sitting on your chest as you think of me. Is it stupid to hope I'm all you're thinking about when you're alone?

I really do wonder if things around you flood your thoughts and remind you of me. and that maybe you miss me. even just a little.

When do these thoughts go away? when do I get to go on with my life without thinking about how yours is going. Am I ever going to allow myself to stop thinking about what I did when I was with you or what I could've done differently. It really sucks. so so much.

I never wanted any of this.

[madeofvenus]

I think the only fear that pushes me to heal every cell of my body is — I am afraid to turn out like my father. I am afraid to be unaware of hurting someone and using my wounds to defend my actions; the fear of being so lost and tangled in my own self to not notice how my future kids would be affected by my behaviour; to be so lonely and misunderstood that I put on an armor not to just protect myself, but use it to hurt others as well - so that my misery feels less to me. I am afraid to be someone who would be so self-centred, to be so unaware about my loved ones — that I would do anything but admit my wrong-doings and hold myself accountable for it.

— diary entry, 2025

[cookiesandwater]

//the perfect guide to romanticizing heartbreak

step 1:

cry in the shower. wail like a banshee — deafening, guttural. but not loud enough to drown out the background music.

your life is still a movie. you must perform.

boil yourself in sun-hot water. make sure the mirror fogs up, so you don't have to look at what you've become.

step 2:

sit in your room at 3:17 a.m. the glowing laptop screen is moonlight.

with shaking hands, type out your grief. unleash your sorrows like a merciless flood.

then pause, press backspace, and replace it all with: “i’m fine.”

hit send.

step 3:

become the epitome of heartbreak. smudge your mascara with purpose. smear your lipstick— violently— in a way he never dared to.

burn your toast and call it symbolism. chop off your hair, and call it transformation.

break, but make yourself art.

step 4:

once darkness descends upon morgue-pure skies, listen to old voicemails.

call them love songs, confessions.

find meaning in silence. read subtext in blank pages. find undertones in conversations that only happened inside your wrecked head.

it’s just like weaving poetry out of your drab, colourless life. you’ve done it a million times. you can do it again.

step 5:

bleed.

the wounds of the heart need neither salve, nor barrier.

but always remember — to bleed pretty, to bleed quietly, to bleed in lowercase.

//to break soft.

[madeofvenus]

In every crack of you

I planted seeds

Hoping that through your silent tears

and distant cries

Maybe my beauty would grow inbetween you

Hoping every blossoming scent

Reminded you of me.

But your roots were already decomposed

There is no hope in reviving what’s damaged

And I can’t walk away,

Cause maybe the painful part was letting go

Knowing I had no control from this point on

Knowing even how much I begged the universe

To reverse your hurt,

I can never change you.

I cannot change what you allowed to die.

— untitled, 2025

[madeofvenus]

Out of sight and out of mind

but you will never find

me in another life.

you live your life unprovoked

think everything is a joke,

then runaway to avoid what you broke.

guess it’s time to get out of my bed

Crawl out of my head

and chase the world instead,

I chose to heal and rest

you chose to party with friends.

But if you had the opportunity

you’d come back just to watch me bleed,

and watch all hope fade out of me,

But you will never take the spark from my heart.

what would’ve been mine would’ve stayed

if it slips away

It wasn’t my destiny,

I’m no longer chasing pain

no anger or vain.

I’ll never put my life in the hands

of a selfish man,

cause even with our purest intentions

they see a distraction.

I wish you well

wherever you choose to stay

But I’m focused on finding my pace

back into a place where my life feels safe.

So Ryan,

just go

you’ll have to grow

and let go of your ego,

I’ll stay on my own path

And stop looking back

cause nothing will change.

you will never change.

they all never change.

— stop looking back

[madeofvenus]

I exit every storm

Like it was never raining

you were too kind and too careful

you were everything

but still nothing

We were everything

but real.

you made all the effort and chase

only to stop when I caught up with your pace,

you went from holding every door in the world open

but closing ours without closure.

my heart was a glass toy in the hands of a child

It’s a universe eating itself up

All the pain is inevitable

but suffering was an option

I chose to cry all the lonely nights

knowing I will heal from the ache

and you will find your pain after the fog clears

But I will be way ahead of you, never looking back.

— silver lining

[madeofvenus]

times moving

things are changing

but I’m still paused where you left me

you could honestly care less about anything

you have ran away with the wind and left me

the thought of you

never collects dust

every emotion knows you before I do

and the unfortunate truth

is that I allow you to seep through

controlling every lingering thought and feeling

why did you awaken love in me

if you knew from the beginning

your intentions weren’t to take me seriously

you knew all along I was just another soul breathing

not worth carrying

not worth trusting

just a touch, not a feeling.

they all told me not to touch your colors

why was I blind?

they all told me not to get any closer

I’ll regret it with time

you were digging my heart a grave

yet I was more worried about your hands being safe,

I was losing every part of myself

just to find a way closer to understanding how you felt

neglecting my own heart’s health.

and I don’t hate you honestly

I hate how you left so easily

I hate myself for how I let you impact my life

when you offered the bare minimum the whole time.

— losing



[madeofvenus]

I missed him.

For a moment my eyes stare at your name on my phone.

But I can’t call if I wanted to be heard.

I can’t send a text even if I wanted to.

I wanted to say I miss you. I miss us.

I wanted to ask if you ever loved me.

But then I stop.

Because I knew all your answers already.

I knew you don’t care. And that you never will.

And it always sinks in.

That silent, crushing weight

Like drowning in air

Like screaming without pressure in your lungs

Not a strain in your throat

And the worst part of it all

Is that I still want to try knowing I can’t

— july 11, 2025

[madeofvenus]

How do you stop craving the comfort that once felt so safe? How do you turn off the part of your mind that still thinks, "What can I do to make him feel special today?"

I gave him care without asking. Love without limits.

I was ready to give him the whole world-and he didn't even know what to do with it.

Now I'm here, trying to unlove someone I was once willing to fight the universe for. Trying to forget the way his presence felt like peace. Trying to undo feelings I never meant to build this deep.

But the hardest part? He was comfort. Even when he is the reason I now seek healing.

— how do you stop loving someone who felt like home?

[madeofvenus]

I was love.

The kind that waits

that overthinks,

that hopes.

Anxious, soft,

always trying to understand silence.

I craved closeness, reassurance, clarity.

He was fear.

The kind that pulls back when things get too close.

Avoidant,

Quiet,

lost in his own mess.

He mistook vulnerability for pressure.

He showed up in half-ways,

Then ran.

I begged for honesty,

He built walls.

And maybe we weren't wrong — just wired differently.

I needed connection.

He needed space.

But I kept reaching.

And he kept slipping away.

Still, I was love.

And he was just not ready.

— two hearts, different languages

[madeofvenus]

I can hear the constant thought in my head.

do you love him? And my brain is so easy to quickly flick the word no.

But my heart pounds in that familiar unrhythmic beat.

I was in love with the potential of us, the idea and fantasies of what we could’ve been.

I feel in love with the idea of him. The version of him I built in my head— kind, gentle, respectful.

But he was never that. He turned out to be avoidant, selfish, ruthless.

I was too in love with my illusions to ever notice who he truly was from the beginning.

He didn’t know what he wanted— he’s lost and chiseled, consumed by his own needs.

And I kept trying to find meaning in someone who didn’t even know how to be real.

I don’t miss him.

I miss the story I told myself about him that kept me intrigued to ever stay put.

july 9th, 2025

[midnightmurdershow]