Life is hard. People lie, cheat, and steal to climb their way to the top of nothing. In the end, you will die. That is the one thing in life that is certain and will always be true. So, you have a choice. You can either die, knowing that you lived life as a no good piece of shit.. or you can die knowing that you lived life happily and true to you.
Life events lately have spawned a whole new outlook on life for me. I've been single for about 2 and 1/2 years now. Not just single, but a single mother as well.
My daughter's father cheated on me 1 WHOLE month after she was born. (Shitty, right?) But that experience has taught me so much. I was a wreck for the better part of a year and a half. I had no self worth, my confidence was at an all time low, and I was sleep deprived because I was now dealing with a newborn by myself. After moping around for a year and half, trying different anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, and really just feeling like the scum of the earth.. it dawned on me. I am better than this. So, I took the medications and flushed them down the toilet and I was done with them. But, that was only the beginning.
I started caring about myself again. Doing simple things like showering more than once every 2 weeks.. doing my hair, painting my nails, getting new outfits. After about 3 months, that's when I started noticing a change within myself. I was starting to feel happy again. And it wasn't because of the hair, or the nails, or the clothes.. it was because I was thinking about the well being of myself and my daughter and not worrying about the scumbag that hung me out to dry.
Now that I've rid myself of the depression and low self esteem (not completely, though.. it comes back in spouts and almost sends me into a downward spiral every time.. but I don't let it).. I love myself again. I see that I am worth something. I am beautiful and I am brave. I don't look in the mirror and see a pathetic wreck -- I see a confident woman ready to take on the world with her darling daughter right beside her.
I ended up back at my parents house when my daughters father and I broke up.. and I thought I was going to be there forever. But, 1 short year later, I was living in my own apartment, with my own car, paying my own bills and being as independent as I could be.
2 and 1/2 years after the break up, I am still single.. but that's not because I see no worth in myself. I've chosen to stay single for this long because I need to be ready. I get asked by guys all the time "Why the fuck are you single?" -- I don't take that as an insult like many of my friends think it is. I know they are asking me that because I am good. I'm good to people, I'm good to myself, and that's admirable. There's not a lot of good left in this world, but I'm happy to say and with confidence that I am good.
The whole point of this text post is to show people that it's possible to climb out of deep dark holes that you feel like you'll be stuck in forever. I have become a body positive, life loving, independent woman all because some douchebag fucked me over. If his face didn't make me want to punch things, I would thank him for opening my eyes. It's possible to see the sun after a storm and I want to be a role model to girls that feel that they can't.
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
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prguitarman
gummygunk
areudirty
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