Thank You For Stopping By - Ethan Payne
Requested: Yes ~ used to be in a relationship with one of the boys, you break up and reunite a few years later? feelings never really went away, every relationship since has failed, you're my one true love yada yada yada (any boy u want icon)
Authors Note: For anyone interested, this is based on a spoken word poem called When Love Arrives by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye
In year seven, you were adamant that you knew what love looked like. He wore a shark tooth necklace and knew how to play all of your favourite Oasis songs on the acoustic guitar. His hair swooped to the side, the envy of any boyband member. He was taller than you and always wanted to take photos for Instagram that made everyone else envious.
When love finally arrived, in the form of Ethan Payne. He was a troubled teenager, grieving the loss of his father. He was off the rails and was constantly getting himself in trouble. Dabbling in drugs, drinking his life away on the weekends and hardly ever attending the college. Nevertheless, he enticed you. He became the reason that you lied to your parents, always relying on your friend Jess to cover for you when you wanted to hang out. You couldn’t imagine what your loving, but ultimately overbearing parents would have had to say if they found out that you were meeting up with — never mind dating, someone like Ethan.
The first kiss you shared was messy, teeth getting tangled together. Still, you could feel the spark charging through your body for every second your lips connected. Hand pressed against his face while his hand was wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you closer into him. It was safe to say that you got lost in each other.
When Ethan had finally decided to break it off with you, in what felt like some sort of amateur disappearing act. It hurt. The relationship had only lasted for a few months, but, it felt like there was a longevity to it that hadn’t been explored. The hurt that hit you, was unlike anything you had ever felt. The worst part about it was, your friends had been warning you for weeks. If you had listened to them and jumped ship before he was able to, maybe it wouldn’t have stung so badly. The reality of the situation was that you were loyal to a fault and you couldn’t have left Ethan without a valid reason.
The breakup had left you with songs that you could no longer listen to and wounds that you had no idea how to heal. You found new love, love that was willing to tell you just how beautiful you were over and over again; no matter how much you were sick of hearing it. But somehow failed to tell you when you needed to hear it most. This love baked you cookies, but would eat most of them for a midnight snack. This love wasn’t perfect, but they sealed the Ethan shaped hole that was burned into your heart when he decided to walk away. In spite of all of this though, you still longed for the excitement and adrenaline that being with Ethan provided.
Which is why it didn’t surprise you when after the end of your most recent relationship, when Ethan reached out to you and asked to meet up after such a long time… it felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. It didn’t take much to get you to agree, if anything the least meeting up with him would do is provide you with closure. With closure, at least then you could move on.
You were sitting outside a coffee shop, nursing a cappuccino in one hand. The other hand around your phone, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram. A tap on your shoulder knocked you out of your thoughts. Ethan. From a quick glance, he looked so much better than when you had last seen him. He had lost weight, his sense of style had improved by leaps and bounds and he wore glasses that seemed to frame his face perfectly. He was even more beautiful than you had remembered.
“Y/N!” Ethan beamed, knocking you out of your thoughts. You stood up, to greet him. As you did, he engulfed you in a hug. The smell of his cologne instantly hit you. The man that stood before you, was certainly the boy that had broken your heart many moons ago.
You both sit down, hands connected; almost as if either of you let go, you’d wake up from some sort of fever dream. A comfortable silence embraced you both for a while. Until the harsh reality hit. It had been five whole years. Five years of wondering what had gone so wrong without so much as a single hint of explanation.
“Why did you just ghost on me like that?” You asked, daring to break the safety net of the silence. Ethan recoiled, lifted his hand from yours and crossed his arms. Whatever it was, it was clear that he felt uncomfortable about it. So much so, he had to comfort himself.
“I was trying to protect you. You were so oblivious to the way that I was treating you, I relied on you to break me out of a deep sense of grief that I was experiencing. No adult should have to deal with that, never mind a fucking child.” He mumbled, voice shaking.
“I feel so bad for what I did. I know it’s no excuse for it, but I was young and naive. I loved you more than anything. You kept me grounded and actually reminded me in my darkest times that it was alright to like myself, because of how much you adored me.” He continued. A sheepish grin spreading over his face.
You didn’t really know how to comprehend what he was telling you. It was certainly a massive relief on your part that he was willing to be so open without you having to prod too much to extract the information that you needed from him.
“So why did you want to get this done now?” You inquired.
“Because it’s time for the both of us to move on… properly.” He responds, matter of factly. You tried to not let the punch that his words served you with show on your face. But, Ethan knew you better than anyone. He was definitely able to see that something was up.
“Listen Y/N… a wise person once forced me to watch their favourite spoken word poem. If I remember correctly, it goes something along the lines of, ‘love arrives exactly when love is supposed to and love leaves exactly when love must’. We’ve both been holding on to each other for so long.” He confessed.
“I remember that. I thought spoken word poetry was for geeks though.” You jested, trying your hardest to lift the mood. Ethan laughed, his belly laugh, the one you had etched into your memory from the moment you first earned one from him. It was bitter-sweet, although you loved hearing it, deep down you knew that this would be the last time you ever would.
“Yeah it is. But I suppose when you love someone you try and get into their interests, geeky warts and all.” He smiled, regaining his composure.
As the afternoon went on, you shared jokes and reminisced about your adolescence together. Five years ago, you would have never comprehended that closure could feel this good.
Soon enough, the conversation weaved its way back into a silence.
“How did the end of that poem go?” Ethan asked. The pain now evident on his face. It was hard for the both of you. You both understood just how pivotal you were to each other’s understanding of life in its purest form, from way before the adult worries of bills and jobs had made themselves apparent. Letting go of that, meant letting go of your childhood in essence.
“If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music and listen to the quiet.” You offered. The poem that you had enjoyed for many years now plaguing and haunting you as you sat in front of the man you had loved from the sidelines, for years.
“I just want to thank you for everything you were to me. But most importantly, thank you for stopping by.” He whispered, leaning forward to kiss you on the cheek, before scraping his chair back on the concrete.
As he walked away, you knew it was over. But you were comforted by the fact that the next time love rolled around, you would have the door wide open, freshly baked cookies on the side for them to have as a midnight snack. You would be ready.
