everyone shut up this is ACTUALLY what fans of different composers are like
Mahlerians are PROUD TO BE ABSOLUTELY INSUFFERABLE DRAMA QUEENS, THE LIKES OF WHICH EVEN THE WAGNER CULT COULD NEVER SO MUCH AS ASPIRE TO BE. WE ARE ONE WITH THE UNYIELDING EBB AND FLOW OF THE BOUNDLESS UNIVERSE, DAMN IT ALL!
Shostakovich fans are like Mahler fans except they actually understand what sarcasm is. We also all really like the Muppets for some reason. Most of us own cats and likely have at least one mental illness.
Liszt fans are either tweenagers who love anime or salty old pianists who know a disturbing amount about music theory. These two factions are constantly at war.
Copland fans are either very, very far right or very, very far left. Either way, neither side actually listens to all of Copland's repertoire.
Tchaikovsky fans are either Russian grandmas or LGBT orchestra kids on Tiktok. Either those or the one noob who heard there were cannons once.
Wagner fans. Yes, there are the cringey neo-Nazi Wagnerians, but anti-Nazi Wagnerians are a whole new level of chaotic good. They spend their time dreaming up the most disastrous, chaotic Ring productions possible, with the sole purpose of making Richard Wagner's entire family simultaneously spin in their graves. They take "death of the author" to a whole new level and constantly run on nothing but 100% pure spite. You want a Wagnerian who would beat up Wagner in a Denny's parking lot on your side.
Prokofiev fans will unironically say "ackshually...". That's it.
Dvorak fans are homeschool kids. They're either soul-crushingly innocent or devastatingly horny.
Sousa fans are just high school band directors who try to convince themselves they like Sousa to get through the semester.
Joplin fans constantly argue over whether Joplin's music should be played twice as quickly or twice as slowly than it's actually written. Also sick of hearing about Janis.
Chopin fans are exactly like Liszt fans, except there are 20% more "uwu softboi flowercrown" edits of Chopin than Liszt floating around on Instagram and Tumblr.
Holst fans will drag you into an alleyway and beat you up with their bare hands if you so much as mention The Planets.
Bernstein fans are either horny theatre kids or communists, but it's more likely they're both at once. They are very opinionated about recordings, and express their approval of the ones they like by gyrating excessively to them. If you put a Bernstein fan, a Mahler fan, and a Shostakovich fan in one room, they will either topple a national government or have a threesome.
Ravel fans are inherently Wes Anderson fans. You can be friends with one for years without knowing a single thing about their personality.
Schoenberg fans are like Mahlerians but with worse memes.
Brahms fans are... I have never met a Brahms fan. I'm sure they exist, but I'm pretty sure my own taste in music scares them off.
Paganini fans are almost always TwoSet kids, particularly the ones who try to convince people that "classical music isn't boring because it's basically metal." If you tell them Paganini played viola, they will spontaneously combust.
Rachmaninov fans are ultimately really chill, but are often socially awkward. If you ask a Rachmaninov fan "how are you?", they will most likely respond with "you too."
Schumann fans are Mahlerians on medication.
Stravinsky fans think they're chaotic and unhinged and listen to the most obscure underground shit, but in all actuality they just decided to enter their edgy phase after a lifetime of being sheltered and forced to listen to nothing but Handel by their parents. Possibly homeschooled.
Ysaye fans are like Paganini fans, except they're depressed graduate music students with permanent calluses on their fingers.
Debussy fans go to art school, decide they don't like art school, but have been doing art school too long to turn back, so they can't get out of art school. They may be high on weed at any given moment.
Satie fans are just possessed vessels of Erik Satie. Death cannot hinder Erik Satie. Erik Satie will return to this mortal plane. Search your feelings. You are already Erik Satie.
Laughing my fucking ass off at this 😂. Consider:
Suk fans are in a continual state of dispair. This is either because they've just lost multiple members of their family or because no one in their life knows about Josef Suk. It's never entirely clear, but if they have to explain who he is to someone *one more time,* there's going to be blood, sweat, and tears. Lots of tears.
Janáček fans are probably on mushrooms. Either that or it's early onset dimensia. Either way, though, they love a good time. And whatever you do DO NOT ask them to babysit...
The only Mozart fans out there are your grandma, new mothers, and people who just learned classical music exists. I said what I said.
Grieg fans will either play In the Hall of the Mountain King at you relentlessly, or smash any bassoon that crosses their vision as a preventative measure. They're also sick of hearing about Sibelius.
Schubert fans are mostly singers who think they're all that. They will prove to you that shivalry isn't dead by making it excruciatingly clear why it died in the first place. They probably majored in German and would be Wagner fans but can't bear to sit through the whole Ring cycle.
Sibelius fans are perpetually mad at Russia and swear by their mother's dancing ghost that Finland was robbed in the aftermath of World War II. Their favorite animal is invariably a swan, and they think Finland should've chose the Finlandia hymn as it's national anthem.
John Cage fans are also on mushrooms, but they grew the mushrooms themselves. They're that one weird art professor that makes you question how they haven't gotten fired yet.
Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are Philipp Glass fans are-
