MaggieZines

"Tell them stories."

[maggiezines]

‘The moon invented natural rhythm. Civilization uninvented it. Princess Leigh-Cheri would have liked to reinvent it, but at that point she hadn’t a clue. She had ovened that rubber cookie called the diaphragm and gotten pregnant anyway. Many women do. She had played hostess to that squiggly metallic houseguest who goes by his initials, IUD, and suffered cramps and infections. Many women do. She had, in desperation and against her fundamental instincts, popped the pill. She became ill, physically and emotionally. Many women do. She had experimented with the jellies and jams, creams and goops, sprays and suppositories, powders and foams, gels and gunks, only to discover her romantic personality repulsed by the technological textures, industrial odors, and napalm flavors. Many romantic personalities are. This constant battle with the reproductive process...was gnawing with plastic teeth at her very concepts of love. Was it entirely paranoid to suspect that all those stoppers, thingamajigs, and substances devised to prevent conception were intended not to liberate womankind from the biological and social penalties imposed on her natural passions but, rather, at the insidious design of capitalistic puritans, were supposed to technologize sex, to dilute its dark juices, to contain its wilder fires, to censor its sweet nastiness, to scrub it clean...to order it uniform, to render it safe; to eliminate the risk of uncontrollable feelings, illogical commitments, and deep involvements (substituting for those risks the less mysterious, tamer risks of infection, hemorrhage, cancer and hormone imbalance); yes, to make sexual love so secure and same and sanitary...so casual that it is not a manifestation of love at all, but a near anonymous, near autonomous, hedonistic scratching of a bunny itch, an itch far removed from any direct relation to the feverish enigmas of life and death, and a scratching programmed so that it would in no way interfere with the real purpose of human beings in a capitalistic, puritanical society, which is to produce goods and consume them?’ 💦🌹🌕🐚 -Still Life With Woodpecker- Tom Robbins August, 1980

[maggiezines]

DreamLife/Message/SoulMate ••• A Love Letter written with my eyes closed and my heart open: ••• Last night in my dreams we found ourselves in a place that was familiar yet strange. • Confused and alone we never left each other’s side. Your fingers would brush mine as we walked and when we stood together, pondering what to do next, our bodies touched; a delicate electric rush as my skin grazed your skin. • I had this dream before- in the long ago time before I knew what it was like to lie next to you at night, in the time before we knew what it was like to face what real life presented to us each day, month, year. In a time before love, before intimacy, before betrayal, before heartbreak, before forgiveness. • In that dream we also walked together. The place was dark and filled with night sounds and abandoned villas; strange but familiar. In that dream we were devoted and determined to never leave our love behind. • And yet, in that dream, I found a way back to familiar ground. I reached a way out but was not strong enough to save you, too. • That dream has haunted me and has only become more vivid as the years have gone by, for much of that dream-journey came true in waking life. • Last night we were together in dream again: Different place, same storyline. This time, too, separation was unavoidable. Your love had finally given up. Your heart did not trust that mine would be able to stay strong, stay true and no one can blame you for that. • I woke up in a wave of sweat and sadness and tears. I knew you were choosing to walk forward without me. I took a deep breath of air. I drew in clarity; a knowledge my mind had not held before this moment. ••• The new dream and old dream now meet in balance. No more push, no more pull. No more questions, no more second guessing. Sometimes we need opposite messages in order to find solidity in the real world. • We can choose to watch, listen, feel and learn when our dreams give us insight or we can allow these messages to fade away with the rising sun. • I came here to be in that balance. • I came here to feel something real. • I came here to find you. • And you? You have taught me more than any dream could. • Because of these visions we came together. • Because of you we still are. •

[maggiezines]

PRAYERS for THE UNKNOWN 🐚 There are days I wake up feeling scattered - Out of my body and deep within my dreams. Instead of choosing to turn and face the messages that my dream-intuition show me, I run from them. We all know it is easier to allow ourselves to become consumed and absorbed into the monotonous safety of every day life. 🌊 This year I want to focus on being open to this Sight that I have. It has always been easier to deny my ability to “See” and “Know”, but that denial has created some difficult paths and I’m done struggling. I look forward to reminding myself to experiment with those days where I feel “scattered”. Perhaps I am not scattered at all. My new theory, for myself and others who want to explore this side more, is that those are the days we are more in-tune with life/force/sight/power. We are not scattered, we are feeling something important that demands our attention. 🌑 We all have an ability to seek truth in the clues that present themselves to us, but so many choose to stay closed off from that OR were never taught to Stay Open. We deserve to see who and what we are // are becoming. Sometimes the The World we’ve found ourselves in currently doesn’t allow the time and space to explore. But that is slowly changing. ☁️ I’m ready to claim my chance to be curious. ☁️ If something calls to you- explore it. If a dream scares you- hold it to your heart and ask it what is wrong. If you feel pent up intuitive energy clawing at you- open up some windows and give it space to breathe. 🕯🌙

[maggiezines]

listen

My voice is blocked.

Last night I rushed home through the dark

I got into the shower.

Under the cover of hot water and steam

I howled.

I’ve been told it is best to start small.

The throat-sound, crackled and strained, grasped for strength.

I used to be loud. Life has shushed me one too many times.

I want my echoes back.

~magda~

August 2018

[maggiezines]

[maggiezines]

Family by the Sea

Our time at the beach left us vibrating with an energy we had not felt in months. ✨ Yesterday afternoon filled me up with so much warmth and love that I was able to float above the moment and see everything about the day and about my life with a renewed clarity. ✨ In the lonely moments of city life, I wonder if I did the right thing leaving everything that was familiar behind. I have a lot of memories in the past two years which seem unreal because I do not share them with anyone but myself. Sometimes that makes my heart really sad. But, to be invited into a family again makes me feel grounded and brave - the courage within that is given permission to grow when one feels unconditional love for and from another human bean. ✨ Here is my vulnerable moment: yesterday I went home so full of joy for this little family that has let me in that all I could do was lie on my bed for a bit and have a good cry. I haven't had a good cry in months and the release of emotion left me feeling lighter and hopeful. And I slept really well, too. ✨ What I am trying to say is that sometimes it is very scary to listen to your inner voice because what it is telling you to do seems crazy (because it is). But even in the lonely moments where I feel rather hopeless, I know that I'm on the right path because I've seen and experienced so much more than I would have if I had stayed inside my comfort zone. And now, within the discomfort, I've found a feeling of safety and home and family (or maybe they have found me?) and i think that discovering safety within discomfort is kind of like being given the master key to life. ✨

[maggiezines]

The Joy in Vulnerability Project : Every Day Magic✨

I woke up early this morning. My brain was full of new writing ideas and projects so I turned on the twinkle lights and reached for my journal to jot down a few notes before passing out again. Vulnerability and the inability to see/use/create/act with vulnerability has been poking at me recently. I’m coming up on my three year anniversary of leaving a community that knew all of my sides. There was no constant battle to show or prove who I was or the capability of my magic because it was seen and believed in. I only had to allow my energy To Be. I left that sweet town behind because I could feel myself shrinking instead of expanding. I chose to set forth into a life of my own and was, for about a year or so, on a path of open vulnerability. It was hard but I was proud of my choice to throw myself into the unknown. Well, it got to be a bit much. Last year I got to a point where I needed a break because I felt…broken. I longed to simply be known and to rest for a moment, surrounded by people who I did not have to prove anything to. I tried to stop pushing so hard. And gradually, there they were: a small group of people who came into my Seattle life and stayed. A newly found Circle of Women and we are all supporting one another to heal, grow and be brave. This group has given me a chance to relax and reflect on the curiosity tap inside of me that I turned off last year - a much needed break from the newness being thrown at me every day. Here is where I stand now: When I stepped away from pushing into the unknown, a part of me began to shy away and question itself - herself. I began to question my ideas, thoughts and actions and in questioning them I lost the sense of confidence I had gathered by remaining open to change and the unanswered questions. I think it’s time to try again. I’m finally ready to get my knees scabbed up a bit as I start approaching some unknown horizons that I wasn’t ready for until now. My intuition is telling me the time is right. I’ve armor made of good people, a whole heart and fiery excitement.

I’m considering a writing/interview project to aid in the wiping away of timid thoughts and trauma and fears. These trips into self discovery have always been done on my own but I would like to invite others to explore with me. ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Setting out to prove:

The more open we are the more connected we become - to self, to others, and to spirit. The more connected we are, the more Joy we feel. The more Joy we feel, the more confidence we have to spread into our thoughts, feelings and life-goals.

So, stay tuned. Let me know if you want in. We can, like, hold hands before we jump or something.

[maggiezines]

Close your eyes, Fall in love, Stay there.

Rumi

[maggiezines]

Sometimes as I am scrolling along, this view swings into focus, making my stomach flip over. For a brief moment, I don't know why because my mind has already categorized it into Dream. And then (⚡️) I remember this was no dream, only real life- the most real it has ever been. And my stomach is in knots because I'm homesick for a place that does not exist for me anymore.

[maggiezines]

Refold

Three years ago I began setting my alarm clock extra early. I get up before the sun most days. I make my coffee, I light a candle and I spend an hour or so writing; processing thoughts and ideas and centering my mind. It allows me to bring my best self into the day that is about to begin. This time is sacred to me. I am someone who does not sit still very often. The mornings are quiet and the twilight anchors me in a way nothing else can. People think I'm crazy for getting up so early. Maybe I am a little crazy. Maybe the best ones are. All I know is that ever since 'morning pages' became a part of my life my adventures, my dreams, my "every days" have blossomed into Being - my life seems more real, if that makes sense. There is a clarity to my actions that I never had before 2014. And the journals I have kept over the past three years? All the stories I would have forgotten but have written down instead? They are priceless to me. And here we are: February 2017. This morning I signed into Facebook and my newsfeed showed me a poem I posted two years ago. Reading it took me back to the exact moment I found it and shared it during one of my early mornings. ...................................................

We were living on the west end of St Croix in a little villa called The Contessa. The rainforest of the less populated side of the island was void of human-made noises, but lush with the sounds of so many creatures seen and unseen. It was a lullaby I loved falling asleep to. Getting up just before sunrise made me aware of how different night sounds were from morning sounds. Funny how I would have missed that difference if I had not taken time each morning to greet the day. Every morning I would sneak out into the kitchen and light the stove to make hot water, avoiding crunchy gungalows on the floor and trying to be quiet so I did not wake Tom. I would roll out my cushy yoga mat and lie right outside the bedroom, facing the screen windows that lined the entire villa. I had an excellent view of the sky and, at the right time of month, the moon would be perfectly positioned to shine down on my designated writing area. I found this poem after one of these mornings: Moon and Water - Mary Oliver I wake and spend the last hours of darkness with no one but the moon. She listens to my complaints like the good companion she is and comforts me surely with her light. But she, like everyone, has her own life. So finally I understand that she has turned away, is no longer listening. She wants me to refold myself into my own life. And, bending close, as we all dream of doing, she rows with her white arms through the dark water which she adores. That time was so strange for me. Torn between three different lives, I did not know where I belonged in the world: the Caribbean, Seattle or Northern Michigan. But writing every day helped me through the unknown. And living at the villa taught me to be present and appreciative of so many different things- safety, security, good people, patience, hot showers, running water, abundance, adventures (good and bad), love and the time I am able to carve out each day to dream with the moon. I discovered morning pages when I began Julia Cameron’s ‘The Artist’s Way’ exercises. Here’s some more information if you feel a need to center your creativity. To reorganize your dreams, to refold your life: http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

[maggiezines]

JANUARY 21 2017 WOMEN'S MARCH ON WASHINGTON 'We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families-recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country. " We shall overcome We shall overcome We shall overcome, some day Oh, deep in my heart I do believe We shall overcome, some day We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand, some day Oh, deep in my heart I do believe We shall overcome, some day We shall live in peace We shall live in peace We shall live in peace, some day Oh, deep in my heart I do believe We shall overcome, some day We are not afraid We are not afraid We are not afraid, TODAY Cowgirls, I'll see you in DC. 01.21.17 #millionwomenmarch #millionwomenrise #tensofthousands #january212017 #westandtogether #cowgirls #vibrantdiversity

[maggiezines]

"We do not stop at our own skin." -Guido Masé- ...Giving and Receiving... Your past, lacking in direction, is clashing with your present state of Action and a need for Self Empowerment. The Magician's energy directs us to our Purpose and in this moment of great change, indirection MUST be left in the past. The decision to leave it behind is the struggle. You must be constantly Vigilant- allow The Magician to guide you, not The Moon's dark path of vivid dreams and fears. If The Magician is welcomed as A Guide and Teacher during this journey, you will be given the strength to embrace the future's Radiating Energy (XofCups). Your Purpose is to give and receive light. Sharing this light will illuminate the path that was once dark. "Greatness is around the corner." @the_wild_unknown #thewildunknowntarot#xofcups#cup#darkbeforelight#peanuts

[maggiezines]

Thoughts: To lose control as our limbs reach out and pull in all that stimulates, fascinates, causes joy, pain, confusion, excitement. Sometimes all we can do, what we MUST do, is let go and float. 'Octo○Belly○Dancing○ Queen By [email protected] xx

[maggiezines]

Late summer. The heat enters in through my hands and feet and lies there, heavy and rich with nutrients which become so scarce during the pnw winter months. I hate it at first. The urge to escape the weight and be energetic again, to go outside and feel a cool breeze on my neck, to block out the sun is strong, but I know I must learn to be here in this moment of fire and growth and fertility while it lasts because it will not. I am filled to the brim with summer. I am pregnant with potential. If I stuck my hands deep into the earth they would take root and bright green tender sprouts would escape from my head, neck, spine. Metallic water from below our lives would come gushing up and out of my throat. This will fade away- like anything that holds power for a moment in time. Soon it will be nothing but a dream. (at Seattle, Washington)

[maggiezines]

...Magical Creatures...

[maggiezines]

This is my best friend. He lets me be me. And we cancel out the mutual grumpiness, so it works quite well. #atoms#lefthandofdarkness #balance#librascorpio#finnandrey #willandlyra#startedfromthebottom #bitchfaceonfleek#startedlaughingasecondafterthis (at Maple Leaf Neighborhood)

[maggiezines]

FEAR CANNOT CONTROL OUR ACTIONS. by Nikki Giovanni #americaproblems#livesmatter#wordsandactions (at Seattle, Washington)