Til Death Do We Art

Main account My name is Jason but you can call me Jace if you'd like. 23 years old. Queer trans guy. poly and in a relationship. Started Testosterone 03/12/16. Artist. Bassist (and sometimes guitarist). Neurodivergent. I have chronic migraines, ehlers-danlos syndrome, bipolar 1 with mixed episodes, PTSD, anxiety, OCD, dystonia, tremor, GERD, gastritis, and several other chronic illnesses so if I don't reply right away it's probably not you, I'm probably just dealing with some stuff. but please talk to me I don't have enough friends and I love meeting new people 😊

[deaddog10]

i dont care if it hurts

[roselunde]

Does anyone else have mild psychotic and mood symptoms but not enough to feel valid?

I get paranoid and have unusual perceptual experiences, but not hallucinations. I withdraw from time to time but I'm still sociable. I get restless and sometimes make risky decisions but I always rein myself in. I might sleep for 13 hours and hardly manage the bare minimum for months but I'm still kind of okay. I talk to myself almost all day to keep myself company but only in whispers when no one is listening. I get weird thoughts and think in strange loops and paradoxes for hours straight but I am always aware that it's all nonsense.

Therapists tell me how self-aware I am. Friends consider me the voice of reason. I'm playing a role that doesn't fit my internal reality. And I wish I could just do something crazy to show people I'm not normal.

Of course I won't. I don't mean doing anything dangerous or harmful. For example, I have been open a few times about my bizarre thoughts with my friends. But I don't want people to stop trusting me, or impose their will on me because they think I can't make decisions for myself. So I end up managing on my own, internalising it all, with no one to compare myself to in order to know how normal my experiences even are.

[cdigoddess]

mania sleep attempt 5am

[rotking]

what people think mania is: HEE HEE im so hyper im gonna run around giggling tee hee hee im such a silly goofy goober

what mania is actually like: im going to break all of the bones in my body one by one and set myself on fire while screaming the entire time and if you look at me youre done

[neo-pilled]

No one talks about the mania that isn’t euphoric. That feels more like anger, annoyance, fear, and a lack of control. The mania where you replay the thought of hurting yourself over and over. The mania where you hurt yourself just to get the energy out. The mania where you keep doing drugs but don’t even know why, it just feels like you have to. The mania where you tell people you love how you would hurt them. The mania where you do hurt them.

No one talks about the mania where you know you’re out of control, but you can’t, and don’t want to stop. The mania where your sleep is erratic instead of just insomnia. The mania where you’re psychotic but still aware you’re just ill. The mania where you can keep yourself composed at work, but lose control at home. The mania where you get physically ill from how much energy is in your body.

No one talks about the mania that causes intense mood swings. Where you may feel sad or even suicidal for a few hours before going back. Where your mind ruminates on the same thought over and over before switching to a new topic. Where your thoughts feel barely even connected to each other. Where your feel like you’re losing your mind. The mania where you just want to get out.

No one really talks about mania. Just the watered down, glorified view of it.

[alphacrone]

as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha

[perfectquote]

“Someone who truly loves you, sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle, but still wants you.”

— Unknown

[thepersonalquotes]

[dagangarincel]

Be unwanted can destroy you

[kiwilikethefruittt]

damn it, i do want to live. i want to see that movie that’s coming out at thanksgiving. i want to know what it’s like to go to greece. i want to see my dog grow old. i want to be a part of my best friend’s wedding. damn it, i want to live!!

[boycritter]

[boycritter]

i love the dostoevlings so much i have taped them to my door

[animentality]

[arrowandaxe]

[bee-in-your-binnet]

Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated

[skidfarts]

(0 beers in) do you think they feel bad for what they did to me

[fishandshesmygills]

it’s so hard for me to not doxx myself every single day btw. my oversharer’s spirit is being stifled by internet safety

[theblackparadeisdead]

Absolutely nothing worse than finding out that you share interests with someone you hate. Has you thinking things like fuck you I'm better at enjoying star wars than you are

[ballwizard]

i'm the normalest guy on the planet btw. #normalboy #normalcore #boynormal #normalguythings

[shamesonlydaughter]

it doesn’t have to be good it just has to be done

[fiyero3305]

The phrase "They don't want it perfect, they want it Friday" does wonders for my productivity.

[blueindeed]

I tell this story all the time but I'll tell it again! When I taught kindergarten full time, we had a working bee one weekend where we did a bunch of gardening/landscaping in the outdoor area. One of the dads put up a bit of fencing, then stood back and had a look, kind of frowning like he wasn't sure. His wife then came along, and the following conversation ensued:

Wife: GETMO? Husband: (after a moment, with a sigh) Yeah, GETMO. Me: GETMO? Wife and husband, in perfect unison: Good Enough To Move On

Absolutely LIFE CHANGING acronym, friends and enemies.

[aidashakur]