Magic: The Rewording

Have you ever looked at a piece of Magic flavor text and thought, "I could do way better than that"? Well I have, numerous times, and I decided to start this blog about just that. About Me: Longtime Casual Magic player, and Vorthos-Johnny at heart. I...

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Obliterate, from Invasion, Eighth Edition (shown here), and From the Vault: Lore

Original Flavor Text: "The enemy has been destroyed, sir. So have the forest, the city, your palace, your dog . . ." —Keldon soldier

MtR Rewording: In one terrible moment, no lands remained to conquer, no spoils to claim, and no survivors to tell the tale.

Sometimes, as with Goblin Chieftain, the new flavor text just falls short of other flavor text from other printings of the card.  Here, the flavor text writer took an epic lore moment from the Invasion storyline, and changed it up in favor of an oddly light-hearted joke.  While there is room for humor in the game, I just felt like the irreverent flavor text was a poor match for the awesomely destructive card it was printed on.

To me, powerful spells like this should have epic flavor text, or none at all.  In my rewording, I decided to retain the basic idea of the original, while giving it some solemnity and some gravity.  The effect of such a spell being cast is an abrupt end to all the well-planned strategies and interactions on the battlefield.  This is the Dominarian equivalent of a nuclear explosion, and I wanted to convey the sudden and all-encompassing emptiness that remains.  I slipped in references to all of the things it destroys - lands, spoils (artifacts) and survivors (creatures) to further illustrate the devastation.

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Help Support Families in Need!

Hi everyone!

I’m pleased to announce that this year, I’ll be participating in Extra Life’s annual Game Day for the second year in a row.  All proceeds go to the Children’s Miracle Network, which helps families with medical needs, regardless of their ability to pay.  Having been to the hospital a time or two in my own life, this cause is very near and dear to my heart.  For more information, and to help support this great cause, click here!

This year, in addition to playing various video games and tabletop games, I’m going to be teaching Magic to some of my teammates.  Any advice on how I should approach this?

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Touch of the Void, from Battle for Zendikar (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: Some wounds never heal.

MtR Rewording: Ulamog offers but one blessing.

Single-lined flavor text can be quite a challenge, and I think this was the case here.  The original flavor text seems to suit something like Mortal Wound better, and doesn’t really scream ‘Eldrazi’ to me.  After all, a lot of different kinds of wounds don’t heal, right?

For my reworking, I decided to keep it simple, and tie the flavor to Ulamog as well, as he was the titan who was released in this set’s storyline.  I decided to use the word “blessing” to pay homage to the fact that Ulamog was worshiped as the god Ula in the past, and not be overly descriptive, instead letting the art and the rules text inform the audience of what the touch of one of Ulamog’s spawn can do.

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Fork in the Road, from Shadows Over Innistrad (shown here):

Original Flavor Text:  "This is as far as I go." —Beckram, Skiltfolk escort

MtR Rewording: A single decision can be the difference between safety and a violent end.

I love the design of this card.  Mechanically, it cheaply accelerates, while feeding the Delirium/Tarmogoyf mechanic nicely.  Flavorwise, it makes the choice of different paths quite evocative, representing the path chosen with the land in hand, and the one not chosen with the land that ends up in the graveyard.  While the original flavor text is fine, it doesn’t really illustrate very much, other than letting you know not to hire Beckram to guide you when decisions need to be made.

For my reworking, I decided to play up the importance of making correct decisions, particularly in a game about making choices.  While this card is unlikely to cost you the game if you make the wrong choice of land, metaphorically, coming across a conundrum very well could in a game of Magic.  Should I double block that Craw Wurm with my two Runeclaw Bears when my opponent has 3 mana open?  Do I risk a Wildsize and lose my bears for nothing?  I enjoy these kinds of interactions, and wanted to reference them in this flavor text.

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Foul Orchard, from Shadows Over Innistrad (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: "Such a beautiful place for a stroll." —Liliana Vess

MtR Rewording: Secluded enough for both druidic meditation and necromantic rituals.

Hi guys!  A lot has happened since I last posted - I got a promotion at work, got married, and have been travelling a ton.  But it’s great to be back!

So the original flavor text does nothing for me.  I decided to go back to the mechanics of the card to create new flavor for this one, referencing both druids (Green) and necromancers (Black) with regard to who would frequent this land.  A green mage might find a quiet spot like this and think it is really scenic or peaceful.  A black mage might use the privacy it provides for more nefarious purposes.

[manychamberednautilus]

Help support a good cause!

Hi everyone,

I’m going to be participating in Extra Life’s 2015 Game Day this year, with all proceeds going to the Children’s Miracle Network to help admit and treat children regardless of income or ability to pay.  Having been to the hospital on a few scary occasions, I know how daunting this can be physically, emotionally, and financially.  All donations are tax-deductible and all proceeds go to help kids!

If you’d like to help out, please check it out below:

http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=178352

Thank you for your time!

[magictherewording]

Reaching out to the Magic community - donate a great cause!  My friends and colleagues are getting together for this year’s Extra Life gaming marathon, and could use your support!  We’ll be playing Magic, as well as other tabletop and video games.  Thank you!

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Gloom Surgeon, from Avacyn Restored (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: He roams the streets of Havengul seeking the sick and delirious so that he may cure them of their lives.

MtR Rewording: In life he prescribed toxins to rid Havengul of its ill and its mad. In death he continues, unhindered.

What a great concept!  I love the idea of a malevolent, calculating man of medicine who, as a spirit, continues his life’s work.  However, the flavor text feels a tad forced - “cure them of their lives” is very awkward wording, and I tried to retain the spirit of this card, while elaborating more.

I like the idea of a doctor who enjoyed playing god, choosing to kill his patients, who were often had mental ill or diseased, rather than curing them.  He had himself convinced that he was doing something completely justifiable.  Now that he is a ghost, he can continue his work, but is unhindered (which can help explain his damage prevention ability) because everybody’s focus is on the Helavault, and the many monster races of Innistrad, rather than this little forgotten murderous ghost.

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Scrivener, from Exodus, Odyssey, Vintage Masters, and Tempest Remastered (shown here):

 Original Flavor Text: “History is a potent weapon.” —Karn, silver golem

MtR Rewording: The path to victory meanders through the pages of the past.

Somebody must have been too close to their deadline for submitting flavor text, because this one is the epitome of uninspired drivel.  I’ve always been amused by the expression on this guy’s face too, like he’s saying, “I’m gonna write down every mean thing you ever said to me, so everyone will know what a huge jerk you are!”  Furthermore, it’s a tad on the nose, especially when what you’re fetching back is a burn spell.

For my rewording, I decided to be a tad more subtle while retaining the idea of using history to defeat your enemies.  You can win battles by employing strategies from history, and instead of rhyming “victory” with “history” I decided to include the word “pages” to further drive home the idea of this guy feverishly recounting past events with his quill and parchment.  I liked the idea of the road to victory not being straight and simple, using the word “meandering” to signify the work that’s still required to actually win the battle.  Much like the card itself, victory is far from assured when he hits the table, but he does give you a path towards it.

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Bonebreaker Giant, from M12 (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: One thing's for sure—his fists are harder than your skull.

MtR Rewording: The giants of Cragheim are said to be thousands of years old. While they have collected centuries of wisdom in their long lives, so too have they collected several lifetimes worth of rage.

One thing’s for sure—This flavor text and card name are uninspired.  Compare this super generic creature to a flavor hit like Fomori Nomad, which piques your interest.  Who are these mysterious horned giants?  Why is he a nomad?  What is his story?  It manages to do this with no flavor text at all.

I tried to make this card slightly more interesting by giving him a home and a story.  He’s not just a barely intelligent oaf like many red brawlers tend to be, but is instead a wise and ancient giant, having witnessed much over the centuries.  However, like a tinfoil hat-wearing conspiracy theorist, seeing events unfold around him over the ages has made him ornery and violent, hence his name.  He won’t hesitate to break every bone in your body, because he’s been pissed off for a long time.

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Heliod’s Pilgrim, from M15 (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: The blessings of Heliod are apparent for all to see.

MtR Rewording: Devotees of Heliod wear his blessings proudly, as both adornment and armor.

Man, even for a flavor text about obviousness, this is super obvious.  My problem with it is that it lacks personality.  The Pilgrim herself is incidental to her own card, lacking agency and defining characteristics.  Furthermore, just saying that everyone can tell when someone has been blessed by Heliod is quite empty, and doesn’t exactly elicit any kind of emotional response one way or another.

I took this in a slightly different direction, injecting some personality into the creature itself, instead of this being about Heliod.  The Pilgrim chooses to cloak herself in Heliod’s blessings, and is proud of her worship of the sun god, rather than just being a passive recipient of his magic.  This ties in to the mechanics nicely, since you can also choose not to search for an aura if you don’t want to.  This also justifies the flashy display (adornment), since she wants other people to see the power of her god, while also serving a very practical, protective purpose that auras often do (armor).

[ugin]

My goal is to follow like every magic blog out there. Reblog if you’re a magic blog so I and others can follow

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Hi!  I rewrite bad/bland/unbefitting flavor text.  Check me out! :)

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Feast or Famine, from Alliances, Masters Edition and Duel Decks: Izzet vs. Golgari (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: “The living cannot understand the benefits of death.” —Chaeska, Keeper of Tresserhorn

MtR Rewording: “When the living starve, the undead feast.” —Chaeska, Keeper of Tresserhorn

Today’s subject is an unexpected reprint from Alliances.  I always found the flavor text to be a bit bland and strange, since the Chaeska is talking about the benefits of death (and not undeath).  Is he/she talking about how awesome it is to starve to death?  Or how great it is to eat people?  Either way it doesn’t really fit with the flavor of the spell, and I wanted to connect it to the mechanics a bit more.

In my reworking, I wanted to play with the idea that this spell has multiple options, which are extensions of the same thing.  The starvation of the living (Famine) is directly connected with the gorging of the undead (Feast), and so an aspiring necromancer can choose which to channel their energies into.

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Tyrannax, from Fifth Dawn

Original Flavor Text: It outnumbers you one to many.

MtR Rewording: The hunters surrounded it, hoping to outflank it. The tyrannax was merely waiting to knock them all down with one swing of its tail.

I’ve always disliked this flavor text, because it seems so forced.  I understand it’s meant to make the creature seem impressive, but why would it be at an advantage when you have numbers on it?  It just seems like an uninspired little blurb, and a wasted opportunity.

I played around with this idea a little in my rewording.  I liked the idea of an intelligent predator, which is merely drawing its hunters in.  They expect it to attack with its massive jaws or razor-sharp claws, but much to their surprise, one wide swing of its tail takes them all out at once.  It also retains the spirit of the original text, while at the same time explaining why it loses toughness when it uses its ability (leaving itself open as it spins around).

[elspethsunschampion]

The point isn’t that it’s at an advantage when there are more hunters.  The point is that it’s so big that it still “outnumbers” you even if there are many of you.  It is equivalent to more than many hunters, in other words.  It’s nothing to do with its intelligence.

[yahenni]

Also it doesn’t lose toughness, it loses power.

this post is a mess

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Guilty of glossing right over the rules text!  I never realized this card gave -1/+1 and always just assumed it was a variation of Shambling Strider.  Just thought I’d try a different angle to green’s typical beast flavor, which tends to be “It’s big and eats everything”.  Green doesn’t get nearly as many smart monsters as it does large and hungry ones.

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Tyrannax, from Fifth Dawn

Original Flavor Text: It outnumbers you one to many.

MtR Rewording: The hunters surrounded it, hoping to outflank it. The tyrannax was merely waiting to knock them all down with one swing of its tail.

I've always disliked this flavor text, because it seems so forced.  I understand it's meant to make the creature seem impressive, but why would it be at an advantage when you have numbers on it?  It just seems like an uninspired little blurb, and a wasted opportunity.

I played around with this idea a little in my rewording.  I liked the idea of an intelligent predator, which is merely drawing its hunters in.  They expect it to attack with its massive jaws or razor-sharp claws, but much to their surprise, one wide swing of its tail takes them all out at once.  It also retains the spirit of the original text, while at the same time explaining why it loses toughness when it uses its ability (leaving itself open as it spins around).

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Armored Skaab, from Innistrad (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: Literally made for battle.

MtR Rewording: "What good fortune! A corpse intact and already dressed for battle." —Stitcher Geralf

Sometimes flavor text is not terrible, but is just bland.  I understand what the writer was going for here, but it just seemed like a a missed opportunity for more flavor.  Innistrad’s skaabs are zombies that are usually made from many different parts from different corpses sewn together, but the art seems to portray a singular figure with no extra heads or arms.

For my reworking, I decided to play with this idea.  Geralf, who is used to having to stitch together his army, is instead given the rare treat of raising a soldier who died in their armor.  After all, what would make a necromancer's day like an army of zombies pre-armored and ready to go?

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Impromptu Raid, from Shadowmoor (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: For the Scuzzback gang, it's always "raid o'clock."

MtR Rewording: The Scuzzback raid whenever hunger intersects with desperation.

While some might find this card's flavor text funny, I wanted to change up the tone a little bit.  The Scuzzback gang are Shadowmoor's red-green faction, and as such are driven by both instinct and emotion.  I liked the general idea of being ready to fight all the time, but tried to make it a little more green, rather than giving it purely red flavor.  I wanted to guess at their motivations for doing so - as their numbers grow, there is less food to feed the warren, driving them to hunt and to kill.  I made it clear that hunger and desperation drive these actions, rather than just bloodlust.

...Though bloodlust is probably still a big part of these motivations.

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Grim Roustabout, from Return to Ravnica (shown here):

Original Flavor Text: He'll point you to your death row seats.

MtR Rewording: One way or another, you'll be hooked.

This one is spectacularly awful.  I know there is very little space for creativity, but it’s just an ungraceful non-pun.  In my reworking, I wanted to retain the spirit of this unholy circus where unwitting audience members routinely get dragged into the action, whether they like it or not - while also preserving the pun.  Maybe it’s the risk and the danger that is so intriguing about Rakdos parties.  It becomes an addiction to attend, risking life and limb each time, but it’s a rush like no other.