[babylizard-blog]

BRB - Bring Real Bees

BTW - Bees They’re Wild

BBL - Bees, BEES! Later

[vampiregerards]

[maineimizlinzi]

In which my dad learns about purses and jeans sizes.

My dad: Your sister's crazy. Who'd want a $200 purse?

Me: She does.

My dad: What is it with ladies purses, anyway?

Me: (glancing at my purse) What do you mean?

My dad: How did that start--I mean, why do women use them? Doesn't it get tiring carrying a bag around all the time?

Me: (stands up and turns around) See those pockets?

My dad: ... Yes?

Me: What can I fit in them?

My dad: What?

Me: How many things do you think I could fit in my pockets? Honestly. How many things?

My dad: Doesn't look like you could fit much.

Me: A pack of Orbit, some folded bills, and that's about it. That's why we use purses--because we can't carry our shit in our pockets like you do.

My dad: But I can fit my wallet, my keys, and my cigarettes in my pockets!

Me: And your jeans also fit the way they should.

My dad: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean?

Me: Your jeans are sized by, what, your inseam and waist, right?

My dad: ... Aren't yours?

Me: I'm a size 3.

My dad: 3 what?

Me: No, just a 3. A size 3.

My dad: What does that mean?

Me: I actually have no idea. I'm a size 3 in these jeans. In some other jeans, I'm a 5. I'm a 7 in my favorite pair of shorts.

My dad: Wait, it's not the same?

Me: Nope. A size 3 in one brand's jeans is completely different from a size 3 in another brand.

My dad: That's fucking stupid! How do you shop for them?!

Me: With great difficulty. This is why when you ask me what I did during the week and despite the fact I know you won't care I sometimes tell you I found a pair of jeans. Because finding a pair of jeans that fit and fit well is like finding the Holy Grail with your name encrusted in diamonds on it

[betterthankanyebitch]

[victorious]

me at the movies

[dominicdraws]

"But I lacked courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating."  

-John Green, Looking for Alaska

Yes, I know that I have ongoing projects that demand my attention, but I had just reread Looking for Alaska and I realised how well this quote could’ve described Kristoff’s feelings toward Anna when they were going to meet the trolls and Kristoff was hesitating to place his hands on Anna’s shoulders.

[eva-420]

i feel bad for teachers because i distinctly remember my mom bursting into tears once when she was grading papers and she was just mumbling “theyre so goddamn stupid” over and over

[hill--tops]

every time i read this i laugh a little harder

[moxiimutant]

no but what pisses me off is when parents dont let boys and girls hang out as friends like especially when it comes to sleepovers

like no i dont want his dick in me i want to sit on my floor and throw board game pieces at him when i lose

[jump-doughboy-jump]

finally someone said it

[emmaphorismz]

Females grow pubic hair

Not all labias are symmetrical

Big clitorises are not unnatural

Vaginal secretions exist outside of sexual arousal

These secretions have a smell

Some more pungent than others

The female reproductive system is not dirty

The female body can be hairy and a bit smelly and it will appear different for everyone

And that’s okay

[terminallyjilll]

file under: shit i was not taught in school but fuck i wish it was

[mistress-maya]

^ ^ This.

[beeinherbonnet]

[garbage-dono]

this is not a good time for my depression to be creeping back into my brain i have shit to do go away

[irisannwest]

do you ever

do you ever just have

that one class

that one freaking class

that just depresses you when you think about it because

oh god you hate it so much

[riddlemetom]

Overheard in the halls of Hogwarts [4/4] Inspired by x

[willyoulovemeh]

I just want to be slightly drunk, half naked, and completely on top of someone.

[charmdog]

my heart says yes but my mom says no

[anditlingers]

[flyawaymax]

That’s the opposite of a problem

[der-prinz-aus-stahl-deactivated]

I’d love to know how this mistake was made. What was going through their heads at the factory?

"Are you sure it actually says 1,450?"

"Yeah, why would it be a mistake?"

[wwd]

Reem Acra Bridal Spring 2015

[power-of-angel-deactivated20140]

[can-u-not-my-wayward-son-deacti]

he’s like a teenage girl at a sleepover

[overa-chievious-deactivated2022]

*turns on tv and channel flips*

In the criminal justice system…

*doesn’t do homework for 5 more hours*