a lot of disabled people do not understand how disabled they are--or even that they have disabilities at all--because they don't think of people with disabilities as real people. they don't have friendships with people with disabilities--unless those people are similarly in denial about disability/have ableist beliefs about others and themselves.
if you are like that, you probably don't realize a lot of things about people with disabilities. you probably don't understand people with disabilities are living real lives, with support or not, and are everywhere. so you think you can't relate to people with disabilities.
here are some things that might mean that, yes, you have a disability and you are not so different after all from people you think you have nothing in common with:
it is painful to go out into the community. are you only able to leave your home once a week, twice a month, even less? is it hard to get yourself to even go to a park? the store? are the lights too bright and the interactions too hard? yeah so that's called having a disability. you may need habilitation supports. sadly, those are being cut all the time and if it never gets fully funded you may never receive them.
do you have trouble navigating the community while you are out? have you crossed the street without realizing there were still cars on the road? have you been hit by a car or almost hit by a car because you didn't understand where you were in relation to it? that's a disability experience. again, habilitation supports (specific to navigation) might be useful to you.
do you struggle to cook for yourself? are you too exhausted from a relatively normal workload to make even a simple meal? is it too difficult to understand the steps of a recipe? are you really particular with the food you eat and it is sometimes hard to shop for yourself? you have a disability. people who qualify for caregiving support very often get support with these things, although it's usually not enough. because of, again, budget cuts.
are you struggling to get employed or stay employed? are the tasks always too much even though some coworkers, who may still be stressed, seem to manage? are some basic tasks really hard when others don't think it's that hard? are you never a right "culture" fit? do people look at you weird and you're literally just doing nothing to them? are you always on the brink of crisis when you are working, even if it's part time hours? yeah you are disabled. look into whether you qualify for Vocational Rehabilitation services, tbh.
do you struggle with hygiene? is it too painful or mentally overwhelming to go through all the steps of showering? of brushing your teeth? putting on deodorant? going to the bathroom? doing laundry? yeah, that's a disability. people who qualify for caregiving services very often get support with one or all of these things.
do you feel like you can only be alert and able to do ANYTHING for a very limited time of the day? for me, it's like three hours. are you maybe awake for longer but it's almost impossible to think or do something? this is called being disabled! you have a limited number of "usable hours" in a day.
do you live with your parents because you are unable to live alone, without support? and I don't mean financial support, necessarily. I mean like you have trouble with making sure you eat, sleep, and stuff like that. you are disabled.
are you in pain? do you need specific rituals or equipment, even if it's something as simple as ear defenders, to reduce the pain enough to get through the limited tasks you have during a day? you are disabled.
is one or more of these things temporary because of depression? depression is a serious disability. temporary disabilities exist. a lot of people experience temporary disability by experiencing pregnancy. also, the severity of disability fluctuates. a lot of autistic people experience something called "autistic burnout," which is a severe regression in 'skills' (tasks of daily living, speaking, etc.) that can occur in adulthood. for some people, long covid is a temporary disability (in many others it is permanent).
you may now understand you have legitimate needs. you may now understand you have significant barriers to community inclusion, employment, and education. you are a person with a disability who experiences both the bodily limitations you have and the systemic discrimination that all people with disabilities experience.
the world you need is the world that supports people who have more significant disabilities than you. the world you need is the world where you and other people with disabilities identify that your enemy is not other disabled people but it is the system that devalues disability. the world you need is a world where you recognize the basic humanity of people with disabilities. if you are not disabled yet, you probably will become disabled one day when you get older.
here's how I challenge internalized ableism, something that is harmful to both myself and other disabled people:
being friends/colleagues with other self advocates with 'severe' disabilities
working in the disability field
understanding disability more
you don't have to do any of these (although I think you SHOULD befriend people with more 'severe' disabilities)
