Forever Younger Growing Older

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via sfangela)

[attackofthekillershwees]

I’m watching a documentary on Netflix about animals getting prosthetics and this vet just hand sculpted a prosthetic beak for an injured swan and the very first thing it did was use its new beak to bite someone

[manic-pixie-meme-grrl]

that is very on-brand for swans

[treygotguap]

[kcdworld]

I’m the one who said you left ya jacket in my car

[icel]

a sad day for america

[unclefather]

and i think to myself…. what a wonderful worm

[cherryseltzer]

[lovingrot]

if i were dating you. well, heh. let’s just say horses wouldn’t be called ‘horses’ anymore.

hey what the fuck does this mean

[lovingrot]

im shaking what does this mean

[owlmylove]

it’s officially impossible for me to fall in love bc last night at a party drunk-me remembered that sober-me had thrown 3 funsize kitkats into my bag with the explicit thought “drunk-me is going to be so excited when she finds these” and i don’t think any other person is gonna be able to love me like that

[transcendental-genderism-deacti]

but what did drunk you ever do for sober you

[owlmylove]

one time i blacked out and woke up to find 13 full sized rolls of ritz crackers in my bag bc drunk me is also an ideal provider

[rupindork-deactivated20130712]

Did Jordin Sparks ever figure out how to breathe with no air

[florals780]

when was the last time u heard anything about jordin sparks. i rest my case

[osterfields-deactivated20181007]

[atthepriceofoblivion]

Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu

Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter

[catchymemes]

[taquito]

the cashier asked me how im gonna pay like in terms of cash or card and i just said “money” cause i meant cash and she went “thats how it works”

[deaddolin]

im the cashier

[kemurikusa]

[demigodgooglesearches]

when ur playing trivia and the ancient greek questions start rollin in:

[lesbiananeela-deactivated201809]

What’s weird about John Mulaney is that all his anecdotes are EXTREMELY and WILDLY specific and personal and there is no way on this green earth that I, a nearly 20 year old woman who’s never done ANYTHING, should relate to it and YET

[disclosureday]

these middle schoolers are touring campus and one of them walked by me and said “hey what’s college life like” and i told him “it sucks” and he said “well it can’t be any worse than middle school.” he’s right

[toshio]

[spadefish]

[northerncricket]

I’m glad the west ran out of cat memes, so now we have to import them from Russia and Japan