Some days you're a functional human being and others a two year is more qualfied to pour milk on your cereal.

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@mangleface100
Some days you're a functional human being and others a two year is more qualfied to pour milk on your cereal.
Tea-pothead..
OMFGOMFGOMFG myoclonictwitch baby we need one of these!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
j
Which Students Got the Funniest Detention Slips?
âDisrupting class - claiming to be the reborn Jesus and hitting another student with a Bibleâ I honestly canât breathe omfg
i got a detention for meowing in class...
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pugs who jump = amazingly hilarious myoclonictwitch
babe you're cute as fuck
myoclonictwitch
youdtearthiscanvasskinapart:
perksofbeingademigodtribute:
childofravenclaw:
thenthehumans:
thetwinthatlived:
First and Last words.
Iâm not crying, thereâs something in both my eyes.
âŠ.. THE FIRST AND LAST WORDS ARE SAID BY ALBUS I TAKE BACK ANY CRITICISM OF HIS NAMEÂ
I open at the close
toO SOON
the beauty of this is so great
wherever you go in life, you will only ever see a small portion of the road ahead of you. you will only ever know the outcome of choices you make, there are any number of things going on around you and people will cross your path briefly as you go along. you will never know what may or may not have happened at any given time. so donât think too hard just go with the flow, accept whatever may be coming along and keep on doing what you do.
Lily Potter fanfic
As he walked hesitantly into her line of sight she more sensed than heard him, as if his smell long since forgotten had permeated the delicate filaments of her memory, she slowly looked up scarcely daring to believe it true, but it was. âMum?â he sounded close to tears and she discovered that there were tears in her eyes also. She knew him at once. His face both familiar and strange at the same time. She drank in his image greedily as someone close to dehydration would gulp at an oasis, he was her oasis, her saviour, her last link to life. And she remembered as if it were yesterday, Harry had barely turned one, she felt as though she were meant to be in hiding, but she felt so happy and content and safe, perhaps they had been playing she couldnât quite recall, James had been making coloured rings of smoke race each other as a final Halloween trick or treat, with James she never could tell⊠His laughter as he held Harry close and then swung him high in the air, she had a momentary pang of fear for Harryâs safety but she knew James would always put Harryâs wellbeing above all else.
She nodded slowly a smile more sad than happy, but why should she be sad? He was here her boy her Harry, the only one in her heart, no, she corrected herself her one of two, James, and how apt that was that they should possess her love so entirely, where one ended the other began, two peas in a pod she realised and she followed the train of his green eyes, as if his, so similar to her own not only had the same form but the same feel and desire to look upon that face that beautiful strong face that completed their family. âDad?â She basked in his beauty, he looked how she now felt; as if his heart was stuck in a perpetual state of breaking and repairing and then being dashed into pieces once again, a time turner catching that moment of destruction and playing it back in his soul over and again for eternity. His hazel eyes they only true differentiation between himself and the eleven year old boy gazing up so intently into his face. Almost a reflection in a mirror so alike were they. He had been ever her protector always so strong even when she hadnât wanted or needed it, but it was such a comfort, to know that if he was there she would always be safe, that Harry would always be safe.
Her heart wrenched as a flash of fear tore through her lungs taking away her breath momentarily, fear for James? Why should that be? He was safe, and sound and beautiful his fringe dancing above his brow like leaves on a tree dancing in the wind ever unpredictable ever lively. And yet there it was, inexplicably, an echo of a memory of a moment long past, Jamesâ voice telling her to Run, heâs here who was there? Take Harry and run, IâllâŠ. And the memory was lost she was back with her boys. A moment of disquiet in a silent moment that could stretch out forever, and ever and ever if she wanted, and she did want.
She knew that it could not last, knew intrinsically that he would leave. That this picture frame in time could only exist as just that. A picture in a frame, held behind glass, forever suspended in this moment in the swirling finite abyss of Harryâs memory and when he was gone all memory of her existence would forever perish.
Another pang of fear as her mortality overwhelmed her. She knew that time was fleeting, how she could not say she only knew that the time would come and in a flash of light and that fearsome sound of oncoming infinity would consume her forever. But a greater feeling that this was necessary if her baby, her boy, her only son was to survive, at all costs he must live. Even if it meant her ultimate demise she knew that she would sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if it meant that he had the chance of a future. And that knowledge, that knowing that her life paled in comparison of the prospect of this child being able to stand in front of her in this moment gave her strength. Gave her a sense of power and freedom.
A final vision came to her, this time not bringing with it a sense of doom but a fierce sense of pride and power within herself, as the door swung open in her mind and the shrouded figure flowed into the room bringing with it a reek of death and evil things, she heard herself scream in her mind Not Harry, and anger a rage a magic filled her and she flung herself in front of her Harry, she could feel him behind her, her magic drawing him inside it as she protected him by giving up the last thing she had left.
A flash of green light and the rushing sound of oncoming death and she knew the reality of all. And she smiled as she came back to the present. Her son. Alive and well. He was all that mattered. She looked up one final time at James Potter his hazel eyes his crinkly smile she reached her arm around his waist and drew herself to him feeling his arm around her, real and alive even if for just this one moment and they watched together one final time as their beautiful son, Harry, who looked so much like James, backed away from them still in their eternal embrace and slowly crept towards the door, which held his future. He has my eyes, she thought to herself as a beautiful feeling swelled through her being and Harry took one last lingering look into the mirror of Erised.
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myoclonictwitch
Facts from the 2014 UK Editions of Harry Potter
Before the Hogwarts Express, some young wizards and witches made their way to Hogwarts on broomsticks and in enchanted carriages
There are other fractional platforms at Kingâs Cross station. Try 7Â 1/2 for a trip to wizard-only villages in Europe.Â
It took five and a half minutes for the Sorting Hat to decide whether to place Minerva McGonagall in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw
Several Hogwarts students have caused mayhem at Kingâs Cross by dropping suitcases full of newt spleens or biting spellbooks all over the Muggle Station.
Peeves the poltergeist caused a three-day evacuation of Hogwarts in 1876 after escaping a trap set for him armed with several dangerous weapons.Â
The one exception to the general magical aversion to Muggle technology is cars. Even the Ministry of Magic owns a fleet, modified with various useful charms.Â
Many wizards were unhappy with the invention of the Muggle-like Knight Bus, and refused to use it when it first hit the streets.Â
Headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts can teach their magical portrait to act and behave exactly like themselves.Â
Sir Cadoganâs most famous encounter was with the Wyvern of Wye, a dragon-like creature, whom he accidentally killed with his broken wand.Â
Only one non-magical person has ever managed to get as far as the Hogwarts Sorting Hat before being exposed as a Squib.Â
Of the Eleven wizarding schools in the world, the African school of Uagadou is the only one to select pupils by Dream Messenger, leaving a token in the childâs hand whilst they sleep.Â
The 1809 Quidditch World Cup final turned into a human versus tree battle when one of the players managed to jinx an entire forest to attack the stadium.Â
The Hufflepuff ghost, the Fat Friar, was executed after senior churchman became suspicious of his ability to cure the pox by poking peasants with a stick.Â
Every year St. Mungoâs Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries treats at least one injury caused by homemade Floo powder.Â
Before she became a teacher at Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall used to work for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic.Â
Part of the process of becoming an Animagus requires you to carry a leaf from a Mandrake in your mouth for an entire month.Â
A Dark wizard called Raczidian was devoured by maggots that appeared from his wand when he unsuccessfully attempted to cast the Patronus Charm.
Any part of a personâs body can be added to the Polyjuice Potion to allow the consumer to take their form, including hair, toenail clippings, dandruff or worseâŠ
Remus Lupinâs father, Lyall, was a world-renowned authority on magical creatures like poltergeists and Boggarts.Â
It took 167 Memory Charms and the largest mass Concelment Charm ever performed in Britain to modify a muggle steam engine and create the Hogwarts Express.Â
Students from the Russian Wizarding school, Koldovstoretz, play a version of Quidditch where they fly on entire, uprooted trees instead of broomsticks.Â
Yes, these are all canon. Thought Iâd type it up to have it as a text reference. Enjoyyy.Â
I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE FACTS!
(n.b. naturally, remus lupinâs dad was also called âwolf.â nothing like tempting fate for two generations in a row, huh?)
ugh okay but now i want a squib who did make it through hogwarts;
a squib who spent her childhood pretending to magically start accidental fires with the lighter up her sleeve; who got her bemused little sister to grow her hair long overnight after a bad trim; a squib who shook all through shopping at diagon alley and who was so relieved that her parents were almost suspicious when they said that there wasnât enough money that year to get her a new wand from ollivanderâsâ sheâd have to take great-aunt jennyâs hand-me-down, eight and a half inches of oak and unicorn hair;
a squib who made it to platform 9Â 3/4, who made friends with some shy kid in the back of the express, who made it across the lake and up the stairs and through the great hall doors and by the great long tables and onto the wobbly old stoolâ
until the hat drops over her eyes
well what do we have here?
sheâs got a forged hogwarts letter with penmanship thatâs perfect down to the ink splatter; sheâs got a complicated string of owls, only half of them forged, from parents to administration to ministry thatâs so complicated her name ended up on the first year roll call anyway. sheâs got ten arguments, four pleas, and one smothered threat on the tip of her mental tongue for why the house that comes out of this hatâs brim better not be squib
sheâs got a lighter up her sleeve and an eight and a half inch wand in her belt that will never, ever work for her.Â
well, says the hat, better be slytherin then
she finds the room of requirement in her second week, because she has always been a hallway-pacer, her head always ringing with i want i want i need i need i will do this. the room of requirement gives her books of muggle magic tricks, sleight of hand, chemical ways to turn âwaterâ into âwine.âÂ
she bribes another first-year slytherin to wingardium leviosa her feathers in flitwickâs class. her shy friend from the train, a hufflepuff and a muggleborn, buys her a new lighter for christmas without being asked. when a gryffindor finds her scrubbing at tears in the back of the library and guesses whatâs the matter (heâs seen her classwork), she tells him the story, tells him what itâs like to be denied a whole world because they think different means brokenâ she expects him to tattle, but instead the gryff transfigures her needles for the rest of her academic career; and she whispers hints to him when his black thumb keeps making him fail herbology.Â
(the first thing sheâd said, when she realized heâd guessed her secret, had been âyou shouldâve been in ravenclawâ and he had looked at her gravely until she apologized)
the room of requirement gives her books and books on potions, arithmancy, herbologyâ these things are not about magic. these things are not about power that lives in your bones. she knows power, knows the way sparks fly from her little sisterâs wand when they take her to ollivanders, knows the way it flicks under her quill when she practices mcgonagallâs signature and sends home disciplinary letters to the parents of every student who ever bullied her friend from the train.Â
she waters nightshade and re-pots mandrakes, can tell poisonous mushrooms from magical (âŠalso poisonous) ones by a glance. she drops in just the right amount of unicorn horn powder in potions class (.025 g more than the instructions suggest) and when making sleeping draught stirs for half a stir extra.Â
this is about power that you make.Â
she studies and invents, schemes and lies and excels. she holds potions tutoring in the slytherin common room when her friend from the train suggests it, then moves it to the room of requirement after it gets too large and someone stains the green-and-silver upholstery. (her arithmancy sessions are much less well attended).Â
she keeps her lighter, her little packets of carefully measured powder, her jokeshop tricks up her sleeveâshe keeps the names of people who she can trust, who she can call on for distraction, for help, for a needed lie on the tip of her tongueâshe keeps her gryffindorâs heavy wand and quick wit close at hand; keeps her hufflepuffâs steady patience closer; keeps her own bright improvisations at her fingertips.Â
her bemused little sister ends up in ravenclaw, and they all eat at the hufflepuff table for breakfast because (she says) slytherins werenât meant to follow rules and because (her sister says) how stupid is this seating thing and because (her shy friend says) didnât you hear the hat? helga said sheâd take them all, so hold your tongue, macmillian, scoot over, and pass my friends here the hashbrowns.
when she graduates, she heads for the ministry. she has plans, and she has brave, smart, true, cunning friends to back her up.Â
power should never be something born into your bones.
Iâm in love with this
mortenavida JAY. READ THIS. I THINK YOU WILL LIKE A LOTâŠ
mangleface100
I dont even know why myoclonictwitch but this nearly made me cry....
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myoclonictwitch
pretty baby!
myoclonictwitch
A loaf of bread having a bad dream
myoclonictwitch
myoclonictwitch
I like lemon curd so much that one time i got stoned and started eating it out of the jar.... with a fork.... myoclonictwitch
Not all that glisters is gold....