god is god and i am not [ . . . ]

𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙈𝘼𝙉 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙐𝙏 𝙁𝙀𝘼𝙍

[manwithout]

𝐠𝐨𝐝  𝐢𝐬  𝐠𝐨𝐝  𝐚𝐧𝐝  𝐢  𝐚𝐦  𝐧𝐨𝐭   [ . . . ]

a writing blog for matt murdock / daredevil of marvel comics.  extremely canon divergent + headcanon inspired.  no influence from the netflix show.

about the writer.   jude, 21.  he/she.  I’ve been writing matt since june of 2017.

001.   I am willing to plot with non-mutuals if approached.    002.  I prefer to be plot driven,  at least some sort of pre-established dynamic before threading,  so I can have a basic idea of how our characters will interact.  but that’s not always necessary,  and I’m happy to do guesswork to get things rolling.  please add ideas! I’m okay with my partner doing a little [2017 vc] godmodding within reason to make interaction work if need be. 003.  multiverse + ship,  but selective about shipping. 004.  semi-active at the moment.   005.  potentially triggering content may be present,  such as violence,  death,  and exploration of traumatic experiences.  it will all be tagged to the best of my ability,  but if you need someone specific tagged,  let me know.  tagged as [trigger] /  006.  I’m open to any kind of threads  (one-liner,  para,  multi-para,  etc.)  I’m also currently fairly minimalist with my formatting + icon making is a slow process.  no need to lower your formatting,  but I probably won’t match it.  007.  this blog is heavily,  heavily based on my own headcanons for matt.  also lots of inspiration from the 70s-80s,  bendis + brubaker runs,  and bits and pieces lifted from everywhere else.   I take zero influence from the netflix show aside from a few scenes in season one. though I do appreciate a lot of things about the show,  I’d appreciate it if my matt wasn’t conflated with netflix’s version of matt.  I don’t have any problem interacting with netflix based blogs,  but I’d prefer to plot beforehand.   008.  I really am just here to write & plot!  I don’t have much to do anymore with intense Selectivity Rules, chances are if you want to write so do I!  I take frequent breaks from the internet, but I always have discord available. 

[manwithout]

<3

[manwithout]

hi >:)

[manwithout]

gamerposting again. started playing genshin impact. you could even say @kunigutsu impact

[manwithout]

hey sorry for disappearing again. I started playing baldurs gate 3. yeah it took all day. but look at her

[manwithout]

hello :)

[unspector]

# ¹⁰³ they'll work that much harder and endeavor to fulfill their duties... i look forward to seeing you prove the fortitude of your spirits. . . . private writing blogs for the original division one of the public safety bureau's crime investigation department : GINOZA NOBUCHIKA, KOUGAMI SHINYA, and SASAYAMA MITSURU of the psycho - pass animanga series, as portrayed by alyssa and jude.

[manwithout]

i show up in ur favorite alleyway like this. wyd

we are kissing but I'm not happy about it >:(

[branfstuff]

Daredevil by Alex Maleev

[manwithout]

whore

[mattmurdeaux]

"There's no denying a distinct sensuality to these depictions of the saint which often show his youthful body sparingly covered, hips shifting with contrapposto, narrowly waisted, and his gaze cast toward heaven, with an expression caught between torment and transcendence."

- A description of Matt Murdock St. Sebastian, the saint with the sluttiest aesthetic in all of Catholic canon ✨

[adrifteons]

GARBAGE. sentences from garbage's self - titled album.

come down to my house.

you can always pull out if you like it too much.

make a whole new religion.

i'll feed your obsession.

there'll be nothing but this thing that you'll never doubt.

a hit is hard to resist and i never miss.

i can take you out with just a flick of my wrist.

bow down to me.

now i want it too much.

now i want it to stop.

hey, boy, take a look at me.

let me dirty up your mind.

i'll strip away your hard veneer and see what i can find.

i hate to see you here.

you choke behind a smile, a fake behind the fear.

this is what he pays me for.

i'll show you how it's done.

you'll learn to love the pain you feel.

like father, like son.

i know what's good for you.

you can touch me if you want.

i know you're dying to.

you're nothing special here.

i'm only happy when it rains.

i'm only happy when it's complicated.

i know you can't appreciate it.

you know i love it when the news is bad.

it feels so good to feel so sad.

pour your misery down on me.

i only smile in the dark.

my only comfort is the night gone black.

you'll get the message by the time i'm through.

you can keep me company.

as long as you don't care.

you wanna here about my new obsession?

i'm riding high upon a deep depression.

nothing that you say will release you.

nothing that you pray will forgive you.

nothing's what your words mean to me.

something that you did will destroy me.

something that you said will stay with me long after you're dead and gone.

if flesh could crawl, my skin would fall from off my bones and run away from here.

as far from god as heaven is wide.

if holy is as holy does, this house will burn straight down to hell.

nothing said could change the fact.

my trust was blind, you broke the pact.

if god's my witness, god must be blind.

take it back. i dare you, take it back.

no, you can't. you should have thought of that.

what's inside a man that goes so wrong?

choke on guilt, that's far too good for you.

say one word, i'll laugh and bury you.

i wish i could fly as angels can fly.

i bit my tongue and stood in line, with not much to believe in.

i bought into what i was sold and ended up with nothing.

this is not my idea of a good time.

you thought that i would never see.

what was meant for you was meant for me.

i was distracted at the time.

forget about yours, now what about mine?

you thought i was a little girl. you thought i was a little mouse.

you thought you'd take me by surprise, now i'm here, burning down your house.

i could have stayed that way forever.

bad blood and ghosts wrapped tight around me.

nothing could ever seem to touch me.

i lose what i love most.

did you know i was lost until you found me?

a stroke of luck or a gift from god?

you came to me.

here comes the cold again.

i feel it closing in.

you say that you'll be there to catch me. or will you only try to trap me?

these are the rules i make.

our chains were meant to break.

you'll never change me.

i can't use what i can't abuse.

i can't stop when it comes to you.

you burned me out but i'm back at your door.

i nearly died.

i came to cut you up.

i came to knock you down.

i came around to tear your little world apart.

i came to shut you up.

i came to drag you down.

you've gone too far, now i won't give in.

you crucified me but i'm back in your bed.

pretend you're anything just to be adored.

what you need is what you get.

don't believe in fear.

don't believe in faith.

don't believe in anything that you can't break.

you stupid girl.

all you had, you wasted.

what drives you on can drive you mad.

a million lies to sell yourself is all you ever had.

don't believe in love.

don't believe in anything that you can't waste.

i can't believe you fake it.

i wish i had not woke up today.

everyone mistakes the things you say.

take the simple truth and twist it all around, make it sound important, make it seem profound.

nothing you learn will stick.

you make me feel so worthless.

everyone i know has gone away. died or left or just forgot to stay.

i never would have pegged you for what you have become.

everyone lies, everyone cheats. not like you've done.

i'll cherish them until the end.

send me an angel to love.

i need to feel a little piece of heaven.

i'm afraid i'll never get to heaven.

i'll steal your breath and throw away what i despise.

i've done my time.

if i should die before i wake, then you'll know why.

things don't have to be this way.

catch me on a better day.

take away my fear.

everything i had to give gave out long before.

fix me now, i wish you would.

bring me back to life.

kiss me blind, somebody should.

who gave up and who gave in?

i'll go without a fight.

cut me down or cut me dead.

take away my doubt.

i am lost, so i am cruel.

i'd be love and sweetness if i had you.

i'm waiting for you.

[manwithout]

get into some trouble?

IT STARTED OUT WITH STEALTH. then it went to hell. tip from an ANONYMOUS caller (on his private phone -- unnerving): word of an attack, civilians still in the building, a paramilitary merc group packing heavy, an ambush, some millions involved probably. in his vicinity, on his STREETS. and of course it came with no word on the who or why, only the when, the where, and thought you might like to know. so cavalier. whatever psych profile or cache of information they no doubt have on him probably says something along the lines of easily baited, which he resents. resents more the fact that this is something he missed.

[ steady heart-rate. exotic perfumes. flash of a san francisco window smashed. skin on sheets. steps silent on the ground. almost able to sneak up. almost. if only she didn't cut through the noise. ] if he hadn't clocked it as SHIELD before... GET INTO SOME TROUBLE ?

there's a second team a floor above alerted and ready and gearing up. he tastes the gunmetal, the clicks of ammo locking into place scratching at the back of his mind. there's a siren somewhere bleeding out the specifics of numbers, but no less than ... ten? no, fifteen. not exactly easy, but nothing he hasn't done alone before. not alone. natasha. he opens his mouth to say something smart, whatever that might be, then-- the last man coming up for a round two, bigger than the rest, heart-pounding, gut-twisting. a lumbering rise of a fist, panting breath, damn near sluggish. his radar charts that blur of motion, give of momentum, muscle memory rolling -- a quick twist, and daredevil drives a kick into the man's gut, HARD, sends him flying back with the faint, wet crunch of a busted rib. he'll live, but he won't be getting back up. they're in a circle of groaning bodies, flattened to the bone.

he can feel the smile digging into his cheeks. can't quite force it off. thinks: I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR SHIELD AGAIN. then: if I wasn't in trouble before. old habit of widening his stance, loosening at the shoulders, resting his batons on them, rolling onto his back heel. maybe -- eyes on him ? he can never tell with her, what she's thinking, what she's feeling, if if if. she slips over his senses clean as a razored edge. his radar closes up, blotted out, down just to the body and natasha in front of him. knuckles stinging, blood in his mouth from a lucky punch. she's still beautiful as ever in his minds eye. not right now. ❝ ... fancy meeting you here. ❞ goddamnit. ❝ right on time, like always. did you place that call ? ❞

[manwithout]

you still get to be the hero.

❝ I'M NOT TRYING TO BE A-- ❞ the word hero gets stuck in his teeth, fat and heavy with its infection. hero. hero. he's been called that before, hasn't he ? a GOOD MAN. a man who could save with his hands as well as his words; those striking fists of god's judgement, the laws of man, the endless juxtaposition of human condition. but he'd tried to save her, and what had it wrought ? nothing but this . . . state of damnation. grace gone. unmanned. pretending he was more than he was. a fool and a false idol, rotten to the meaty core.

SEE IT NOW: he kneels before her. begging, maybe, for her forgiveness. the hospital's floor is hard and cold against his knees, punishing in of itself.

what could be said between them ? apologies would be useless, useless as the deaths she left behind. his skin tingles and burns, right where he knows the raised scar tissue of a bite mark sits, and he drops his head low. shame: a reared beast, eating away at him now, the same way she ate them. ❝ it was never about being a hero, catheryn. it was only ever about you. about what I . . . ❞ oh, it burns. he rubs his shoulder. shame. shame. is he not her maker ? the violence is his own, passed to her. the devil corrupting. ❝ about what I did to you. turned you into. I should have seen it sooner, and I didn't. ❞

if he had, he could have stopped it, he could have gotten her what she needed. real help. doctors. counselors. people who could draw her back from the brick of her delusions. he failed her, and he is no hero, nothing but a man on his knees, penitent. guilty from birth. ❝ I hope you can forgive me. and I hope you'll let these doctors give you the help you need. ❞

[manwithout]

 i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything, without having to say that i ran out into the street to prove something.

❝ you can tell this story however you need to, miss eaton. ❞ the name comes out of him like the butt of a knife to the teeth. it hits, it stings. it's not right, and yet, doesn't it make more sense ? it's easier to turn her into that ... catherine eaton. a woman who lost her mind. a woman who was never really there. the LIES come so easily to him now, and it's all he can do to say it's to save her still.

catheryn d'eath was an illusion, a persona made up to cope with severe trauma, a persona made alongside an unhealthy fixation on the KNOWN VIGILANTE: DAREDEVIL. what spurred this fixation, one can only speculate, but its influence on her killing spree and the subsequent media fixation cannot be ignored. her recorded behavior with authorities [ demanding she be killed, severe and constant emotional outbursts, attempts to harm herself and others, clinging to delusions of religious grandeur ] and the initial psychological evaluations show her to be clearly UNFIT for a traditional prison.

catherine eaton is insane. catherine eaton is a woman he can help. catherine sits before him now, smelling of harsh soap and sterile hallways, not the viscous heaviness of the ANGELMAKER, and for that he is grateful. beside him, foggy sits silently, ruffling through the files they've gathered on her case. they aren't speaking still. how could you be so stupid, matt ? a question for the ages.

❝ whatever you say here is confidential. it doesn't leave this room. our job is to help you, nothing more, nothing less. do you have any questions before we begin ? ❞

[angelmaker]

latest cathmatt meme drop

[moosings-deactivated20231019]

#THE BATMAN  :  (   some triggering content may be present !     change pronouns to suit.     )

i don’t care what happens to me.

a new friend of yours?

don’t worry, honey.

who are you under there?

all it takes is fear and a little focused violence.

i wouldn’t be bothering you here, but your people keep telling me you’re unavailable.

don’t throw your life away.

things will get worse before it gets better.

you’re not my father.

i’m not so sure.

are you just hideously scarred?

no guns.

it can be cruel, poetic or blind.

hey guys, thanks for all the comments and tips on detonators.

your family has a history of philanthropy but as far as i can tell you’re not doing anything.

oh you’re really not as smart as i thought you were.

i’m well aware.

all you had was me.

if we don’t stand up to him, no one will.

i’m vengeance.

from your secret friend.

i thought i’d mastered all that.

gotham needs you to answer for the sins of your father.

get out of here or that suit’s gonna be full of blood.

i can take care of myself.

let’s get into some trouble.

yeah, man, that’s your thing

all these years, you lied to me.

the answer’s justice.

if this continues it won’t be long before you have nothing left.

fear is a tool.

the killer left this for you.

you came!

you have a lot of cats.

we all have our scars.

how am i part of this?

people need hope.

what have you done?!

mine or yours?

if you are justice, please do not lie.

i have a thing about strays.

bastard murders you and your reputation.

why is he writing to you?

i never thought i’d feel fear like that again.

who am i kidding, you’re already spoken for.

maybe we’re not so different.

i’ve been trying to reach you.

why don’t you come with me?

the riddler is asking for you.

when that light hits the sky, it’s not just a call, it’s a warning for them.

who are you hiding?

what the hell is this?

it has a nice ring.

you’ll see.

i’m just here to unmask the truth about this cesspool we call a city.

i don’t think that rat likes you.

vengeance won’t change the past.

you are a part of this too.

you know, you really could be doing more for this city.

you needed a father.

let’s play a game.

just me and you.

get into some trouble?

he moonlights as a cop.

what’s black and blue and dead all over?

you could have at least pulled that punch, man.

maybe this is all coming to an end.

it’s only gonna get worse for you.

what is the price for your blind eye?

oh you’re everything they say you are, aren’t ‘cha? we both are.