Cute Things & Trash

Im Maggie ✿// Virgo ✿// she/her ✿

[door]

this is great. slowly we will build a house

[sketchywiring]

Thats crazy dude mind if i join you

[pericardium-and-glass]

Hey man, why did the deepest level of your subconscious thoughts manifest that?

[slimetony]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[slimetony]

Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

[beholdingslut]

this from the guy who wrote the sting pain index, a scale he constructed after letting himself be stung by insects

[beholdingslut]

“why did i start this list” pleaseeeeeee this is so funny

[caracalliope]

his descriptions were extremely on-point, and frankly inspiring when writing a hurt/comfort scene

Instagram poets could never!

[lobautumny]

For those who want it, here is the entire list:

Anyways, dude's 1,000% a huge masochist. Nobody just describes pain like this unless they're enjoying it.

[onehundredandtwentyfour]

Schmidt sting pain index - Wikipedia

[moveslikekeithrichards]

they need to invent a digestive system that behaves predictably and correctly

[moveslikekeithrichards]

working with little kids is so dangerous. you get one kid who has a unique way of speaking & then spend the rest of your life with an internal monologue like “me’s go bathroom?”

[moveslikekeithrichards]

other thrilling destructions of my vocabulary:

the kid who replaced his hard G sounds with soft ones, leaving me incapable of thinking of glasses as anything other than jlasses

kid who would holler "DID" any time she finished her work no matter how many times we told her to just raise her hand

kid who began her scary stories with "once a time" and her friend who began his with "paw time"

middle schooler i had during student teaching who pronounced magritte as "mah-gritty"

the kid who said "i got boogies comin out my nose" while sobbing and the kid who said "theres his puddle of cry" while describing a drawing, both of whom i think of when im crying

kid who said that if he was 80 he would get big and turn grandpa

kid who, for no reason in particular, would just say "like a little feet" as a standalone phrase in relation to nothing

edit how could i forget. the kid who got sneezed on and angrily said "whyd you blessyou on me"

[hollowedskin]

My niece who asks people with dogs "are him big or him little?"

And every person without fail answers "uh.. him big"

[draconym]

Years later my vocabulary is still influenced by:

kid who called snakes "nakes"

kid who called calculators "cockulators"

my little cousin who referred to anything he didn't have an immediate answer to as "vewy mystewious"

"I don't yike heem"

[pjharvey]

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

[thesinlesssinner]

My therapist always says “reading is a healthy hobby” and every time I’m like “girl not how I do it.”

[dogpuppy]

[catgirl-kaiju]

so what if we took this simple appealing logo that not only uses our iconic map pin icon, but utilizes our brand colors in a pattern evocative of roads on a map and replaced it with the late 2000s mac rainbow pinwheel after an incident involving a hole punch

[transarsonist]

they straight up fucked her till she gaped and her makup was smeared,

[kkimoto]

I'm finally working on a little ✨fully colored✨ Enho comic!

[ilovecoelacanths]

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

[sailor-crusader-deactivated2025]

It's not like I like you or anything! P-Pendejo!

[silverrdagger]

whatever 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

[cubejello]

I did my PhD in a fish lab, and one time I was emailing a fish company, and the guy emailed me back with the signature “Best fishes,” followed by these guys

[snapscube]

can u move things with ur mind?

yeah but only if i use my hands

[catasters]

[thickness-protection-program]

Diva down

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[caecilius-est-pater]

[basketballhoopshowerhead]

a dude at the gym just reached in his bag, pulled out a bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup, smiled & shook his head like that’s just something that happens to people, put it back and then pulled out a bottle of water instead

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

if hello kitty was real we would be bestfriends

[dadgirlwalking]

me n u or u n hello kitty ?

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

me and you