MarieArt

| Shawna | 35 | She/Her | INFP | Bi/Pansexual | Multi-fandom and random stuff posted here.

[marieart]

I feel myself slipping again...

[fateofmaximoff]

elizabeth olsen; eternity bloopers // [x]

[marieart]

I am about to lose my shit...

I needed somewhere to post this and get it off my chest. Somewhere that family or friends won't see it so deal with me. Author note: I am not suicidal, but i have a history of ideations. I needed to post somewhere that I'm not getting fake love from people that I have attempted to remove from my life.

I'm manic depressive (bipolar). I also have anxiety and C-PTSD 🤷‍♀️ whatever... This year, mainly this month, has truly tested me. Work, mental health, and physical health.. I'm looking right at spinal surgery because my spinal cord is getting pinched off. I was told that if I even get a hard slap to the back, I can be paralyzed. There's a small window that they could operate and try to prevent it, but its a SMALL window.

Work is killing me. Clients are getting more and more demanding. Nothing but pure attitude and hatefulness. Constantly rescheduling and changing services around, saying "its not my fault that our schedules don't work", etc. They dont realize that i have 40 people; 80+ if you include their caretakers. 100+ including representatives.

After today, I have had it. I'm not going into detail about everything I've been through in my life; losing people, losing my home, failed suicide attempts, etc. But i would like to fucking know what i did to have to go through all this? What is God's big plan for me because I am sick of all this.

The country is a big dumpster fire that's on the brink of exploding. Life expenses are so fucking high that no one can survive. We're constantly looking over our shoulder wondering what's the next thing. I mean, yes, my life could be worse but when do I get a break.

When am I allowed to enjoy something? Where's my partner, kids, and white picket fence? How come I have done everything for everyone else, but I don't get anything in return? I couldnt even stay dead, so why I am still here? (No, I don't want to die anymore but I'd like to know the purpose). Why was energy used to save me?

[mizgnomer]

David Tennant and an excellent question from Julice on The Assembly Unseen

[crowley-anthony]

#just ineffable husbands things (x|x|x) thank you aziraphale and crowley for everything❤️

[invisibleicewands]

[fan-a-tink]

A NIGHTINGALE | Good Omens 3

[crowley-anthony]

[crowley-anthony]

#slowly having my soul crushed frame by frame

[hgedits]

Could you sign it for me? Course. What's your name? Fell. Asa Fell, with an S.

[hgedits]

Your love for him was the messiest, silliest, most predictable thing in the universe. And it always made me smile.

[mushroomseb]

⏤ I would hear you crying in your room after school. Did the boys bully you, then? ⏤ Not just the boys.

All of Us Strangers (2023) Dir. Andrew Haigh

[userarmand]

andrew scott & paul mescal at the london premiere of gladiator ii 💕

[melis-writes]

JOKER (2019) | dir. Todd Phillips. 

[cinnamonngirl555]

Everything is so rushed. People in their twenties complaining about being old, sped up songs, sped up videos, too many things to do in such a short time. We have lost the art of lingering.

[seasononesam]

👍👍👍

[boykingscourt]

make me choose (3/12)

@whyficat asked: repo man or the born-again identity?