creating space

🌀nonlinear unlearning, vision, growth, shadows, grief, love, passion, healing 🌀

[nakedpastor]

Trust Yourself

I was never taught to trust myself.

In fact, I was taught to not trust myself.

It is said that love always trusts.

I guess this means I did not love myself.

Because how can you love someone you can't trust?

I was told I had to always hold my thoughts, my feelings, and my body in absolute mistrust.

My own understanding could not be leaned upon. My heart was deceptively wicked. My flesh was sinful.

So I despised all these things, neglected them, and I could not love myself.

And if everyone else was the same, I could not trust or love them either.

What a mess!

I'm learning to love myself. To trust myself. 

And it's joyful and liberating.

Do you guys identify?

[marigoldpine]

2024 Mood Board Draft

[marigoldpine]

[marigoldpine]

I am a recently discovered nonbinary human, grown ass adult. My pronouns are she/they. I am an exvangelical with religious trauma that I have been actively seeking to heal for the past 3 years. I am a white bodied femme who has been unlearning years of conditioning, a student of the decolonial movement which includes white savior complex shadow work. I am ultimately seeking to bring less harm to myself, others, and the land - as one of my guides and teachers Dr. Rocio teaches me. I am hoping Tumbler is a safe space for me to explore, share, reblog- things that inspire, bring me hope and joy.

[isabellachanel]

I just hope that no matter how many times this world tries to harden me and turn me into a cold person, I hope I remain soft. May I still be compassionate. May I still be full of love. May I still be soft and sees hope in everything. And to never become something that once broke me.

[marigoldpine]

Yes 🙏🏼

[marigoldpine]

Whimsical. Abstract. Magical. Nonlinear.

Fairy. Forrest. Firefly. Flower.

An infinite portal within an enchanted forrest pollinated by butterflies, supported by fairies, dusted with magic.

A place for dreams, never confined by boxes, no ends or beginnings, endless possibilities.

[marigoldpine]

Winter Solstice is now my preferred holiday but I am thankful for time with family on Christmas and the special traditions we carry together.

Nothing is linear. Liminal space is holy. Nuance is often present. Grey, paradox, and multiple things can be true at once.

[iambrillyant]

“december, close the chapters that don’t speak to my spirit and open up the pages that remind me of who i am. give me the courage to release myself from what i’ve outgrown so i can fit into shoes suited for where my journey is going. balm me in patience and soak my bones in love.”

— iambrillyant

[marigoldpine]

🌲🍁🕸️❄️

[marigoldpine]

Titled: Their Power

We said goodbye

Hello again

To my sweet old friend

We move through pretend

Tending to my inner world

My heart beating, waist twirled

Feeling, sensing, moving

Through the fog, I’m choosing

Myself. Listening, hearing, honoring

My body, lost in pondering

Tending to my inner child

Allowing my true self get wild

What do I really desire

How am I truly wired

I can be me

Not boxed, truly free

Allowed to feel it all

Not stopped by a religious wall

Squeezing outside the lines

Throwing binary to the sides

I’m feeling my true essence

Peeping through the crevasse

That beautiful flower in full bloom

While the snow falls to its doom

Only to cover the world in quiet darkness

A light coming through, brightness

Expansive safeness, cradled in hope

They tried to stop it. They said ‘Nope.’

Listening to Their own voice.

Making a clear choice.

Trusting herself for the first time.

She’ll never go back, not on their dime

Their heavy heart is healing

Trusting divine, grounded to the ceiling

Opening up to their true being

Relaxed in their power, seeing 👁️

[marigoldpine]

Spring is sprouting, sun is shining, dogs are sniffing- swimming in smiles.

[marigoldpine]

To my millennial peers and to ALL this may resonate with. You are BRAVE. I am so proud of you, of myself. We are breaking chains and cycles perpetuated in our lives, in us, in past generations. We are healing traumas, facing our shadows, addressing our mental health, rethinking and setting boundaries in relationships, acknowledging and learning our ancestors' true history, asking questions, re-imagining, and not accepting the status quo. As much pain as these memories, pursuits, or hard truths bring up, we are only growing, making better and new what once was and moving towards what could be. This is not only for ourselves but for generations to come-- new cells regenerating in our bodies, reprogramming neurons in our minds, the beginning of healing our spirits. Cheers to being BRAVE and overcoming our fears with HEART, to finding our voice, making our mark, and owning our place in the world. Humbly, gently, slowly, we are moving in this journey TOGETHER. 

I wrote the above a couple years ago but re-reading it now feels very potent on this spring equinox today.

[heartofmuse]

May my words today, the first uttered this year, be a hope, a song of joy,  a fountain of strength, the colors of dreams painted in the sky, and may my soul rejoice in the glorious power that is creation birthed of words, for thus the unseen becomes seen, the depths of my soul are unearthed, and out of the void glorious light is born. 

e.v.e. (Jan. 01)

[marigoldpine]

Love these words this post 💗

“creation birthed of words…the unseen becomes seen…. Out of the void glorious light is born” ✨✨✨✨

[marigoldpine]

Happy Winter Solstice!

First row at Sunrise- 7:54am

Second row at Sunset- 4:22pm

[marigoldpine]

My first Winter Solstice, 2022

Today is the first time I have ever celebrated the Winter Solstice. Since I’ve shifted away from my religion of origin, a colonized version of Christianity, I have continued to seek meaning and understanding of the world through other ways such as the cycles of nature. I have turned to indigenous practices such as full and new moon cycles. This has not been a consistent practice but has been growing after following the work of Dr. Rocio Rosales Meza, one of my teachers and guides. I have been seeking a spirituality that seeks to cause less harm to self, less harm to others, and less harm to the earth. Dr. Rocio has led many folks, including white bodied students of the decolonial movement in meditations during the full moon and offerings to help us  decolonize our minds, teaching us how to bring offerings to Mother Earth, and begin learning how to connect to our precolonial and healed ancestors. Prior to this, I began decolonizing my spirituality by following the work of Dr. Christena Cleveland who helps us to “dethrone whitemalegod” and connect to the dark divine feminine (read her book God is a Black Woman). All these things have been healing for me. Dr. Rocio has encouraged us, as white bodied folks, to learn about our ancestors who were people of the earth, aka the precolonial and healed ancestors. This brought me to a woman named Tara Wild who holds space for folks learning their Irish and British spirituality and practices. I attended a Winter Solstice ceremony today which was part education and part embodied practice. It was beautiful. I have been trying to embody the dark time of the season this year and harness it as a time of rest, renewal, reflection, and rebirth into who I am becoming. I have begun journaling to reflect on my year 2022, as Juliet Diaz encouraged us to do and am trying to wait thinking about the new year goals and such. I have had some trouble focusing on this discipline and even me writing this is putting off the journaling reflections as it feels hard to do however I do see the value in it and would rather release some of the things of this year now instead of taking it with me into 2023. I have many hopes and dreams and have radically been shifting in who I am and want to continue that momentum forward, but not without pausing to reflect and release and grieve old ways and habits so that I can make room for the new. I am cherishing this space in the darkness of winter, on this Winter Solstice, to have and create space for this.

[marigoldpine]

Education fuels my passion. Stories fuel my love for ALL humans. Unlearning helps me face my shadows. Grief fuels my healing. Growth helps me decolonize and see the vision 👁

[marigoldpine]

I am creating space here for facing shadows, pondering nuance, embodying joy, and envisioning hope.