kids also just want to feel understood. whenever a kid’s scared of something, I think it’s our instinct as adults to tell them it’s not scary, there’s no reason to be scared, etc. but to a scared child, that reassurance means nothing. they’re scared, so telling them that’s the incorrect feeling doesn’t really accomplish anything.
instead, I often find success telling them “this scares me too, and this is how I handle feeling scared,” and then I give them some mental tools.
It works ALMOST every time. Example: when a kid’s afraid of bugs, I say “ew me too! They’re sort of creepy! What scares you the most?” Then when they tell me (the legs, the eyes, etc.), I tell them a cool fact, or I try to make the feature seem funny.
It doesn’t have to be true. I’m not actually afraid of bugs. The point is validating the emotion while teaching the child that it’s possible to exist and get on with things even while feeling the unpleasant emotion.
I’ve found some kids even have a natural want to comfort others, which can work too. During a thunderstorm, I can say “you’re afraid of thunder? Me too! Will you hold my hand? I think that will make me feel better. What will make you feel better? What about watching a movie?” Then I tell them how much better I feel being together watching our movie, and I thank them for being brave!
I think kids get a lot out of just feeling like we’re in this together. When the assumption is that adults know and can control everything but for some reason refuse to acknowledge and destroy things that scare them, the world must be so confusing. I’m not a psychologist or anything. I’ve just spent a lot of time working with children, and I get a lot of mileage out of basically just letting a kid know that grown ups feel and experience the same things they do, and that we can navigate it together.
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