I've been OT6 + 1 since March 15 and I wanted to share my thoughts on what jungwon said today.
Honestly it's kind of sad that he even had to say this in the first place. I think it's pretty clear that enhypen has been trying to move forward as 6 since March and people aren't letting them. I've seen so many people twisting his words and saying that they're still gonna fight for OT7 and Enhypenis7 regardless of what jungwon said. I'm honestly convinced most of these people didn't listen to a word he said 😭. So many people have been saying that the company forced him to say this when he literally said that he was speaking on behalf of the members, noone forced him to say this, AND that anyone who claims that the company forced him is not a real fan to him. When I saw the video this morning, I was shocked and proud and lowkey glad that he was able to speak up. Then I continue to scroll on social media and see a bunch of people claiming that he was forced and that jungwon "would never say that", like WHAT😭😭??
I also see a bunch of people making the point that the members were smiling during the OT7 chant in Brazil and Peru. But has no one considered that 1.) They were just happy to be in Brazil or 2.) They were just happy to hear fans cheering for them?
People are also saying things like "why is he saying this now?" and "why didn't belift release a statement earlier?" and stuff like that. But 1.) Jungwon has already talked about this topic before and asked fans to stop and 2.) Belift DID release a statement; people just chose to ignore it and erase it from their minds because they didn't like what it said.
Belift has talked about Heeseung's departure and made it clear he wasn't coming back. Heeseung also released a statement about how he chose to leave but people chose to believe it was AI based on nothing but delusion and overanalyzing handwriting (because obviously everyone's handwriting stays the same their whole life and couldn't POSSIBLY change in a year 😭✌🏾). Jay has spoken to fans, begging them to stop the fanwars and spamming and just support them as 6. Jungwon has done the same. TWO TIMES NOW.
And yet, boycotters are still adamant on not listening to him and believing everything but the truth that was given to us. Multiple times. The remaining 6 members could literally scream into their microphones on stage about how Heeseung chose to leave and how fans should please support them as 6 and people would find a way to do anything but listen. Enhypen, Belift and Heeseung could release 12378 (BND reference anyone? 🥹) statements about this and people would STILL find a way to twist it and not believe them. Because in a lot of people's minds minds, enhypen is an image; a perfect image of their 7 vampire prince boyfriends. And now that the image is ruined, people can't accept it and will do anything, even hurt the boys to get that image back. Parasocialism is a horrible, scary thing.
Anyways, I hope people start to listen someday and can learn to support Enhypen as 6 and Evan as 1.
Also sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, I've just seen so much delulu and lowkey disrespectful content today that I had to vent. (Like I've literally seen someone outright say that Jungwon didn't tell us not to say the ot7 fanchant and that they were gonna keep fighting for EnhypenIs7. Mind you, Jungwon begged us to use the ot6 fanchant and told us to stop fighting 💀. Like did they just choose not to read or listen to what he said???) (I've also seen a lot of people point out that he said the company doesn't want the ot7 fanchant or fighting and use that to make it seem like jungwon was forced. Mind you jungwon said "the company doesn't want it, the MEMBERS don't want it, and the fans don't want it." but sure let's ignore everything else he said and focus solely on the company 😔. Like they're just ignoring the members atp 😭)(oh oh oh AND I saw someone make the point of"oh why did jungwon go live right after the concert if he wasn't forced?". And that genuinely confuses me because idols go live after concerts ALL THE TIME. Like this is not a rare occurrence at all. Also the reason could simply be because ✨he wanted to✨)
Anyways this is actually the end now. And like yeah, I was just kinda upset seeing so many continue to talk about fighting for ot7 when jungwon literally asked us not to. Again if I sound rude, I really don't mean to. No hate to any side. You can support whatever side you want and you can give whatever opinions you want.
They've been constantly saying how they are six and how they want to continue as ENHYPEN. How they are happy and excited abt the new stuff they're making for Engene. How they're working hard and trying their best even when changes are difficult.
NI-KI on a live said they're six.
Sunoo on a fancall said they're six.
Sunghoon on a fancall sang the new fanchat.
Sunghoon on his live said they're 3 hyungs 3 maknaes.
Jungwon told u to not spam numbers.
Jay (on his birthday...) told u ENHYPEN is ENHYPEN.
And now Jungwon couldn't be more clear.
You're always saying "I want THEM to speak" but when they do you ignore them or spread the idea it's forced (unless they say something that fits YOUR narrative).
I understand the grieving. Ofc it's hard to accept such big change, but it's been more than 4 months and a lot of "Engene" have been horrible to ENHYPEN and other Engene since that day. They gave you time to accept it. And even if you still can't, why try to force conspiracies?
ENHYPEN is setting a boundary. If you can't do something as simple as respecting it, why are you here?
No one is telling you to forget Heeseung. They are asking you to support ENHYPEN as they are the same way you supported them before (if you love all of them as much as you say you do)
It no longer looks like you are doing it because you care for them, it just looks like a "fight" you want to win. for your own ego.
Jungwon already spoke. "The past was ENHYPEN and the future will also be ENHYPEN".
does not matter if you are 'ot6' or 'ot7' or 'ot6 + 1' stan if you genuinely start hating any of the members or fans - step away from all of this. Not for enhypen's sake or the company's, for your own mental health. It is not normal to have so much spiteful resentment towards people you don't even know. Of course, fans are very emotionally invested in groups and kpop especially pries on fan's involvement, but at the end of the day it is your life, don't go crazy over situation that you don't even know truth of.
I think something that has to be talked about is the fact that some engenes continue to deny that the members are unhappy or uncomfortable with the OT7 fan chant.
The idea in itself that Engenes continue to use the OT7 fan chant although there is already a new one only screams to the members: we haven’t moved on and we don’t care that you don’t like the number games.
I’m sure they are also mourning the departure of their beloved team member and they are not obligated to perform their grief in front of us for us to know that. They want us to move forward with them with acknowledging that they are 6. Continuing to use the OT7 fan chant is still not accepting them as 6 and that is obviously upsetting to see their fans cling onto their past when they’ve decided that moving on will be healthier and more beneficial. The fanchant is made to hype up the members. Heeseung is no longer in Enhypen. You guys can’t expect them to wallow and sit in this situation when it’s their careers at stake. At the end of the day, this is their job. We are more emotionally involved and attached to them than they are to us and I think that’s something a lot of kpop fans don’t wanna think about. I’m not saying that they don’t love us or that they’re not grateful for us. If anything, Enhypen has evidently shown their gratitude in the most sincere ways over the years. I’m just saying that kpop groups and their lore and dynamics are created to be appealing to us so that we will like them and invest our time and money into them. There’s nothing wrong with that tbh as long as you acknowledge that that’s what it is. If you believe that it’s anything else than a job, you’ve already started to have a parasocial mindset and tbh I don’t value the opinions of those with parasocial mindsets because they’re not worth arguing with. A lot of Engenes should also realize that Enhypen came from a survival show. They didn’t train together and it was clear that in the beginning of their careers, things were rocky and a bit stiff dynamic wise. Jungwon also stated this in Youngji’s video but then went on to say that they’ve grown much closer in the last couple of years. But still, they’re very much still co-workers. I’m not saying that they give off “co-worker” vibes. They obviously like each other and spend lots of time with one another. They are a kpop group and the members are clearly a little more individualistic. What Engenes should know is that THAT IS PERFECTLY OKAY. Kpop boy groups don’t need to be brothers or in a polyamorous relationship to be a good group. Enhypen makes amazing music and content and they are good to one another. It’s okay that they are co-workers because that is literally what they are on a contract. Their team member leaving is not like losing your brother. It’s a bit odd that some of you guys are grieving Heeseung like he passed away and some Engenes are getting angry at Enhypen for not grieving the same way. They have looked clearly tired and more sad during these past 4 months. Sunoo watching old videos of him and Heeseung and tearing up. Jay tearing up during Shout Out, etc. They are allowed to feel betrayed or hurt. But they don’t have to sit in it forever and not think objectively about what will be best for the team’s future. I’ve said for these past 4 months that I just wish they could talk to each other or wish that we got a final concert or final goodbye other than a cold company statement and a digital letter. But also, we can’t always expect those things while also claiming that Heeseung was forced out and that the members are being forced to say things. We don’t know the full story. Nobody in this fandom does. And expecting them to mourn Heeseung the same way we do is very insensitive because again, we don’t know the full story. This is their job. They want to move past this and not have Heeseung’s departure overshadow their group forever. That is also important. Many fans keep claiming that their favorite group is “broken” now. Heeseung leaving didn’t break the group. They are all so talented and passionate and I can’t believe people can say that. I agree that the group will definitely be different now but the word “break” easily connotes that they think Enhypen is nothing now that one member is no longer there. Tbh, it’s better to just unstan than to say cruel things like that. They can’t and don’t owe us a goodbye or closure if they don’t even have the right cards to do so.
i genuinely believe that heeseung felt artistically restrained so he left to pursue his own ambitions. and, him leaving before their contracts expired makes sense because if he had stayed, the tour would begin and then continue on past their renewal time, giving him no chance to leave.
and to all the fans who still can’t fathom it, please just sit down, and let reality sink in past the delusions and understand for a second that these idols are allowed to choose a path different from what is expected of them, they are people too. his decision to leave makes sense, if you can’t see that, then you don’t know the difference between wanting to be your own artist and being just an idol. you're allowed to still be sad, frankly i am too, but it becomes borderline parasocial when you refuse to move on.
they’re 7 in my heart, but i do support whatever path they all choose
I'm coming here in regards to what Jungwon said in his recent live. after watching the video a few times and seeing what people are saying, I come here to say I'm not an ot7, not an ot6, not an ot1 or ot0 or anything else. he said people that say "ENHYPEN is 7" are not true fans, so I'm going to respect his words and his thoughts (together with the other 5 members thoughts, since he said the others think like this as well). I'm just going to be a fan of ENHYPEN and a fan of EVAN, and that is it. I'm not going to position myself anymore, because it is too toxic for my head, and I am done getting hopeful for nothing. and also because it is disrespectful towards ENHYPEN.
don't get me wrong, if I could have ENHYPEN as 7 again, I would choose that. but we don't know what happened behind what people tell us, so I am going to accept things as they are. and I hope everyone can accept it too, in respect to what Jungwon said.
I'm just an ENGENE and an EVER, just like I'm from many other K-pop artists' fandoms. this doesn't mean I am erasing the memories they has as 7, I'm just moving on and accepting reality. if Heeseung comes back? good. if he doesn't? good. life goes on.
as much as i miss ot7 so much, some of yall need to stop convincing yourself that jungwon was forced to say that and that its all the companys doing. i fully understand how you feel, but i think it’s easier if we just move on with life bc if not, it’s gonna make it 10x harder to sleep at night
I wanted to speak on JUNGWON’s live so it’s clear to people because some of you don’t understand even when the leader of the group comes out to speak about it:
Sure, probably the company made him speak up about it, but maybe it’s what’s best. But can’t we all just support them? At the end of the day, we don’t know what’s going behind doors, we don’t know if they were forced to say something, or to stay quiet, we don’t know anything, so why are we assuming stuff. Why can’t we just take Jungwon’s and Jay’s words and accept it.
Enhypen was seven. Enhypen is six.
Heeseung is a soloist. Heeseung used to be in enhypen.
Unfortunately that’s how it is now, and don’t get me wrong, obviously I’m sad because I never thought I’d see the day where Heeseung or any other member left the group but that’s what happened and we need to accept that. Seriously, it’s been five months.
Heeseung is now in his solo journey and if you are a true ever / engene, you will support him and enhypen. There’s no need for comparison, there’s no need to bring down either of them to make the other look better. They were once a team, just because a member left, doesn’t mean that bond is broken.
How bad is the fan wars between those who only support one side and bash the other that jungwon has to come out and tell you to stop?
On twitter, all I see is fan wars, all I see is people bringing the members down to make Heeseung look better, and vice-versa. If I, a regular personal, can see those tweets, you don’t think someone who’s in the public eye can see them too??
Jungwon even brought up the ot7 fanchant topic. Is it sad that it is being erased because a member is no longer part of the team? Of course it is, but we need to learn how to let it go and moved on. Heeseung is releasing music like he wanted to, enhypen is releasing a new album. They’re moving on so we should try.
Next stop for blood saga is Mexico, as a Mexican, seriously don’t embarrass yourself. Same goes for the future stops.
lowk si estoy cayendo en depre para que les miento, pero yo voy apoyar a ENHYPEN y a Heeseung como artistas por que los quiero a los dos, y siempre será así. Odio BeLift. Ahora me iré a llorar ok.
Anywho, I hope I don’t come across as rude, I’m just being honest, night night 👍👍
Jungwon spoke up... and to be completely honest, neither his intervention nor his message surprised me in the slightest. He's absolutely right.
This is a boundary that has been trying to be established for months, and the fact that the leader had to address it directly only shows how exhausted both he and the rest of the group have become because of this situation. This isn't my assumption or my personal interpretation; these are his own words. Nor is it an invitation to spread hate or create twisted narratives that only reflect a complete disconnect from reality.
Ever since the fanchant change was announced, people have pointed out how deeply disrespectful it is to keep including Heeseung in the lineup of a group he is no longer part of, and one that, now more than ever, has made it clear that he is not coming back. Jungwon is asking for respect for the current ENHYPEN. He explained very clearly how this constant insistence is dividing the fandom and how, if someone cannot accept the change and respect the members as they are today, then they are failing to fulfill the role of a fan.
This is no longer a debate between fans trying to reason with one another; this is Yang Jungwon's official stance on behalf of the group. Continuing to fuel the conflict or falling back on the old narrative that "the company forced him to say it" is not only absurd, but completely illogical. Remaining trapped in denial at this point only shows a profound lack of respect for the six members who are carrying the group forward today.
Now more than ever, the fandom needs to reflect on its actions and stop prioritizing its own wishes over the reality of the group. It's time to let go of the illusion of control. Fans have never had and never will have the power to dictate the decisions of either the members or the company, and expecting reality to bend to their personal expectations is simply unreasonable. There are no valid excuses left.
It's time to listen to Jungwon with maturity. At the end of the day, for many people, it will always be easier to attack the leader and blame him for shattering their fantasies than to accept reality. It's more comfortable to cling to resentment than to genuinely support the path the members are building today. Being a fan means supporting their present, not chaining them to a past that they themselves have already asked people to leave behind.
jungwon i am Nutting All Over You Right Now🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 calling out disrespect on behalf of your members how could you not say Best Fucking Leader Ever???????? likeeee
synopsis: in which jungwon gets too drunk, too honest, and far too handsy, and somewhere between the pulled-over car and the way he begs for you, everything you thought you knew starts to snap.
genre: best friends au
pairing: drunk best friend!jungwon x afab reader
warnings: drunk!jungwon, super handsy!jungwon, dub-con, pervy!jungwon, teasing, dirty talk, oral (f.rec), pussydrunk!jungwon, sub!jungwon? dom!reader? mutual masturbation (m and f), car sex (sorta), someone’s watching….
wc: 8.4k+
a/n: i needed a needy jungwon fic…. also holy frick yall i haven’t written smut in months and i feel like ive lost all my talent 🤬 im not sure why i had so much difficulty writing this fic but ts better be fixed for next time…anyways hope yall enjoy :3
—
you barely put the car in park before the front door of the house swings open like someone kicked it.
jungwon stumbles out, supported on each side by two of his friends, sunghoon and niki, grinning like he just saw god.
or, apparently, you.
"THERE she is," he says way too loudly, pointing at you with a wobbling hand. "that's my girl."
you choke. his friends choke. jungwon doesn't notice, to busy admiring your form as you slam your car door shut in mild frustration.
you had your whole night planned out, your room was cleaned, all class work completed, no responsibilities to uphold. you made dinner and planned to rot on your couch and binge watch a new series you had started till you inevitably passed out.
however, that plan was soon ruined when your phone blew up with messages and calls from sunghoon and niki who begged you to come pick up your childhood best friend, a very drunk jungwon.
you walk up the driveway, jaw tight, hoodie half-zipped, t-shirt (his) hanging off one shoulder, hair messy from being ripped out of the couches warm embrace.
you are not in the mood.
but jungwon? jungwon looks like he just found heaven wearing shorts and crocs.
he breaks free from his friends with the grace of a baby deer and practically lunges at you.
"woah—jungwon—" you start, but he's already wrapping both arms around your waist and pulling you against him like you might vanish.
his face buries into your neck instantly. not your shoulder—your neck.
and he breathes. deep. your body shudders as you feel his warm breath fan across the sensitive area, knees trembling slightly as you position your hands to pull him away.
"fuck..." he mumbles, voice muffled against your skin, "why do you smell this good? it's like... illegal. i should report you."
you blink. "you're actually insane."
he nuzzles closer. actually nuzzles. his nose drags from your jaw to the base of your neck like he's trying to memorize you by scent.
"you smell like... warm," he continues, drunk and poetic. "and sweet. and... fuck, i can't even explain it." another inhale, "you smell like i wanna bite you."
your knees almost give out. this was..new.
you grab his shoulders to steady him, but he freezes when your hands touch him. slowly, his fingers slide down your sides until they find your waist again.
his grip tightens.
"your skin is so soft," he says suddenly, like it's a crime you haven't been arrested for. he rubs a thumb against the sliver of skin where your shirt rides up. "right here... it's so warm. feels nice."
"jungwon—" you hiss, glancing at his friends, who are watching with the expressions of people witnessing a car crash.
"what?" he lifts his head, blinking up at you all innocent and tipsy. "'m just appreciating. you're soft. it's distracting."
he leans in again, brushing his lips against your jaw by accident. or drunk aimlessness. you can't tell.
your breath catches.
jungwon smiles, slow and lazy. "i can feel your pulse. right here." his fingers tap your waist.
"you always get like this when i'm close. it's cute."
you shove him lightly because you're seconds from combusting. jungwon was always touchy, but his usual touch which was innocent was replaced by something much darker.
"get in the damn car."
"only if you keep touching me," he says, grabbing your hand and placing it on his chest like you're claiming him. his heart is pounding in his chest, almost as if it was going to escape him.
"jesus," you mutter, trying to pull away.
he doesn't let you. of fucking course.
instead he laces your fingers together, squeezes once, and says, soft and drunk and devastating:
"i missed you tonight."
before you can respond, he leans forward and rests his forehead on yours—actually presses it there—and whispers, "your skin... your smell... you're making me crazy."
your heart is in your throat.
"jungwon," you murmur, "get in the car."
he grins like he won.
"okaaay," he sings, finally letting you guide him toward the passenger seat—but not without trailing his fingers slowly down your arm the whole way. like he's memorizing the shape of you by touch.
"you feel pretty too," he mumbles, his eyes dragging across your face. "not just look. feel."
you open the door and he plops into the seat. you lean across him to buckle the belt.
mistake.
your hair brushes his cheek and he shivers. actually shivers.
his hands lift—slow, clumsy—and settle on your hips.
"don't do that," he whispers, voice suddenly rough. "don't get this close unless you want me to think things."
you freeze, breath caught, inches from his mouth and you can't help but let your eyes dart down.
"think what?" you whisper back before you can stop yourself.
he smirks. even drunk, the boy knows exactly what he's doing.
"things i shouldn't say unless you kiss me first."
your entire body lights on fire. you rip yourself away from him and slam the door closed as you begin to feel your face burning.
through the window, jungwon watches you with a dreamy smile, cheeks flushed, fingers tapping the spot on his chest where your hand had been.
the second the door shuts, jungwon sprawls back in the seat like he owns it—like he owns you.
he's slouched comfortably, legs spread wide, hand already draped over the console like an invitation. or a trap.
"you drive slow when you're mad," he says as you pull out of the driveway. almost like he's studying you. like he enjoys it.
"i'm not mad," you lie. you were fuming. not only were you mad because your plans were thrown out the window, but now you had a cocky shit-faced bastard sitting in your passenger seat who wouldn't stop looking at you like you were his entire world.
"you're adorable when you lie," he counters immediately.
your jaw clenches, you shit your eyes momentarily to calm yourself down.
and that's when his hand finds your thigh.
not tentative. not testing. claiming.
his palm lands high—too high—and squeezes with purpose, fingers spreading over the soft inside of your leg like he's done this before in his head.
"jungwon—"
"shhh," he says, leaning back, eyes half-lidded.
"your thigh feels good. let me enjoy it."
you inhale sharply.
he smirks—slow, knowing.
"see?" he murmurs. "i knew you'd sound like that."
his thumb drags up the inside of your thigh, higher, deliberate, slow enough to make you sweat but not enough to cross a line. he's hovering in the worst possible place.
"confident tonight, aren't you," you mutter.
"i'm always confident around you," he says simply. "i just pretend i'm not so i don't scare you."
your pulse stutters at his sudden confession.
his hand squeezes again—firm, warm, the kind of grip that makes your breath hitch.
"eyes on the road," he adds, voice dropping.
"unless you want me to take over."
you almost choke. "take over what?"
jungwon laughs—low, husky, intoxicated in the way men get when they're turned on and fearless.
"whatever you'll let me."
your grip on the wheel tightens. he notices, of course he notices.
"god, you're tense," he says softly, leaning closer until his breath ghosts over your cheek. "do i make you nervous?"
"no."
he grins. "another lie."
his thumb begins rubbing slow circles into your inner thigh, dangerously close to where you're warmest.
"stop messing with me, jungwon." you snap, the flush on your cheeks only getting darker.
"i'd rather mess with you than leave you alone," he murmurs. "you know how long i've wanted my hands here?"
your stomach drops at his words, swallowing harshly and controlling the urge to snap your head to the side to see his facial expression.
he tips his head, studying your reaction like a man savoring his favorite dessert.
"keep driving," he orders, voice low and wicked.
"i'm not done touching you."
you open your mouth to argue—but his hand slides higher, fingers brushing the seam of your shorts.
your breath breaks. audibly.
jungwon smirks. "that's the sound i wanted."
"jungwon, seriously—"
"relax," he says, squeezing once—slow, firm, deliberate enough to send heat up your spine.
"if i wanted to really touch you, you'd know."
you swallow hard, whatever that means.
jungwon leans in—close enough that his lips graze your ear when he speaks.
"you smell good," he whispers. "so fucking good. i noticed it the second you pulled up."
his nose trails down your jaw—not touching, just close enough to burn.
"sweet," he says softly.
"warm." another inhale.
"like you'd taste even better."
you shiver and he feels it.
"yeah," he murmurs, voice dropping to something darker. "bet you taste unreal."
your thighs tense up, big mistake. jungwon notices instantly.
"ohhh... she liked that," he purrs. he squeezes again, fingers pressing in just right. "you're so obvious, baby."
you nearly jerk the wheel. "don't call me that."
"why?" he asks. "you clench up every time i say it. you like when i talk like that, right baby?"
you're sweating bullets at this point, wishing that you lived much closer so you could get out of this car. jungwon on the other hand, he's thriving.
"stop," you whisper.
"make me."
you look at him and he's staring right back, eyes blown, full mouth curved into the cockiest, laziest grin you've ever seen on him.
his voice drops to a whisper that ruins you: "pull over."
"no."
"pull over," he repeats, calmer, warmer, dead serious. "or i'm going to keep touching you until you do."
your breath catches. his hand on your thigh slides half an inch higher—barely anything, but enough to make your heart slam against your ribs.
"last chance," he murmurs, his voice now hazy and clouded. "pull over, sweetheart."
and the way he says it—low, confident, hungry—
makes your whole body go hot.
your hands are tight on the steering wheel. ten and two. eyes glued on the road. jaw clenched.
you can do this. you can get him home. you can ignore the way he's been touching you for the last ten minutes—his fingers drift higher on your thigh.
okay maybe you can't.
"jungwon," you say through a breath that's definitely not steady, "keep your hand still."
"my hand is where it is," he murmurs, sounding way too innocent for someone whose fingertips are now brushing the hem of your short sleep shorts.
"jungwon," you warn again.
he laughs softly and leans his head back against the seat, eyes sliding over to you with a lazy, drunk, confident smirk.
"you keep saying my name like that," he says, voice low, "i'm gonna think you like it."
your throat goes tight. you press your foot on the gas, just a little. just enough to get home faster.
but jungwon doesn't care about your plan. he drags his fingers up another inch—slow, deliberate, like he's giving you time to react.
you do. you choke on air.
"stop," you whisper.
"you don't sound like you want me to." you don't.
you squeeze the wheel. you try to focus on the street signs. you tell yourself you can hold it together for five more minutes.
his hand slides higher. higher and higher.
your hips jerk right when you feel his fingers graze your panty clad core and the car swerves. "fuck— jungwon!"
he hums, pleased. "you're shaking."
"because you— you're distracting me—"
"good." he squeezes the inside of your thigh, firm, almost possessive. "then pay attention."
you feel heat pool low in your stomach. your heartbeat snaps into something fast and stupid. he's drunk but he's too confident, too controlled. his thumb strokes slow circles against the soft skin there, dangerous and knowing.
"jungwon, i swear—"
"pull over."
you blink. "what?"
"pull over," he repeats, quieter this time, leaning in until his lips almost brush your cheek. "before i make you."
your breath stops. you're not even sure if he means with his touch or with your own reaction to it, but either way—you can't keep driving like this.
especially not when he drags his fingers up again, grazing the very edge of your inner thigh, so close it's practically illegal.
"jungwon—"
"pull over, pretty girl."
your stomach drops. you pull over.
the car rolls to a shaky stop, and the second it's in park he exhales sharply—like he's been holding himself back, too.
"good," he murmurs, turning his head toward you slowly. "that's better."
"you're drunk," you manage, your mouth parting when you see how predatorial his expression had become.
"yeah," he agrees, leaning closer, voice dropping into something dark and warm, "but i still know what i want."
his hand moves again. purposeful. slow. claiming.
"and right now," he whispers, breath brushing your ear, "i want to touch you so fucking bad."
your entire body lights up. heat floods your face, your chest, your stomach. you can't move. can't breathe. can't think.
his mouth hovers right by your jaw.
"you don't even know," he murmurs, "how hard it's been all night saying how good you smell and not being able to actually taste you."
your pulse stutters.
he laughs, drunk and bold and sinfully confident.
"bet you taste even better."
the car is silent except for both of you breathing too hard. your hands are still on the wheel like you're afraid to move. jungwon's hand is still on your thigh like he owns it.
he looks at you. really looks. and then he shifts closer across the seat, slow like he's stalking you.
"come here," he murmurs, his legs spreading as if he was expecting you to climb over the console and situate yourself in his lap.
you freeze. "jungwon—"
"i'm serious." he nods at you lazily, eyes hooded, pupils blown wide from alcohol and whatever the hell you're doing to him. "c'mere for a second."
your voice wavers. "why?"
he lets out a low, drunk laugh. "you know why."
his hand moves higher again, and your breath just stops.
"jungwon, don't—"
"i want a taste," he says, plain and shameless.
your stomach drops straight through the floor.
"wha— what?"
he leans in until your noses almost touch. his breath is hot, alcohol-sweet, desperate.
"let me put my mouth on you. i can't promise i won't ever ask again but just this once" he whispers, eyes flicking down to your lips, then lower—way lower—before dragging back up again. "please."
your thighs clench involuntarily, and he notices.
his smirk is slow and devastating, you can see his eyes lingering.
"yeah," he murmurs, "you want it too."
you shake your head because you're supposed to, because someone has to be the adult. "you're drunk—"
"i'm drunk," he agrees, "i'm not dead. i know exactly what i want."
his hand squeezes your thigh, harder this time—enough to make your breath stutter. enough to make everything inside you tighten.
"let me taste you," he says again, softer, dirtier. "just once."
you swallow. hard, "y-you said you can't promise it'll be the only time..."
his eyes darken instantly.
"yeah," he admits, brushing his thumb along the inside of your thigh like he's mapping out exactly where he wants to put his mouth. "because if i get one taste?"
he leans in closer, lips ghosting your jaw, your cheek, your neck—hovering but not touching.
"...i'm not stopping."
your breath catches. his mouth gets dangerously close to your skin, and he whispers it again—more desperate this time.
"please. lemme have you."
your body goes hot all the way through.
"i'll be good," he murmurs, already lowering his head like he's imagining the exact angle. "i'll make you feel so good, pretty. just— just let me taste you."
your knees actually go weak even though you're sitting. you don't answer immediately, your mind racing as you finally realize what your oh-so innocent best friend was asking from you.
and jungwon notices—he fucking feels your hesitation—so he gets even bolder. he brings his free hand up, fingertips brushing under your chin, tilting your face toward him.
his voice is low, raspy, hungry. "say yes," he whispers. "please. i've been thinking about your body forever ."
your heart slams into your ribs. you're drowning. absolutely drowning.
and then—just to ruin you completely—he whispers the final blow against your cheek: "i swear, baby... you give me one taste and you won't walk straight tomorrow."
his words are still hanging in the air — you won't walk straight tomorrow — when you finally find your voice again.
barely.
"jungwon... no." you whisper it. weak. breathless. not convincing at all.
he hears the word, but he hears everything underneath it too. so he doesn't move. he just looks up at you from where he's leaning into your neck, eyes dark and glossy, mouth parted like he's two seconds from losing his mind.
"no?" he repeats softly.
you nod, almost as if you were convincing yourself more than him. "we're not doing this. you're drunk."
he presses his lips together in a slow, almost pouty line... then drags his hand up your thigh again like he's testing how much of that no is real.
"you're saying no..." he murmurs, fingers sliding higher, "but you're shaking so bad right now."
you grab his wrist—finally, some resistance—but your grip is nothing. he could move your hand whenever he wants.
he kind of likes that.
"stop," you say, but your voice cracks like a goddamn glass.
jungwon lifts his head. his eyes are hazy, heavy-lidded, but his expression is so intense it makes your stomach twist.
"don't push me away."
"jung—"
he leans forward suddenly, forehead touching yours, breath warm and uneven against your lips.
"please don't push me away."
the shift in him almost knocks the air from your lungs. he's still drunk, still bold, but now there's this raw, aching need layered under every word.
"jungwon, you're not thinking straight—"
"i'm thinking about you," he shoots back instantly, nearly desperate. "i'm thinking about how fucking good you smell. it's driving me insane."
your fingers loosen around his wrist without meaning to.
he notices. he always notices. he slides his hand higher. too high. hot against your inner thigh.
you gasp. "jungwon—!"
that does it.
he groans—actually groans—like the sound rips straight out of his chest.
"don't do that," he whispers, sounding almost pained. "don't say my name like that if you want me to stop."
you try to pull back, but he follows. his mouth chases your skin. his breath hits your jaw, your cheek, your neck. he still doesn't touch you with his lips... but he is so, so close it's torture.
"i said no," you manage.
"and i heard you," he murmurs, voice rough, "but god, baby... the way you're breathing right now? you're killing me."
your thighs squeeze together.
jungwon sees. jungwon reacts.
he lets out the quietest, filthiest little laugh—low, breathless, hungry.
"you're trying so hard to be good," he whispers, fingers pushing higher until he's a hair away from where you're burning. "but you want me. you want me."
"i don't—"
"yeah?" he cuts you off, tilting his head so his lips graze the shell of your ear without touching. "then why are you clenching your thighs like that?"
heat surges through you, molten and humiliating.
you shove at his chest—not hard, not enough to move him but just enough to pretend like you're resisting.
he catches your hand. interlaces his fingers with yours. holds it against his chest so you can feel how fast his heart is beating.
"don't push me away," he whispers again, voice cracking now. needier. "please. i've wanted you for so fucking long."
your breath stutters.
his other hand leaves your thigh for a moment—just a moment—to grab your waist and pull you closer across the center console. not rough. not gentle. just drunk and desperate.
you land half on his lap, half in his arms.
his mouth falls open. his voice goes wrecked.
"fuck... you feel so good," he breathes, burying his face against your throat. "please, baby. please just let me taste you."
you swallow a moan. you actually swallow a moan.
he hears the sound anyway, muffled as it is and that's when jungwon truly loses it.
he fists the fabric of your shirt. pulls you in tighter, like he's afraid you'll evaporate if he loosens his grip.
his lips hover over your neck—trembling, hungry, one second from crossing the line.
"i'm begging you," he whispers, voice raw. "just one taste. just one. i swear..."
he laughs weakly against your skin, breath shaky.
"...i swear i'll lose my fucking mind if you don't let me."
he tugs at you again and the moment you land fully on his lap, something in jungwon snaps. his hands grip at you, pushing you around till you're forced to straddle his lap. his hands fumble slightly, pressing the lever at the side of the seat so you were practically laying against him causing you to yelp in surprise.
you feel it. your breath catches as he presses his face to your neck again—only this time, he doesn't stop at hovering.
he kisses you. soft at first. warm. barely-there. then deeper. slower. hungrier. a low, desperate sound rumbles out of him—almost a whine, almost a groan—like he's been holding this in for years and the dam finally cracked.
"jung—won—" your voice fractures, fingers clutching his shoulders.
but he's gone. completely gone.
he drags his mouth along your pulse point, lips open, breath shaking like he can't believe you're real. each kiss is wetter, hotter, more desperate than the last.
your whole body lights up.
"fuck..." he whispers against your skin, voice breaking. "you taste— you taste so good already, i can't— i can't stop—"
your heart stutters.
his hands grip your waist, not exactly gentle, pulling you closer, pulling you into him like he's starving.
then his mouth opens wider— his tongue grazes your neck.
you gasp, your eyes squeezing tight when you feel his thick bulge press into you in combination to his tongue laving at your neck.
he moans. outright moans into your skin, a needy, ruined sound that makes your legs weak even though you're sitting.
that's when you realize he's truly not stopping.
he's trembling. he's breathing too fast.
his eyes flutter open and they're glossy, blown wide, dark with something feral and desperate.
"jungwon— stop—" you stammer, pushing at his chest.
he doesn't even hear you.
he keeps kissing lower, toward your collarbone, his lips hot and messy and hungry.
"please," he whispers into your skin like he's praying. "please let me— let me taste you properly..."
your thighs instinctively press together, a small groan escaping his mouth when he feels your core press into him.
he makes a broken sound, hands sliding from your waist back to your thighs.
"don't do that," he whines, fingers pressing into the soft inside of your thighs. "don't close them— please— please—"
you push at him harder. "jungwon, stop— we can't— you're drunk—"
he lifts his head finally, but only to look at you, eyes shining, lips swollen from kissing your neck.
he looks wrecked. ruined. desperate in a way you've never seen.
"i'll be careful," he says, voice cracking. "i'll be so good— i swear— just... just let me in."
his hand slides up your thigh again and you grab his wrist instantly, panting. he whines—actually whines, the sound high and breathless.
"don't," he pleads, leaning forward as if he's chasing your mouth now. "please, don't stop me— i've wanted you for so fucking long— i can't— god, i can't think straight—"
you try to shift off his lap, but he tightens his grip on your thigh, head dropping back into the crook of your neck like he's clinging to you.
"just— just let me taste you," he whispers again, voice hoarse, completely gone. "i want you so bad— i need... i need your thighs open for me, please—"
your breath punches out of your lungs. you shove him one more time—harder this time—and you manage to pull yourself off his lap just enough to break his mouth away from your skin.
jungwon actually gasps.
he chases after you instinctively, fingers flexing like he's reaching for you without thinking.
his voice comes out broken.
"baby— please— don't—"
you hold him back by the shoulders, panting, heart racing. he looks up at you with glassy eyes, flush high on his cheeks, chest rising and falling like he just ran miles.
"come back," he whispers, voice raw. "i'll beg— i'll fucking beg if you want— just come back. i just need one taste. one. please— please— i'm losing my fucking mind—"
your stomach lurches. your thighs press tight again and jungwon notices, he feels it.
his head falls forward, forehead against your collarbone, breath shaking.
"please," he whispers one last time, voice crumbling. "just let me have you. i swear i'll be gentle. i swear i'll make it so good for you... just open your thighs for me, baby, i'm begging—"
you keep him at arm's length, palms against his shoulders, chest heaving, heart in your throat.
jungwon looks destroyed.
hair messy, lips swollen, eyes glassy and blown wide with something deeper than lust—something raw. something that's been living under his skin for a very long time.
his breath shudders as he tries to lean forward again, but you hold him there.
"jungwon," you whisper, "just—stop for a second."
he shakes his head instantly. violently. "i can't."
his voice splits open on the last word. "i can't stop. i can't—" he drags in a breath, shoulders trembling. "you don't understand what you're doing to me."
you swallow hard. "you're drunk—"
"i'm drunk and i'm honest," he snaps, voice cracking. "i can't lie right now even if i wanted to."
you freeze and that hits harder than it should.
his hands lift—slow, shaking—and hover near your waist but don't grab. he's bracing himself on the seat, gripping the upholstery like he needs something to anchor him.
then he looks at you.
really looks.
"i've wanted you for so fucking long."
your breath catches. his chest rises sharply, like saying it hurt.
"you don't get it," he whispers, voice soft and rough and absolutely ruined. "you walk around looking so— so soft. so pretty. so fucking... touchable."
your stomach flips.
"and you don't even realize it," he goes on, words tumbling out with no control now. "you don't know how crazy you make me."
your hands loosen on his shoulders—just a little.
he sees. he swallows hard and keeps going.
"every time you sit next to me," he breathes, "i stare at your thighs and think about putting my mouth on them. every single time." heat shoots through you so fast you almost choke on it.
"jungwon—"
"i know," he whispers, "i know i shouldn't say this. i know i'm drunk. but i— i can't hold it in anymore."
his voice wavers. his eyes flick down your body for a split second—slow enough to feel like a touch.
"you always look so fucking soft." his jaw tightens, breath shaking. "so perfect. so sweet."
your pulse stutters.
he laughs once—quiet, broken, shameful. "i think about tasting you every night. how you would squeeze my head in-between your thighs and how they would shake and the noises you'd make." he's panting at this point, his eyes squeezing shut.
your knees actually go weak.
"don't—" you try, but the word falls apart halfway.
jungwon lifts a hand again, hesitates, then rests it gently—gently—on your knee. so different from the desperate grabbing earlier. softer. more honest.
"you have no clue what you do to me," he whispers. "i look at you and i just— i want you. i want every part of you."
his eyes rise back to yours, glossy and bare and unguarded.
"i want the sounds you'd make," he breathes. "i want the way you'd taste on my tongue. i want your thighs around my head. i want all of it. i've wanted it for so fucking long."
your hands slip off his shoulders completely. you don't know when your breath left your lungs but it still hasn't come back.
jungwon bites his lip. hard. like he's trying to stop more from spilling out. but it doesn't work.
his voice drops to a whisper that hits you like a punch: "i don't just want your body."
you blink.
his words tremble. "i want you."
you feel your heart drop into your stomach.
"i watch you all the time," he says, voice unsteady. "the way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you get mad. fuck— the way you walk into a room like you don't even know everyone looks at you."
your throat tightens.
"i look at you like you're mine," he admits, breath catching. "even though you're not. even though you probably never will be."
your chest actually hurts. his voice cracks completely: "i just... i want you so bad it makes me sick."
you stare at him—soft hair falling in his eyes, cheeks flushed, lips parted, breathing too fast, hands trembling as he reaches for you again.
this time he manages to touch you. a shaky palm against your waist.
"baby," he whispers, sounding like he's breaking. "say something. please."
you open your mouth to say something—anything—to ground him, but jungwon is already leaning back in, chasing your lips like he physically can't stop himself. his breath trembles against your skin, warm and desperate, and his fingers curl harder around your waist like he thinks you'll disappear if he loosens even a little.
"w-wait—jungwon, slow down, i'm tryna—"
"don't—" he cuts you off on a ragged whisper, nose brushing your cheek as he tries to kiss you again. "don't pull away from me. please. just—just let me have you."
his voice cracks. actually cracks.
his eyes are glossy, pupils blown wide, cheeks flushed that soft rose-pink that always gives him away. he looks ruined already, like you've been doing something to him instead of just sitting here trying to breathe.
"jungwon," you murmur, trying to steady him with a hand on his chest, "you're not thinking straight—"
"i am," he insists, shaking his head, lips brushing yours because he can't stop leaning forward. "god, i am, i promise—i've been thinking straight for months and it's always the same thing. you. you on top of me. you using me however you want."
your fingers twitch.
his eyes flick down, immediately catching the movement like a starving animal catching scent of food.
"see?" he whispers. "you want me too. i can feel it."
you try to speak but he's already going again—mouth grazing the corner of yours, breath shaky, almost panting because he's so wound up it's pathetic.
pathetic and so, so pretty.
his grip slides lower, fingers pressing into your hips, guiding you closer like instinct is taking over. "just— just let me be good for you," he begs, voice cracking again. "you d-don't even need to do anything. you don't have to take care of me. just—" his forehead drops to your jaw, hot, needy breath fanning your throat. "please use me."
you swallow. hard.
"jungwon..."
he makes a sound. a broken whine into your neck that makes your spine stiffen.
"i'll do anything," he says, voice thready, trembling, "anything you want. you can put me wherever you want me and i'll stay there. i'll listen. i'll be quiet— or i won't, if you like hearing me beg. i'll be whatever you want. just... don't tell me no right now."
your heart kicks painfully.
his arms wrap fully around your waist now, pulling you against him like he's bracing for impact—like if you reject him he'll completely collapse.
"jungwon, you need to breathe—"
"i don't need to breathe," he whispers, voice turning low, hungry, unhinged. "i just need you. i just want your thighs around my head, i want your voice in my ears, i want—"
"jungwon."
he freezes, but only for a heartbeat. then he lifts his head. he looks at you like you're oxygen and he's drowning. his lips part, his breathing shaky, pupils blown like he's seconds from losing the last bit of control he has.
"please," he whispers, leaning in again, mouth barely brushing yours, begging in every possible way a person can beg. "just let me taste you. let me be your mouth. i'll do everything. i'll be good—so good for you, i swear."
his thumbs stroke your hips desperately.
"just say yes."
your breath stutters, just once, but it's enough.
jungwon feels it like a shockwave. his whole body tenses beneath your hands, head lifting from your neck, eyes snapping up to your face like he heard a door unlock.
"...what was that?" he whispers, voice low, raw, hopeful in a way that makes your stomach flip. "do it again. please."
you swallow, but it's loud in the quiet room. too loud.
his fingers tighten instantly—reactive, instinctive—digging into your hips in a bruising, claiming way that doesn't match the sweet, shy café owner you know. this is the version of him that lives underneath: needy, starved, a little feral.
"jungwon," you breathe, barely getting the word out, "you need to calm down—"
"i can't," he cuts in, voice breaking. "not when you sound like that. not when you're this close. i've wanted you for so long i—" he chokes on the rest, leaning in until his forehead presses into your cheek. "just tell me i'm not imagining this. tell me you want me too."
you try to pull back. big mistake.
he lets out a sound—somewhere between a whimper and a groan—and his grip snaps tight around your waist, dragging you right back into his lap like he can't bear a centimeter between you.
"don't go," he pleads, breath shaking. "please don't go, don't do that—i'll be good, i swear, i'll—i'll stay right here, i'll keep my hands where you want them, just don't pull away again—"
"i wasn't leaving." your voice is barely a whisper.
jungwon freezes. absolutely still.
then his head lifts slowly, eyes glossy and blown wide as he searches your face like he's scared he misheard.
"...you weren't?" he breathes.
you shake your head once. and that's it.
whatever thin thread of control he had snaps.
a broken sound slips out of him as he surges up, kissing you again—messier this time, hungrier, like he's trying to pour every bottled-up year of wanting into a single touch. his hands travel up your sides, hesitating only long enough to make sure you're not pulling away, before gripping the back of your shirt like he's terrified you'll disappear.
you gasp, fingers instinctively grabbing his shoulders for balance.
he feels it. he feels you holding onto him and it destroys him.
"please," he whispers into your mouth, hot and trembling. "just—say it. say i can have you. say you'll let me—" his breath catches, a shiver running through him as he presses his forehead to yours, "—let me show you how good i can be for you."
your pulse kicks. your thighs tighten around his.
his eyes drop instantly, pupils dilating so hard they practically swallow the brown.
"god," he murmurs, "you're killing me."
he kisses you again, slower this time, more certain, one hand sliding to your waist with careful reverence—as if he knows this is the final moment, the tipping point, the part where you either shove him away or—
you take his jaw in your hand.
not rough. not gentle. just decisive.
jungwon's breath punches out of him. his eyes flutter, lips parting like he's about to beg again, but no sound comes out.
you look at him. really look at him.
flushed cheeks. swollen lips. eyes glassy with desperation. every inch of him trembling under your touch, waiting for permission like a prayer.
"jungwon..." you murmur, thumb brushing the corner of his mouth, "you want me that bad?"
he nods so fast it's almost frantic.
"i'll do anything," he whispers. "anything you want. just—let me. let me have you. let me be yours. tell me yes and i'll—" his voice cracks again, "...i'll make you feel so good."
your chest rises. falls. slow. then—you lean in, brushing your lips against his ear.
"okay," you breathe.
jungwon goes completely still. then he shudders—full-body, uncontrollable, like he's been hit by lightning.
"o-okay?" he repeats, voice breaking, knees trembling beneath you.
"yes."
and just like that—he loses it.
his hands fly to your waist, his breath hits your neck, a desperate, wrecked sound escaping him as he finally—finally—lets himself touch you the way he's always wanted.
you feel his mouth opening against your skin, right at the spot he's been dying to taste. his hands find themselves gripping at you feverishly, gripping your thighs, your waist, your butt.
"so good..s-so good," he almost murmurs to himself as begins to rock his hips, using his grip on your butt to push against him.
you couldn't help but let a whimper escape you when you feel the outline of him thrust against your clit, letting him move you around.
his grip on your butt is a vice. not rough, exactly, but firm, utterly non-negotiable. he pulls you in so tight you can feel the strained trembling of his muscles, crushing your slick core against the insistent, painful heat of his pants.
"oh god," he whimpers, the sound raw and shaky against your neck. he drags his mouth along your pulse point, leaving a wet trail. "you like that?" his voice is thick, full of drunken wonder and possessive triumph.
you try to answer, but the words are swallowed by a choked whimper. he groans, a needy, ruined sound, taking it as consent, and then he moves.
he doesn't bother with the console. he scrambles up, grabbing your hips, and pushes you over the barrier with reckless, sloppy urgency. you land in a trembling, messy heap across the drivers seat, your legs falling open, shorts pushed up and offering him everything.
he's not gentle. he just needs access.
jungwon is half-kneeling, half-sprawled over the console, his face right between your thighs. he looks absolutely destroyed: sweat beading on his temples, hair clinging to his forehead, his pupils wide and black.
"i knew it," he whispers, breath shaky and hot. he reaches out a trembling hand, his fingers spreading wide over your inner thigh, right near your heat.
his grip is firm, claiming, pressing in just enough to bruise later. "you're so warm right here. you're shaking, pretty girl."
he nudges your shorts crotch to the side with his nose, whimpering when the fabric resists, until your damp, exposed core is right in his line of sight.
"mine," he declares, the word a slurred, drunken promise.
he leans down, and you gasp as his tongue, thick and wet, sloops right over the thin, damp fabric of your underwear. he doesn't care about the fabric, he just needs the taste. it's messy, sloppy, and overwhelming.
"fuck, you taste so good," he hisses, pulling back an inch, his eyes dark and glazed. he looks absolutely starved. "sweet. like i knew you would be. i need to see it."
he fumbles at the waistband of your shorts, shoving them down hard until they bunch up around your knees. he's not careful. he just needs you bare.
he settles right between your thighs, pulling your knees wider with his needy hands. he takes a moment just to look—his eyes tracing the wetness, the flush, the vulnerable, beautiful mess you are.
"open your legs for me, sweetheart," he orders, his voice a raw, low rasp. he doesn't wait for you to comply, his hands squeeze your inner thighs, forcing you wide open. "i want to see how much i ruined you."
then he's there. his mouth clamps down, and the feeling is instant, consuming. his tongue is relentless, moving with a desperate, sloppy urgency that is entirely focused on your pleasure. he's not trying to be sophisticated, he's a drunk man finally tasting the obsession he's held for years.
you cry out loud, a sharp, uncontrolled sound that hits the ceiling of the car. he groans, a thick, muffled sound of pure satisfaction against your slick skin. his hands slide down, gripping the back of your thighs and squeezing, pulling you tighter onto his mouth, forcing your legs to tremble.
"say my name, baby," he begs, the words vibrating against your core as he licks harder, faster. "say you love how sloppy i am for you. i'm right here. i'm yours. you can use my mouth however you want. whenever you want."
he pushes deeper, his breath hot and uneven, panting in the short gaps between desperate licks. he's completely focused on driving you higher, his movements aggressive and needy.
"you're so wet," he whispers against your skin in disbelief, "you're soaking my mouth. i'm drinking you. god, you're making me so fucking messy."
you're trembling violently, your fingers digging into the seat, your hips involuntarily thrusting down onto him. he anchors you with his strong hands on your thighs, pushing you back up every time you try to pull away, forcing you to take his tongue.
he speeds up again, mercilessly, his tongue pushing, flicking, sucking with a rhythmic intensity that brings that familiar pit in your stomach to rise.
"just for me," he murmurs, his words barely audible over the loud, wet sounds he's making with his mouth full of pussy. "cum for me, pretty girl. i want to drown in you."
he gives you a final, deep, punishing drag, and you completely shatter. your back arches, your body going rigid as a shaking moan is torn from your throat.
he doesn't stop. he holds you there, letting you tremble against his mouth, his arms tight around your thighs, ensuring you feel every last ripple of the climax.
when you finally settle, panting and wrecked, he keeps his face buried in your lap for a long, heavy moment, simply tasting his victory.
he lifts his head. his mouth is wet, his lips swollen, his eyes dark with a feral mix of lust and possessive adoration. you almost came again at just the site of him.
he smiles—slow, lazy, utterly ruined—and his fingers slide down, reaching for the waistband of his open jeans.
jungwon lifts his head, his face flushed and wet, his eyes shining with feverish anticipation. he's breathing hard, his lips swollen and glistening. the messiness of his desire is plastered all over him.
"you said yes," he whispers, voice thick and ragged. he lets out a pathetic little choke of anticipation. "what do you want? tell me. i'll do it right now."
his hands, still firm on your inner thighs, tighten as you look at him. he's exposed, kneeling between your spread legs, panting, completely at your mercy.
you lean forward, placing a hand on the back of his neck, running your fingers roughly through his damp hair. not knowing what was coming over you, you pull him closer.
jungwon instantly melts into the touch, a low, needy whine escaping his chest. he presses his face against the inside of your thigh, his breath shuddering.
"god," he mumbles into your skin. "that's it. you're touching me. don't stop."
you use the leverage on his hair to tilt his head, forcing him to look up at you again.
"you said i could use you," you whisper, the authority in your voice making his eyes widen. "i'm still wet, jungwon. and you're hard." your eyes dart down, his cock straining against his pants.
he swallows hard, his breath catching. "yeah. take it. take me."
he fumbles with the rest of his jeans, peeling them down just enough to expose the thick, rigid length straining against his boxers. he doesn't take his eyes off yours, searching for approval. he's so desperate for your gaze he can barely breathe.
"you're going to touch yourself," you say, your voice low and commanding.
jungwon freezes, a shock of confused, thrilled desperation hitting his face. "w-what? on your lap?"
you shake your head, using the hand still on his neck to push his head lower, his damp hair brushing against your inner thigh.
"no. you're gonna watch me. and you're going to obey."
he lets out a broken, pathetic sound, his whole body trembling. he's confused, aroused, and absolutely ruined by the instruction. "i—i can't look away. i won't."
"i'm not telling you to look away, im telling you to watch."
you press your hand down on the nape of his neck, demanding his stillness. you push yourself closer to him, now sharing the passenger seat with him as half of your body lays against the console while your legs over his lap.
his erection is now pressing firmly against his boxers, right near your hip, a hot, agonizing distraction.
you reach down and slide your hand down your aching core, fingers moving slowly and deliberately towards your still-sensitive cunt, making sure he sees every agonizing movement.
jungwon lets out a loud, strangled gasp. his eyes are fixed on your fingers, wide and glossy. he's panting, his lips parted, unable to move a muscle.
"do you like watching me, jungwon?" you ask, your voice soft and challenging.
he shakes his head violently, a deep, frustrated groan rumbling in his throat. "i hate it. i hate that i can only watch. please—"
you ignore the plea. you slide your fingers home. the movement is slow, wet, and direct.
jungwon cries out, a raw, needy sound of agony and pleasure. he squeezes his eyes shut, his hands flying up to grip the back of the passenger seat, his knuckles white. his entire body is shaking.
"don't look away," you command, your voice hard. "i told you to watch me. i want you to see how easy it is for me to get off when you're begging like this."
his eyes snap open, dark and tortured, fixed on your hand. he's breathing in shallow, panicked gasps.
you start to move your hand. slow, focused, relentless. you look down to see him rubbing himself through his boxers, grinning when you see the large wet spot.
seeing your face jungwon takes it as permission to touch himself, freeing himself of the restraints of spandex and allowing his hand to grip himself all while watching your fingers disappear into your cunt.
you watch mesmerized, the moonlight peaking through the window and directly on to the sweaty and whiny mess that was jungwon. your tongue darts out instinctively as you watch him fuck his fist, his thick cock pink as cum dribbles from his tip.
jungwon is completely undone. he starts to make frantic, whiny noises, choked little sounds of desperation that he can't control.
"fuck, fuck, you're so dirty," he manages, his voice thick with tears and lust. "stop—please—i can't—"
you increase the speed, your focus absolute, riding the high, needy energy radiating off him.
"you said you'd do anything," you remind him, moving your hips slightly to grind against the top of his head. "now beg me to stop. beg me to let you take over."
he lets out a broken, anguished sob, his composure completely gone. he doesn't know whether to grab you or run. he's completely helpless.
"i'm begging you!" he cries, the sound pathetic and raw. "please, i can't watch, i need to touch you—let me, please—i'll be good, i'll be quiet, just let me use my hands, i'm gonna explode—"
he's panting, shaking, tears streaming down his face as he watches you bring yourself to the brink again. he's utterly destroyed by his own subservience.
you use his breakdown as fuel, focusing entirely on your own pleasure, riding the intensity until the tremors start again.
just as you feel the your high approaching, you snap your head back and issue a final command, your voice rough with impending orgasm. "now, jungwon!"
he lets out a final, agonizing moan, arching his back violently against the seat, his hips slamming forward, eyes rolling back as he loses himself completely, spilling hot, messy release right against his boxer briefs.
you watch his flushed face, streaks of cum painting his hoodie and fist and you wish you could take a picture and have it engraved into you.
the car is silent except for the frantic, ruined sound of both of your gasping breaths. he collapses, his forehead hitting your inner thigh, trembling uncontrollably. he's spent, ruined, and completely gone.
"fuck," he whispers, his voice thick with tears and the sheer, overwhelming mess of his release. "i love you. i love that you did that to me."
his sudden words had you gasping, a deep flush covering you and you couldn't help but murmur the words back as you watched him jitter.
the intensity broke slowly, like a fever finally receding. jungwon slumped against you, his breathing ragged but evening out. the desperation was gone, replaced by bone-deep exhaustion.
he didn't lift his head, just shifted until his cheek was resting against your collarbone, his arms settling around your waist in a loose, purely comforting hold. he was a heavy, dead weight in your lap.
"i'm so sleepy," he mumbled into your shirt, the words muffled and childish.
you ran a gentle hand over the damp hair at the back of his head. "i know. let's go home."
he sighed, a deep, shuddering sound of pure relief. "stay right here."
you didn't respond with words, just kept running your fingers through his hair. he closed his eyes, his breathing growing slow and even against your skin.
you swallow harshly as you begin to peel his grip off of you, attempting to retreat back to the drivers seat so you could drive back home.
after successfully doing so, you hazily pull up your shorts and start the car, glancing at jungwons sleeping form. a soft smile gracing your lips before a pit in your stomach begins to grow.
just as you were about to pull out from the side of the road, your eyes catch a figure sitting 10 feet away from your car on a bench. mouth agape and body tilted, the elderly man seemed completely and utterly shocked at whatever he had witnessed.
well fuck.
— enjoy this fic? check out my other ones right here!
okay now that I am somewhat able to articulate my emotions better I have a few things I need to lay off my chest.
1) it has become increasingly clear to me for the past 2+ years of me boycotting hybe due to their deep rooted direct support to zionists and the IOF that many kpop fans do not give a fuck and will continue to be silent and fund these labels without showing them that there is consequences to their harmful actions.
2) 3 months after I became an engene and only after I learned about the boycott had I known about enha's severe exploitation and since then I have been fighting for a change, for people to wake up and see that these same zionists they ignore in hybe are the main culprits here— drowning hybe in severe debt and enha being caught in the front lines of the crossfire for years now, they not only exploit our 7 but they exploit our love for them by deeming it only worthy when our money talks and enha know this— they have constantly fought against this in the quiet moments where they clearly state that our love is not materialistic and not being able to afford tickets or events to see them or even merch does not make you any less of a fan, it is one of the reasons I truly fell in love with their artistry because it's real, raw, and rooted in compassion.
3) march 10th shook all of us because it shouldn't have been handled like that, their exploitation shouldn't have continued long enough to make belift be able to isolate a member who always expressed his dreams of releasing his own music while still being part of Enhypen. No matter where you stand on this matter it is very evident that it was all handled carelessly by hybe and there is no excuse for such behaviors because our 7 will continue to be exploited under fallacies meant to fear monger which is funny because Jay put his foot down and called it out because no they are NOT disbanding after the tour ends and the same people that preach "trust their words" are awfully silent about this because they fundamentally do not care as long as they see their bias(s) perform for them on stage ethics do not exist in those 3 hours even if the member(s) are limping or in visible pain from sheer exhaustion that seeped so deep into their bones from a young age that they learned to "suck it up" because that's what hybe taught them and everyone else told them.
4) you have a chance here, dismantle these systems and give idols the courage to break free and speak more openly or bitch about how kpop is so dead now because of course it is going down that route— the industry is punishing anyone who wants to make art and rewarding them only when pockets are filled. This very industry has blurred every line of how hard work and exploitation shouldn't be synonyms, it has made 'rest' a privilege and not a basic human right so much so that the exhaustion that follows not only burns the idols out but makes them more pliant. Simply telling idols to rest will no longer work on its own because we are past that stage, now their self esteem is so tied to how the labels operate that they truly believe they do not deserve to rest until their body can no longer move or their mental is completely and utterly destroyed. The only way to make a real difference is to not fund these practices UNTIL change happens, boycotts need conclusions and goals and the HYBE boycott started and lead by Army4Palestine has always made all of that very evident, highlighting every important detail and it is up to you not just as a consumer but as a human to know if you will stand with the minority that cares or fall to the majority that doesn't and if you base your decisions solely on how many will follow instead of the principal itself then I worry for your decision making skills in your own personal life.
5) Heeseung, Jay, Jake, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon, and Ni-ki are no the first and certainly will not be the last idols to be exploited to this degree and engenes as well will not be the first or last fandom to fight against these unethical practices being reinforced by major companies, so I would wish people would stop making this about oppression olympics and work together instead because the system wants you to believe that you simultaneously mean nothing to them while also being their biggest supporters because in the end its all about money but they can't let you know you as a consumer is far more powerful than you think because you run the show and they manipulate you to believe otherwise. Every dime, penny, and cent you hand them is a choice you actively make and being self aware of their actions but choosing silence does not make you mature— there is no neutrality in funding abuse and history never waited for miracles or peaceful approaches to make change, it waited for that minority that would be labeled all kinds of inhumane titles to fight for better, the better that the majority that stayed silent benefits from. You lose nothing to stand for something but you fall for everything to stand for nothing and it is always that deep and serious because your actions and words when nobody is looking or expecting is what makes you who you are, nobody is perfect in their activism but simply being against abuse doesn't make you perfect, it just makes you a human who gives a shit.
✐ᝰ jungwon’s idea of commitment starts and ends with his 9-to-5: deadlines, structure, and way too much overtime. then you show up, and suddenly he’s the one off balance. he’s falling fast, but you’re crushing on someone else—and also, someone keeps stealing his damn parking slot!
previous | masterlist
a/n: and that’s it for r/badparking 🥹 thank you thank you THANK YOU to everyone who’s been here, following the series! whether u kept up from the start or discovered this towards its end, either way—i am deeply appreciative of u 🫂 i honestly wouldn’t have finished the series without all ur support! it’s motivated me, given me inspiration, and increased my love n attachment for/to this series 🤍 thank u to my Comments Gang, yk who u are!!!! i love interacting and hearing ur thoughts on the series, fr makes my day 😁 thank u to my wonderful moots who i’ve befriended through this series, i am so grateful for u guys 🤗 and whether ur a silent reader or not, just know: I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! u’ve made this whole experience so enjoyable and i cannoooot wait to make more content like this just so i can connect with u all again ❤️🩹 and of course … to my man … THANK YOU JUNGWON i love u . thank u for making me crazy in the head .
**i’d love to write bonus/spin-off chapters!!! feel free to req if u want to see more of r/badparking ynwon and the gang 🙂↕️ i love these characters too much, i think i’ll be emotionally attached to them for a while 😭
I fear there will never be a smau like this ever IM ADDICTED TO THIS. All of their personalities are so BRIGHT like they’re so clear and well written omfg.. AND I have to stifle my giggles at 1 in the morning and my cheesing over Yang Jungwon in this fanfic and how freaking CUTE and emotionally repressed he is lolololol. THANK YOU FOR THIS TREAT OMG
Guys, I’m just gonna say what we’re all thinking. Engenes would not be reacting AS extreme as we/they are if the members were simply ALLOWED TO SPEAK ABOUT EACH OTHER. It’s the simple fact that they must act like they didn’t debut alongside one another and spend 6 years in the same living quarters, fighting for their team to make it. It’s DISHEARTENING and it’s genuinely very disappointing for the fans who have stuck around so long and supported them as 7. If they were simply allowed to talk about each other like normal, then we would not be reacting like this, but the fact that they are not allowed to only speaks volumes and implies that there is tension or bad blood between the members or that something happened that led things to where they are now. EVEN if Heeseung had left on his own accord, which I personally won’t deny as I also don’t find that hypothetical decision to be proof of a moral shortcoming of his or as him being “selfish”. We are all entitled to feel the way we do because:
1. Enhypen members are more than 1000% entitled to feel angry or ‘betrayed’ if Heeseung simply left with no conversation. We don’t even know the full story and he may have just left without saying anything. We will never know. The members may not even know the full story. Nobody really does. Maybe not even Heeseung. BUT. They are entitled to how they feel.
2. Engenes, AKA, their fandom, is also entitled to feel sad. We are all so so so sad and a lot of us feel this way not out of any parasocial relationship or anything stemming that way but simply because something that we deeply enjoy and people that we love and support have changed as a whole. People are not meant to like change. We are not easily adaptable to change and that’s okay. This is a HUGE change and it was so so so unexpected. There was no hiatus, there was so much talk about their world tour and a lot of merchandise that came out the following days and weeks still included Heeseung; to this day. There were hardly any signs of a contract ending or his leaving. The shock has a lot to do with the explosive reaction as well. They could have handled it better, whether he left on his own accord or not. So I don’t blame any fan for how they feel because we are all entitled to how we feel. Every situation is different.
BUT. On that same note. The way some fans are TREATING the members is baffling and heartbreaking to me. Hating on Heeseung or the other members is insane to me. Saying that basically Enhypen is worthless and lost without Heeseung? That’s also insane to me. Just say you’re a solo stan. Kpop IS a music genre as well as music in general but it’s a PACKAGE. Dance, personality, entertainment. Just because he was their main vocalist/lead vocalist, it doesn’t equate to him because worth more than any of the other members. Just say you were never a fan of them then. Hating on Heeseung? I don’t buy this whole selfish narrative that everyone seems to like tossing around him. Sure, the members could feel betrayed if the right circumstances surrounded the situation, but since when is choosing a BETTER path for yourself selfish?? If you believe that his choice was selfish, you are implying and insinuating that he left enhypen in the dirt because they’re incompetent without him. Which again, you were never a fan of them then so stop pretending that you’re defending them. They’re very much going to be okay on their own, I guarantee it. ‘Fans’ becoming haters and saying that Heeseung can’t sing or that he looks goofy or awkward? Saying certain things about his awkwardness or how nervous he looked and sounded singing live is not a big deal because tbh yeah HES NERVOUS. He’s a total introvert and a combination of being alone for the first time and all the accumulated hate and accusations and chaos following his departure is sure to give him some anxiety. Put two and two together. If you really love him, support him. And if you don’t like him, you are entitled to your opinion but I personally think that’s wrong.
In the case of him leaving on his own accord, why is that considered selfish? Tbh, in their last comeback, he seemed very drained and exhausted most of the time. All of the members did but especially him. He’s mentioned being creatively lost and his creative and artistic freedom had been restrained from him. He spoke about his mixtape not being released after it being promised to him for 2 years. Ofc that is the company’s fault, but why blame him for wanting to branch out? He is a main vocalist and although he was Enha’s ace, the music is his forte and his passion. Singing in particular. Obviously, a group setting is not especially made for that to shine. In fact, group settings are not made for anyone’s singular talent to shine. It’s a group, meant for multiple people and their multiple unique talents and personalities. He is still so young and there’s no way someone can blame him for only finding certain things out about himself now. Or maybe he realized earlier and felt guilty out of loyalty to the members. Him leaving them doesn’t mean he’s “choosing himself” and “leaving them behind”. It’s not always good-guy and bad-guy or black and white. There are so many shades of grays in this mix. If he had stayed and become so unhappy and resentful, what would’ve happened to the group? What would’ve happened to him? It’s ACTUALLY selfish to ask him to stay simply out of loyalty when he would end up resenting something he once loved and people he once loved. It’s better to leave those things as great memories rather than letting them become hateful. But, on that note… I wish that they’d handled this better if he really did wanna leave.
At first, I thought that he was really forced out and that he received some kind of ultimatum but tbh, every take that I hear on here, Twitter, TikTok, or even YouTube has made me very suspicious because there isn’t exactly any great evidence that they forced him out or any plausible reason. They were at their peak tbh. Also, I’m sure it was not crazy to think that they’d lose a lot of money and that it’d be extremely chaotic and hard for many months, making this seem more like a bad idea. The reason is either that he really wanted to leave or something much much bigger and devastating would occur and his leaving was to cover it up. And I honestly don’t think the latter is more reasonable. I don’t think it’s insane that a singer songwriter and ambitious young artist wants to branch out and go his own way. I get that he has a brotherhood here but I don’t think that we’re all living in reality here if we were to say that he’d choose his friends/bandmates/co-workers over a chance to do something with his life that he loves. And where a lot of us seem to be going wrong there is when we try to make him out to be an evil person for that. At the end of the day, all groups are made of people who work with each other. I’m certain that at some point, that kind of companionship becomes friendship and a sort of kinship or family but they are still co-workers and this is true for all groups. No exceptions. So no… he’s not a villain for choosing his own career path. A lot of you want to push the narrative that he was forced out of the group or that he had no choice because you don’t wanna face the idea that he may have had a choice and he chose something that you didn’t like. Tbh, that’s kind of a you problem and it’s a little weird that so many fans wanna make it seem like he isn’t a grown man that can’t make decisions on his own. I understand the shock, trust me. I cried for days and I still get really upset. But don’t be upset at him and misplace your anger. Picture the scenario:
He really was forced out but the fans just accept it and move on alongside him and the Enhypen members. Who can be upset at the fans? Nothing we do will change this so it’s better to accept it.
OR
He left on his own because he wanted to choose better for himself and his so called fans will not stop denying his decision and probably make him feel like shit about it because the alternative to making things up and exaggerating things to make him seem like a victim is better? Now that’s probably hurtful.
I’ve heard fans also say things like: it worked for [insert group name] or bring up examples of boycotting and how it got things to work, but it’s been months. And nothing has changed. Their stocks have dropped by more than half. I think it’s time to face that he chose this and that he doesn’t want to go back.
I miss them as 7 a LOT. So much. More than my words can convey. I miss watching them as 7 and there seems to be a shadow of Heeseung every time I watch them. Not because he is worth more than the other members. Because he is dear to the hearts of many. And I wished that his decisions wouldn’t change that. I still hold him along with all of the other members very close to my heart but I personally have a very soft spot for Heeseung. I think he’s very introspective and eloquent as well as soft spoken and natured and he is just simply a very talented and warm person that people really love. I will always support him along with all of the other members and I hope that they as well as us will come to a place in the future where they can freely speak about and to one another.
If you read this far, I wanna say thank you and also that you are entitled to your own opinions as well. This is just what I thought after thinking long and hard about the situation for all of this time. If he were to come back, which I strongly strongly doubt, I will be overjoyed. But I hope that he finds what he’s looking for, even if that means he has to keep looking forward and not look back.
guys I’m seriously itching for an enha angst argument fic or one shot or ANYTHING AT ALL. I’m a sucker for the ‘he messes up’ and has the grovel 😢😢 PLEASE SEND ME RECOMMENDATIONS A GIRL IS IN NEED OF SOME ANGST!!!
genre: modern pride & prejudice au, enemies to lovers, university au
word count: 5.4k
a modernized take on the confession in the rain scene from pride & prejudice set in university enjoyyyyyy
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
You should probably get out of this rain. It would be wise to make your way back to your dorm and continue your fuming in a place where you’re less likely to catch a nasty cold, but the logical parts of you are currently fighting a losing battle against the angry ones.
There’s a distant cry of your name from somewhere behind you, but it’s easy to ignore through the torrential downpour and thrumming in your ears. Right now, there is only one objective in mind and it’s to get away. No destination in particular, just not here. Not anywhere near him.
But fate is a cruel thing and all too easy to tempt and the next time Jungwon calls your name, he sounds dangerously close to reaching you.
God fucking damnit.
You should have just faked a stomachache or something. Common sense should have been enough to tell you that a guy who spends his afternoons at collegiate level competitive soccer practice would have an upper hand on the athletic front.
But there’s no use in mulling over the what ifs now, not when he’s probably going to catch up to you any—
The feeling of a warm hand encircling your wrist has you spinning on your heel, stray rain droplets flying from your skin with the force.
“___!” To your credit, he sounds out of breath, even if only slightly. “God, will you just—” You don’t miss the way his features fall a fraction of an inch when you twist out of his grip, retracting your arm back into safer territory. “Just hold on a second.”
Every instinct, every bone is screaming at you to ignore his request and high tail it out of here, but you have a feeling he’s not going to let you get very far. And if he does, he’ll just ambush you tomorrow after class or during your library study time that’s become increasingly synchronized with his own over the past few months.
It's almost unbelievable really, in hindsight. Yang Jungwon came into your life in a quiet sort of way, but once his presence was established, it sure was hard to miss. It’s not that the two of you didn’t like each other necessarily. You just never could quite seem to see eye to eye. He was abrasive where you were gentle and quiet where you were loud. Neither of you were ever particularly polarizing people—quite the opposite in fact—but something about your personalities just made the two of you clash right from the get go.
There would be a sarcastic quip here, a roll of the eyes there, just little reminders that the both of you were on opposite ends of the spectrum in just about everything. It’s almost ironic, really, the fact that the two of you shared so many mutual friends given the initial distaste you had for one another.
At first, both of you had wordlessly settled on a mutual agreement to just avoid each other all of the many times your paths crossed in class or at parties or during library study groups. You’re not even really sure when that changed, can’t pinpoint the moment when things started to shift, but over time, your mutual distaste started to grow into a mutual understanding. Under the surface, you found that the two of you actually had a lot in common. You just went about things in different ways.
And progression was only natural from there. Before long, you were inserting yourself into his conversations at parties instead of avoiding them entirely, answering his discussion questions during study group instead of keeping your head down, and sliding down into a seat not too far from his the few times you shared a class instead of somewhere across the room.
But the real kicker had come roughly three months ago, at the beginning of the fall semester. Students in the same contemporary literature course, you and Jungwon had been paired up as semester-long project partners on the very first day.
And from there, mutual understanding was quick to transform into something that looked a whole lot like friendship the more you stared at it. Even if your relationship was still a little rough around the edges, even if the two of you rarely shared a similar opinion and had a particularly strong inclination towards petty fights and ridiculous arguments, Yang Jungwon and you were, for lack of a better term, friends.
And it probably wasn’t entirely fair of you to avoid him for a week, to make him literally chase you down in the middle of a rainstorm just for a chance to get a word in sideways, but it really wasn’t your fault. Not after what Jay told you last week. And especially not after the damning text message you read with your own two eyes.
Still, you figure there’s no use in running anymore. At least not now.
Jungwon seems to sense your defeat, and when you make no further move to escape, he relaxes slightly, shoulders slumping as the tension around him dissipates just a fraction. With a set jaw and wide eyes, he reaches out like he’s going to grasp your wrist again before he thinks better of it. Instead, he settles on nodding his chin in a jerky sort of way towards a nearby veranda, silently encouraging you to follow his lead as he makes his way toward it for some much needed shelter from the torrential downpour.
But even a reprieve from the pelting rain isn’t enough to sweeten the atmosphere into anything less than tense. And Jungwon, in all of his twenty-one-year-old glory, misreads the situation entirely. “You, uh…” he tries, palm sliding to the back of his neck like he’s nervous. He can’t quite meet your eye now. “You’re fast when you want to be.”
At that, you arch an eyebrow, offering him nothing but silence and an exasperated set to your features. If this is his attempt at an apology, he’s doing a less than favorable job.
Another handful of seconds pass. Around you, the world continues to ebb and flow. Students walking to class, sheltering themselves from the rain with backpacks and book bags and a mismatched array of makeshift umbrellas.
Rain continues to pound the earth around you. But under the shelter, it’s just the two of you.
Suddenly, eye contact is a difficult thing to maintain.
When the silence extends into something impossibly more uncomfortable, you shake your head in silent disbelief, turning to leave him in the dust a final time. But once again, the sound of his voice disturbs the monotonous pouring of rain before you can make it all of three feet.
“I don’t really like literature, you know.” It’s an odd declaration, all things considered. Enough so to have you turning back until your gaze matches his own, the confused furrow of your brow meeting the open vulnerability of his own.
“What?”
Jungwon takes a deep inhale, steeling himself like he’ll lose his nerve in its entirety if he doesn’t get it all out in a single breath.
“I told you, when we were partnered up that first day of class and you asked me why I ended up taking contemporary lit.” His brow draws down into something that looks almost pained, gaze falling towards the raindrops that scatter against the concrete beneath you. “I told you it was because I’ve always liked literature, but that was a lie. I hate literature. Like, a lot. I needed one more upper division elective credit and I was signed up for a kinesiology course and it looked really cool, but then Jake told me that you were taking contemporary lit and I just…” He trails off, sliding an open palm down his face. His head shakes ever so slightly, almost like he's berating himself. He still won’t look you in the eye. “I knew this was a stupid idea. Everyone warned me too.” A laugh escapes his lips but no trace of humor follows. “All my friends said it would never work, that I should just let it go because this would never go the way I want it to. Hell, I even called my sister the other day and she told me I’d be better off to just forget it, but—”
“Jungwon,” you finally interrupt, mostly in fear that his nonsensical rambling won’t see any sort of end if you don’t intervene. “What are you talking about?”
There’s a moment, just a fraction of a minute, where everything around you seems to freeze, where time seems to suspend itself in mid air. Across from you, Jungwon’s chest is rising and falling slowly. A gentle pattern of heavy breaths as his rain soaked hair drips down across his eyes and over the bridge of his nose.
He’s flushed, but just slightly, and you can’t tell if it’s from the biting frigidness of the rain or something else entirely. At his sides, his hands are clenched into two identical fists, fingers wound so tightly his knuckles have gone completely white.
And then there are his eyes, so open, so vulnerable, so achingly honest and yet you have no idea what it is that’s running through his mind at a million miles a minute. The gaze that matches your own seems almost pleading, begging you to understand, to be gentle, but for what you can’t decipher.
But just as quickly as it came, the moment subsides into something decidedly less monumental the second he opens his mouth.
“You really don’t know?” He’s not being patronizing. There’s a thick tint of genuine disbelief laced through his tone, mixing easy with heavy strokes of premature embarrassment. But it irks you nonetheless, his apparent inability to make himself clear.
“Don’t know what?” You really should have faked that stomachache.
Jungwon averts his eyes again, gaze flickering to the concrete beneath him before his next words come out all in a jumbled rush, so tangled you almost miss them.
“I like you.”
Three words. Simple against the tongue and easy in delivery.
But you have no idea what to do with them and it would appear that Jungwon doesn’t either.
He’s pressing on before you can so much as take in his original declaration. “Like, I like you a lot, ___. Fuck. It’s all I can think about, I swear. Everytime we study together or grab food or even just when you’re sitting next to me in class taking notes. It’s hard to be around you sometimes because I feel like I’m always in my own head and so confused and I just…” He shakes his head, clearing away some of the haze. “I just like you. A lot.”
And maybe if he weren’t wrapped up so deeply in his own confession, in his own sphere of discomfort, he’d notice how the frown marring your pretty features has been growing steadily deeper the entire time. Maybe he’d have noticed that when you finally open your mouth to respond after an uncomfortably long beat of silence, it wouldn’t be a confession of equal feelings that comes out.
“Well I’m sorry to have confused you so much, Jungwon,” is the first thing you say, and if he expected anything it certainly wasn’t the annoyance running heavy through your tone. He’d anticipated a bit of confusion, maybe even some disbelief, but only the watered down versions that could just as easily be transformed into reciprocation.
“Wait, no,” he tries, but it’s in vain. “___, that’s not what I meant—”
“I can promise you that it was unintentional.” There’s sarcasm dripping off of all of your words, a mean streak that gives Jungwon pause. Had he really just laid his feelings out in the open after spending days agonizing over how to do it for… this?
He’s never been the best with words and he hates himself a little for it, hates that he can never seem to make a conversation flow as easily as you’re always able to. Hates how his thoughts come out stilted and messy and convoluted. Hates that even though he’s been practicing this conversation for days in the mirror and the shower and in his mind before he goes to bed, he still seems to have missed the mark terribly.
He just… He thought that you would get it. He’s never been good with words. But he also knows that you know that he’s never been good with words. It’s something that he’s always been fond of, your easy ability to read between the lines and pick up on all those little thoughts and ideas he could never quite find a way to put into words. If anything, your avoidance of all the subtext now seems almost intentional. It leaves him feeling more than a little confused.
Jungwon’s eyes are glassy when you meet them, mouth downturned and cheeks flushed. “Is that…” He trails off, voice small, so painfully unsure of himself as he toys with a loose string on his backpack. “Is that all you have to say?”
The venom is still there when you ask, “What do you want me to say, Jungwon?”
Another flash of pain crosses his features, fleeting but unmistakable. The surprise that shocks him into stillness is the only thing that keeps him from recoiling. “I don’t know. I just… I just laid all my feelings out for you and you can’t even tell me where your head’s at.” Always messy, always tripping over his own words. And if the sudden fire in your eyes in anything to go by, he’s only done it again.
“So I’m supposed to be flattered, then?” Your arms move to cross your chest and he feels every bit the scolded kid you’re trying to make him. “By you telling me that even though all of your friends and family told you that confessing to me was a bad idea, you decided to do it anyway? That you’re not even entirely sure about your actual feelings because I confuse you?”
“No.” He really should take a minute to gather his thoughts, to work them into something a little more coherent, but this is snowballing out of his control more quickly than he can keep track of. In the moment, adding fuel to the fire feels all too similar to smothering it with sand. “No. God. Fuck, no. That’s not—Look, it came out wrong. I was trying to tell you that I like you, maybe to ask you on a date, because—”
“And what makes you think I would want to date you, Jungwon?”
It’s cruel, even for you. Even towards him. It’s mean and it hurts and he’s so, so confused. “I… I don’t understand—”
You’re unwavering in your anger as you press on, face heating and brow drawing down. “God, Jungwon. Even if you hadn’t just basically insulted me six different ways, you know I have other reasons to be more than a little pissed off at you right now.”
And what those reasons could be, he has absolutely no idea.
“What are you talking about?” Jungwon doesn’t mean to let the defensive edge to his words slip in, but it’s beyond his control at this point. He’s so confused and you’re throwing accusations with little inhibition. “We barely even talked this last week. I practically had to run you down just to get you to have a conversation with me and now you’re just yelling—”
“And why do you think that is?” Somewhere in the extremities of your mind, you’re aware that people are starting to stare as they pass by, that you’re drawing more than a little attention. But with Jungwon right in front of you and anger closing in on all sides, they’re easy enough to ignore. “Why on earth would I want to be around, and much less date the same person who’s made Rina cry just about every night for the past month, Jungwon?”
“Rina?” Jungwon’s brow furrows even further at that, a confusion that seems so genuine that it absolutely infuriates you clouding his tone. “What does Rina have to do with—”
“Cut the shit, Jungwon. Jay told me what you did. And even if he didn’t, you should have known better than to let me borrow your laptop while you and Jake were texting.”
Oh. Oh, shit.
“Because when you left to go find a book, Jake just couldn’t stop thanking you for saving him from being ‘tied down’ all season, couldn’t stop talking about how he’s just so much better off without a girl around.”
There’s so much sarcasm and anger in your voice and Jungwon doesn’t know where to start. He knows that the incident in question is partially his fault, and yeah, it probably was a stupid idea to leave you alone with his laptop in the middle of a conversation with Jake, but how was he supposed to know his friend would bring up Rina? This really is all just some sort of misunderstanding. Maybe if you would just listen...
“I—” he tries, but you’re cutting him off in the next breath.
“Which is bullshit, by the way. Because Jay also told me about how miserable Jake’s been ever since he ended things with Rina and how he’s been spending half of your stupid soccer practice moping in the corner—”
Fucking Jay. “I didn’t—”
At that, he watches as the anger in your expression melds with something he can only call disbelief. “Are you seriously gonna deny it?”
“No. No, I’m not denying it. Will you just stop and listen for—?”
“No, actually. I don’t think I will." Your yelling is reaching a decibel that would be impossible not to notice, even through the rain, but you can't find it in yourself to care. "What kind of horrible person goes around breaking up good relationships on purpose?”
And just like that, Jungwon’s words lose their pleading edge. Every bone in his body, every instinct and shred of knowledge he’s gathered is telling him that you’re not here to listen. That nothing he says will be good enough for you. No, just like always, you’re here to berate him and talk over him and then storm off once you’ve said your piece. Just like every other argument you've ever had. And Jungwon’s fucking tired of it.
He's being just as difficult as you always are when he says, “First of all, I didn't break anyone up. I didn't make Jake do anything. The only thing I did was tell him the truth. And besides, he might be moping now, but he sent me those texts for a reason.”
It may be a one-eighty, but you’re no stranger to arguing with Jungwon. You know exactly how dirty he can play when he wants to. With a humorless laugh, you let your lips part in disbelief. “You have some fucking nerve, Yang.”
Jungwon just rolls his eyes, the accusation barely brushing him before he shakes it off his shoulders. He’s tired of being treated like this, of getting the short end of the stick and always being molded into some sort of villain by your quick hands. He doesn’t know how many times he has to show up for you, to prove to you that he’s not the person you thought he was all those months ago when you first met before you’ll actually give him some kind of a chance.
And if you won’t listen to anything calm and rational, well, maybe it’s time for a different approach. Jungwon’s looking for the argument he already has when he retorts, “Yeah? Well so does Rina.”
If anything, it at least is successful in capturing your attention. Your voice is deadly calm when you ask, “What did you just say to me?”
It’s something akin to an exasperated disbelief that he looks at you with now. A cool, collected exterior that’s entirely a front for the jumble of emotions he feels, but it’s infuriating to you nonetheless. “Come on, ___. You’re her best friend. You had to know.”
The tables turn, just like that. Now he’s the one laying claims in bold strokes while maintaining an unaffected facade, and you're left to do all the guesswork. “Know what?”
“That she was cheating on him!” When Jungwon sees the way your features shutter, he’s quick to amend. “Or at least getting close to it. I saw her, ___. Literally the morning after she was over all night with Jake I saw her out with some other guy! And usually, that’s not a big deal, but they sure as hell seemed closer than just friends when he went in for a hug.”
Just as quickly as they closed off, your emotions are twisting back into outrage. “That was her cousin, you absolute idiot! He lives hours away so they never get to see each other. He came up to visit for the weekend so she could show him around campus. A weekend that you ruined, by the way. Because she spent all of it crying in bed.”
It’s a revelation that you expect will have him back to begging at your feet, but Jungwon doesn’t miss a beat. “Still! Even if he was her cousin, that wasn’t the first time I saw her getting flirty with other guys.” Jungwon’s jaw clenches as a stray raindrop makes its way over the bridge of his nose. “The only reason I even told Jake was because I’d seen her do it so many times.”
You scoff, even as feelings of doubt start to trickle in through the corners of your mind, even as something that feels all too similar to nausea threatens to rise in your stomach. “That’s ridiculous.”
Jungwon is glaring at you now, really glaring and you curse the wave of unease it inspires. “You know, maybe if you could get over your incessant need to be right all the time, then—”
“My need t—?”
“—then maybe you’d see that you’re not above everyone else on some moral high ground and that sometimes, you’re wrong about things too. Just like the rest of us. I get that she’s your friend which is why I obviously didn’t want to drag you into this. And I’m sorry that Jay can’t keep a secret to save his life and that you found out like this, but I know what I saw. And instead of listening to me or even trying to talk to me about it like a fucking adult, you avoid me like the plague for a week. And then when we finally do talk, you stand here and assume that I'm the kind of person that would intentionally try to ruin both of our closest friends’ lives.”
There’s a lapse while Jungwon takes a moment to just stare at you, chest heaving and hair dripping. When he speaks again, there’s a distinct cloud of hurt that encompasses his words. “We’ve known each other for months, ___. Whenever you texted me at ass o’clock because you waited until the last minute to do your assignments and started panicking when you couldn’t get the answers, I was the one who woke up in the middle of the night to help you figure it out. Whenever you had some shit going on that you didn’t wanna worry your friends with, I was the one who stayed up with you to talk you through it. If you were tired in class but forgot your wallet, guess who was the one to buy you your favorite coffee.”
You offer him nothing but an indignant scoff, arms crossing over your chest. “So I owe you now? Is that what you’re saying? You keep a running tally of all the nice things you’ve ever done for me and the sum of them is finally high enough to cash in a date? To pick up the slack from having a hand in making my best friend miserable?”
“No.” He’s fuming just as clearly as you now, a thick cloud of emotion radiating off of him in waves as he takes a step forward into your space. Now you’re the one cowering, taking an equal step backwards even as you keep your chin high in defiance. “That’s not what I’m saying and maybe you’d get that if you fucking listened. You don’t owe me shit, ___. Forgive me for being fucking hurt by the fact that the entire time I thought we were becoming friends, that we were getting close to one another, you were actually keeping me at an arm’s length and always looking for a reason to cut me off and make me out to be some sort of villain.”
Your eyes narrow as another stray raindrop drips from an eyelash. “And forgive me for not instantly falling at your feet from a shitty confession after I had every reason to think that you just had single handedly ruined my best friend’s relationship!”
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re cognizant of the fact that you’re probably being unfair, that things probably would have gone a bit smoother had you just been willing to hear him out. But something about the way he levels you with thinly veiled insults and a smug little set to his mouth has you wanting to push back, to say your piece even if you’re only grasping at straws at this point.
A handful of insults ago, this might have been the kind of petty fight that could have been fixed with an apology and some space. But things are different this time around. They’re personal.
You’re not debating over the best flavor of gelato from the shop down the street or the Rotten Tomatoes review Jay mentioned in passing. Despite the cold exterior he’s adopted, the sharpest emotion Jungwon feels right now is a deep, burning humiliation at being rejected so definitively in every sense of the word. At reading things between you and him so terribly wrong.
And it takes more than a low, mumbled, I’m sorry with half avoided eye contact to make any steps towards remedying that kind of wound.
A scoff passes through parted lips as he takes another step forward. Left with no further space to retreat, your back becomes flush with the wall behind you as your chin turns up to meet his eye. “Funny that you say that.” There’s a dangerous glint to his eye, an unexpected emotion in what has so far been a whirlwind of annoyance and anger and hurt. “Because you sure didn’t seem to mind when I was the one doting all over you.”
“Excuse me?” The roll of your eyes is exaggerated. “You call buying me coffee every now and then ‘doting all over me?’” You huff a dry laugh, jutting your chin even further towards his own in defiance. “I think I really did dodge a bullet then. I imagine someone with those standards wouldn’t make for a very…” The way your eyes make quick work of scanning him from head to toe is dangerous, but if you’re to have anything, it will be the last word. "fulfilling relationship.”
Jungwon just takes it in stride, tilting his chin slightly before stepping impossibly closer. So close that you can clearly make out the mole just above his jawline. So close that you feel his words as much as you hear them. “Hm, maybe not. But what about all the times I did this?” It’s damningly hard to suppress the shiver that threatens to shoot the length of your spine as his fingers ghost delicately over the skin just above your collarbone. You're doing your damn best to maintain an unaffected front, but you feel the way his lips turn up into a little grin at the tiny gasp you can't quite contain. “Hm? And the forehead kisses?” Just as easily, he’s leaning down to let his lips brush against your hair, not exactly a kiss but a fleeting touch that leaves heat in its wake all the same.
He shifts then, and his next words are whispered against the shell of your ear. “All those little touches. I imagine it would have been pretty easy to have you—what was it you called it?—falling at my feet then if I really set my mind to it.” You don’t need to see his face to feel the smugness radiating from him in waves.
There’s a moment, barely a millisecond of time, in which you let yourself entertain the idea of turning your face, just slightly, until your lips are aligned with his. It wouldn't take much, really. And you already know that it would be entirely too easy to lose yourself against the heat of his mouth, within the tangle of your fingers against the nape of his neck, amongst the quiet little breathy gasps you're already sure he’d have no problem drawing from the back of your throat.
Because despite it all, you do know what he's talking about. In fact, you remember it all too well. The two of you have never breached that flimsy barrier of anything more than platonic, but it sure did seem to be your favorite line to teeter.
Because despite all of his faults and flaws and all the many reasons the two of you were always butting heads, Yang Jungwon was the kind of guy that was all too easy to get caught up in. And you have the distinct feeling that he feels the exact same way about you. It would be easy, the less inhibited parts of your mind whisper into your cloud of consciousness. It would feel good.
You're so wrapped up in your own thoughts, in the cacophony of sensation, that you don't notice it, but Jungwon's on the exact same wavelength. He can feel the way you shudder under his touch, can imagine that same gentle ripple of energy in so many different, more pleasurable contexts, and it's making him dizzy. Your lips are parted and all he can think about is giving them something to do that doesn’t involve throwing insults his way. He wants to say it then, wants to erase everything he said before by telling you how beautiful he thinks you are, how easy you made it for him to like you, how mortified he really is that he managed to fuck it all up so badly.
But the cold is as sobering as anything, and it takes less than a heartbeat for you to remember why you’re here in the first place. With slightly trembling hands, you’re pushing against his chest, ignoring your instincts to pull him closer instead, until there’s room to breathe again, until that damn voice in your mind is nothing but an afterthought. You want to scream at yourself for being so easy, for falling right into his little game, for letting him embarrass you like that. You infuse your gaze with as much venom as you can manage before you’re matching it to his own. “Fuck you, Jungwon. You have some real nerve, you know. Was this all some kind of joke to you?”
It's as if you've taken a bucket of ice water to his head. Because no matter how many little moments you allow him, how many glimpses he gets at the girl that just might like him half as much as he likes her, this is what you really think of him.
And as much as he wants things to be different, as much as he wants to push and fight and try until he finally makes you understand, he knows he'll eventually have to come to terms with the fact that no amount of wishful thinking will ever make you see him for who he really is.
“A joke?” He laughs humorlessly, tucking away his hurt for now in the only way he knows how. “No. But I guess it was a waste of my time. I got your message, by the way. Your opinion of me came through. Loud and clear. I’ll ask Sunoo to switch partners with me in lit and I’ll just leave you alone from now on.” There’s a pause, a moment of hesitation like he wants to say something else. The sky is still crying and his cheekbones are still dusted red and your chest is still heaving where you stare at him with parted lips. He takes one final glance before turning away from you completely.
And it’s with a final, “Have a nice life, ___” that he leaves you in the rain, shivering from the cold and desperately trying to ignore the sinking feeling building heavy in your gut.
