An advertisement anonymously sent to Bane
STRIKING OUT WITH THE LADIES?
TIRED OF BEING A LOSER?
WANT TO GET TEN GIRLFRIENDS LIKE THIS GUY?:
YOU'RE IN LUCK, YOU PATHETIC GOON!
Send a message [here] if you want tips on how to get a date!!!
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@markbender
An advertisement anonymously sent to Bane
STRIKING OUT WITH THE LADIES?
TIRED OF BEING A LOSER?
WANT TO GET TEN GIRLFRIENDS LIKE THIS GUY?:
YOU'RE IN LUCK, YOU PATHETIC GOON!
Send a message [here] if you want tips on how to get a date!!!
Batbabe and Hotfit (Based on a True Story) by MarkBenderistheHottest
"Oh, Mark. You truly are the best! Thank you for saving my life!" Batgirl said, fawning over him. Her eyes sparkled with admiration for her handsome, buff as hell savior.
"Back off, hussy!" Misfit growled, kicking down the door. "He's mine! Mark Bender is a God and you don't deserve him!"
Mark knew this scenario all too well. While most men would die to be in his place, he was just exhausted! When would he catch a break? Women were always fighting over him, not realizing he wasn't just a hot babe--he was a person with real feelings!
"Ladies, ladies. Please! I'm not even that great," Mark said, the picture of modesty.
Batgirl's eyes sprang wide. "WHAT! YES YOU ARE!!!"
"I LOVE YOU, MARK BENDER!" Misfit squealed.
Mark looked over his shoulder at the two caped crusaders, practically begging for his love. Who should he choose?
Who really deserved him?
To be continued...
i'm just dicking around on this account btw lmao HAHA
Mark's First Draft Letter to Zatanna:
Dear Mrs. Miss Ms. M'am Zatanna,
Hi. You may remember me from such times as: us getting shot at at the pet store, when you took my rabbit away from me, that time you didn't let me backstage and I had to honk my horn outside. Good times. Fond memories. Home is where the heart is.
I would like to get my mom a present for Christmas and I think tickets to your show would be a good present. So, please send them to me. I would prefer front row because my eyes aren't that great. Can you also call me up as a volunteer? I won't tell anyone I'm a plant.
Thanks!!!!
Mark
Rebel Yell || Solo
Mark had won the elections. He'd become a God amongst men. Kids in the hallway nodded at him, acknowledging the boy who made promises to have balloon fights with teachers and Pizza Fridays. The man, the myth, the legend: Mark Bender.
On his first official day as school president, he wore his ugly brown suit. He'd gotten a jam stain on the lapel from eating one too many sweets at his Wayne Industries internship, but he'd been telling girls it was a blood stain. He was just that dangerous; it was one of the risks of taking the job as school president.
"I had to claw my way up the ranks, ladies. Literally."
One of his new duties as president was doing the morning announcement. He wanted to start off each announcement with a joke, but Werner yanked the microphone away from him because one of his jokes was too risque. What was so risque about a joke about a clown making balloon animals out of the wrong kinds of balloons? It didn't matter. He wasn't allowed to make jokes anymore, but occasionally, Mark sneaked in a funny word or two into the announcements.
On Monday, the word was butterball.
On Tuesday, the word was masticate.
On Wednesday, the word was boobies.
He was pulled from the morning announcements shortly thereafter.
Grease is the Word! || Feat. Mark as Rizzo and Zatanna as Danny Zuko
"Tell me mo', tell me mo', did ya get very far. Tell me mo', tell me mo' like does he have a car?...C'mon, you know the song, dontcha? I mean, you look like that one girl from the movie. The one that thought she got knocked up," the prisoner said to Mark as he trailed him from behind. Another prisoner was cackling alongside him, holding a ginormous looking gun in his hand. Mark normally wouldn't have been out, trudging around the warzone that was Gotham city, but his mother hadn't been home in hours. She went out to a shelter to get them some food because rationing the remnants of their freezer-burned chicken wasn't cutting it anymore. She hadn't come home and he was scared. He'd lost his father already and couldn't lose his mother as well. Unfortunately, on his way around the East End looking for her, he started getting trailed by two Blackgate prisoners who thought he looked like Rizzo from the movie Grease. "Sing for us, Riz," one of the prisoners said, poking Mark in the back with the barrel of the gun. "I don't know the song, man," Mark said. "Please stop--" Mark gunned it, running as fast his legs could carry him. He wasn't good at confrontations, but he wasgood at running. He turned the corner and wrenched open a shop door only to slam into someone standing inside. "Hide!! We're gonna die," he squealed, scrambling to his feet.
Zatanna's face collided with the grimy, poorly-swept floor of Pet Cetera. Sputtering angrily, she hauled herself up into a sitting position, eyes narrowing in surprise and then, anger. "Mark?" Just her luck. Gotham's most annoying mop-headed teen hand managed to run into her, quite literally, in probably one of the only pet stores still open in this mess. Which was why Zatanna had magicked her unhappy ass into a district as questionable as the East End. Timothy hay was needed for Lucky, and unsurprisingly, most businesses had opted to stay closed for the foreseeable future. She glared at the panicked teen, who picked himself up on coltish legs and glanced frantically towards the door as if expecting someone. "What are you talking about? What the hell do you mean we're going to die?" Zatanna brushed at her legs irritably, wrinkling her nose as bits of hay and dust fell to the floor. Gross.
[pm] Guess we’ve gotta put our campaign strategies on the back burner, man. [d: And that’s uh] [d: This is me asking if you’re ok without really asking because] [d: Dude, Gotham’s WWZ and I still haven’t done my math homework and my mom’s]
[pm] Things are getting scary, man. Have you gone outside? I have I'm about to.
Hey Ya // Outkast
[pm] Because you’re a teenager and you’ve publicly done it before.
Bane likes to brag that he “broke me.” But you’re correct, he only broke my back. I got better. And he won’t when I’m done.
[pm] Have I? I don't think so. I don't remember!
What? Are you planning on breaking his back?
[pm] Mark, how are you and your mother? Are you safe?
[pm] We’re okay….kinda. My mom won’t let me leave the house. We’re rationing food cos’ she doesn’t want to make a run to the store. I wouldn’t want her to leave, though. I saw a guy with a gun outside and it was like a HUGE gun! Not a regular one like you usually see around here.
Are you staying inside? Are you okay? Are you safe??
[pm] No problem.
We have 13 holding companies and subsidiaries and all of them have various subdivisions. The big ones I can name of the top of my head are:
Wayne Tech
Wayne Aerospace
Wayne Chemicals
Wayne Biotech
Wayne Industries
And I’m glad you’re getting along with Meme but it’s also important to think about yourself and what you feel most comfortable doing. While Legal is very successful, I know the work there can be very tedious (I do get all the emails after all). So don’t hesitate in letting me know how you’re really feeling in regards to the workload.
Is it really that surprising? I like taking the subway.
[pm] WOAH! Is the Aerospace one filled with astronauts? Like...would I get to go to space? What's in the industries one? Factories? Would I be welding things together? A little iron worker?
I know, but what would Mr. Dent Meme think if I just transferred, you know? I don't know. I don't want to let him down.
The subway kinda smells like pee. I dunno why you like it!
If you could kiss any one person right now, who would it be?
Olivia Newton John, but only when she was in Grease. I dunno why, but those leather hot pants just do it for me.
I’ve been told I look like Rizzo, though…
Kinda ruined the movie for me.
Anyway, yeah. Short answer: Olivia Newton John in Grease, but only after her transformation into those hot pants.
Danger Zone b/w I’m Gonna Do It Right Kenny Loggins, Columbia Records/USA (1985)
From The Original Soundtrack of The Paramount Motion Picture TOP GUN
[pm] Yea, he is a bit of a dick, isn’t he? Bane did. He broke his spine and now he’s back. Around the same time that Bruce came back, actually. He’s not superhuman, contrary to what the papers might say. He’s breakable, killable.I’m sure a part of him regrets not coming back sooner.
You’re right, he didn’t. I’d like to imagine he was busy, but with a handful of some of Gotham’s most important caught up in a deadly game, I have to question what was so important that kept him at bay. He’s a busy man, sure, but he had friends acquaintances in that game.
Speaking of, are you doing better? I’ve been meaning to see you, but I’ve been kept busy with meetings.
[pm] Yeah? Well, he should have come back sooner. Wiener.
Yeah!!! For real! What was he doing? Picking his nose?
It's still hard to sle I'm still kinda sca Yeah, I'm good. What about you? You good?