JVL
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
art blog(derogatory)
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Origami Around
occasionally subtle
@theartofmadeline
will byers stan first human second
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Stranger Things
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
if i look back, i am lost
Jules of Nature
Discoholic 🪩
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Today's Document
tannertan36
seen from Singapore
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@martyr-maxxed
I don't like the fact people think having a flat/blunted affect automatically means you are "rude", "cold", "badass", "reserved" or even "evil" and like all the talk about having a "bitch face"
I have a blunted affect, I'm a kind extroverted guy who would love to talk about his interests, we do exist! My feelings just don't translate well to my face and I'm more harder to read, it doesn't mean I'm trying to look cool or be rude
happy pride! especially to everyone who is in the closet, in situations too unsafe to come out and to everyone in queerphobic countries. I see you, and I love you.
btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here
"the education system traumatizes students it deems stupid" and "the education system traumatizes students it deems gifted" are two concepts that can and should coexist.
I think I've got a compromise
[Image ID: Tumblr post from che-nya reading: "the education system traumatized students /End ID]
the more i read about BPD the more it hurts. there's so much overlap in the subtler symptoms & thought processes of schizoids and people with BPD that it really does make sense why there are books written about these subjects together. these disorders aren't opposites at all like some people think they are.
i can’t really find the words to explain this, but i saw someone say that szpd is the rarest personality disorder, and it made me think about how people used to say autism in girls was rare too, when really it was just diagnosed less often. but being genuinely rare (as in not occuring as frequently) and being underdiagnosed aren’t the same thing. so now i’m wondering whether szpd is actually that uncommon, or if schizoids are just less likely to be diagnosed. a lot of people could probably have it without knowing, since they might not feel much motivation to socialise or seek out a clinical diagnosis in the first place, which kind of lines up with how the disorder works lol.
Stoat facts
How certain temperaments being mishandled + chronic environmental failures can contribute to Szpd
-Treatment of Schizoid Personality, An Analytic Psychotherapy Handbook page 71-73 (available to read in full publicly on proquest)
im dysphoric over the fact that i am a human being
i'll be honest. If you can't deal with someone wording things badly then you aren't going to be an ally to autistic people or indeed anyone with a developmental disability, intellectual disability, or disability that impacts language.
also you are never going to be safe for people for whom english is their second language. if someone clarifies their meaning and apologises and you can't accept that over the original wording then don't bother pretending to be autism friendly.
and like part of my autism is that i become convinced that the way i interpret words is the way that they're meant. my autism is disabling to my communication abilities. i have poor emotional regulation, i jump to conclusions. a lot of my reactions are informed by prior negative experiences. i can and probably have been overly defensive in the past.
and i've been misinterpreted so much and had my words picked over and mocked for saying the wrong things and mocked for being unable to say anything at all and it always feels devastating. it's ironic that the same disability that has me treated poorly would have me react poorly to a similar situation, but that's just how it is.
so i'm not saying you can perfectly manage all your reactions just by trying hard enough. especially considering how much disability affects these things. but i do think if you are completely unwilling to give autistic and other DD/ID people leeway for how they word things or understand that they have a disability that impacts their communication and give us grace then you aren't a disability advocate.
Flags :)
Something that I don't see people talk about when it comes to ASPD is how jarring it is to exist in certain contexts when you're intrinsically hopeless.
I'm a strongly negative person. I didn't choose to be this way, it's just how I'm wired. At my core, I despise humanity, have no care for the planet, am completely unable to find beauty in small things (and most "big" things), believe there is no hope for society, believe people are inherently and irrevocably evil... I could go on and on.
But not everyone is like this, in fact, most people are not. Most people out there are the complete opposite, and even people who have lost this kind of appreciation for whatever reason tend to get it back at some point, which makes it hard to exist around them. I don't particularly care about their ideals as long as they don't try to impose them on me, it's moreso just another confirmation that there's this abyss separating me from the rest of the world.
I see posts about the beauty of just about anything and it perplexes me. It feels foreign and I can hardly bring myself to rationalize a lot of them because I don't see the point. I'm not ashamed of this, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, but it does make me mildly curious? I guess? I have no idea how they do it and sometimes it's hard to believe anyone would genuinely have that kind of mindset.
At the end of the day, and as I've already stated, I really don't care as long as they don't make it my problem. But I've noticed that it makes a lot of interactions harder to navigate. Not sure if other pwASPD experience this, but for me it's absolutely linked to it
What Narcissism Is:
holding yourself to extremely high standards (if I'm not perfect at it, I'm a failure)
being incredibly sensitive to criticism (becoming suicidal if you think someone thinks you're bad at something)
having a very brittle sense of self-worth that's heavily reliant on what others think of you
What Narcissism is Not:
being uniquely abusive
having no morals
being a bad person
ETA: this is not an exhaustive list of NPD traits! more traits than these are necessary to have NPD! I chose these particular features to emphasize things that aren't often talked about outside of dedicated NPD communities and to highlight the fact that NPD is a disorder based in the internalized fear that you are never good enough.
Okay bet, here's a more comprehensive (if not exhaustive, because it's nigh impossible to list every NPD experience) list of NPD traits. In addition to the above:
feeling slighted by "insufficient" praise for your achievements (even if the achievement is really basic, such as completing a load of laundry, or the person did praise you, they just didn't praise you "enough")
feeling like the only people who are good enough for you are others with NPD
being willing to betray your own moral code to avoid being emotionally vulnerable
prioritizing your own wellness above all others, to a harmful degree; being willing to actively cause harm to people you are close to and care about to protect yourself
having recurrent episodes of suicidality, depression, feeling inadequate, feeling unloved, or otherwise being severely and disproportionately upset in response to criticism or failure
having recurrent episodes of euphoria to an almost manic degree in response to successes or achievements
I've tried to make these as clear as possible, but if you're confused about anything, instead of being like "well ☝️🤓 anyone could behave / feel that way" try asking me for examples of such a thing in an NPD vs. non-NPD kinda way
reblog this version actually
I understand now what people talk about when they say it’s like connection is proximity based and disappears when away from someone, idk why it made no sense before, but yeah that is what happens huh. We’re best friends I know we are and something in me is saying they miss you and I probably should reach out and you probably do want to hear from me but I could swear it’s like we’ve never met and I don’t know anything about you. You even less about me. Whar. What. I would just become part of my room if people never talked to me first I think, I really get no inclination to act on it even when I really should and perhaps even really ‘want’ to in some unknowable way. I miss people? Maybe? I think? Im not doing anything about this but it’s becoming more obvious. I probably need help but I also don’t care that much because I don’t feel affected. We’re best friends…. How does that even work… how could he possibly have waited me out this long? Probably because he actually really likes me huh. How tf does that work??? How do you feel desire based attachment? Unstoppable friendship VS immovable apathy. Im sorry I guess. How is he still with me I don’t understand it. How does he care about me. What does he think he sees in me of enough substance to perceive a friendship with? I am hardly even a real person when we’re not in the same room anymore
People will be like "how can you be aplatonic and still fill your socialization needs? How can you be aplatonic when humans are social creatures?"
Well. This morning I found myself telling a patient, "the best part of working night shift is that I'll say "Happy Easter" and they won't even have realized it's Easter yet, because they're not really awake, and I get to watch their eyes light up when it hits them."
So I don't know. Truly a mystery how anyone could ever have fulfilling interactions with other humans without friendship.
(And you know, also not all aplatonics are aromantic or afamilial, and not all aplatonics are non-friending, and some people are genuinely chill without any connections at all, but, not the point of this post)
Ok, I feel like wayyyy more people need to actually understand what intersectionality is. It is a framework coined by Kimberle Crenshaw in 1989 to describe how different forms of oppression intersect with one another. Like how being black and being a woman change how those two systems of oppression affect you. Black women are masculinized for example. It's understanding how your different identities, be it gender, sex, race, wealth, ability, ethnicity, religion, language, weight, area of living, age, immigration status, etc will all combine to create unique forms of oppression. A trans man will experience a certain form of oppression because of the intersections of those two identities, just like a black man would. A personal example will be how I am treated in a hospital will have a different experience than most because I am white, canadian, skinny, poor, transfem, Intersex, jewish, and pretty severely neurodevelopmentally disabled, pretty physically disabled, quite mentally ill as well as plural (and others, these are the main relevant ones) All of these things will impact how I navigate the world and how I am affected by it. Intersectionality is understanding how these different identities will impact one's life in intersecting ways. Very few people are not at all oppressed and those who hold more power will change dramatically depending on circumstances.
until more people inside the movement can actually let go of the idea that intelligence is a virtue, ND activism is going to remain glued to the floor.
advocacy only for the most eloquent of us isn't advocacy at all, it's eugenics.
