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@massiveanddepressive
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Sometimes I feel like the only reason I’m still alive is for others
It sounds like you’re happy without me, so I guess that’s my cue to move on…
my soul feels sick and i wish i knew what to do
“I was wounded early, and early I learned that wounds made me.”
— Adonis, from Celebrating Vague-Clear Things; Celebrating Childhood. Trans. Khaled Mattawa.
NO ONE DESERVES TO STAY AWAKE EVERY NIGHT WONDERING WHY AREN’T THEY GOOD ENOUGH.
I can’t explain
One of the worst parts of mental illness is that it’s so hard to explain to other people.
Trying to describe what it’s like to have a mental illness is like trying to describe colours to someone who was born blind.
I can try to explain as many times as you need, but you don’t understand. Nobody does… I feel so alone. So isolated. So empty…
I can never find the right words to tell people what I’m thinking. Telling them I’m tired doesn’t work, but I can’t seem to vocalize that I’m mentally exhausted and sick of existing. Telling them I’m sad doesn’t work either, but I can’t explain that I’m struggling not to kill myself and that the joy in everything in my life is gone and when I wake up to the sun in my eyes, I have to struggle to get myself out of bed because most of me didn’t even want to wake up at all. I can’t tell them I’m numb because what I’m feeling is so much more complex than numb and I don’t have the vocabulary to tell them that I feel like I’m drowning and it terrifies me that I feel nothing as it’s happening, and that my insides want to scream but I can’t even find it in me to shed a tear anymore, that every single aspect of my life feels like it’s shaded in grey because all the colors were sucked out but I can hardly even remember what colors are because I can no longer remember a time I didn’t feel like this. No, I don’t know how to say that. So I just whisper “I’m fine.”
The saddest kind of sad is, when your tears can't even drop anymore and you feel nothing. It's like the world has just ended. You don't cry. You don't hear. You don't see. You stay. For a second the heart dies.
— The emptiness is the worst.
“I want to be with you, it is as simple, and as complicated as that.”
— Charles Bukowski
“You don’t deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves.”
— Unknown
things that would look good on you: me
Do you ever feel lonely but don’t want to talk to anybody?
“You were my life but life is far away from fair.”
No time to die // Billie Eilish
“Sometimes you have to act like you don’t care, even when you do.”
— Unknown