masterzealot

I'll be your guardian angel.

[espressohs-deactivated20200708]

Logging into Tumblr on October 1st

[fishyandclintbarton]

IT IS TIME.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[weloveshortvideos]

[casualpasta]

i’ve never seen any piece of video that sums up new york as perfectly as this vine

[theontologicalburdenofqueerness]

this cat has possessed this gentlemen and is speaking through him

[illumahottie]

The deepest bellied laugh just came from within

[splatt-deactivated20161224]

I CANT STOP LAUGHING OMG

[godotal]

Cat in a basket

[vampirecafeinomane]

HE IS SO FAT AND CUTE OMG

[masterzealot]

starlockfallsnomore

[grier-remade-blog]

friend ?????!?

fr iend!! !!!

im coming friend

im here i love u

[oiruman-deactivated20150208]

i am kind of sad ok

[hellhour]

this cat’s name is Princess Monster Truck

[oiruman-deactivated20150208]

thank you

[masterzealot]

Not sad anymore

[heythatsmyleg]

[diddi-p]

this gets funnier with each passing year

[itwasntrainingyet]

[masterzealot]

Rockin w/ @CrowdTunes at @Applebees! Download it here: http://bit.ly/1GR40Vr and help me set the playlist.

[weloveshortvideos]

[badass-siobhan]

clavid:

on the bright side i am not addicted to crack cocaine

On the downside I’m too poor to afford one.

[clavid]

one crack cocaine

[thoughtkiller]

hello drug dealer yes i would like to purchase one crack cocaine please

[janebuzjane]

debit or credit

[brie3po]

I actually have a gift card

[dogvines]

[powerjock]

great content good work everyone

[kingcheddarxvii]

*slams desk* THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT *puts out cigar* JIMMY, GET IN HERE! I WANT MORE OF THIS CONTENT ON MY DASH AND I WANT IT PRONTO!

[starlockfallsnomore]

masterzealot and fakingtranquility

[uchidachi]

Me: Alright, are you ready, Hattie?

Hattie: Meow

Me: *sings* ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: Mraaow

Me: ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: Mrah

Me: ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: *rolls over* Mwraaah!

[wizardyangst]

This is exactly the kind of A+ content I come to see on this website

[masterzealot]

starlockfallsnomore

[jethrocane]

a pregnant woman goes into a coma

months later she wakes up, no longer pregnant

“you had twins! ” the nurse exclaims. “your brother named them”

“what did he name the girl?” the woman asks

“denise”

“that’s alright, I like denise. and the boy?”

“denephew”

[leptys-deactivated20180625]

this is like 1998 chain email-level content

[drugsupplier]

*sees a really hot boy in English class*

me: romeo and juliet act 3 scene 5 line 176

[dustpunny]

hot damn

[ashes-rust-and-stardust]

make a playwright want to retire man

[sunkingdoms-deactivated20170403]

stop. wait a minute. fill my cup put some poison in it.

[pardonmewhileipanic]

Take a sip, fake your death Juliet! Exit left!

[angelicbreadroll]

R u getting laid

Aries: yeh u getting laid

Taurus: u too busy tryna sort out ya life

Gemini: nah. all ur underwear has holes in em and u gotta take time to buy sexy ones.

cancer: hell nope. nerd lmao

Leo: HELL YES SON

Virgo: not right now, but everyone thinks about what u would be like in bed

Libra: yeah u a hoe

Scorpio: u been fucking ppl up cuz u a mad bitch. but u aint been fucking ppl

Sagittarius: well u have fucked one thing. ur sleeping schedule. 

Capricorn: no one wanna fuk u, ur scary

Aquarius: u been fuckign weird ppl bc u kinky

pisces: ur masturbating a lot

[starstrologyy]

The signs laughing

On the quiet side almost like a giggle: Virgo, Pisces, Leo

Heavy breathing and shrieks: LIBRA, Cancer, Capricorn, Sagittarius

Just REALLY loud so cute though: Taurus, SCORPIO, Gemini

Weirdest laugh, the laugh that makes others laugh: Aquarius, Aries