‘I thought you were supposed to be a monster,’ she says.
There is surprise in her eyes, her tone, and I don’t know what to make of it.
‘Occasionally I’m human.‘
She smiles, and I hope she sees what I truly mean.
I yearn for her to see past the veil.
I need her to understand this very simple fact:
For her, I can try to be human.
so please, I beg quietly, don’t give up on me yet ( n.s. )
halloween played in her mind over and over again. spending time with mateo dressed up like santa and mrs. claus. he had started being hers again. the mateo that she originally fell in love with. the night was near perfect apart from the whole everyone trying to kill them thing. mateo instantly tried to protect lina. which warmed her heart more than anything. she was scared and he stepped up and tried to protect her. except he couldn’t protect her from all of them. a girl snuck up on them. she felt the pain before seeing who did it. next thing she knew mateo shot her attacker, a spray of blood hitting lina. normally she would be fine. she knew how to defend herself. not this time. everything was so overwhelming. fast forward to the hospital. a deep ass knife wound, and unexpected news that neither saw coming.
“you’re not going to run away from this right? i’m going to keep asking you until i’m sure.” she looked up at him from her bed. he had just come back from a grocery run looking as beautiful as ever. this was the….fifth time she asked him about staying around since they found out about the baby. “i’m sorry. i’m not exactly scared just…we don’t have the best track record.”
Mateo would have never figured that a night of celebrating a holiday would result in a quick 180 of his life. He didn’t hesitate in keeping Lina safe. There was no way in hell that he’d let anyone hurt her, not when he’s still trying to keep her in his life. He’s already learned his lesson. Life without Lina is something he can’t go through again and so when someone threatens that, he doesn’t even think. The gun went off, but he wasn’t fast enough for the knife wound.
And even after all of that, nothing prepares him for the news of him becoming a father. At first, he was thrown and after thinking about how his own father let him down, Mateo swore he’d never do the same.
The groceries are put away and he decides to spend the rest of the night lazing around bed with his -- well, Mateo still doesn’t know what they are. With a smile, he reaches down to press his lips against hers. He still counts himself lucky he’s able to do so.
“I’m not going to run away,” his words hold a promise. “We’re making a family, Lina. I’m not walking from that. I love you and I swear I won’t fuck that up.”
madison raised an eyebrow at him. “hey, i invented sarcasm. don’t use it against me,” she said with a teasing smile, crossing her arms over her chest. madison didn’t put much thought into her tattoos. she picked something random off of a board or out of a photobook and got it inked on her without much of a process behind it.
she shrugged her shoulders. “it’s cute. it’s a puppy with bat wings. festive, and shit,” madison defended her little bat-puppy. she looked over to mateo, who was already decently covered with artwork himself. “you should worry more about where you’re gonna fit another one, dude. what were you thinking of getting, anyway?”
--
“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had exclusive copy right,” Mateo throws back with amusement. If he was being quite honest with himself, he’s pretty sure one of the main reason why he’s been around Madison is because she reminds him so much of his sister. She holds the same feisty attitude and the nostalgia doesn’t hurt as much when he remembers her in her prime.
“Festive,” he repeats, looking over the design again. “So it’s going to be a seasonal tattoo. You gonna cover it up once the holiday’s over?”
Shrugging, he looks over his arms, over the expanse of ink already branded on him. He settles on having it on his chest instead. “My sister’s birthday? I don’t know. Something about her. If I do name, it’s gonna look weird, right?”
Shows were usually so much fun, and Calliope loved watching a good domme break a brat, not that she herself was a brat. She was far too well behaved in sub space for that, but when she was just there like that? She adored watching it. But this time? Oh so boring. “Though, I’m fairly certain that sub seems to be getting bored too.” Calliope told him in reply, tapping her fingers against her own thigh. Yeah, boredom was settling into them all. “It’s almost so I get tempted to grab some of the people I’ve seen here before and say let’s go demonstrate a proper spanking in another one of the rooms, but let’s be real. That’d just be awfully rude, don’t you agree?” After all, Calliope could be a lot, but she never aimed to be rude on purpose. Unless it was to get a spanking.
--
Mateo grunts in agreement, focusing on the submissive and how even he looks bored. How could Skin let this continue on, he’s not sure, but since he’s already dedicated some of his time on it, he’s going to stick to it until the end. At least he has some company.
“So how do you think they’re going to finish,” he whispers though he’s pretty sure some of those around them have caught onto their conversation by now. “10 bucks says she’ll just walk out.”
A glance around the room has Mateo nodding slightly. “Not a bad looking group of people. You could definitely find someone here,” he shrugs. “I don’t think it’s rude at all. If anything, it’ll give these people some entertainment.”
She’d been to so many nightclubs in New York they’d all blended together. The wallpaper changed, the themes changed, the music changed, but the heartbeat of such establishments was always familiar. Bodies moving, wild and hungry, bass beats that swirled up from your toes into your chest. Hadley’s gaze caught on someone in the corner, distancing themselves from the dancing throng. That simply wouldn’t do. Who came to a club and didn’t dance? She pushed her way through the crowd, reached out and stole their drink right out of their hands, grinning as she danced a few playful steps backwards. “Come on, I’ll give it back the second you join us. It’s blasphemy to hang out in the corner in a place like this. Dance with me.”
Mateo lurks in the corner of the club, his eyes trained on the people that surround him. He’s not entirely sure why he decided to come out. Drinking is a norm for him, but nightclubs aren’t really his scene. His fingers grip tight around the cocktail that he spent way too much money on, grumbling at himself for not getting anything stronger. Either the bartender decided to ignore his order of whiskey on the rocks or she really thought he wanted something pink. The look of accomplishment on her face was enough for him to just take it whilst glaring daggers at her. Mateo decides to go home when, suddenly, there’s a woman in front of him, grabbing onto his drink. “I don’t know how to dance,” his voice is curt as he regards the familiar face with a frown. “Hadley, how drunk are you right now?”
For every town Madison passed through, she added new tattoo to her collection. Never feeling a sense of home anywhere, it was her way of feeling connected to the places she had lived in. It was only a plus that her father happened to hate tattoos, and forbade her from ever getting even the smallest one.
Madison stared up at the wall of pre-designs. She always preferred to get something from the walls or photobooks in tattoo shops instead of a custom design. “I don’t know,” she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. “I think I’m gonna go with the puppy that has bat wings. What’d you think?”
It’s not at all surprising that Mateo finds himself at a tattoo parlor, his own ink covering inches of his skin that span up and down his arms. He hasn’t gotten one in a while, though, and the anniversary of his sister’s death has passed. Mateo thought it’d be a good idea to get something to commemorate her as if there aren’t already enough brands on his person that do so.
He’s not alone in the tattoo parlor with Madison somehow also getting one for herself as well. Mateo doesn’t ask what it’s for, only grateful that he doesn’t have to deal with people by himself. At her words, he only lets out a sigh. “Really,” his voice is laced thick with sarcasm. “Why in the hell do you want that on you?”
Calliope had always enjoyed being in the scene. Even if she wasn’t the one receiving, she’d always enjoyed watching other couples be experimenting during munches and classes. Giving her inspirations to things she could, and should do with her own partners. And considering she didn’t have one partner she played just with, she was going to the events in Santa Ysabel on her own. In NYC she’d mostly joined her cousin just to split up once they arrived, and in LA, it’d been friends and partners, but here? She was going solo. This round though? Snooze fest. The domme is failing hard on keeping her attention, and Callie can’t help but be checking in on her phone with regular intervalls.
When someone turns to her and starts to speak, it’s an enjoyable distraction from what’s happening in front of them. “I’m pretty sure you could increase that bet to a thousand bucks, because she definitely has never done it like this before.” She answered back in a hushed tone. “Or it’s first time with this submissive. Either way, not experienced.”
--
The boredom festers and Mateo can tell that everyone -- those of which who truly are experienced enough -- is getting tired of the display as well. Hopefully someone from management would come down and break up this pathetic excuse of a scene before people start complaining. He wouldn't want to lose the one good place he's found that really piques his interest on his desires. There's a plan on bringing Lina down here as well if she were to forgive him, but that's wishful thinking and all Mateo could do is watch and try not to voice out his criticisms.
"Definitely has never done this before," he repeats as he watching the poor excuse of a dominatrix struggle with her own paddle. Mateo is pretty sure that had she been with a brattier submissive, she would have been torn apart. Around him there's already whispers of leaving and he'd join them had it not been for the way he's still so intrigued at just how bad this is. "Even if it's her first time with this particular sub, you'd think she'd know how to at least not break character. I've seen her hesitate. Not a good look."
I love you too. Lina couldn’t lie to herself. She lied to Mateo about her feelings by not saying them. Denying what she felt whenever she looked at him would do her more harm than good. They were good together. He made her happy despite his flaws. She made him feel like he could be a better person. Lina believed that they could grow together. Get through any fears and demons that haunted them. She still believed it. “Prove it. I’m tired of hearing words with no action.”
Lina didn’t have much to say. She felt his heart. His hands on her waist. Everything was so close yet not close enough. She took his hand, moving it to her throat. This is what she wants. “Please. I need you.” Her eyes met his so that he could see the truth in her words. Lina craved his touch. Wanted it for so long after they broke up. Now she could finally have it. She couldn’t miss this opportunity.
--
Milo reels in the sigh of frustration at Lina's order to prove his love for her. There's no doubt in his mind that the woman has him in ways no one else ever could and to think that he didn't do his job at assuring the fact -- well, it just means he's failed them both. There's been no one else; there's never going to be anyone else. She's it for him and if he has to continuously show it over and over again, he would even if he's unsure of how to do so.
Hand on her throat, Mateo gives it a slight squeeze, the overwhelming urge to claim already half evident by the tightness in the front of his trousers. Moving down to grab her by her thighs, he hoists Lina up and wraps her legs around his waist before turning and depositing her on the bed. On top, he cups her face by the jaw. "You're so fucking beautiful," he practically growls out before capturing her lips with his, almost groaning at the contact.
There's a resounding thwop that still echoes throughout the somewhat full gym as Mateo delivers blow per blow. His method of weaponry usually involves a gun but there's no harm in practicing a little hand in hand combat. He has to be ready for anything, after all. Sweat makes its way down the side of his face, building in the tense muscles of his arms and saturating the shirt he's wearing. There are those around him but he doesn't pay any mind, focusing on the feel of each punch. He'd been there for over an hour now, ignoring everyone else's invitation to spar. It's not as if he's anti social; he's just not in the mood.
A couple more hits in and he decides to take a break. Mateo heads towards the locker room and tries to walk around the man that's standing between him and his things, but there's people coming in the other direction so he has to wait. "Gonna take long there, bud? Some of us have places to be."
Mateo's getting pretty tired of 'working remotely,' being pulled out of the comfort of his own home at random times of the day and not knowing how long it'll take him to go back. He's heard of talks of a much more organized form of the business he's under and so he decides to try it out. Somehow he's managed to get a meeting with the owner of Mercy and through this, he's going to try and test the waters. Who knows, maybe something local would do him well and with Lina in town, he really wants to stay around as much as possible. Though it was his job and what he's willing to do for it that lost her in the first place, Mateo really doesn't know how to do anything else.
The waiter asks for his drink order and he goes for a whiskey on the rocks. He's not going to hide his alcoholism from who could be his future boss; he knows his work speaks for itself. Mateo waits for Wynter to finish her own turn before getting down to it. "So," he starts, unsure as how to bring up the subject of employment. "How does it all work?"
Mateo won't deny that he has needs and after Lina, he really hasn't found anyone that's made a romp in the bed fun. Before her, though, he tried his hand at sub breaking and found that he was rather good at it. Skin provides an outlet through consensual means but, really, he's mostly just used to being in the audience. It's not so much so for the sexual desire but more on letting his mind turn off while watching the scene unfold.
It's a dominatrix this time handing out a punishment for a service submissive. In his opinion, Mateo thinks she could go without the pretentious I'm better than everyone here attitude, but he's not one to judge. Well, not until he has a chance to talk to them, anyway.
After the fourth paddle whip, he turns to the person nearest him. "Ten bucks says this is the first time she's actually done this. She looks nervous as hell."
"Hit me." It's a rather boring afternoon and Mateo really doesn't have an assignment yet -- just having finished one a few days prior -- and so he decides to try and double his earnings at Rival’s Casino. The blackjack table is a little dead seeing as how people have actual jobs but that doesn't stop the man from enjoying a martini while simultaneously trying to see if he can count cards. He can't. Mateo's life may not have the glitz and glamour he's sure other's are accustomed to and judging by the way he's able to zone in and out for the past couple of hours, he's pretty much used to it. The dealer actually looks like he's pitying him at this point.
After losing the next three hands, Mateo takes his leave. He's buzzed enough to a point where he doesn't really register those around him until he has someone bumping against his shoulder, making him drop his chips. "There's literally so much space for you to go around," he grumbles, bending to clear the mess. "How do you hit the only person that's here?"
At a surface level, Mateo knows that Lina has every right to be upset. He wouldn't be too keen on finding out she's slept with someone else, either. However, he still gets nightmares about his sister and he'd been so careless in actually giving himself another liability that he can't just have Lina be a target just because he couldn't do what he's paid to do. Sighing, he barely flinches at her words as they've already made their mark the moment she left. "I love you, Lina," he throws it out like a lifeline and at this point, it leaves his lips as if it's a sin if it doesn't. "I won't be able to understand how you'll never get that. What I had to do -- it meant nothing. She was nothing." While he never did tell her what really happened to his sister, there's a sort of desperation in his excuses.
Their proximity lights a fire in him and where her skin touches his, it burns from the inside. He shouldn't and by her words, she knows that they shouldn't either, but he's missed her so much. His grip on her waist tightens, his lips lightly brushing the edge of her jaw. "I miss you," he throws it back at her and if how erratic his heart beats is any indication of just how much, he's sure that she'd be able to feel it against her palm. Mateo pulls back a little and there's pain in doing so. "Tell me to stop and I will," he exhales, leaning in closer, a ghost of a kiss against her. "I'll stop and I'll walk out that door." If it's a bluff, he doesn't register it, every nerve in his body pushing him to claim what's his. "Or I can take you on this bed right now."
There are those that tried to stop Mateo from going, but seeing as how it's probably the last time he'll see the love of his fucking life, he didn't listen. Selfish with his bottle of Jack, he nurses it throughout the reception, making it so far as to almost finishing it once the toasts start. With each story of how Evangeline and whoever this fuck met, he finds himself growing with a need to have his word in. And so he does.
The host is introducing the brother of the husband -- God, he's going to have to start getting used to that -- but he doesn't get far with Mateo grabbing the mic. There are eyes on him then but his are trained towards her in her white dress sitting next to a man where he should have been.
"You all may not know me," he starts, the drunken rambles of a heartbroken man sitting on loose lips. "But let's just say I know Evangeline pretty well." Murmurs are heard around him with talks of who invited the ex boyfriend reaching his apathetic ears. "She is everyone's perfect woman. I know this because she was my perfect woman." He turns his gaze towards him and judging by tenseness on his shoulders, the white knuckled grip on his wine glass, Mateo's surprised he hasn't started anything yet. "Do not fuck up with her," the warning is thrown with venom. "Because I did and I will regret it for the rest of my life. No one's going to love you harder than her. No one's going to make you feel the way she does. No one will ever fucking compare. Trust me. I tried to look." The self deprecating laugh is punched out of it then. "She will make you a better person. She's going to give you a fucking purpose for living. There's not a day that will go by that you won't be ecs-fucking-tatic that you have her in your life. You are the luckiest motherfucker there is. Do not. Fuck. It. Up." Mateo can feel his resolve falling, aware of the glares thrown his way, boring holes onto his back. "I'll be here waiting. I will always wait for her because she's worth it. If you hurt her -- if you let her smile slip in any way, I will break you." There's a pause, an audible gulp, before he turns towards the woman in question. "I love you, Lina. I'll always want what's best for you even if that doesn't include me. You deserve the fucking world and I was stupid enough to lose you."
His words ring through the silence -- whether it be due to shock or rage. Mateo gives them both a two-fingered salute before handing the mic back and finally walking out of her life.
✗✗✗ you see [ mateo de luca ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis male ] is up to no good. [ he ] has been here for [ two years ] now but they’re still pretty [ defensive ] which is fine because they’re also [ diligent ] so it balances out. the [ thirty eight ] year old [ merc for hire ] actually looks like a lot like [ d.j. cotrona ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ knife play & sensory deprivation ].
FAST FACTS:
name: mateo de luca
age: thirty eight
date of birth: 13 mar, aries
status: single
pronouns: he / him
sexual orientation: heterosexual
job: merc for hire
TIMELINE:
tw: drugs, murder
mateo never had the chance to prove himself “good”
with his mother spending their welfare checks on whatever she can inject and his father going out for milk and never coming back, he was the only one that would take care of his younger sister
at a young age, he’s managed to master petty thievery just so they both would get by. he’s able to get in and out quick, get what he needed, and return home with dinner for the night.
it’s through this that he met a group of people that paid him for his services. it started with stealing. then it moved on to actually hurting someone. and in the end, he’s learned to kill a man without a backwards glance.
he did what he had to do and he did them well. his family wasn’t thrown out in the streets and he actually managed to get his sister through community college.
they were good. they were fine. his mother stopped contacting them the moment they moved out.
his sister had gotten pregnant from a drunken one night stand with a stranger and so he had to work twice as hard to keep them afloat.
the only time he ever hesitated in whatever his boss instructed him to do was when they tried to get him to kill someone innocent. they called it sending a message. he called them sadistic as fuck for it.
this costed him his sister’s life. you don’t get into this type of business without risking those you care about.
he couldn’t go after them, either, because he’s smart enough to know that he’d be the one on the wrong end of a gun. still, it doesn’t stop him from planning and fantasizing.
from then he vowed that he’d never go against a boss’ order again.
he moved since he was let go and he ended up ‘freelancing’ his skills. he’d jump from state to state, made connections (business type), and wasn’t one to stay for too long.
he only fell in love once but because he did everything he could for his job, he lost her too.
heartbroken, he hopped across state lines one more time and ended up settling in santa ysabel.
his contacts still require him to do the odd job now and then so his life’s pretty much stagnant at this point. for a guy who didn’t think he was going to live past twenty, he’s fine with that.