Matteo's Den

He/they | nonbinary transmasc | queer | mental health warrior |  INFJ | Germany

[matteosden]

I came out to my ex-lover. His reaction almost made me cry.

Yesterday, I finally had the guts to come out to a close friend and ex-lover of mine. He lives in the UK (and I’m in Germany), but we love to write emails back and forth, and I really enjoy our conversations.

Even though I’ve already come out to myself as a trans man about one year ago, I never had the courage to tell him the truth. Since there used to be romantic feelings involved, it was even more difficult for me to let him know.

So, when I replied to his latest email yesterday, I felt the urge to finally come out to him. I was really nervous when I wrote these lines about my gender identity, and I was worried that he might want to end our friendship.

Today he wrote back. And when I read his words, I almost started to cry - for joy! He was so kind and understanding, and he said that he will be happy to call me as I wish, and he accepts me just the way I am because he knows that I will still be the same person.

I’m soooooo relieved! He’s definitely one of the nicest and loveliest people I know, and I am so grateful that I have a friend who supports me no matter what - even though he lives far away.

[queerandquiet]

The days that I feel most beautiful are the days that I am most afraid. They tell us to “be ourselves,” but if you listen closely, there’s more to that sentence: “… until you make them uncomfortable.”

Alok Vaid-Menon, in their book “Beyond the Gender Binary” (via queerandquiet)

[matteosden]

I got my first shirt! 👔

It’s ruby-colored with long sleeves. And I love it! It used to belong to my best guy friend. He gave it to me, along with several of his hoodies and t-shirts (he recently tidied his closet out, and I was happy to receive some of his clothes that don’t fit him anymore).

He made a little trans guy very happy! 🥳

[matteosden]

Being trans or nonbinary is not a choice or decision. We don't choose our gender, we just are who we are. And we try our best to live a happy life like everybody else does. It's not easy. But not impossible either.

[matteosden]

Family meeting at Easter

Mom: *talks to me and uses my deadname*

Me: Mom, my name is Matteo now.

Mom: I have been using your female name for 34 years, it's not easy for me to change that.

Me: Mom, I'm only 32 ...

Mom: Oops!

After that conversation, she avoided saying my deadname, and the next day - when we talked on the phone - she even called me "Matteo". It felt so good. Thank you, mom. I love you! x

[matteosden]

My mother called me “Matteo”. She made a little trans guy very happy ...

[matteosden]

I’m so tired ...

... of hearing my deadname over and over again. 🙄

Easter was hard. I met my family to which I’m out for about 2 months. Unfortunately, they just didn’t manage to use my correct name. They always deadnamed me and after I couldn’t bear it any longer and asked them to use my new name, they stopped using any name completely. When we said goodbye after dinner, they didn’t say “Bye, Matteo” but just “Bye, child”. 

I mean, they probably don’t do it purposely, but it hurts me so much when they deadname me again and again.

I hope Easter was bearable for you folks. I know how hard family meetings can be for trans people. Sending you warm hugs! 🤗

[matteosden]

I would like them to understand that we are people. We’re human beings, and this is a human life. This is reality for us, and all we ask for is acceptance and validation for what we say that we are. It’s a basic human right.

Andreja Pejic, transgender model, Vogue, 2014

[matteosden]

Made another meme ...

[matteosden]

Gender Dysphoria Test

Gender Dysphoria Test based on the scientific GIDYQ-AA instrument.

Took the test an my result was 72% (moderate gender dysphoria). What's your result?

[matteosden]

Good News

I got my complementary ID card this week. 🥳 

I don’t know whether you have something like that abroad, but here in Germany trans and nonbinary people can order a so-called complementary ID card with their right gender, chosen name, and pronouns on it.

We can use that with our official ID card or passport for the time before we legally change our gender and name, or if we don’t want to legally change our gender and name.

I think it’s really cool that we have something like that in Germany. Now I can use my chosen name more often, and I also feel more valid.

[matteosden]

I created a little meme that describes perfectly how I feel about starting HRT. Can anyone relate?

[just-shower-thoughts]

When you throw a stone into a river, you are probably the last person to touch it for hundreds, if not thousands of years

[matteosden]

Hmmm ... I like that thought! 🤔😍

[matteosden]

Best response ever

Extrovert: Why are you so quiet?

Introvert: Wait ... you can SEE me??? 😱

Remember this answer, my dear fellow introverts. 😂

[matteosden]

Yesterday, my mom called me “Matteo” for the very first time. She made a little trans guy so happy! :)

[just-shower-thoughts]

Technically both Testaments are old

[matteosden]

True dat 😂

[deanu]

If you’re a real human person still using the default tumblr avatar, consider changing it.

why should you change it?

When you guys pop up in our notifications, most seasoned tumblr users will suspect you’re a bot and block on sight.

why do we block immediately?

tumblr has a history of bots trying to infiltrate and establish a connection to a valid, existing blog in order to populate google searches. Simply liking or reblogging a post, not just adding a scam link to it, establishes this connection. Tumblr users don’t want this to happen, especially if it’s a scammy p*rn bot. So, we often block on sight.

So now I have to reblog stuff AND change my pfp?

Well, of course that’s up to you! I just want to explain why you may have been already blocked by an artist/blogger you may have discovered recently, and how you can avoid it in the future.

Reblogging does help creators more than likes because your reblogs will show up on the dash of those that may follow you. Plus, reblogging puts that post on your own blog, and in case the original gets deleted or edited by the OP, it’ll be on your blog like that–forever (or until you delete your blog). Nice.

Here are some free icons created by catalyststuff on freepik. Highly recommend their art for a simple replacement!