glcrias:
the middle finger, though normally a gesture that wouldn’t have any kind of effect on her, hurt more than she had to admit coming from her ex, especially when she could read her so well. though mattie had always been good at keeping her emotions under control she when wanted to, they’d almost been married. there had been a chunk of gloria’s life that she’d dedicated to learning the woman inside and out. of course she could read her like a book – and she was hurt. “you look a lot less happy to see me than i had been imagining in my head,” she muttered under her breath, her sense of bravado beginning to dip. mattie did know how to strip her down to nothing – in both the fun way, and the not-so fun way. and that was always the scary part, wasn’t it?
“you’re right. no reason to put nate and gracie’s generosity to waste.” the names felt like sandpaper on her tongue, and she tried to swallow it away, but it only served to make her nauseous. they were always good to her, even in times when their faith in her wasn’t very high. she supposed they’d been right all along, though, and that was what stung most. “you’ll have to show me pictures,” she said, quieter this time, and though she tried to force an edge to her voice – the cameras would not see her crying, nor would they see her apologizing. of that much she was certain – there was no fire behind her words. she could feel the sorrow beginning to well in her stomach, that same feeling she’d had almost every day for the first three months after she’d skipped town on mattie. the same feeling she’d begun drinking so heavily to avoid. her fingers twitched involuntarily, wishing they were wrapped around a stiff one at the moment, though she knew it was for the best that she was doing this meeting sober. mattie was too smart and would call her out if she wasn’t. “so.” the word was painful, the way it hung in the air. “how have you been?” it was the wrong question to be asking at the wrong moment in time, every cell of her being was telling her so. but how else were they supposed to move past this?
hearing her parents’ names coming from those lips stung in such an unexpected way. her parents hadn't always been keen on gloria. it wasn't that they didn't like her necessarily. they thought she was nice-- and she made mattie happy. rarely did that matter in her family, but it had and it was something they took into account. it was the fact that they knew she'd never be able to properly support her. not the way they wanted her to nor would she be able to give her the lavish life they'd envisioned for all three of their children. sure, mattie was the one that always got ignored for being too boring essentially. not making enough noise. at the end of the day, it didn't matter because she was still their daughter. but they did quite like gloria, too. just not enough. “yeah i'll get right on that... i'm sure you can find them on social media somewhere,” she replied curtly, playing with her fingers suddenly. a lot of things hurt then-- before-- all the time. but at the moment, there was little sadder than the fact that gloria should have been in the pictures with her. she should have taken some of her own. they should have been there together. mattie had wanted to walk away. it would have been the best decision she'd made in a long time, but she couldn't. not yet. there was something that still had her tethered to gloria. it was completely inexplicable. the mere thought made her stomach churn, though, she didn't move. the question caused her face to scrunch up. from anyone else, it would have seemed perfectly normal. but how does one go from knowing even the darkest of secrets-- to exactly how to make her body quiver to this? “gloria... i-i can't do this...” she pointed back and forth between them. her voice was shakier than she'd have liked. it was vulnerable in her confession. “it might be easy for you to just fuck off and pretend nothing ever happened. but i can't...” her head shook a little as the question fell from her lips, “how's it so easy for you?”












