Written as a gift for wynnesome, for the @stevetonygames for the promptĀ ātearsā.Ā
100 words
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The grounds of New York are choked in ash and fallen stone.Ā
The words tear through Steveās lips. āTony,ā he screams. He falls at Tonyās side, rips open the faceplate, crumples to his knees. āJARVIS,ā he says, āJARVIS, begin CPR - lifesaving protocols - is he breathing - Tony, Tony, Tony -ā
The world is a swirl of color. The gray of dust. The red of blood, the burnished gold of Tonyās armor, the white bone of Tonyās jaw. Steveās cheeks are wet.Ā
āTONY,ā Steve screams again, and faintly he can feel someoneās hand on his shoulder, pulling him away and away and away.
a fill for the square "meaning of flowers", for team past of the @stevetonygames. this is a gift for @itsmaybitheway, who wanted something fluffy (and this is like a sorta kinda if-you-squint flowershop au).
A fill for the @stevetonygames for team past and the promptĀ āintimacyā and the challenge drabble. Itās also a gift for @becci-chan, who wanted something with forehead touches and Steve dealing with PTSD. I hope I delivered <3
(word count: 200)
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Steve wakes with a sharp gasp. The taste of blood fills his mouth, and a muted sob rips through his lips. Steve stifles a hand over his mouth, but itās too late. When he looks down, Tonyās eyes are wide awake, bright blue in the cast of the moon.Ā
āItās nothing,ā Steve mumbles. He turns away to look out at the black sky. āItās - itās - sorry for waking you -ā
āHey.ā Thereās a hand on his arm, pulling him to Tony. āItās okay. Itās okay.ā
Steve opens his mouth, but all that comes through is a faint, choking sound.
āHey,ā Tony says again. His hand moves from Steveās arms to the back of Steveās head. He brings their foreheads together. āItās okay. Itās alright.ā
Steve closes his eyes. Tonyās warm, and as he speaks, his arms wrap around Steveās shoulders, squeezing him tight, tight, holding him against the horrors of the night.
āItās okay,ā Tony says again. He tips up his head to press his lips against Steveās forehead. Tony holds him until Steveās breaths turn steady and even, until Steveās hands stop trembling. āYouāll be okay.ā
Quietly, Steve says, āThank you.ā
In response, Tony kisses him again on the forehead.Ā
@stevetonygames | team future | fill: n3 - free square | challenge: fairy godmother (for @maveryn08, who likes angst like I do.) | mcu | mature | fluff, angst, sad ending | 2,234 words
Most of my fics are angst with a happy ending. This is the opposite: fluff with a sad ending. Enjoy! ā¤ļø
Summary: 4 times Tony spends Christmas with Steve + 1 time he doesn't. Set in 2012ā2016.
2012
Tony's life has changed a lot after he joined the Avengers. Leaving his Malibu house to move to the tower was one of these changes. Getting a family of five other people who actually seem to enjoy spending time with him was the biggest one, though.
On the first Christmas since they became a team ā the first Christmas since the battle against the Chitauri, the first Christmas since the wormhole ā Tony gets the whole tower decorated. He makes sure there's a tree on nearly every floor, but most importantly on all five floors under his own.
Of course, whenever the team is hanging out together, it's usually on Tony's floor, and so everyone comes up to the penthouse to put up the Christmas decorations, and they all take turns telling Thor everything about Christmas and answering his many questions.
Tony is surprised to find that he doesn't mind it at all, having so many people around. They're his friends. His family. He has a family now. Yinsen would be proud of him. He smiles to himself at the thought as he hangs up a mistletoe by one of the big glass doors.
The fireplace is on. Steve is helping Nat decorate the Christmas tree, laughing at something that she said as he grabs another ornament from inside the box where Tony keeps them. Tony watches him, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips because he just can't help himself.
He likes Steve, maybe a little too much. Not that it matters ā Steve certainly doesn't feel the same way about him, and Tony wouldn't risk ruining their friendship by telling him how he feels. But he still steals glances at Steve when Steve's not looking, and he feels, for the first time in a long time, like everything is alright.
He watches Steve put a star on top of the tree, and averts his gaze before Steve can look his way. He stares through the glass doors at the dark sky outside.
If only he wasn't terrified of what's out there.
2013
This time, it's just the two of them. The whole team was there to decorate the penthouse again ā Tony has even started to consider it some kind of tradition. But on Christmas Eve night, it's just him and Steve.
Thor's with Jane, Bruce is visiting family, and Clint and Natasha didn't tell anyone where they were going, but everyone promised to be back right after Christmas to open the presents together. Steve made Tony promise he wouldn't work tonight and that they'd spend Christmas together, and now Tony's just trying not to let it show that he feels a little nervous about spending the night alone with Steve.
Tony walks into the kitchen in his Captain America ugly Christmas sweater ā dark blue, with the shield on the front and various little white and red stars scattered all around it ā watching as Steve gets his homemade cookies out of the oven.
"Mmm, they smell delicious," Tony says, moving to the coffee machine. "Would you like some coffee? Or maybe a hot chocolate?"
"A hot chocolate, please," Steve says, removing his apron to reveal a red Christmas sweater with Iron Man's face on it.
The sweaters are Nat's fault. She came up to the penthouse two days ago with a box in each hand and forced both of them to open their gifts early. She laughed when Tony said "Um, I think you gave me Cap's sweater," said "I hope they keep you guys warm," and winked at Tony before she left to pack her bags. It does, in fact, keep Tony warm, and Steve, who avoids feeling cold at all costs, seems to like his own sweater a lot, as well.
Tony's nervousness dissipates as the night goes on. It's easy to spend time with Steve, no matter what they're doing. They sit on the couch together, sharing a blanket and eating Steve's homemade cookies as they watch Tony's favorite Christmas movies, sipping coffee and hot chocolate from their mugs, and it's nice. It's comfortable.
When they finish the second movie, Steve goes to the kitchen to make more hot chocolate ā this time for them both, and Tony stops by the glass doors, looking outside like he does every night, eyes searching the darkness of the sky for something, anything that might not be right.
Sometimes it's almost easy to forget about the nearly overwhelming fear that he carries around with him, when he's with Steve. But it never really goes away, and Tony doesn't know how to make it go away except for building a whole army of suits until he feels safe again.
Steve stands next to him, his eyes on the night sky outside. They can't see the stars, not with all of the tower's artificial lights, but sometimes Tony thinks he likes it better like this.
"You always hang a lot of these around," Steve says with a soft smile on his face as he stands next to Tony and looks up. "Are you hoping to kiss anyone?"
Tony follows his gaze, mortified as he sees the mistletoe that he completely forgot was even there. "Oh, no no," he says, the fear of ruining everything with Steve temporarily distracting him from the fear of everything he can't protect Steve from. He takes a step back. "I'm sorry, Cap, I didn't mean toā"
"Hey," Steve says, reaching for him and grabbing his arm. He's mindful of his strength, as he always is, but he holds tight enough that Tony knows Steve doesn't want him to move away.
"Would itā¦" Steve hesitates, his gaze falling to Tony's lips, and Tony's heart nearly stops working.
"Would it be okay if Iā"
"Yes," Tony blurts out, wondering if Steve's hearing is good enough to pick up Tony's racing heartbeat.
Steve chuckles, stepping closer to Tony, his eyes soft, sweet as the cookies and the hot chocolate and the Christmas movies. "You don't know what I was gonna say."
"It doesn't matter," Tony says, trying not to sound as breathless as he feels. "The answer is yes."
Steve's quiet laugh is the most beautiful sound he's ever heard, as Steve leans in to kiss him.
2014
As reluctant as Steve was at first with technology, he really seems to enjoy it now. After spending hours on YouTube learning how to make all kinds of Christmas ornaments, Steve shows up to Tony's living room with the news ones he's just made: a Captain America shield and an arc reactor. Tony can't help but smile as they put those on the tree, next to several others that Steve's already made.
"I'm gonna make one for everyone on the team," Steve says cheerfully. "But I wanted to make yours and mine first."
Steve prefers to stay inside than to be out in the snow, so Tony finds activities for them to do at his place ā baking, playing board games, watching new movies they haven't seen yet, and sometimes Steve hangs out in the workshop while Tony works and helps him here and there with whatever he needs, although he always seems concerned about how much Tony works and how little he sleeps.
They're alone again on Christmas Eve, which Tony really isn't complaining about, and when Steve seems to be feeling a little cold Tony turns the heat up and pulls Steve with him to sit on the soft rug in front of the fireplace.
It's a bit easier to forget about the rest of the world like this ā Steve never lets Tony get lost in his head for too long, or stay in his workshop for too long, and his nightmares are less frequent when he sleeps with Steve curled up around his body, holding him tight in his embrace like he can keep Tony safe from the world.
Tonight, Steve kisses him, coaxing his mouth open with his tongue and sliding his hands under the hem of Tony's Captain America sweater. Steve's mouth tastes sweet like their favorite hot chocolate, and Tony allows himself to just relax into it, let Steve undress him and lay him down on the rug to cover him in kisses.
Tony takes Steve's clothes off, slowly, the fire never letting them get cold, and Tony's mesmerized by how beautiful Steve's skin looks, bathed in the orange light. When Steve claims his mouth again it's slow and deep, full of intent, his hips grinding against Tony's and making him moan into the kiss.
Tony wraps his arms around Steve afterwards, holding him tight and wishing they could stay in this moment forever; that time would never move again.
2015
It was a surprise to find out about Clint's secret family ā that Natasha definitely already knew about ā but at least now Tony knows exactly where she and Clint were spending their Christmases these past few years.
Tonight, Christmas dinner is at Clint's place ā all the Avengers, old and new, sitting around a large table, eating and drinking and talking, and it's loud and kind of insane and it feels just like a really big family.
When they're done Tony just sits on the couch with Steve, holding his hand, watching Clint's kids playing with their brand new toys on the carpet. This is everything he's been trying to protect. Steve. His friends. His friends' loved ones.
"Hey, you okay?" Steve asks, letting go of Tony's hand just to wrap his arm around his shoulders instead. "You look worried."
"Yeah, I justā¦" Tony reaches for Steve's other hand, grabbing it, giving it a light squeeze. "It's nothing."
"You're still worried, aren't you?" Steve asks, turning his head to speak closer to Tony's ear; lowering his voice so no one else can hear them. "About that vision?"
It's been much harder after everything with Ultron, and Steve knows that, of course. Tony told him everything about the vision Wanda showed him ā everything except for how excruciating it was to see the light disappearing from Steve's eyes. He doesn't think he could put that feeling into words in any language that he knows. But Steve knows that Tony's nightmares came back at full force after that, persistent, relentless, unforgiving. And Steve always knows when Tony's thinking about it, like there's something in his face that gives it away.
Or maybe Steve just knows him too well.
"You don't have to worry," Steve says. "I told you, whatever happens, we'll face it. And I believe in us. All of us, but also you and me. I believe that nothing's bad is going to happen if we stay together."
Tony nods, and lets Steve wrap his arms around him and hold him tight against his chest, until Tony feels safer again, until he believes that nothing can ever touch them.
They stay like that for a few minutes until Natasha says, "Hey! Who wants to open the rest of the presents?"
"Me! Me!" the kids yell, already getting up and running to the tree.
Steve's smile is so warm he would put the sun to shame.
"Come on," Steve says, pressing a soft kiss to Tony's forehead. "I got a present for you, too."
2016
When Steve left, he took everything with him. Not just most of the Avengers, but all of Tony's dreams for the future, too. He left Tony with nothing but a broken armor and a broken heart.
He left, and yet there's no escaping him.
Steve is everywhere, his presence more haunting than it would be if Steve was, in fact, a ghost. Steve is in the letter in Tony's hands, in the flip phone in Tony's pocket, in the shield that Tony brought home with him and fixed as soon as he got the chance.
Steve is in the Christmas ornaments that Tony definitely isn't using this year ā he didn't decorate the compound at all, despite Rhodey and Pepper's protests, because he can't stand the idea of having a Christmas tree in his home and thinking about Steve every time he walks by it. Steve is in the Captain America sweater that Tony isn't wearing, in the Iron Man sweater that Steve left behind in Tony's closet. He's in the hot chocolate Tony isn't drinking and in the movies Tony isn't watching.
It's unbearable, no matter how much Tony drinks, no matter how many times he refills his glass. He doesn't stop until he can no longer make sense of the words on the paper in his hand, until the letters are too blurry for him to understand what they're saying. As if he hasn't memorized every word, every punctuation, every horrible feeling that it awakened in him the first time he read it, the paper still crumpled up from being squeezed into a ball and thrown in the trash.
He drinks until he's brave enough to pull the flip phone out of his pocket, opening it to see the one name on his contact list. He wants to call Steve, wants to yell at him and tell him everything that he did wrong, wants to tell him he can't live without him and beg him to come back. He wants to hear Steve's voice telling him he still loves him, that their love was real, that Steve was honest at least about that part.
Tony stays up all night, waiting for the flip phone to ring.
a gift for @cathalinaheart who wanted something with soulmates that was both fluffy and angsty <33 it's a soulmate au, where the first name of your soulmate appears on the wrist
this is a fill for the @stevetonygames, for the prompt "intimacy". it's a fill for team past because.... yeah i have no idea why
the self-harm scars are heavily implied to be tony's attempt to "get rid" of his soulmate tattoo, since his soulmate's name is a man. the pair of hands in this image is of course steve!!! who's telling tony it's okay to love men :')) if you look closely, you miiight be able to see steve's own soulmate tattoo
Iāve been lurking in the Top Gun fandom for some time now, and I see a lot of people saying that the supporting cast tends to be stereotypes and/or under-developed. Iām not necessarily arguing against that, itās just that I had a revelation last night. Hangman, Phoenix, and Bob are all stereotypes, yes, but what makes them such memorable characters is the fact that theyāre also a subversion of each stereotype they embody.
Hangman is the competent, selfish jackass who serves as a foil to Maverickās character. Yet by the end of the movie, he embraces his role as a supporter, showing how heās greater than his egotistical inclination.
Phoenix is the spunky, loud-mouthed woman that media defaults to whenever they need to writeĀ āempowered womenā. Sheās quick on her feet, fits inĀ āwith the guysā, and is unquestionably good at what she does. She subverts the stereotype, however, by showing her compassion and humility. She stands up for Bob and comforts Rooster, and if memory serves (itās been a few months since I watched the movie), admits to her mistakes when grilled by Maverick.Ā
Lastly, Bob is the nerd. The first time we see him, heās in a quiet corner of the bar, wearing glasses and completely missing the joke that Hangman throws at him. His subversion occurs numerous ways. Firstly, his inclusion in the movie is already a statement as it is - especially when we know that Top Gun is canonically a place for theĀ ācool kidsā such as the likes of Maverick and Iceman. More than that, the fact that heās chosen for the final mission - thus elevating him to the sameĀ status as people such as Phoenix and Rooster - is proof that being a nerd doesnāt hold you back from living a fulfilling life. And finally, in one of the training exercises, Bob returns one of Hangmanās insults, telling him,Ā āWeāre dead, Bagmanā (or something along those lines). Nerds donāt usually get lines beyond stuttering or random scientific facts that forward the plot. The fact that Bob gets a moment to go toe-to-toe with a bully is testament not only to his character, but also to his role in the subversion of the nerd stereotype.
The writing here is especially clever. Each of the three characters are first introduced by their stereotype, only for their complexity to be revealed over the course of the film. That way, it feels like their characters experience some sort of growth during the story.
Basically, what Iām trying to say is that I think these three supporting characters - and I suppose other supporting characters as well - are a lot more complex than people give them credit for. Part of what makes them so memorable is notĀ the fact that theyāre a stereotype, but rather that their stereotype has been subverted through their actions.Ā
Anyway thatās all for my internet rambling. Iāve noticed that as you go down each characterās paragraph in this post, the arguments begin to sound more and more like an English essay ;-; school has ruined me, what can I say x)
As part of the grindeldore 15th anniversary celebration, here are some headcanon questions Iād love to see people explore. Feel free to tag any answers withĀ āgrindeldore15th discussion.ā This list grew very long, so a part 2 may followā¦
The Relationship
Whatās your timeline for the summer of 1899? How long between when they first met and first kissed? When did they first sleep together? When did they make the blood troth?
Who kissed who first?
Had either of them been in a relationship before? Hooked up before?
Before they met, had either of them expected to ever get married?
Do they have any kinks? What are their favorite things to do in bed?
Queerness in the Wizarding World
Did Albus know he was gay before they met? What about Gellert?
Were they out to anyone? Did their families know? Were they accepting?
Is Gellert gay or some other flavor of queer?
How accepting of same-sex relationships do you think the wizarding world really is? Was same-sex marriage legal for wizards in the late 1800s/early 1900s?
How do they personally feel about being queer?
How do they feel about muggle attitudes towards queerness?
Had either of them participated in the wizarding and/or muggle queer communities before (e.g., Gellert spending time in Berlin)?
Character Details
What were their first impressions of each other?
What is Gellertās nationality?
What was/is Gellertās family like?Ā
What was Gellert like at school? Was he popular or a loner? What about Albus?
How did Albus find out that Gellert was a Seer and how did he react?
Magic
Whatās the deal with blood troths? What do you imagine their history to be and how are they traditionally used?
Whatās Gellertās patronus?
What are your thoughts on Gellert being a Seer?
In the books, Albus is particularly known for blood magic and transfiguration. What do you think Gellertās specialties are, besides divination?
Random Fun Things
What are their favorite foods? Does either of them cook?
If they could have been together, would either of them have wanted kids?
What are your favorite AUās/canon divergence scenarios for them?
And: If youāve shipped grindeldore since before Fantastic Beasts, have you changed any of your headcanons because of FB? Is there any FB canon you specifically reject?
2.Ā Were they out to anyone? Did their families know? Were they accepting?
Controversial take but - I donāt think Albus was raised in a pro-LGBTQ household. The official stance on homosexuality in at least the FB series is that itās pretty normal. However, Kendra Dumbledore is a muggle-born. Her parents were muggles. The muggle outlook on homosexuality in the late 1800s was definitely not very friendly. While itās entirely possible that constant exposure to the Wizarding World may have made her more accepting of its prevalence, itās also true that she spent the last 7-8 years of her life pretty much isolated from everyone but her kids. With the amount of stress Kendra Dumbledore wouldāve been going through while raising Ariana, I donāt think Albus would want to āburdenā her conscience with the knowledge of a gay son.Ā
I donāt know if Kendra wouldāve been necessarily overtly homophobic to the extent you mightāve seen back then, but I do think she would beĀ āuncomfortableā with the thought of a gay son. The fact that sheād be uncomfortable speaks to some sort of internalized homophobia. Given time, Iām not sure if she could come to fully accept Albusās sexuality, especially if he brings home a boyfriend (hem hem Gellert). Itās always easier toĀ āacceptā that your kidās gay if they neverĀ āact on their impulsesā.Ā
As for Gellert, I honestly have no idea xD Thereād probably be rumors, but heās hard to peg down
3.Ā What was/is Gellertās family like?Ā
Very, very old money. Heād be from the Austro-Hungarian Empire, more specifically from todayās Austria. I can see him as a more palatable version of Draco Malfoy. Slightly (okay fine, much) smarter, and about 10x more charming. No Iām not biased, why do you ask :p
4.Ā What was Gellert like at school? Was he popular or a loner? What about Albus?
Gellert was definitely popular, but in the weird shadowy way that Tom Riddle was popular. He doesnāt have friendsĀ so much as he has acquaintances/followers. Because of his superiority complex, I think heād tolerate their presence but ultimately look down on them. Maybe one or two real friends, but those friendships would only extend so far, given his ego and ambition.Ā
Albus was very popular, super nice, and probably knew everyone by their first name. Even the lowly firsties, and even the Slytherins. Actually - without the rise of Voldemort, Slytherin House would pretty much beĀ ājust another Houseā, so there wouldnāt be any awkward feelings at all, aside from the occasional instance of friendly House rivalry.
4. How accepting of same-sex relationships do you think the wizarding world really is? Was same-sex marriage legal for wizards in the late 1800s/early 1900s?
Ah. Okay. This question. I have strong feelings about this one.
If you look at the HP-verse starting from HP1 to HP7, never once is there mention of someone who isnāt straight. Thereās no mention of two guys kissing, or like two girls flirting with each other. Textual evidence from the main series states that there was no such thing as queerness. Itās not so much overt homophobia as it is censure. Homosexuality, then, was not normalized in Harryās time.Ā
Now obviously, if you break the fourth wall and look at the circumstances and dates of when the HP books were published, itās pretty obvious that JK Rowling couldnāt write about same-sex relationshisp without some severe controversy that wouldāve affected the sale of her books. Which I mean yeah, thatās fair. But still, Iāve been dwelling on this question for a while, because in the FB franchise, when Albus tells Travers thatĀ ā[Grindelwald and I] were closer than brothersā, Travers doesnāt lose his shit and make some homophobic comments. And if homophobia werenāt normalized in the Wizarding World, Travers, as someone who has beef with Albus, would definitely have found a way to kick him at his moment of vulnerability. So we do know that homosexuality was accepted in the FB timeline. Either that, or Travers happens to be a really up-standing guy, and Iām not sure if I want to dwell on that possibility xD
Iāve been trying to think of a canon explanation that goes beyond breaking the fourth wall. And I think that sometime between the early 1900s and the late 1900s, something happened. Muggle history in the 1900s, for the most part, is marked by its increasingly progressive views. But what if it were the opposite for wizards? Maybe something happened, and itās soured the Wizarding view on same-sex relationships. I donāt know what, but itād have to be something big.
Tentatively, I want to say that maybe itās publicly revealed that Gellert Grindelwald is gay, and suddenly being gay is associated with being a Very Bad Person. And so because of that, itās imperative to hide the fact that youāre not straight, to avoid judgment and public scrutiny. By the time we get to Harryās timeline, itās been some forty-ish years since Grindelwaldās defeat. Thatās - two/one-point-five generations. Probably enough time for everyone to beginĀ ārelaxingā their views on homosexuality. So now itās no longer overtly hated, itās just politely ignored. To be clear, there is absolutely no textual evidence, from the books or movies, which supports this idea. Itās just me tin-foiling on five hours of sleep. The theory honestly sounds pretty stupid and ridiculous, but maybe thereās someone out there whoāll be able to come up with a better one if they hear the wacko tinfoil Iāve been dwelling on.
And - to the second question: yes, I do think gay marriage was legal around the 1900s. Travers wouldnāt be so macho about Grindeldore if it werenāt.Ā
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If I have more time, I wanna come back and tackle some more of the questions. Itās been very fun answering :))
Additional Tags: Angst, slow-burn, Tragedy, life story, Dysfunctional Family, teddy bear things, too many discussions on philosophy, grey morality, free-form
Summary:
The life-story of Albus Dumbledore, from when his family first shattered at the age of ten, to his war with Gellert Grindelwald, and to his death fifty years later.
Note: you don't need to have watched the Fantastic Beasts movies to understand the context.
Spoilers for FB 1&2
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It would mean a lot if you checked it out! I posted Part 1.31 (lol, I know it sounds like Iām naming software) just a few days ago :D
Iāve created this account mostly to keep in touch with other fanfic authors - I write mainly in the Harry Potter, though Iāve dabbled in Hannibal and Iād love to start writing for Star Trek as well. I post my writing on AO3 and FFnet, though Iām a lot more active on the former. Iām always open to PMs or asks :))
My main obsession at the moment is Grindledore, ever since I jumped into the Fantastic Beasts fandom about three months ago. Us poor Canadians have to wait until April 15thĀ ātill we can watch Secrets of Dumbledore :(
