Yuhom

Wabi-sabiing misanthropist 😇 Memories I made 📸🐶🍻☕⛆ Words I want to say & need to hear 🎶📖 Places 🏖🌅 🇵🇭

[mavidin]

Lucienne: And did they give you anything?

Dream: They gave me life. It is a child's vanity to believe his parents will give him anything more.

Lucienne: There are parents who actually love their children, you know? Who take pleasure in their company and would do anything for them.

Dream: Not mine.

A long time ago, our elder sister and I were looking up at the stars. I told her how small and insignificant I felt. How I wished I knew more.

And she said, "Everyone can know everything Destiny knows and more." She said, "Not only can we know everything. We do. We just tell ourselves we don't... to make it bearable."

[mavidin]

Of course it was staged.

Of course the speculations are true.

Of course Cayetano lies, and says creepily "Salamat sa Diyos" again and again. They are all pigs in this story.

Of course my co-workers gullibly believe Bato is kawawa.

Of course everybody talks about the truth. But the truth was probably left inside Pandora's box with hope.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

[mavidin]

I mean, what if I spent the night with Ranger? What then? Suppose he was so amazing I got ruined for all other men. Suppose he was better in the sack than Joe. Not that Joe was a slouch in bed. It was just that Joe was mortal, and I wasn't sure about Ranger.

And what about my future? Was I going to marry Ranger? No. Ranger wasn't marriage material. Hell, Joe was barely marriage material.

And then there was the other side of it. Suppose I didn't measure up. I involuntarily squinched my eyes closed. Argh! It would be awful. Beyond embarrassing.

Suppose he didn't measure up! The fantasy would be ruined.

Book 7 of 32.

[mavidin]

On a bender 40 days later.

❤️‍🔥💔❤️‍🩹

[mavidin]

Home. So much about it defines who you become.

[mavidin]

[mavidin]

Should be sent to every politician in the Philippines.

[mavidin]

[mavidin]

This isn't about the chase. It's not about using you as a distraction from my bullshit. It's not about being happy. It's about . . . It's about believing. That's what this is about. For the first time, maybe, ever, it's about believing that it's possible. To share a life.

[mavidin]

Last night's Valentine's date with Matthew.

I've never had a proper date. This year was one of the most peaceful I've had - with a cup of not-so-hot chocolate, a tub (and a half) of ice cream, cheese sandwich, chocolate, binge watching The Chosen (and ugly-crying every episode).

Today, I leave this home I've had for two weeks. The best of my 2026 so far. I will miss living here - peaceful, quiet, alone and no worries.

I will miss my hot baths or rolling this window shade several times a day or my work station with a clock that eternally tells me it's 4:24:38 or even my wash station.

I'd even miss walking the dirty streets to the jeepney terminal. I'd miss Star Mall.

Terribly, I will miss this place and all the people I have met the days before. Babay eon ah. Kasakit man abi mamingaw. Nano man.

[mavidin]

[mavidin]

Three Kings, pray for us!

[mavidin]

[mavidin]

Three years later, who would have thought I'd see this place again?

Pia: Anong year ka, Te?

Me: Nag-graduate? 2007.

Pia: Hala! Six years old pa lang kami noon!

Oy, magkaedad sila ni Sir!

Wala akong Facebook, pang matanda lang 'yun.

Alam mo kung anong oras ako dumadating dito? 5:30.

Bahala ka, sanay ka naman mangalay.

Sige, love you.

63! Seven points, saan ko kukunin yun?

Sir, kailan ka pupuntang Zamboanga?

Ma'am gagawan kita ng kapeng barako.

Simula noong dumating kayo, puno na yung locker ko ng pagkain eh.

Ako ang patient nyo ngayon.

Oy, magtatampo ako sa'yo pag hindi maganda yan.

Oh, sanay na sanay magpahaba ng artery ah!

Me: Yun na yun Sir?

Sir: Hahaha! Grabe ka! "Yun na yun" ha!

Jan-jan: Basic lang kay Ma'am.

Buhusan ng mainit na tubig?

Buti na lang Ate wala syang buhok no?

Pisting yawa!!!

Buti pa yung iba ditong nakatayo, simple-simple lang.

Oh kung sino yung pinakamababa s'ya ang magpi-patient sa breast ha.

Yawaaa!

Mas matanda pa yung iba sa'yo, Te.

Okay lang yan, hindi naman kita iiwan eh.

Hala, nakalimutan ko mag gloves! Naalala ko sa inguinal na ako.

Wow! Ovaltine!

Matanda ka na kasi Sir.

Sir: Oh anong year ka? 1990---?

Me: Itatanong mo talaga Sir? 1987 pa ako.

Sir: 😲

Done ka na?

Te sabi ni Sir, alam ko na yung founder ng mga pagkain ninyo.

Ate takbo!!!

Te, tumaba ako dito. Maluwag to dati eh. Ang sikip na ngayon.

Ganun pala yun Te? Parang artista na sa TV mo lang nakikita.

May pagkain na naman ako?

Ayaw mo na?

Bukas ipaparanas ko sa inyo yan.

Me: Good morning, Sir.

Sir: Good morning! Oh magstart ka na.

Madam: Grabe ka naman, hindi pa nga nakakaupo si Ma'am.

Wag ka nang mag patient courtesy, bigay ko na sa'yo yun.

7:10 pa ako dito.

Me: Sana po makabalik ako dito.

Nanay: Wag naman.

Hahaha! Maputi, maitim!

Akin na naman to?

Tama na yan. Iwan n'yo na yan.

Sige na, umalis na kayo.

Malungkot yun si Sir. Nung sinasabi natin na "Kain na," hindi sya kumakain. Hindi man lang tayo tinitingnan.

Again and again, no matter how calloused I think I am or how incapable to love, I feel really, really, really sad about leaving this place and going home. Even if I feel crap about leaving Aklan two weeks ago.

I feel scared to love these people, but I cannot help but thank God for the experience of meeting them: Sir Aaron, Sir Christian, Sir Ramir and Sir Gerald (again) and Shayrah, Kris and of course Pia. Thank You po. I will miss Sir C and Pia's friendly bickering. I will really miss Sir C and Pia individually. I will miss Shay's stories. And I will miss Sir Gerald's friendly smile and the very supportive feeling around the school.

I miss them so much, I cannot look at our pictures yet. It was probably made worse by how heavy the day seemed to Sir C when he refused to look at us or say proper good byes, when he kept turning his back and forcing us to leave early, and when he went back inside when we were on the door as if avoiding to see us leave. I felt heavy, too. This was even worse than last time.

I will miss the view from my dirty window.

And will miss this easy and peaceful life.

[mavidin]

39th

[mavidin]

Water flows from high places to low places. That is the nature of gravity. Emotions also seem to act according to gravity. When in the presence of someone with whom you have a bond, and to whom you have entrusted your feelings, it is hard to lie and get away with it. The truth just wants to come flowing out. This is especially the case when you are trying to hide your sadness and vulnerability.

[mavidin]

A peaceful 2026 to everyone. Happy New Year! 🥳

So here are the highlights of my year. But if I were to choose one photo, it would not be my first three solo travels this year. It would be March - the motorcycle.

This year, I learned an awful lot about people and friendship, about vice and addiction, giving up and a human being's inability to be saved.

March stayed throughout the year, on and off, on relationships I have, new and old, on people I let go and fought hard to stay. March affected every decision I made this year, taught me to be self-reliant, alone and careful to let others in. But I was more open in some ways, more forgiving, more prayerful.

Overall, I was hopeful last year. It was a hard year (isn't it always?). By the end of 2025, I made the drastic decision to leave home and live lonesome but at peace. I celebrated the last day of the year with my sister's family and was feeling happy by 10 o'clock today. And tomorrow is my birthday, too.