#MovingForward TO MY TOTGA, It’s been two years since we parted ways and a couple of months since you found your new “happy pill.” A part of me feels glad with how happy you are with her right now, but a part of me still hopes that we could get back together and continue the plans and dreams we built. The first time I heard you laugh, I felt something clicked inside of me. And right then and there, I admit, I wanted to want you I experienced a lot of firsts with you, (huy excluding the thing ha? Haha) I experienced going on an 8-hour road trip, stargazing, travelling, and many more, for the first time with you. Still remember how you calmed me during my stormy days and how you understood my mood swings. I admire how constant you were from the time na friends pa lang ta until our last moments together. I miss your laugh, your smile, your jokes and everything about you. Last summer, you kept on sending me messages. I ignored them until recently, I decided to reply. I happily said “hi kuya” with a heart emoji, and visited your profile. I admit I had high hopes na magka “Once more Chance” tayo because when I read your messages, you sounded like the old you, pero I was shocked when I found out you already have a new girl. Nahugno akong world, to be honest. Pero gi love nako imong post, abi palang bitter. After a few minutes, I received a message from you. Pina I miss you paka. I replied “ Haha ka move on naman kuya.” Naka move on naman ka, gi unhan man ko nimo. Ingon ka paunhon ko nimo kay mas manghud ko? After a medyo long time, you finally found someone nga mangutana nimog how your day went, mangulit nimo in the middle of your study time and call and text nimo every study break. Ako man na sauna. You probably are on the phone talking to her at this moment while ako, spending my 30-minute long study break looking at our old photos, reminiscing everything and rereading the handwritten letters nga imo ihatag nako before, bsag nakasuwat sa one fourth yellow paper na sobra sa quiz na lisod kaayo sabton. It wasn’t you, it was me. I know you won’t let me say this, pero it was partly my fault. I wasn’t courageous enough to tell people about you. I know you would hate hearing me say this pero sorry for not being brave. I am sorry for not being able to give you the love you deserved and for not being able to compensate the love that you gave. How stupid of me for not being able to realize your worth. I showed you how much I love you but I know it wasn’t enough. Ready na unta ko karon, pero ikaw naman ang dili available. We were so happy then and until now I still couldn’t imagine how things between us ended. I can still remember how you ended the “US”. . All of a sudden, right in the middle of our normal conversation, you stopped replying. I know you've done this a lot of times already and I could've chased after you. But wait, I tried, didn't I? At least I did. Yet, something was different in that instant. I felt it. You wanted to stop. And it was all I could do to keep myself from running after you. I got so used to talking to you that now, I'm finding it hard not to. There's still so much that I wanted to say to you, too many things I wanted to do with you, and so many emotions I wanted to feel for you. You left me with a sea of maybes and an ocean of what-ifs. I can still remember your exact words and I still have the messages you sent me afterwards. Mabura na lahat ng screenshots, wag lang yung sayo. ❤ Our relationship wasn’t easy for me and I know how hard it was for you, too. It was hard to keep it from everyone for quite a long time. I still have the last letter you sent me. Ramdam ko parin hinanakit mo dun besh. Some may have judged you for your decision but you have nothing to worry, you have my back. I know you reason but up until now, I don't understand what went wrong. What happened? Was I so easy to give up? Was I not worth the risk? I know I swore I won't and I'm sorry because I can't help but ask, why? Why did you leave? Why did you walk away? Why? Do you ever wish you just stayed? Thank you for being with me during my ups and downs. Thank you for letting me feel loved and for letting me know that life is worth living. You are the best friend and the best companion I ever had. Thanks to your voice, as well, for being my alarm clock for a couple of years. Thank you for being thoughtful and for remembering every single detail that I say. I love you and will always will. I don't know. But if this is it, thank you. Thank you for coming in to my life. I was listening to music while writing a reviewer for my major exam tomorrow but I stopped because I wasn’t able to hold it. I didn’t expect nga ang mosunod na songs were the ones you recorded in my phone, pina “marry your daughter” and “Later” pa. I didn’t delete them because I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose them because I am not ready to let you go. Akala ko naka move on nako, hindi pa pala! Saan ba ang sakayan patungo sa dating tayo? HAHAHA You used to call me during these times, mangumusta buhi pa ba ko and ask me questions about my topic (because you ask for a copy of it and make questions out of it, most of the time) Your new girl must be very lucky of you. I know how pure your heart is and how much you respect people. She’s not lucky but she’s blessed to have you. God Bless you. I will be fine, though the wounds are deep, I'm glad to have felt like I've had you. “I guess that's just how it goes; you rescued me from being stuck with someone before, and now I need another somebody to save me from you. Years will pass and I may not anymore mean any of this. But right now, as I write this, know that it's true. I miss you.” To my friends who I have shared my heartaches and stories with and listened, thank you so much!"
yousharknotpass
tangentwithtanner
gamechangershow
gummygunk
