Time Capsule: A Story About You.
I'm writing this from 13/01/2015, 18.52pm.
I don't know why I'm doing this but I thought, if and only if, I still call this weird website a home 5 years in the future, I would find this interesting to read. Otherwise, maybe, the next time You stumble upon your old blog, the one You used to waste hours and hours on every single day, You will find this at the very top of the page.
I'm sitting on the sofa of my living room somewhere in West Yorkshire, United Kingdom. I've just gotten home from work. Now I'm sitting in a comforting, cosy flat that I'm thankful to be able to rent myself. A weird, psychedelic-sounding indie band (Resurrection Drive Part II - Timber Timbre) is being blasted through a small bose speakers. And I'm alone.
I'm completely alone.
But I don't feel alone. I'm by myself; most of my free time I spend being on my own, but I never feel bored. Or scared. Or alone.
The only time I cried out of loneliness while I lived here was when mom called, half yelling at me for telling her to stop scaring my sister by telling her - long story short - how much she loathed our dad. ,
I don't really like talking about that. Let's focus on the positives.
I'm happy now. I think I am. I am completely content being alone. Enjoy the comforting presence of my own self. I used to be different. The old Jakartan Me, or Us, rather, would have been scared shitless in this situation. All alone, in a house by myself. Let alone being in a foreign country. Look at how much I have grown. Well done me.
But this isn't about all that. This is all about You. I'm gonna focus on You. You, the same person as Me, only one year older, one year wiser.
Remember that Night Vale episode called A Story About You?
"This is a story about You, said the man on the radio. And you were pleased, because you always wanted to hear about yourself on the radio.
This is a story about you. You live in a trailer, out near the car lot, next to Old Woman Josey's house. Occasionally, she would wave at you, on her way out to get the mail, or more snacks for the angels. Occasionally, you wave back, You're not a terrible neighbour, as far as it goes. At night you cansee the red light blinking on and off on top of the radio tower. A tiny flurry of human activity against the impeccable backdrop of stars and void."
I would listen to that beautifully-written story all the time. Up to the point where I actually remember a lot of the things that the announcer says. Line by line, I would be able to recite parts of the story back along with the announcer. I loved it so much.
But one question that never really left my mind is: why do you love it so much?
Why do you find comfort when you listen to the announcer's soothing voice? Why do you find happiness, being able to escape from the life where you thought you are happy to be in?
In that story, the character 'You' lives alone in Night Vale. You used to live a life that most people would describe as 'having a life'. You had a place to live, somewhere with more trees and probably people You loved. You had a job, a fiancee. You were content with his/her life. But suddenly, You had the urge to go away from it. You drove away. And You were completely alone, in a new place, in an environment completely foreign to You. But more than anything else, You were able to call Night Vale a home.
"The complete freedom. The lack of consequences. It terrifies you."
Maybe I just wanted to escape from my problems. Get as far away as possible from my family. But that wasn't enough. I had to be as busy as possible. Be unreachable. Be completely away from them. Maybe that's why I love the story so much. That's why I want to be You.
Which brings me to my next point.
I hope you are well. I hope you are happy. I'm happy of where I am and who I am now. But I'm scared and becoming unhappy, because I start to realize that this time of complete freedom - being so far away from the weirdness of home - is coming to an end. The past 6 month just flew. After this it will be Summer. Then final year. Then I'd lose my freedom. My poorly-lit home. My cold, empty, yet comforting place. My Night Vale.
Being completely honest, I'm scared. Scared of change. Scared of moving away from the comfort of solitude, and having to face everything again. Funny isn't it. I thought I was completely happy. But then again, I'm unhappy thinking of what I will become.
The complete freedom. The lack of consequences. It terrifies me.
But remember that everything has a reason. A purpose. You followed his vision of the Planet of Awesome Size, which brought him/her to his/her new life. It also brought him/her towards his/her next life. I hope You have realized Your Planet of Awesome Size. I hope You are following it. The invisible titan, all thick black forests, jagged mountains and deep, turbulent ocean. The cause, the strength that guides You to reach places.
Wherever You are, and whatever You are, I hope You are happy. I hope You don't regret becoming who You are. I hope you start realizing that They are not your enemy. I hope You don't have to pretend, You don't have to be ashamed of the things You like.
I hope you find comfort. In people, in hobbies, in the place you live.
In yourself.
I hope you find a new Night Vale. This one might have been temporary, but when You feel saddened by the thought of it, remember that I am happy. You were happy.
I hope you've reached up, and found something meaningful at the other side of the cliffhanger.
