No title available
ellievsbear
No title available
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
ojovivo
h
shark vs the universe
Sade Olutola
Game of Thrones Daily
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
YOU ARE THE REASON
No title available
$LAYYYTER
â
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Keni
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
blake kathryn
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
if i look back, i am lost
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from Iraq
seen from Belgium
seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from Italy
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Denmark
seen from Singapore
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Japan
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from Chile
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Colombia
seen from Germany
@mayuwritesthings
It is the year 5000. Plushies are currency. They provide softness the world cannot. World is hard. Plushies soft. The most comforting plushies are the most valuable, one Top-Comfort is equal to the value of meals for 100 years. People who make plushies are respected, greater than any warlord.
Welcome to Earth Elections 3952! Vote for a candidate:
Brain-Eater Creature Living Under Everyone's House
Jimmy Jim John Johnson Jameson James
A Termite
Seven cats in a trenchcoat and a hat
Cabbage
Remember, whoever wins will decide how much clothing and toothpaste will be rationed for you!
[ Please note that hoarding toothpaste is illegal due to the Anti Tooth Fairy Act of 3920 after the Tooth Fairies invaded Earth and destroyed most of the world's toothpaste factories ]
Customer Reviews (Reviews About Customers)
Customer: Cornelius Cornwall
Average Rating: 1/5
Reviews:
"This guy threw corn at everyone in the store, yelling something about appeasing a corn god. Now I got angry people AND a mess to clean up, dude sucks" - Retail Worker 1518902
"He asked if he could put corn into my nose. I said no and then he shrieked at me and the janitor. Then he planted an entire corn farm in the dairy section. I hate him" - Retail Worker 223570
"He asked for corn on his pizza. I added corn. He said there was too much pizza. I asked him what he meant by that and then he threw corn at me. After that, he demanded we 'pay tribute to the corn god' by removing our shirts and twerking. I tossed his ass out." - Food Server 198906
Customer: Bud Love
Average Rating: 4.2/5
Reviews:
"Cool customer, they asked how I was doing and when I said 'not great' they performed a magic trick and gave me three donuts. I hope they show up again" - Cashier 1959831
"My store was getting robbed when Bud suddenly dropped from the ceiling and drop-kicked both robbers at the same time. I offered them a free bag of chips but they said no and bought five bags of chips instead, with some extra money to help repair the ceiling. What a soul!" - Business Owner 134476
"Bud saved my life. I was choking on a pretzel and Bud helped get it out. After that they bought a few eggs and left without asking for any kind of reward. Bud, you the best, we should hang out at my place" - Food Server 137661
Subject: Account Deleted For Hate Speech
Hello mayuzane, we regretfully inform you that your MoneyHoarder 5000 player account has been deleted for writing this in chat yesterday:
"I hope the CEO loses all his golf clubs and his most expensive sportscar gets dog poop on it"
This is excessively cruel and offensive to our CEO and he has graciously demanded we delete your account. You may sign up again with a new account but if you say anything like this again we will be forced to take legal measures.
Thank you for playing MoneyHoarder 5000, we hope to see you return with kinder words.
-Head of Public Relations, Jimmy Jim John Jerry Jones
BREAKING NEWS: SMELLIEST HUMAN DISCOVERED
MILLIONS SCREAM AS GAS MASKS DISSOLVE INTO STINKY GOO
Smellotron Manual
Thank you for your purchase of the Smellotron Model 2, the latest in odor detection sensory wetware.
The Smellotron functions by attaching to parts of your brain directly through your nasal cavity and transmitting signals from scents within the environment. To install it on yourself, insert both cylinder nodes into your nostrils as deep as you can. Then, activate the device by pressing the two buttons on both nodes simultaneously.
You may experience a painful sensation when the device activates. Remain calm as this is a normal part of the installation process. Once the process is complete, you may test the device by smelling an object. If the device functions, you should be able to smell something regardless of your natural ability to smell.
After testing is complete, you may calibrate the intensity of select odors, ranging from 'fresh lemons' to 'wet old sock'.
IMPORTANT!
If you would like to uninstall the device, simply press the two buttons on the nodes simultaneously for 4 to 6 seconds, then gently remove them from your nostrils. If pain is experienced during uninstallation, please contact your nearest healthcare provider.
Please note that unlike the Model 1, the Model 2 has been confirmed to not cause cannibalistic urges. If you have previously used a Model 1 device, please seek a doctor's advice before using the Smellotron Model 2.
Miklodia News
Today the Miklodian government has established an Economic Quarantine Zone around the Greed District as citizens desperately try to escape the Money-Devourers ravaging the nation. Anti-Executive Executioners have been deployed, a drastic but necessary measure.
Does the house hate you?
Imagine a house that is alive, and aware of your presence. Imagine that it can tell you it hates you. It hates the way you move on its floors. The way you breathe. The sounds you make. The odors coming from you.
The house tells you it hates you by cracking apart pieces of its walls, forming words in rooms you inhabit. It writes nothing but insults aimed towards you. When you try to get work done, it creaks and shakes the floor.
And yet.
The house never pushes you away. It always lets you in. The house never disturbs your sleep. On days when the rest of the world is awful, the house is silent.
Does the house... really hate you?
Artifact Gallivant
[[ CW: blood, impromptu skin surgery, mutilation ]]
We found it in the locker room, clogging the shower drain. An artifact that looked like it was made of red stone, shaped like a human being without a face and posed to look like it was walking.
Eric was the first one to touch it. He said it felt warm to the touch, despite being submerged in cold water. Then he realized it was stuck to his skin. Thatâs when he started screaming, as the artifact suddenly slammed into the floor and walked away, dragging him behind.
We tried to pull it off of him, but we gave up when it felt like we were about to tear his forearm out. Adrian had the bright idea of getting a knife to cut away the part of Ericâs skin the thing was stuck to. We figured it was better than removing a whole arm.
As Adrian searched for their knife, poor Eric was pulled along the floor, his face rubbing against the unclean surface as the artifact looked like it was going on a pleasant stroll.
When the knife was finally found, Adrian rushed to Eric and quickly cut the skin. Bellicoz was there with a first aid kit, ready to help stitch up the wound. Eric was, of course, in pain throughout the entire thing.
As Bellicoz bandaged Eric up, the artifact walked right through the exit door. A new hole was born, the wood forever changed.
The week afterwards saw a tragic mass of people who got stuck to the thing, helplessly dragged along the ground as it merrily went on its way. It took several paramedics to rescue all seventeen people who were unlucky enough to touch it.
After that, a horrible collection of skin fused to the artifact was left on it. The smell was horrendous and we had to douse the thing in heavy doses of disinfectant.
Somebody had the bright idea of smashing the thing to pieces. It didnât stick. The pieces rolled and combined again. Tomorrow the city councilâs going to have a meeting to decide on whether to drop the artifact into molten metal or to just hire people to keep an eye on where it goes and warn people.
Top Three Books of October 2022
October was a spooky month, as I tossed my face into horror stories designed to induce paranoia and a hatred of cheese. Here are the top 3 books of my horrible experience:
Meemaw's Funhouse (Horror)
An epic 300,000,000 word novel about being trapped in the home of someone else's grandma. The incredibly long and boring paragraphs will give you the closest feel you have to being the captive of an elderly stranger who hates you.
The Dead Man At Work (Horror)
Nobody believes Roger Mevick when he tells people there's a dead man in his office. As the cadaver deteriorates, Roger becomes more and more convinced he and the corpse are actually one and the same. I liked this one a lot, it was only 3 pages long and the ending was so good I read the last page 76 times.
Website Website Website (Horror)
Twenty cats build a website about making and selling cheese. None of the cats are named, but merely described by what their favorite cheese is. Things go awry as the cheese the cats make turn into monsters obsessed with turning everything into yogurt. This book has done what I thought impossible: It made me start despising cheese. Fortunately, the seven-cheese pizza I had afterward cured me of this hatred. Very scary book.
Where Are You Going?
The nerves in your brain crackle with life. Electricity and chemistry perform their daily dance of waking you up to face the crooked mess that is your home.
Your eyes are still blurry but the colors are all familiar. Uncomfortable yellow-greens and stain-flavored brown cover the walls and floor. You have forgotten what the wallpaper looks like. The floor is hardwood, which has somehow survived you for a decade now.
You slowly raise your head and sit up in your sad-looking bed. It has been too long, you need to replace this broken thing. You have the money. You just haven't got time to go furniture shopping, or so you tell yourself.
Memories of conscious life come back, rushing in like children swarming a birthday cake. Happy birthday, old one. You are 42. Unmarried, unloved, unwanted.
You don't know why you've never found a partner. 30 rejections don't count as one lover. Was it your face? Was it something you said? The smell, perhaps? It is a mystery.
Maybe it IS your face, you think as you see the mirror across your bed. Your eyes look crazed, or perhaps 'angry' would be a better word. Yes, let's go with that. Angry. Your eyes look very angry, as if you want to break everything you can find with a sledgehammer... but nothing could be further from the truth. You're not angry. You're just... miserable.
You're not poor, in fact you're quite wealthy, but that's no thanks to you. You're just lucky, in the sense that your parents were millionaires, they died in a freak accident, and here you are living in a big empty house with millions to burn.
Yet you don't have that taste for luxury and 'sophistication' most rich people have. You're content to live the way you do... for the most part. You need new furniture, and you need to clean this house, but otherwise you're fine. You sold off the sportscars because you don't like driving, and you prefer taking the subway and the bus. You're a weird rich person, at least according to your relatives.
So here you are in the shower, the golden knobs already turned to match the right temperature your body wants. Where were we? Oh right: You look angry, but you're just really miserable inside.
Thirty rejections really did a number on your psyche. You started feeling like you might be cursed. You're lonely and desire romance, but no one has ever said 'yes' to even giving you a chance.
Maybe you're just unlucky. It's certainly possible. The Earth has billions and you only asked thirty. Perhaps a new mindset is in order. When was the last time you asked someone out anyway? Last year? A year is a long time, friend. If you really want this, you need to put in effort.
Shower's done. The other hygiene stuff is done too. It is good to know you can still get up from bed and take care of your body. Breakfast time, hope you like cereal.
As your mouth does its job, you ponder the possibilities. Somehow, new avenues of thought open to you. Maybe you can travel around the world, attending festivals, conventions, other such events, and connect with someone with a shared interest? It's worth a shot.
You've never tried it before. Felt like travelling by plane was a hassle... yet you could totally afford to do it.
âIf you want something you've never had, you've got to do something you've never done before.â
Where did THAT come from? Hm. Well, it's relevant to this line of thought so we'll keep it. Let's call this 'Operation Wanderlove', make it sound like a proper mission.
A mission to find love. Sounds corny. Let's do it.
You look at your phone, and look for events that interest you. There are many. So many. All over the world.
So, champ:
Where are you going?
yâall can follow me on twitter:
@Mayu_Zane
or instagram:
instagram.com/mayuzane
Guardian Humans
We call them 'Guardian Humans', but the fact of the matter is, we are not sure. Our researchers cannot confirm their status, because they can do things that should be impossible for a human being to do despite their appearances.
We didn't notice them until we had enough surveillance cameras to spot them. All the time we've spent reviewing footage shows that they appeared from out of nowhere, in the most literal sense of the word: They just suddenly appear where there was once empty space, and then they immediately go into action.
They look exactly like human beings, with clothes appropriate for the places they appear in. They can converse, consume food and drinks, they even seem to have hobbies and preferences when it comes to social activities.
Despite all that, they have consistently demonstrated that they can move faster than any human being could, and can endure more physical punishment than what should be possible. We have footage of a Guardian Human walking with half their skull missing, still behaving as if nothing was wrong. A few were even decapitated, but they continued fighting.
Guardian Humans only appear during times of extreme crisis, notably during violent events that were caused by human hands. Wars, genocide campaigns, acts of terror... if innocent people would be put in danger, they will appear, with the first confirmed sighting in 11th January 2041.
Ever since that date, Guardian Humans began appearing all over the world. Though they would not always appear, they have shown up in more than a quarter of violent events. They would rush to the perpetrators of violence without any hint of fear, no matter how well-armed their targets.
Guardian Humans do not give warnings or threats. They instantly move into action, and will not stop until either every single guilty person has surrendered, rendered unconscious, or dead. All attempts to escape from a Guardian Human only results in fatalities caused by the escapee's own doing, with the most recent example being the unfortunate bandit who jumped into the path of a stampeding elephant. It is generally considered a fact that trying to escape them will only cause your own death, but we cannot determine how the Guardian Humans can guarantee these outcomes.
We have not seen a single instance of a Guardian Human that has been killed in action. Their  bodies are not invulnerable, but as we mentioned before, they can endure incredible damage, and we have seen them continue to function headless, without any loss of cognitive ability.
There are 11 known recurring individuals, Guardian Humans all, who have been interrogated by numerous agents. They were all, without fail, cooperative and compliant, but despite all our efforts, they would not reveal their origins.
Here is a transcript of the most recent session, with an individual that called himself âFriend.â Friend was encountered in Tallwind, where two civilians were killed and 68 terrorists were either killed or critically wounded.
[[ TRANSCRIPT ]]
(Note: Friend is missing almost the entire left half of his torso, after suffering several shotgun blows. His legs are burned from bombs thrown by terrorists. He shows no sign of pain or discomfort. His organs are clearly visible and his formerly-brown complexion looks pale from extreme blood loss.)
Agent 21-A: We meet again, Friend.
Friend: That we are. Meeting again, I mean. What's on your mind, pal?
Agent 21-A: Just questions.
Friend: Heh, okay, okay, but you're not gonna learn anything new.
Agent 21-A: I will keep trying, nonetheless. Where are you from, Friend?
Friend: I honestly don't know, buddy. I don't remember anything before the day I first showed up, you know? Like, I just knew there was trouble, and I knew I had to do something.
Agent 21-A: Were you given orders?
Friend: Nope. I just did it 'cause it felt like it was the right thing to do.
Agent 21-A: Instinct?
Friend: I guess you could call it that? But the thing is, I felt like, like I knew the people who were in trouble.
Agent 21-A: Elaborate.
Friend: Well, it's hard to put into words. It felt like I knew them from another life? Kinda unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time, like I've seen them in dreams.
Agent 21-A: Dreams. Hm. Do you ever dream, Friend?
Friend: Oh, yes, I definitely do. Whenever I fall asleep, I dream.
Agent 21-A: Fall asleep? You mean when you disappear?
Friend: Is that what happens? I figured I was just going to bed and waking up in different places... but yeah, I dream. I dream about people, pal. It's usually really blurry, like I can't make out the faces.
Agent 21-A: Usually?
Friend: Yeah, usually. In the dreams, I spend a long, long time just wandering around places. Jungles, cities, swamps, you name it, I've been there. Then, suddenly, I see a face, clear as day, sharp and vivid, clearer than any crystal.
Agent 21-A: And then what happens?
Friend: I wake up.
(Friend leans backwards into his chair. He closes his eyes for three seconds, then instantly disappears. All traces of his existence are gone as well, such as bloodstains or fallen hair follicles.)
[[ END TRANSCRIPT ]]
Investigation is ongoing. The interference of Guardian Humans has frustrated numerous governments and warlords, to the point that some have even started deliberately causing trouble in the hopes of capturing a Guardian Human.
Whatever they are, the Yellow Vault is thankful for their presence, as some of our Agents have been rescued by their intervention.
A widow's cat becomes the Field Marshal of the entire armed forces. The same widow is conscripted to fight a war on foreign soil, along with her daughter. An urban fantasy filled with cat-people, rat-people, humans, and radioactive bananas. 30,000 words. Content warning: Contains graphic description of violence and wartime situations.
I wrote a PDF novel, itâs for sale on gumroad for 2.99 USD. If youâre interested, please purchase it and support me.
Odd Hospital
Thereâs a novel said to be so boring, itâs guaranteed to put you to sleep. We use it in hospitals now to save money on anesthetics. We even have a braille version of it, so you can just touch the page and itâs bedtime.
Please do not shake hands with patients, every time it happens our researchers cry because that means the patients have even more germs. Weâve had patients who shook hands with so many people, they got completely covered in blobs of germs.
The toilets are all occupied by the same person, who has a unique condition called âToiletportationâ. The condition makes the patient appear in all bathrooms in the same building simultaneously. This unfortunately means you must relieve yourself in the biohazard bins.
Two people, trapped in an endless time loop, develop wildly different methods of coping with the boredom.
Subject 1-A: Constructs a complete universe in their mind. Almost totally preoccupied with running mental simulations, sometimes with different parameters such as increased gravity and presence of monsters. Has been doing this for the equivalent of 3 years.
Subject 1-B: Keeps coming up with increasingly bizarre pranks on people outside the time loop. Has also been practicing playing music with various instruments such as bowling balls and slabs of meat.
Recovered Items
List of Recovered Items from Incident Zone #14
[Refer: File 14 for full detail on the event and subsequent operation. As with every Incident, books have been recovered along with other notable objects.]
Total of 12 items recovered
Item 1: Used cigar
Found on victim designated 1B-Q. Deemed significant and relevant to investigation, due to brand not matching any known companies.
Item 2: Human head
Found at site. Head shows no sign of injury aside from neck, where testing indicates the head was removed with human fingers, or finger-like tools. Identity of head is unknown, designated 1B-R. According to observation reports, head has shown no sign of decomposition at all.
Item 3: Book, Titled âWhere the Raindrops Goâ
Has no text inside, but instead spots of dried human saliva, arranged to form shapes resembling constellations. While some of the pages within show known constellations, several pages show star pattern unknown to astronomers. No other symbols were found.
Item 4: Book, Titled âIt was Called Victim"
Has no text inside. A collection of images of past victims from other Incidents. These photographs should not be accessible to the public. We are still investigating how the author(s) found these pictures, as some of the victims were photographed after they were sent to the Morgue.
Item 5: Book, Blank Covers
Text is completely illegible, but the typed characters form illustrations of various real-life locations. This book has been sent to the Exploratory Department to investigate these places for possible Incidents.
Item 6: Bone knife
A crude knife made from human bone. There is an engraving on the handle which matches one of the constellations in the book âWhere Raindrops Goâ. The constellation does not exist.
ADDENDUM: The constellation was discovered after initial entry. Command Council deems a connection. All evidence indicates the constellation DID NOT EXIST prior to Incident #14. Astronomy Department has been established to monitor sudden appearances of new constellations.
Item 7: Mobile Slime.
Object resembles banana pudding in color and texture, but shows ability to move and sense the presence of humans. It has proven to be harmless to humans, but it will approach the nearest human that comes within line-of-sight. Purpose unknown, kept in containment. Only requires water and leaves from any plant for sustenance, shows no ability to reproduce.
Item 8: Book, Titled âFriendsâ
Book only has four pages. Each page has a list of names of every victim in Incident #14, repeated 308 times.
Item 9: Book, Titled âAutobiographyâ
Completely blank, but each page is made from pieces of dried human skin. Testing indicates they were all taken from the same person, whose identity remains unknown.
Item 10: Book, Titled âSleep Sweetlyâ
Contains photos of graveyards. Deemed significant due to the final page which shows the head office of the Combat Department. Combat Department has been placed on high alert.
ADDENDUM: Combat Department has reported significant increase in frequency of attempted trespassing. Recommend relocation immediately.
Item 11: A ping-pong ball.
A ping-pong ball made of white plastic. Maker unknown. Deemed significant as this object cannot be touched with human hands. Any attempt to grab the object causes the ball to disappear, only re-appearing after twelve minutes in the same location. This object can be transported with the use of robots or other machinery.
Item 12: Library card.
A library card of unknown origin. The name of the library is not written, and there is no address or name. The library card accurately lists the books we have recovered from the Incident.
